You Fight Like a Cow: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

 

 

Cutting implements and [[Trash Talk|cutting remarks]], combined.

 

If an insult's delivered just before the killing stroke, see [[Pre-Mortem One-Liner]]. If a few moments later, see [[Bond One-Liner]].

See [[My Grandma Can Do Better Than You]] and [[My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad]] for similar insults.

 

* The Duels in ''[[Revolutionary Girl Utena]]'' often contain some form of this; Utena's part, though, can be either participatory, or merely reactionary, depending on how invested she is at the moment... or how confused. (Utena, not the audience.) Theatrically, in a series where the difference between reality and reality-as-a-stage has blurred, the duels were depicted as cathartic. This is especially blatant in the final Nanami duel, as {{spoiler|both participants know Nanami hasn't a shot in hell of winning from the start and just needs to HIT someone.}}

** In the Utena [[Live Action Role Play]] ''Still Places'', the winner of a duel is partially determined by whose banter was more psychologically damaging to the opponent.

** [[Chef of Iron|Sanji]] is definitely no slouch either.

** When Luffy talks in a fight, you can be sure he's either telling the other guy to [[Shut UP, Hannibal|shut up]], or fanboying over how cool the other guy's attacks are.

* ''[[The Lucifer and Biscuit Hammer]]'': Mikazuki picks up on this when he plays "catch" with Yuuhi.

 

** [[Word of God]] has it that he quips so much because he's horribly horribly scared and running off at the mouth keeps him distracted from that. [[Depending on the Writer|Other writers suggest]] that he does it out of boredom: he perceives everything as moving slower and uses jokes and one-liners to kill time.

** It was wonderful when Spider-Man and Ronin (formerly [[Hawkeye]]) were members of [[The Avengers (Comic Book)|The Avengers]] simultaneously. Spidey was a little taken aback that somebody was horning in on his quipping racket, but Clint basically says "tough, I like to quip, too."

** The extremely good game adaptation of ''[[Spider-Man (film)|Spider-Man]] 2'' features a lot of this. Perhaps too much. The ''[[Ultimate Spider-Man (video game)|Ultimate Spider Man]]'' game has some excellent lines as well, both mid-fight and in cut scenes.

** The ''[[Spider-Girl]]'' series actually had the title character realize this as a sort of automatic coping mechanism, especially when she came upon scenes that should have horrified her and left her shocked and speechless; if she just made a quick joke about the whole situation and thus help herself treat it less seriously, she could focus on the bad guy.

** The 'regular' Spiderman occasionally comments on this too. In [[Dork Age|the eighties]] he suddenly realized that as the villains were killing people, he was wisecracking.

** When Mary Jane temporarily appeared dead a few years ago, Spider-Man beat down a group of small-time criminals without saying a word. The last of them fled in terror, realizing that [[OOC Is Serious Business|something was seriously wrong.]]

* [[She Hulk]], a fellow [[Lighter and Softer]] (of sorts) superheroine is also a frequent quipper. When Spidey appeared early on in her revived title, with her serving as his lawyer in a suit against J. Jonah Jameson, he even mentions that they enjoy quipping together. (This is also the source of the panel where Spidey claims [[Crowning Moment of Funny|JJJ hates him because "he's black"]].)

* [[Deadpool]], being an [[Ax Crazy]] who [[No Fourth Wall|knows he's in a comic book]], has some truly... interesting... battle banter which often derails into stream-of-consciousness rambling about something completely unrelated (even as he handily beats the stuffing out of his opponent.)

 

 

* In ''[[The Road to El Dorado]]'':

{{quote|'''Miguel:''' You fight like my sister!

{{quote|'''Bordeaux:''' You'll never fence again, Contessa!

'''Contessa:''' You've never fenced ''before!'' }}

 

== Films -- Live-Action ==

* ''[[Galaxy Quest]]'''s (mostly) fake fight in the airlock consists of trading insults ("Raving egomaniac!" "scene-stealing hack!") and (mostly) fake punches ("You used to pull your punches") while maneuvering into position to grab a [[Improvised Weapon|blunt object]]

* The beginning of the third ''[[The Librarian|Librarian]]'' movie, ''Curse of the Judas Chalice,'' has an excellent example of this, with Flynn and the ''villain du jour'' dueling on stairs while critiquing each other's technique.

* Plenty of this happens in martial arts spoof ''[[Tongan Ninja]]'', most notably when Action Fighter quips: "You fight like a baby... a ''[[Dead Baby Comedy|dead baby]]''!"

* In ''Kuffs'' during a standoff with some bad guys:

'''Kuffs:''' Well, now we know that he [the bad guy] can add, and he [indicates his partner] can subtract..." }}

* The duel between Mina and Dorian Grey in ''[[The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (film)|The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen]]'' is [[Better on DVD]] because A) the version in the deleted scenes lasts longer and B) the [[Double Entendre|double entendres]] are hilarious.

 

== Literature ==

{{quote|"I'm gonna slay you just like I did Logalog!"

"You can't kill me the way you killed Logalog. I'm facin' you, Fenno. You stabbed Logalog in the back!" }}

 

 

* A ''lot'' of characters in the ''[[Power Rangers]]'' franchise like to chat while they fight, but the undefeated masters of this has to be the [[Power Rangers Ninja Storm|Ninja Storm Rangers]] who sometimes layer jokes and quips so thick it's like Spider-Man times six.

* ''[[Kaamelott]]'''s weaponmaster does not hesitate to insult the king while sparring with him. Arthur is usually not amused, doesn't really see the point though the weaponmaster does try and get him to throw insults around. He finally gets his way... only for Arthur to say something which he finds [[Berserk Button|really, really offensive.]]

{{quote|'''Hoshi:''' I was hoping you'd put up a fight.

'''T'Pol:''' I'm surprised you're not exhausted from all the beds you've jumped into recently.

 

== Tabletop Games ==

** In the 4th edition, the Bard class is a master of this trope. And since [[Magical Incantation|their puns and insults are actually magical attacks]], it is possible for a Bard to insult someone to death. Not so [[Spoony Bard]] now, eh?

** This is very likely derived from some prestige classes in some third edition settings (like the musketeer class in D20 Past) who gain the ability to automatically confirm critical hits if their player can come up with a witty, relevant and previously unused remark (or a cheap pun, you know whatever) to go with the attack. Like stabbing a vampire and saying "Looks like the ''stakes'' were too high." (We're ignoring the fact that vampires cannot be critically hit.) See the ''[[The Order of the Stick]]'' reference below.

** In later games things get more... interesting... In the [[The Curse of Monkey Island|third game]] the fights all take place at sea, so all insults and comebacks ''have to rhyme''. By the [[Escape from Monkey Island|fourth]], [[Plot Tumor|everything is based around insulting]]: Insult Darts, Insult Mudwrestling, Insult Arm Wrestling, and the [[Big Bad]] is a [[Corrupt Corporate Executive]] who goes around performing hostile property takeovers by challenging everyone into playing insult games with him. Naturally, he wins every time because no-one can make heads or tails of his Australian insult vocabulary. The latter half of the game even centers on finding the Ultimate Insult {{spoiler|and using it to power up a monkey-shaped [[Humongous Mecha]].}}

** Also in later games, the line "You fight like a cow" itself reappears as a [[Running Gag]]. Generally the player has the option to respond "Oh yeah? Well you fight like a cow!" or something similar when he feels he's been insulted, and is usually told either that his material is stale or he's using the line out of context.

*** It also turns up in non-LucasFilm games, such as ''[[A Tale of Two Kingdoms]]'', where you can use insult sword fighting against Rashakk the Goblin Warlord. {{spoiler|Turns out he's better at it, though.}}

*** There's a [[Shout-Out]] to it after the tutorial battle in [[Jade Empire]], where you can tell a fellow student he fights like a cow.

** ALL Spideys have nice quips during battles and while traveling, making the game a perfect way to show the differences between Spideys. Amazing Spidey has the best lines, full [[Deadpan Snarker]] mode on. Ultimate Spidey has a [[Motor Mouth]] that won't shut up, combined with lame puns and bad jokes that are still endearing. Noir Spidey may not talk a lot, as he's almost always on stealth mode, but he has nice [[Bond One-Liner|Bond One Liners]] all the way. 2099 Spidey jokes more often than not (unlike his comic book counterpart), but he still has good quips during serious fights.

** Deadpool is one of the funniest characters on the whole game, completely crazy and talking all the way. However, he [[Punctuated! For! Emphasis!|just. won't.]] [[Motor Mouth|SHUT. UP.]] Most players would like to keep playing the level to hear all of Pool's jokes, or break his mouth to STOP HIM TO TALK AGAIN.

** The Kilrathi have their own witty ripostes, like "A proper fate for a coward!" or "I will eat your heart and spit it out, Terran!" and "Sad, that I must litter space with ape corpses!" Kilrathi [[Mini Boss|ace]] [[Does This Remind You of Anything?|Baron]] Baktosh nar Kiranka is notorious for his exceptionally insulting taunts.

* ''[[The Elder Scrolls]]''

* ''[[Neverwinter Nights]]'' and ''[[Neverwinter Nights 2]]'' gives all creatures and characters with human vocal capabilities a few one-liners they spout off at random during combat, so two characters will do this in a duel if it lasts long enough.

* Morte, of ''[[Planescape: Torment]]'', actually has a special ability directed related to his ability to cuss someone out. If they fail their save, they are enraged and attempt to attack him in melee. So, fired at a [[Squishy Wizard|D&D style spell caster...]] Even better the save to resist actually becomes ''harder'' the higher the target's [[Statistically Speaking|intelligence score]], presumably on the basis that dumb characters [[Insult Backfire|won't understand most of the taunts]].

* The Pkunk in ''[[Star Control II]]'' insult their enemies to make ammunition. Yes. Really. You actually have to do this in-game.

** ''"Baby! Jerk! Stupid! Dummy! Fool!"''

* ''[[The Order of the Stick]]''

** Elan takes a prestige class called the "Dashing Swordsman", effectively this trope in a nutshell. It can teach you to "[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0390.html harness your natural charm to turn you into a real bonafide, wisecracking, swashbuckling, damsel-saving action hero!]" In fact, the quipping is shown to be an absolutely necessary part of the class's abilities. When Elan fights so many enemies that he winds up reusing a pun, his attacks suddenly cease to do any amount of real damage. Elan also discovers the hard way that if his target is too stupid to understand the quip, it doesn't count. An effective counter to his style is best delivered with [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0761.html an effective counter to his puns].

** Roy also plays this pretty straight sometimes, especially when he fights Miko for the last time. "Treasure Type O", anyone?

** Also somehow reversed by Vaarsuvius [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0010.html putting a bunch of goblins to sleep] via his/her pre-fight speech.

* ''[[Antihero for Hire]]''

** Shadehawk's favorite weapons are his big mouth, [[Indy Ploy]] and [[BFG|Silver Arrow]], exactly in that order

* ''[[The Adventures of Dr. McNinja]]'': Ninjas [http://drmcninja.com/archives/comic/4p8 seem to be subject to this], too.

* [http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0393.html Used by] ''[[Darths and Droids]]'', complete with ''Monkey Island''-referencing and linking to this trope in [[The Rant]].

* ''[[Cheshire Crossing]]''

** Jack and Hook:

{{quote|'''Hook:''' Nice [[Eyepatch of Power]]. You'd make a good pirate.

'''Jack:''' [[Lame Comeback|... Shut up]]! }}

* ''[[Girl Genius]]'' main [[Love Triangle]] [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20100430 presents] a variation:

{{quote|"You fight like '''''ducks!'''''"}}

* ''[[Spacetrawler]]'', every single time Growp and Emily fight.

'''Emily:''' Your flesh hand must be the poetic one... ''[rips Growp's cyborg hand out of its socket]'' the bionic one's better at long division. }}

* In ''[[Seekers (webcomic)|Seekers]]'', Errol trash talks this way during the duels.

* ''[[One Piece: Grand Line 3 Point 5]]'' handles the first Luffy vs. Buggy fight like this, referencing [[Monkey Island]] in the process.

 

== Web Original ==

* Inverted in the web series ''Doomsday Arcade'', where the main character is fighting Nefarious, who quips, "You fight like a dairy farmer," to which Lund responds:

{{quote|'''Lund:''' How appropriate. You fight like a yogurt.}}

* Almost the trademark of Chaka in the [[Whateley Universe]]. She even uses it as a very effective distraction during "Parents' Day" when a team of mutant superpowered ninjas attacks.

 

{{quote|'''Danny:''' Come on, Guys, cut me some slack! ''(pause)'' Hey! Another axe pun!}}

** They do intentionally bad quips a lot in this show. From "Shades of Grey," after the ghost dog bursts into the school cafeteria:

'''Sam:''' Bring some new jokes! }}

* Spoofed in ''Sev Trek: Puss in Boots'' when Captain Pinchard is fighting his [[Evil Twin]].

'''Shane:''' Fighting you ''is'' like standing still. }}

* In one episode of ''[[Street Fighter (animation)|Street Fighter]]'', Fei Long insults the crap out of Ken who replies "And you... You're a loser!"

----

Well, you fight like a blade of grass!

[[Category:Insult Tropes]]

[[Category:Sword Fight]]