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{{trope}}
[[File:YouFightLikeACow_8942.jpg|link=Monkey Island (
{{quote|''"Swordfighting is [[Just Like Making Love|a little like making love.]] It's not always what you do, but what you say."''|'''Captain Smirk''', ''[[
Cutting implements and [[Trash Talk|cutting remarks]], combined.
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== Anime & Manga ==
* The Duels in ''[[
** In the Utena [[Live Action Role Play]] ''Still Places'', the winner of a duel is partially determined by whose banter was more psychologically damaging to the opponent.
* Also, the Duels in ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh (
** [[Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series
* The ''[[
* During his battle with Kyuzo in ''[[Samurai 7
* ''[[
** Also, interestingly, there is a one-shot fighting style Master Roshi uses called ''"The Mad Cow Technique"'' (an American [[Bowdlerization]] of the [[Frothy Mugs of Water|Drunken Fist]] technique he actually did use).
** Vegetto is the king of this, having the perfect blend of Vegeta's (now justified) arrogance, and Goku's sense of humor.
{{quote| '''Buu:''' Are you ready?<br />
'''Vegetto:''' That depends. If by that you mean "am I superior to you in every way?" then yes. }}
* ''[[
** Roronoa Zoro is the most prone to this. Nearly all of his battles have featured gratuitous [[Trash Talk]] on his part. While ''holding a sword in his mouth''. [[Word of God|His heart]] [[It Runs
** [[Chef of Iron|Sanji]] is definitely no slouch either.
** When Luffy talks in a fight, you can be sure he's either telling the other guy to [[Shut UP, Hannibal|shut up]], or fanboying over how cool the other guy's attacks are.
* ''[[Ranma ½
* ''[[
== Comic Books ==
* [[Spider-Man (Comic Book)|Spider-Man]] may not use a sword, but nevertheless, he's the master of the fighting quip. This is greatly amplified in the ''[[Ultimate Spider-Man]]'' incarnation, likely because he is a teenager, making him more of a wiseass and more terrified. How he is able to talk this much while performing superhuman acrobatics without taking so much as a breath is another mystery, though of course, [[Talking Is a Free Action]].
** [[Word of God]] has it that he quips so much because he's horribly horribly scared and running off at the mouth keeps him distracted from that. [[Depending
** It was wonderful when Spider-Man and Ronin (formerly [[Hawkeye]]) were members of [[The Avengers (Comic Book)|The Avengers]] simultaneously. Spidey was a little taken aback that somebody was horning in on his quipping racket, but Clint basically says "tough, I like to quip, too."
** When the [[
** The extremely good game adaptation of ''[[Spider-Man (
** The ''[[Spider-Girl (Comic Book)|Spider-Girl]]'' series actually had the title character realize this as a sort of automatic coping mechanism, especially when she came upon scenes that should have horrified her and left her shocked and speechless; if she just made a quick joke about the whole situation and thus help herself treat it less seriously, she could focus on the bad guy.
** In an early situation, while dodging a teleporting baddie's fire, the second-person narration points out that her dad would, according to legend, be throwing out jokes, but she knows she'd only be able to manage "a cracked voice and a few stuttering comments."
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** Given that Spider-Man and Deadpool are the masters of this trope within the Marvel universe, it should come as no surprise that they utilize this to the fullest when they meet up in Amazing Spider-Man #611, which writer Joe Kelly describes as "a fight that very quickly degenerates into a [[Your Mom|'your mother is' joke contest]]."
* On the villain side, [[The Joker]] is sort of the embodiment of this trope being twisted into something a little sinister. Whatever hero he meets or situation [[Batman]] finds him in, he's always got some quip to deliver as they square off for the fight... often centered around the people he's just slaughtered or, in some cases, people important to the hero he's killed in the past. He'll often even give running commentary on the beating he's being handed, sometimes as a lead-in to a [[Hannibal Lecture]] or a [[Not So Different]].
** Done to extremes in ''[[Batman:
* [[Lampshade Hanging|Lampshaded]] and [[Averted Trope]] by Sodam Yat in ''[[
{{quote| '''Sodam Yat:''' I don't trade quips, insults or banter. I'm Corps, not a comedian.}}
** Superman-Prime himself ''tries'' to do this... but he's not good at it.
* ''[[
** Knives attacks Ramona and manages to score a shallow cut on her face:
{{quote| '''Knives''': I totally grazed you!<br />
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== Films -- Animation ==
* In ''[[
{{quote| '''Miguel:''' You fight like my sister!<br />
'''Tulio:''' Ah ha! I've fought your sister! That's a compliment! }}
* In ''[[
{{quote| '''Bordeaux:''' You'll never fence again, Contessa!<br />
'''Contessa:''' You've never fenced ''before!'' }}
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== Films -- Live-Action ==
* The famous Inigo/Westley duel in ''[[The Princess Bride (
* ''[[Robin Hood: Men in Tights]]'', the [[Mel Brooks]] parody of [[Robin Hood]] stories, featured Cary Elwes pretty much reprising his role as Westley... complete with similar quipping swordplay. His archenemy the Sheriff of Rottingham attempts this and fails...every time.
* The swashbuckling films of [[Errol Flynn]] and Douglas Fairbanks, Sr. (''and'' Jr.) were rife with this trope.
** The 1937 ''Prisoner of Zenda'' includes a particularly delicious example between Fairbanks Jr. (as a ''villain'') and Ronald Colman. And of course any film in which Flynn crosses swords with Basil Rathbone is bound to feature outstanding examples of the trope.
* The title heroes of the ''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (
* ''[[
* The three lightsaber duels in the original ''[[Star Wars]]'' trilogy use this, with ''A New Hope'' having the most and ''Return of the Jedi'' having the least. The prequels are pretty devoid of it though.
* ''[[
* The beginning of the third ''[[The Librarian|Librarian]]'' movie, ''Curse of the Judas Chalice,'' has an excellent example of this, with Flynn and the ''villain du jour'' dueling on stairs while critiquing each other's technique.
* In [[Woody Allen]]'s feature-length [[Gag Dub]], ''[[Whats Up Tiger Lily]]'', the hero shouts nonsensical insults such as, "Russian dog! Spanish fly!" at his opponents.
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{{quote| '''Bad guy:''' ''(paraphrased)'' There's more of us than them! Let's get them! ''(he is promptly shot by Kuffs' partner)''<br />
'''Kuffs:''' Well, now we know that he [the bad guy] can add, and he [indicates his partner] can subtract..." }}
* The duel between Mina and Dorian Grey in ''[[The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (
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* In [[Tamora Pierce]]'s ''[[Tortall Universe|Alanna]]'' books, Alanna notices that her opponents tend to get ''more'' nervous when she remains eerily silent throughout. However, during a friendly match between Alanna and Kel in Trickster's Choice (which is about Alanna's daughter), they do taunt each other.
* In [[Piers Anthony]]'s book ''Crewel Lye'', the protagonist notes that some physically weak fighters with sharp tongues do well.
* Harry Dresden of ''[[
* Several characters from [[Alexandre Dumas]]' ''[[The Three Musketeers (
* The [[Star Wars Expanded Universe]] has a form of this called ''[[Heavy Metal Umlaut|Dun Möch]]'', waging psychological warfare on their opponents through taunts and insults while using the Force to manipulate their enemies' emotions. Almost entirely a Sith technique, although there has been the occasional Jedi who made use of it for more benign reasons.
* ''[[
** Ser Rodrik criticizes the people he's teaching swordplay in this manner. Specifically he tells one that he fights like a porcupine (presumably stabbing out a sword aimlessly to try and keep an opponent away) and another that he fights like a goose, letting himself be hit and hitting back harder, ignoring the fact that with real swords the first blow would have killed him.
** The climactic duel between {{spoiler|Oberyn Martell, the Red Viper of Dorne}} and {{spoiler|Gregor Clegane, the Mountain that Rides}} features a possible subversion of this trope, in that the former does talk a lot, but it mostly consists of repeating the same thing over and over in an attempt to infuriate his opponent and get him to confess his crimes. The latter gets worked up enough to shout at him to shut up a few times, but doesn't actually reply coherently until the end, where he provides one of the entries on the Quotes page for [[Complete Monster]].
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== Live-Action TV ==
* Most of the ''[[
** Spoofed with the Buffybot, when Willow tries to make it as much like Buffy as possible but messes up the [[Buffy-Speak|"quipping" feature]], resulting in the likes of "That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!"
** And [[Lampshade Hanging|lampshaded]] in the first Season 3 episode that showed the rest of the crew trying to get on with the slayage without her. Willow, after a ''really'' bad one :
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* Kurenai Otoya from ''[[Kamen Rider Kiva]]'' tends to quip a lot when fighting as IXA.
* A ''lot'' of characters in the ''[[Power Rangers]]'' franchise like to chat while they fight, but the undefeated masters of this has to be the [[Power Rangers Ninja Storm|Ninja Storm Rangers]] who sometimes layer jokes and quips so thick it's like Spider-Man times six.
* ''[[
* ''[[Star Trek: Enterprise
{{quote| '''Hoshi:''' I was hoping you'd put up a fight.<br />
'''T'Pol:''' I'm surprised you're not exhausted from all the beds you've jumped into recently.<br />
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== Tabletop Games ==
* ''[[
* ''[[
** In the 4th edition, the Bard class is a master of this trope. And since [[Magical Incantation|their puns and insults are actually magical attacks]], it is possible for a Bard to insult someone to death. Not so [[Spoony Bard]] now, eh?
** This is very likely derived from some prestige classes in some third edition settings (like the musketeer class in D20 Past) who gain the ability to automatically confirm critical hits if their player can come up with a witty, relevant and previously unused remark (or a cheap pun, you know whatever) to go with the attack. Like stabbing a vampire and saying "Looks like the ''stakes'' were too high." (We're ignoring the fact that vampires cannot be critically hit.) See the ''[[
** 3.5 edition had the Jester class, which was like the Bard but more focused on taunting the enemy into submission with insulting jokes than inspiring allies with heroic songs.
* In ''[[
* ''[[
* The True20 system adds an ability to the Bluff skill called Conversational Paralysis, in which you say something so flat-out ridiculous that your opponent can do nothing but spend their next turn marveling at how wrong you are.
* ''[[
* ''[[
== Theater ==
* [[Averted Trope|Notably averted]] in the climactic duel in ''[[
{{quote| '''Macbeth:''' Of all men else I have avoided thee: but get thee back; my soul is too much charged with blood of thine already.<br />
'''Macduff:''' I have no words: My voice is in my sword: thou bloodier villain than terms can give thee out!<br />
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== Video Games ==
* The trope name is taken from the above ''[[Monkey Island (
** In later games things get more... interesting... In the [[The Curse of Monkey Island
** Also in later games, the line "You fight like a cow" itself reappears as a [[Running Gag]]. Generally the player has the option to respond "Oh yeah? Well you fight like a cow!" or something similar when he feels he's been insulted, and is usually told either that his material is stale or he's using the line out of context.
*** It's also a [[Running Gag]] in the original game -- it appears as a dialogue option (used completely out of context) in a couple of situations, one of which gets him the response "You never did know when to use that one."
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*** There's a [[Shout-Out]] to it after the tutorial battle in [[Jade Empire]], where you can tell a fellow student he fights like a cow.
** It should be noted that the insults were written by none other than [[Ender's Game|Orson Scott Card]]!
** In ''[[
** It comes back with a particularly dark twist in Chapter 4. {{spoiler|1=After Guybrush is killed, LeChuck tells Elaine she waves her sword around like a dairy farmer, and Elaine replies with the no-longer-funny "How appropriate... you fight like a Pox-infected undead cow."}}
** Also comes back with a twist in Chapter 5. {{spoiler|1=In the Crossroads, Guybrush tries to cheer up Morgan LeFlay's spirit and ends up getting in a fight with the ghost of an overzealous sword fighter. So you have to simultaneously complement Morgan and insult your opponent.}}
* ''[[Spider
** ALL Spideys have nice quips during battles and while traveling, making the game a perfect way to show the differences between Spideys. Amazing Spidey has the best lines, full [[Deadpan Snarker]] mode on. Ultimate Spidey has a [[Motor Mouth]] that won't shut up, combined with lame puns and bad jokes that are still endearing. Noir Spidey may not talk a lot, as he's almost always on stealth mode, but he has nice [[Bond One-Liner|Bond One Liners]] all the way. 2099 Spidey jokes more often than not (unlike his comic book counterpart), but he still has good quips during serious fights.
** Deadpool is one of the funniest characters on the whole game, completely crazy and talking all the way. However, he [[Punctuated for Emphasis|just. won't.]] [[Motor Mouth|SHUT. UP.]] Most players would like to keep playing the level to hear all of Pool's jokes, or break his mouth to STOP HIM TO TALK AGAIN.
* ''[[Wing Commander (
** The Kilrathi have their own witty ripostes, like "A proper fate for a coward!" or "I will eat your heart and spit it out, Terran!" and "Sad, that I must litter space with ape corpses!" Kilrathi [[Mini Boss|ace]] [[Does This Remind You of Anything?|Baron]] Baktosh nar Kiranka is notorious for his exceptionally insulting taunts.
* ''[[
** ''[[
** ''"This is the part where you fall down and BLEED to death!"'' [[Narm|Not as scary]] when being said by a mentally unstable but otherwise defenseless wood elf, oddly enough. Especially if you know and can cast the spell [[Meaningful Name|"Enemies]] [[Exactly What It Says
** And for extra fun, [[Fantastic Racism|species specific]] insults!
* ''[[Knights of the Old Republic (
** [[Large Ham|You have left me an opening!]]
* ''[[
* Morte, of ''[[Planescape: Torment]]'', actually has a special ability directed related to his ability to cuss someone out. If they fail their save, they are enraged and attempt to attack him in melee. So, fired at a [[Squishy Wizard|D&D style spell caster...]] Even better the save to resist actually becomes ''harder'' the higher the target's [[Statistically Speaking|intelligence score]], presumably on the basis that dumb characters [[Insult Backfire|won't understand most of the taunts]].
* The "Provoke" ability in ''[[
* The Pkunk in ''[[Star Control II]]'' insult their enemies to make ammunition. Yes. Really. You actually have to do this in-game.
** ''"Baby! Jerk! Stupid! Dummy! Fool!"''
** Also, in order to get {{spoiler|either Tanaka or his brother Katana}} to join you, you must{{spoiler|, despite how you are supposed to keep a cool head with almost every other sentient race in the game, insult him constantly, retreat, rinse, and repeat,}} until he realizes that you are not a Ur-Quan Dreadnought. Or as the Melnorme put it, try to talk to them on their own level.
* Near the end of ''[[Sly Cooper|Sly 3]]'', you insult-duel a wizened old pirate to convince him that you're someone else.
* ''[[
* The not particularly... ''[[So Okay It's Average|anything]]'' starship flight sim ''Darkstar One'' featured an actual button for you to taunt your enemies. Of course, this was taking your concentration away from shooting them, meaning it was best reserved for when you were coated in turrets.
* If any [[Fighting Game]] uses the concept of having the characters briefly have particular conversations with one another before the battle at all there is a strong chance that this will happen at least once.
* ''[[Paper Mario (
* The ''[[Mortal Kombat (
* [[Wet]] has a load of [[Cluster F-Bomb|Cluster F Bombs]] amongst some genuinely funny barbs.
* ''[[Batman:
* ''[[Prototype (
* In ''[[Nethack]]'', imps will often have lines such as "I first mistook thee for a statue, when I regarded thy head of stone," immediately following their hit messages.
== Web Animation ==
* In one episode of ''[[
* One segment in ''This Spartan Life'' (A Halo 2-3 machinima series) is called Body Count and is a debate staged in a Halo competitive match where the combat flow is based on who is winning the arguments.
== Webcomics ==
* ''[[
** Elan takes a prestige class called the "Dashing Swordsman", effectively this trope in a nutshell. It can teach you to "[http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0390.html harness your natural charm to turn you into a real bonafide, wisecracking, swashbuckling, damsel-saving action hero!]" In fact, the quipping is shown to be an absolutely necessary part of the class's abilities. When Elan fights so many enemies that he winds up reusing a pun, his attacks suddenly cease to do any amount of real damage. Elan also discovers the hard way that if his target is too stupid to understand the quip, it doesn't count. An effective counter to his style is best delivered with [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0761.html an effective counter to his puns].
** On the other side, [[Laughably Evil|Xykon]] isn't too bad either -- he makes puns and jokes and mocks his foes as he ''completely demolishes them''.
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** Shadehawk's favorite weapons are his big mouth, [[Indy Ploy]] and [[BFG|Silver Arrow]], exactly in that order
* [[Dominic Deegan]]'s father is a master of this kind of thing -- the family is famed for their horrible puns.
* ''[[
* In ''[[
* [http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0393.html Used by] ''[[
* ''[[
** A [[Sword Fight]] between [[Laughably Evil]] villain [[Peter Pan|Captain Hook]] and [[Loveable Rogue]] the [[Alice in Wonderland|Jack of Hearts]] naturally leads to this sort of thing.
** Jack and Hook:
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'''Hook:''' All those pink hearts don't exactly inspire terror.<br />
'''Jack:''' [[Lame Comeback|... Shut up]]! }}
* ''[[
{{quote| "You fight like '''''ducks!'''''"}}
* ''[[
{{quote| '''Growp:''' And your death can only be art if the kill is made [[The Only One Allowed to Defeat You|by the master skill of a hand as poetic as mine]].<br />
'''Emily:''' Your flesh hand must be the poetic one... ''[rips Growp's cyborg hand out of its socket]'' the bionic one's better at long division. }}
* In ''[[Seekers (
* ''[[
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{{quote| '''Dr. Octopus:''' Do you ''ever'' shut up?!<br />
'''Spider-Man:''' Sorry, no. My fans expect a certain amount of [[Buffy-Speak|quippage]] in every battle. }}
* ''[[Spider-Man:
{{quote| '''Tombstone:''' Come down here and fight like a man!<br />
'''Spider-Man''': I don't suppose I could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider? }}
* Terry McGinnis in ''[[
* Pretty ludicrously done in the eighth script draft for the ''[[
{{quote| '''Dr. Gauche:''' Hey, pal, don't lose your head.<br />
''(suddenly, the ticket guy's chest rips open. He falls dead, and standing behind him is a Canadian with a double-barreled shotgun)''<br />
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''(a Canadian rushes in and machine-guns Tom full of holes)''<br />
'''Canadian Soldier 2:''' Plastics are a cheap and efficient insulator for electrical applications. }}
* ''[[
** Lampshaded when, during the episode "Beauty Marked," Danny actually runs out of quips while fighting a medieval executioner ghost.
{{quote| '''Danny:''' Come on, Guys, cut me some slack! ''(pause)'' Hey! Another axe pun!}}
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{{quote| '''Evil Pinchard:''' You fight like a girl!<br />
'''Good Pinchard:''' Oh yeah? Well you look like a... never mind. }}
* In one episode of ''[[Teen Titans (
* In the ''[[
{{quote| '''Kilbane:''' You're finished! Stand still!<br />
'''Shane:''' Fighting you ''is'' like standing still. }}
* In one episode of ''[[Street Fighter (
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