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You Fight Like a Cow: Difference between revisions
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If an insult's delivered just before the killing stroke, see [[Pre-Mortem One-Liner]]. If a few moments later, see [[Bond One-Liner]].
See [[My Grandma Can Do Better Than You]] and [[My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad]] for similar insults.
{{examples}}
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{{quote|'''Buu:''' Are you ready?
'''Vegetto:''' That depends. If by that you mean "am I superior to you in every way?" then yes. }}
* ''[[One Piece]]''
** Roronoa Zoro is the most prone to this. Nearly all of his battles have featured gratuitous [[Trash Talk]] on his part. While ''holding a sword in his mouth''. [[Word of God|His heart]] [[It Runs on Nonsensoleum|allows him to speak.]]
** [[Chef of Iron|Sanji]] is definitely no slouch either.
** When Luffy talks in a fight, you can be sure he's either telling the other guy to [[Shut UP, Hannibal|shut up]], or fanboying over how cool the other guy's attacks are.
* ''[[Ranma ½|[[Ranma
* ''[[The Lucifer and Biscuit Hammer]]'': Mikazuki picks up on this when he plays "catch" with Yuuhi.
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** It was wonderful when Spider-Man and Ronin (formerly [[Hawkeye]]) were members of [[The Avengers (Comic Book)|The Avengers]] simultaneously. Spidey was a little taken aback that somebody was horning in on his quipping racket, but Clint basically says "tough, I like to quip, too."
** When the [[New Avengers]] went to Japan, [[Luke Cage, Hero for Hire]] is thrown over a balcony by ninjas. Being [[Nigh Invulnerable]], he not only survives, he finds the bright side -- while he was running back up, Spidey "ran out of material."
** The extremely good game adaptation of ''[[Spider-Man (film)|Spider-Man]] 2'' features a lot of this. Perhaps too much. The ''[[Ultimate Spider-Man (video game)|Ultimate Spider Man]]'' game has some excellent lines as well, both mid-fight and in cut scenes.
** The ''[[Spider-Girl]]'' series actually had the title character realize this as a sort of automatic coping mechanism, especially when she came upon scenes that should have horrified her and left her shocked and speechless; if she just made a quick joke about the whole situation and thus help herself treat it less seriously, she could focus on the bad guy.
** In an early situation, while dodging a teleporting baddie's fire, the second-person narration points out that her dad would, according to legend, be throwing out jokes, but she knows she'd only be able to manage "a cracked voice and a few stuttering comments."
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* The famous Inigo/Westley duel in ''[[The Princess Bride (film)|The Princess Bride]]'', where the two duelists discuss swordsmanship styles and [[I Am Not Left-Handed|dexterity]] as they fight, may be the most well-known example. Interestingly, though the fighting itself is pure [[Flynning]], the various techniques they claim to be using (Bonetti's Defense, Capo Ferro, etc.) [[Shown Their Work|all include the names of real fencing masters]].
* ''[[Robin Hood: Men in Tights]]'', the [[Mel Brooks]] parody of [[Robin Hood]] stories, featured Cary Elwes pretty much reprising his role as Westley... complete with similar quipping swordplay. His archenemy the Sheriff of Rottingham attempts this and fails...every time.
* The swashbuckling films of [[Errol Flynn]] and Douglas Fairbanks, Sr. (''and'' Jr.) were rife with this trope.
** The 1937 ''Prisoner of Zenda'' includes a particularly delicious example between Fairbanks Jr. (as a ''villain'') and Ronald Colman. And of course any film in which Flynn crosses swords with Basil Rathbone is bound to feature outstanding examples of the trope.
* The title heroes of the ''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (film)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'' films indulge in this with Michaelangelo and Donatello being the prime offenders.
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* ''[[Galaxy Quest]]'''s (mostly) fake fight in the airlock consists of trading insults ("Raving egomaniac!" "scene-stealing hack!") and (mostly) fake punches ("You used to pull your punches") while maneuvering into position to grab a [[Improvised Weapon|blunt object]]
* The beginning of the third ''[[The Librarian|Librarian]]'' movie, ''Curse of the Judas Chalice,'' has an excellent example of this, with Flynn and the ''villain du jour'' dueling on stairs while critiquing each other's technique.
* In [[Woody Allen]]'s feature-length [[Gag Dub]], ''[[Whats Up Tiger Lily]]'', the hero shouts nonsensical insults such as, "Russian dog! Spanish fly!" at his opponents.
* Plenty of this happens in martial arts spoof ''[[Tongan Ninja]]'', most notably when Action Fighter quips: "You fight like a baby... a ''[[Dead Baby Comedy|dead baby]]''!"
* In ''Kuffs'' during a standoff with some bad guys:
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== Literature ==
* In [[Tamora Pierce]]'s ''[[Tortall Universe|Alanna]]'' books, Alanna notices that her opponents tend to get ''more'' nervous when she remains eerily silent throughout. However, during a friendly match between Alanna and Kel in Trickster's Choice (which is about Alanna's daughter), they do taunt each other.
* In [[Piers Anthony]]'s book ''Crewel Lye'', the protagonist notes that some physically weak fighters with sharp tongues do well.
* Harry Dresden of ''[[The Dresden Files]]'', it makes sense, since his creator is a self-proclaimed ''Spider-Man'' fan. He has managed to quip about following the Tao of Peter Parker while being interrogated by a [[Big Bad]]. Which [[Fridge Brilliance|makes a bit of sense]] since you [[Walking Techbane|don't need technology]] to read comic books.
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{{quote|"I'm gonna slay you just like I did Logalog!"
"You can't kill me the way you killed Logalog. I'm facin' you, Fenno. You stabbed Logalog in the back!" }}
* Snape, ever the teacher, corrects Harry's technique and lectures him on his mistakes while they duel near the end of ''[[Harry Potter/Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince|Harry Potter]]''.
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* Most of the ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]'' crew get a shot at it.
** Spoofed with the Buffybot, when Willow tries to make it as much like Buffy as possible but messes up the [[Buffy-Speak|"quipping" feature]], resulting in the likes of "That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!"
** And [[Lampshade Hanging|lampshaded]] in the first Season 3 episode that showed the rest of the crew trying to get on with the slayage without her. Willow, after a ''really'' bad one :
{{quote|'''Willow:''' Well, w-w-well, the Slayer always says a pun, or-or a witty play on words, and, I think it throws the vampires off! And, and it makes them frightened, because I'm wisecracking. Okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but you try it every time!}}
** Also, in season 5, during the fight with Olaf the troll. "You're as inadequate a troll as you were a man and even the women trolls hate you." or something like that.
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* The True20 system adds an ability to the Bluff skill called Conversational Paralysis, in which you say something so flat-out ridiculous that your opponent can do nothing but spend their next turn marveling at how wrong you are.
* ''[[Vampire: The Requiem]]'' has a bloodline called the Spina who can gain combat advantages against opponents they've engaged in dialogue. At their power's highest level they can injure opponents [[Talking the Monster to Death|just by insulting them]].
* ''[[Deadlands]]'' allows three social actions to hinder opponents in combat: staredowns (i.e. give 'em the old steel eyed glare and get them pecker heads quaking in their boots), bluffing to keep them off balance, and mocking them into doing something stupid.
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== Video Games ==
* The trope name is taken from the above ''[[Monkey Island (series)|Monkey Island]]'' quotation; in that game, the results of sword fights are based ''entirely'' on insults, with lots of [[Flynning]] between barbs. As the game's sword fighting instructor put it, sword fighting is a lot like making love: It doesn't really matter what you do, but what you say.
** In later games things get more... interesting... In the [[The Curse of Monkey Island|third game]] the fights all take place at sea, so all insults and comebacks ''have to rhyme''. By the [[Escape from Monkey Island|fourth]], [[Plot Tumor|everything is based around insulting]]: Insult Darts, Insult Mudwrestling, Insult Arm Wrestling, and the [[Big Bad]] is a [[Corrupt Corporate Executive]] who goes around performing hostile property takeovers by challenging everyone into playing insult games with him. Naturally, he wins every time because no-one can make heads or tails of his Australian insult vocabulary. The latter half of the game even centers on finding the Ultimate Insult {{spoiler|and using it to power up a monkey-shaped [[Humongous Mecha]].}}
** Also in later games, the line "You fight like a cow" itself reappears as a [[Running Gag]]. Generally the player has the option to respond "Oh yeah? Well you fight like a cow!" or something similar when he feels he's been insulted, and is usually told either that his material is stale or he's using the line out of context.
*** It's also a [[Running Gag]] in the original game -- it appears as a dialogue option (used completely out of context) in a couple of situations, one of which gets him the response "You never did know when to use that one."
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* ''[[Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions]]''
** ALL Spideys have nice quips during battles and while traveling, making the game a perfect way to show the differences between Spideys. Amazing Spidey has the best lines, full [[Deadpan Snarker]] mode on. Ultimate Spidey has a [[Motor Mouth]] that won't shut up, combined with lame puns and bad jokes that are still endearing. Noir Spidey may not talk a lot, as he's almost always on stealth mode, but he has nice [[Bond One-Liner|Bond One Liners]] all the way. 2099 Spidey jokes more often than not (unlike his comic book counterpart), but he still has good quips during serious fights.
** Deadpool is one of the funniest characters on the whole game, completely crazy and talking all the way. However, he [[Punctuated!
* ''[[Wing Commander (video game)|Wing Commander]]'' lets you insult enemy pilots using your fighter's communications system. This is actually an important tactic -- insult them enough, and they attack you instead of whatever you're [[Escort Mission|protecting]].
** The Kilrathi have their own witty ripostes, like "A proper fate for a coward!" or "I will eat your heart and spit it out, Terran!" and "Sad, that I must litter space with ape corpses!" Kilrathi [[Mini Boss|ace]] [[Does This Remind You of Anything?|Baron]] Baktosh nar Kiranka is notorious for his exceptionally insulting taunts.
* ''[[The Elder Scrolls]]''
** ''[[The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind]]'' and ''[[The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion]]'' use this, especially ''Oblivion'', where one of those sentences is 'you move like a pregnant cow'. Of course, most people "fought mudcrabs tougher than you!"
** ''"This is the part where you fall down and BLEED to death!"'' [[Narm|Not as scary]] when being said by a mentally unstable but otherwise defenseless wood elf, oddly enough. Especially if you know and can cast the spell [[Meaningful Name|"Enemies]] [[Exactly What It Says on the Tin|Explode."]]
** And for extra fun, [[Fantastic Racism|species specific]] insults!
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* ''[[Kingdom of Loathing]]'' has [http://kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/Insult_Beer_Pong Insult Beer Pong], a [[Shout-Out]] to ''Monkey Island''. In order to win, you need to buy [http://kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/The_Big_Book_of_Pirate_Insults The Big Book of Pirate Insults] and use it against pirates, and each time they embarrass you with a witty comeback, it's added to the list of retorts you can use during Insult Beer Pong. "You fight like a cow" is one of the default insults that don't work.
* The not particularly... ''[[So Okay It's Average|anything]]'' starship flight sim ''Darkstar One'' featured an actual button for you to taunt your enemies. Of course, this was taking your concentration away from shooting them, meaning it was best reserved for when you were coated in turrets.
* If any [[Fighting Game]] uses the concept of having the characters briefly have particular conversations with one another before the battle at all there is a strong chance that this will happen at least once.
* ''[[Paper Mario (franchise)|Paper Mario]]'' featured The Master saying that Mario "fights like a plumber." In case you forgot, Mario is a plumber.
* The ''[[Mortal Kombat (film)|Mortal Kombat]]'' series has Shao Khan, who insults you (or laughs) often during a match (usually after knocking you down). In ''Mortal Kombat Trilogy'', when you could finally play as him, these moves were still there, as taunts.
* [[Wet]] has a load of [[Cluster F-Bomb|Cluster F Bombs]] amongst some genuinely funny barbs.
* ''[[Batman: Arkham Asylum]]'': Mooks frequently says things like "You fight like a girl" and you "fight like a old man", thankfully a punch can interrupt them.
* ''[[Prototype (video game)|Prototype]]'' has Captain Cross being all chatty while Mercer remains relatively silent soon after the duel begins. Depending on the player's performance against Cross, the [[Badass Normal]] will spout the appropriate lines.
* In ''[[Nethack]]'', imps will often have lines such as "I first mistook thee for a statue, when I regarded thy head of stone," immediately following their hit messages.
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'''Emily:''' Your flesh hand must be the poetic one... ''[rips Growp's cyborg hand out of its socket]'' the bionic one's better at long division. }}
* In ''[[Seekers (webcomic)|Seekers]]'', Errol trash talks this way during the duels.
* ''[[One Piece: Grand Line 3 Point 5]]'' handles the first Luffy vs. Buggy fight like this, referencing [[Monkey Island]] in the process.
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'''Canadian Soldier 2:''' Plastics are a cheap and efficient insulator for electrical applications. }}
* ''[[Danny Phantom]]''
** Lampshaded when, during the episode "Beauty Marked," Danny actually runs out of quips while fighting a medieval executioner ghost.
{{quote|'''Danny:''' Come on, Guys, cut me some slack! ''(pause)'' Hey! Another axe pun!}}
** They do intentionally bad quips a lot in this show. From "Shades of Grey," after the ghost dog bursts into the school cafeteria:
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