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{{trope}}
[[File:Hand Maiden.jpg|350px|thumbnail|Uh, [[Girlfriend in Canada|she's Canadian]]|link=http://spxcialneeds.deviantart.com/art/High-five-434808785|alt=a photo of a hand with the face of a girl drawn on the palm]]
{{quote|''
''When I think about you''
''I touch myself''
|'''[[Divinyls]]''', "I Touch Myself"}}
{{quote|"Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!"
|'''[[Woody Allen]]'''}}
Lots of people masturbate! It's nothing to be ashamed of
* It's aimed at or about teenagers (usually [[Played for Laughs]]) and the character is either a horny teenage boy, or another character, usually the parents, think that he's masturbating when he is very obviously ([[Innocent Innuendo|or sometimes not so obviously]]) ''not''.
* The character masturbating is [[Hollywood Dateless|sexually frustrated]], disturbed, perverted, or is a [[This Loser Is You|nerd/has no social life]].
* It's a military or a prison setting. The masturbation here would be explained by the shortage of women ([[Amazon Brigade|or men]]), boredom and loneliness. In some other cases (such as the infamous Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse case), it can be used as a form of psychological torture via personal humiliation. For obvious reasons, the latter case is '''heavily''' frowned down upon.
* In porn or erotica, it can be used for sexual titillation for the viewers. In hardcore porn, masturbation also tends to be used as a way for boys to ejaculate onto their partners after pulling out, as doing the latter right before an orgasm is incredibly difficult and extremely risky; there's no guaranteeing that the boy's semen won't end up in his partner or on their vulva/anus (which is enough for a girl to get pregnant or for the partner to contract an STD, regardless of gender), or that the boy won't end up contracting an STD himself from an accidental creampie. Note that while venereal disease tests are frequent in the porn industry, there have been multiple cases of pornstars getting pregnant or infected as the result of a faulty shoot. Pornographic examples of masturbation can either occur via a person stimulating themselves or by having a partner get them off; female masturbation tends to be depicted more often in porn both due to the larger amount of methods by which a girl can achieve sexual stimulation (rubbing, fingering, fisting, placing a vibrating object on the vulva [or the crotch area on the object if the latter is too large], or sticking a foreign object in the vagina) and due to the perception that most porn-watchers are heterosexual males. Male masturbation isn't too uncommon either, though in most heterosexually-oriented works the stimulation is provided by an accompanying girl (note that in cases such as this, the term "masturbation" is limited to the stimulation of the penis with the hand[s] or male sex toys, with oral and mammary sex being considered leagues of their own); the main exception to this is when a boy is intending to ejaculate soon, in which case solo masturbation is just as common as partner-performed masturbation.
Of course, there's a pretty valid reason why "normal" masturbation isn't depicted very
Also note that outside of pornography, male masturbation is used far more often than female... though that's not to say that female masturbation isn't given ''any'' attention in fiction (the "[[Rumpelstiltskin]]" tale supposedly had the [[Values Dissonance|original message]], "women who masturbate become infertile"). In older media, expect references to hairy palms and/or blindness, two widespread myths used to keep boys from masturbating, with keeping boys from masturbating being a major motive for [[Moral Guardians]] and their anti-porn crusades. ([[Blatant Lies|Of course, we have]] [[Outgrown Such Silly Superstitions]].)
And now, I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend [[Stealth Pun|Jill (Shakes hands)]].
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And because this page wouldn't be complete without her: In Ankh-Morpork on [[Discworld]], Rosie Palm, the head of the [[Unusual Euphemism|Seamstresses']] [[Band of Brothels|Guild]], is named as a [[Shout-Out]] to this, derived from an old British euphemism, "Rosie Palms and her five lovely daughters".
* [[Breaking in Old Habits]] - A character receives a replacement hand and immediately uses it to masturbate.
* [[Caught with Your Pants Down]] - A character is caught masturbating.
* [[I'll Be in My Bunk]] - A character who steps off-stage is humorously portrayed as leaving to masturbate.
* [[Jizzed in My Pants]] - Yeah, self explainable.
* [[Mistaken for Masturbating]] - Characters think someone who isn't masturbating is.
* [[Porn Stash]] - A character has a personal collection of pornography, and can usually be assumed to use it as an aid to masturbation.
* [[Poor Man's Porn]] - A character gets off to something not strictly intended to be used for that purpose.
* [[Self
Please move the following into the
{{noreallife|I mean, I don't think anyone is really all that interested in this sort of thing happening in reality, do you?}}
== Examples from Teen Fiction ==▼
{{examples}}
=== Film ===
* In the film ''[[Real Genius]]'', the [[Cool Loser|plucky charismatic underdogs]] implant a radio in the braces of the pompous, sycophantic Kent. Kent thinks he's being addressed by the voice of God. At the end of one transmission, [[Cool Loser|Mitch]] adds, "And Kent? From now on, stop playing with yourself!" Kent wonderingly murmurs, "It ''is'' God."
* ''[[But I'm a Cheerleader]]'': While poking fun at the ridiculous notion of a camp for curing homosexuality, the movie shows a couple of girls releasing their sexual frustration. The girls are all given small electric prods to punish themselves when they have "impure" thoughts; one girl gets creative with hers. And a short scene of the main character rubbing herself through her nightgown almost got the film an NC-17 rating.
* The title character in ''Saint Ralph'' does this in a pool while looking at a naked woman's buttocks, without any hands. The water jet in the pool causes him to have an accident.
* ''[[Show Me Love|Fucking Åmål]]''
* In the action-comedy ''[[The Big Hit]]'', one of the assassins doesn't even seem to know what masturbation is; he explains that he has been sleeping with women since he first entered puberty, and never had to resort to gratifying himself. One of the other characters explains it to him, and from that point on in the movie, he's shown using a grip-strengthener, deciding between bottles of lotion, and at the end [[Brick Joke|there's a poster of him as "Customer of the Year" in the Adult Video section of a video store]].
* In ''[[Slackers]]'' there was a scene where a male character had to steal something from a female character's dorm while she wasn't there. After trying the door he was impatiently allowed in by the female character's (also female) roommate who was annoyed at having been interrupted masturbating. She continues to masturbate (quite enthusiastically) in the main room while he goes to the bedroom to find the [[MacGuffin|whatever it was]].
* ''[[Cthulhu (film)|Cthulhu]]'' (2007). A flashback shows the protagonist and his friend as teenagers jerking off together under a pier while talking of the female movie stars they fancy; ironically it's a [[Ho Yay]] scene as both of them are gay, but presumably have not admitted this at that stage in their lives.
* The teenage boy in ''[[Serial Mom]]''. While his parents are being murdered, no less.
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=== Literature ===
* Deenie, in the [[Judy Blume]] book of the same name, mentions touching her "special place" and wondering if that's why she developed scoliosis. Blume said that a principal banned the book from his school library, saying [[Girls Need Role Models|he might've allowed it]] [[Double Standard|if the character were a boy]].
* Similar passages in Blume's ''Then Again, Maybe I Won't'' have made the book a favorite target of censors. Or perhaps it's because of the boy protagonist's [[Naughty Birdwatching|nocturnal activities]].
* In ''[[Tales of the Otori]]'', sexuality in general is given generally pragmatic treatment: occasionally it's an important part of the plot, but for the most part it's just in the background of the characters' lives. As such, masturbation is mentioned, but only... [[Incredibly Lame Pun|off-handedly]].
* ''Skinny'' has a rather [[
* In [[Robert A. Heinlein]]'s ''[[To Sail Beyond the Sunset]]'', a wife, who has an open relationship with her husband, asks him over the phone if he's going to pick up a woman that night, and he admits he's too tired, it will just be "mother thumb and her four daughters."
* Apparently Jewish men aren't supposed to masturbate. That was ''[[Portnoy's Complaint|Portnoys Complaint]]''.
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=== Live-Action TV ===
* In ''[[That '70s Show]]'', Fez, Eric and Kelso, mainly Fez, have mentioned their fondness for hands-on love. We don't know about Hyde, but he voiced his support for the
** Nina, Fez's co-worker and later girlfriend {{spoiler|whom he finally loses his virginity to}}, lampshades this by noticing that Fez's right hand is "stronger" than the other. Fez just says he's taken up fencing.
** It's also mentioned, that Donna does it too, but she "makes an evening of it", with music and candles. Hyde wonders whether Jackie masturbates also, but he reasons that she doesn't, because "she won't even go to a self-serve gas station."
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'''Hyde:''' I've known Fez for a long time. And if he thought he was alone, we need to turn this off ''right'' now. }}
* Sid from ''[[Skins]]'' is shown masturbating in the pilot episode, although it's debatable whether he falls into the 'nerdy loser' version of this trope. Knowing ''[[Skins]]'', there are probably definitely a million other *ahem* meetings with Rosie Palms within the show.
* In an episode of ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]'', Buffy herself alludes to masturbating to a friend in 5th grade. "I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'". Which she pretends to have not known what it meant at the time. Considering Willow and Tara "doing spells"
** In season 7 Andrew has locked himself in the bathroom to edit his documentary on Buffy.
{{quote|'''Anya:''' For God's sakes, Andrew. You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?
'''Andrew:''' Entertaining and educating.
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* Junior manages to "sprain" his penis from overuse on one episode of ''[[My Wife and Kids]]''.
* An episode of ''The Hughleys'' had D.L.'s wife remark that their son's been taking two to three showers a day now, and must be "the cleanest boy in the neighborhood." D.L. and their neighbor exchange knowing looks, and the neighbor replies "or the dirtiest." The two men then use a series of artful euphemisms to gently explain to the mother what's ''really'' going on. Hilarity ensues through the episode, as with every appearance, their son says or does something suggestive of his new hobby, like furiously pumping a bottle of mustard to wring out the last few drops.
* On ''[[The League of Gentlemen]]'', Harvey Denton has a bizarre paranoia about walking into the living room to find his nephew, [[Only Sane Man|Benjamin]], shaking the hot, white coconuts from the tree of love, conducting himself in a solo symphony, or engaged in any other of a slew of [[Unusual Euphemism
* [[The Secret Life of the American Teenager|Just Say Me!]]
* In ''[[The Young Ones]]'', Rick has accidentally killed Neil. He buries the body in the garden, then can't sleep as his conscience reproaches him. He imagines himself on trial, then imagines some pretty girls in the courtroom pleading for him to be spared, then imagines them taking their clothes off, then he starts wanking off until his conscience yells at him to stop it.
* In ''[[Parenthood]]'' the
* ''[[Degrassi]]'' as it already tackled [[No Periods, Period]] back in Season 1, had a plot in Season 8 over self-gratification. Jane admits to Clare and Alli she does own a vibrator, acting in a [[Big Brother Mentor]] fashion that being interested in sexual gratification isn't a bad thing, and it's a good thing to seek it from yourself. Eventually Clare gets 'the talk' she wanted from her mother over these subjects. She called it awkward.
* In ''[[Black Books]]'', Fran's subplot in the episode "The Big Lockout" basically involves her having a wank while listening to the shipping forecast because she finds the voice of the guy who's delivering it irresistibly arousing.
* In the US version of ''[[Queer as Folk]]'', Ted has watched so many porno tapes that when a customer asks the cashier of the porno shop for a suggestion in which tape to rent, the cashier directs the customer to Ted.
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'''Brian:''' Yeah, yeah! We're doing that thing, we're doing what you usually do on a Thursday afternoon!
'''Chris:''' Masturbate?
'''Brian:''' That's it, [[Embarrassing Cover Up|that's what we're going to do together]].
'''Chris:''' Well, maybe back to back, but I gotta tell you, I'm not 100% on this. }}
** In "Stewie Kills Lois", Meg brings a pack of hot dogs to her room, and says: "I'm gonna pretend you're the ''New York Knicks!''" Peter later mentions that he has to buy hot dogs because "we keep running out for some reason".
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== Examples with mental health and sexual frustration ==
▲=== Anime & Manga ===
* In ''[[Neon Genesis Evangelion|The End of Evangelion]]'', Shinji does this {{spoiler|[[Dude, She's Like, in a Coma|over Asuka's comatose body.]]}} With an indiscretion shot of his creamed hand... yeech!
** [[Precision F-Strike|"I'm so fucked up..."]]
* One very disturbed individual in ''[[Shigurui]]'' (that is, more disturbed than all the other batshit characters) performed auto-fellatio while thinking about the dead young man he was out to avenge.
* ''[[Code Geass]]''. Nina Einstein, the local [[Shrinking Violet]], to a picture of her crush, using the edge of a table. Though she is quite [[Yandere]], she was perfectly sane at the time, and she doesn't actually have the massive [[Freak-Out]] until later, after {{spoiler|said crush's very unfortunate death}}. The fandom's reaction to the scene? [[Squick]], [[Memetic Mutation]], [[The Scrappy|Hate]].
** There's a sort-of running joke about her being interrupted by Nunnally: it's questionable who's luckier, [[Harmful to Minors|Nunnally because she's blind]] or [[Caught with Your Pants Down|Nina because Nunnally's blind.]] Otherwise, Nunnally would probably need [[Brain Bleach]] in the form of her brother [[Laser-Guided Amnesia|Geassing her into forgetting it]].
* Satou from ''[[Welcome to The NHK]]'' is shown to reach for a tissue every now and then, and after discovering that [[The Internet Is for Porn|there's lolicon on the internet]], he is shown surrounded by empty tissue boxes. In the manga, this goes
* In ''[[Gankutsuou]]'', Héloise is shown masturbating while thinking about the Count and the poison ring he gave her. [[Squick]].
* ''[[Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito]]'' has one of the only scenes where this isn't played for [[Squick]], comedy, or both. Hazuki gets herself off twice thinking of her best friend/adoptive older sister Hatsumi, whom she is madly in love with. The second time is more subtle, but she does it ''on Hatsumi's bed''...
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* ''[[Serial Experiments Lain]]'': Lain's friendship with Alice breaks down when one of the Lains spreads rumours around school that she likes to fantasize about a certain teacher while "playing with herself".
* In the beginning of ''[[Midori Days]]'', Seiji bemoans this being his fate, as his [[Badass]] Delinquent status actually seems to make it ''harder'' to get a girlfriend. He specifically says being stuck "with his right hand for a girlfriend", then it happens literally. Ironically, having Midori on his hand effectively ''prevents'' him from masturbating, as she throws out all his porn. A few chapters are dedicating to Seiji attempting to relieve the built-up pressure, but [[Failure Is the Only Option]].
* [[Ax Crazy]] Sako of ''[[Upotte!!]]'' gets ''far'' too turned on by the heat of battle in episode 5 and fondles her magic spot out of pleasure behind a tree. Moments later, she masturbates, with the stuff visibly dripping off her hand- er, if anthromorphized assault rifles actually can do that sort of thing.
===
* Mentioned several times in the comic series ''[[Y: The Last Man]]'' seeing as virtually the entire male population has died. One women casually mentions the difficulty of finding replacement AA batteries for vibrators, and titular last man Yorick tells of one extensive 'session' where the government installed open-air showers outside a hotel he was staying in.
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* An episode of [[Rob Brydon]]'s comedy-drama series ''Human Remains'' has Rob playing a man whose compulsive masturbation apparently stems from the loss of his mother.
* There are constant jokes at Richard's expense in ''[[Bottom]]'' to show how pathetic he is (he is, in fact, a wanker). He even called his autobiography: "Richard Richard: I Did it My Way. On My Own. Quite a Lot. Now I've got a Sore Hand."
* There's an EXTREMELY uncomfortable example of female masturbation in season two ''[[Skins]]''. Maxxie's stalker Sketch breaks into his house, sneaks into his room, ''fondles and smells his underwear'', and proceeds to masturbate on his bed. When Maxxie comes home unexpectedly early, she quickly hides under his
* In a ''[[30 Rock|Thirty Rock]]'' episode, Frank mentions he has plans for Valentine's night. When asked with who, he replies "nobody".
* ''[[Firefly]]'': "I'll be in my bunk." It must be *ahem* hard for Jayne, being trapped on that ship with Inara, Kaylee, Zoe, and River, and not able to touch any of them.
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* From "Telepathy" by Swans: "I saw you through the window/Masturbating to the violence" (by the standards of M. Gira's work, this is a fairly tame example)
* "Longview" by Green Day includes the line "When masturbation's lost its fun/You're fucking lonely" to fit in with the song's theme of boredom.
* "Homemade" by Sebadoh is about becoming addicted to masturbation due to depression and loneliness.
* "Touch of my Hand" by [[Britney Spears]] is about appreciating self-love in the absence of one's partner.
* "Oops (Oh My)" by Tweet; she admires herself in the mirror while touching herself
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=== Video Games ===
* ''[[Grand Theft Auto|Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas]]'' has a gag where one of the Brit junkies starts "having an appointment with Dr. Hans Jerkov" in Madd Dogg's studio.
** It's a sort of running
* In ''[[Fate/stay night]]'', one of the side effects of {{spoiler|Zouken's magical parasite worms}} on Sakura is increased sexual frustration, which she tries to cope with through masturbation. It doesn't work, but she [[Intimate Healing|moves on to Shirou]] [[Good People Have Good Sex|soon enough]].
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=== Web Comics ===
* In [[Questionable Content]], after a date in which [[Finagle's Law|everything went wrong]], Steve [http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1556 gets off in Marten
** Then there's the one where Faye's new shrink suggests it as an outlet for sexual frustration. [http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=808 It's no longer doing the job for Faye.]
* Honeybee Samuel's curse afflicting Candi in the [[Ciem Webcomic Series]] makes it so that masturbation is the only thing (never explicitly mentioned in the comics) that keeps Candi sane when she begins having [[Erotic Dreams]] about Denny. When she decides she doesn't like resorting to that, especially after she gets Donte back, she has actual sex with him regularly to avoid the need. The books intend to give a little more mention to her issue.
* Several characters in ''[[Ménage à 3]]''.
** Unbeknowst to him, Gary's activity is used as "background music" for Matt and Dillon's lovemaking.
** Zii, watching all-male pornography while calling DiDi's name. She does not notice the contradiction there.
* There's a weird example (which isn't actually masturbation) in ''[[El Goonish Shive]]''. Elliot completely fails at fantasizing about women (Imaginary Bikini Model: I'm someone's daughter, you ''bastard''), which his girlfriend Sarah and her friend Susan discuss at length. Susan thinks he should be praised for his restraint, while Sarah thinks it isn't healthy.
{{quote|'''Sarah:''' Don't you remember [[Gender Bender|what its like being a teenage boy]]?
'''Susan:''' I try not to. }}
* In ''[[Jet Dream (webcomic)|Jet Dream]]'', while Marlene claims a lack of interest in romance of any sort after [[Gender Bender|her sex change]], she also makes several veiled references to using "the science of vibration" or her "Jet Dream Vibrostick" to deal with her new feminine urges.
* ''[[Girls with Slingshots]]'' does this a lot with Hazel during the early part of the strip, emphasizing the fact that she hasn't had sex for a while.
=== Web Original ===
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** ''God's Baker'' runs with it to disturbing extremes.
* The whole plot in the ''[[American Dad]]'' episode "A Smith In Hand". Stan tries to teach Steve to sublimate the "urge" with arts and crafts, like he does. However, Stan [[Groin Attack|gets hurt]] and the doctor prescribes an ointment; in the process of applying it, he accidentally masturbates and, realizing for the first time in his life how good it feels, gets addicted
** Another mention in "The People vs. Martin Sugar" when Jeff is forced to quit smoking pot cited it's for his medical condition. Jeff hides in different places and get caught by Francine.
== Examples from Military Fiction ==
===
* In the ''[[Aliens vs. Predator]]'' comic book, a Marine left to guard the base is told there's some petroleum jelly in the supplies "in case he gets lonely".
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=== Live-Action TV ===
* Mentioned on several occasions but (unlike the [[Unusual Euphemism|frakking]]) never actually shown in
* This is briefly seen (with a [[Peek a Boo|wall as a censor bar]]) and interrupted in HBO's ''[[Generation Kill]]''.
** One of the episodes is named "Combat Jack" for the Marines' masturbating after the adrenaline rush of a firefight.
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== Miscellaneous Examples ==
=== Anime
* In the fourth episodes of the second season of [[Rozen Maiden]], the dolls said, that Jun is in the toilet, reading "magazines".
* The manga ''[[Onani Master Kurosawa]]''. In translation: Kurosawa, the Master of Masturbating.
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===
* During [[Neil Gaiman]]'s run on ''[[The Sandman]]'' in the early 90's, he was explicitly told by the editors that nobody masturbates in the DC Comics universe. In Gaiman's own words, "''actually, that explains a lot. That’s probably why the characters all dress in tight costumes and go around thumping the shit out of each other.''"
* The plot of the porn comic ''[[Small Favors]]'' opens with lesbian Annie being informed by an aspect of herself that she's exhausted her lifetime allotment of masturbation time. The photographic evidence supplied is a stack of photographs at least a foot tall... all of her masturbating at different times, all taken on ''the same day''.
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* ''[[Empowered]]'' does this a lot, as does her best friend Ninjette. In Emp's case,it's because her super-suit massively enhances sensation and increases libido; she mentions that she never even bothers with "Mr. Shower Head" since she got it.
* My name is [[Transmetropolitan|Spider Jerusalem]]... I masturbate constantly and fling my steaming poison semen out the window onto your hair and food.
* Issue 3 of ''[[Horndog]]'' has a strip that reveals that Bob has the ability to perform oral sex on himself.
=== [[
* In the dreaded ''[[My Immortal]]'', Lupin is caught "masticating" in the bath to a video that he and Snape took of Ebony. Later on she says that he "MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)". ([[Ask a Stupid Question|Yes.]])
* The ''[[Neon Genesis Evangelion]]'' lemon fic ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3043801/1 A Glass Of Wine]'' has Asuka calming an anxious and embarrassed Hikari that "taking care of herself" will get rid of her wet dreams since such dreams are indicators that her brain is craving for an orgasm. Hikari is initially against the idea (no surprise there, knowing her character) until Asuka finishes the job herself. For the cast's most innocent girl.
{{quote|'''Asuka''': "Now if your smart you'll take doctor Soryu's prescription and apply liberally until the symptoms go away."}}
* ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3070350/1/Another_Mans_Cage
* A humourous fanfic by the creators of ''[[Bag Enders]]'' featured an adolescent Pippin being upset because his mother had told him kittens would die if he masturbated and he'd found a dead kitten in the garden and been convinced she was right. Merry gave him a kitten so he could watch it and stop if the kitten started looking ill to prove it wasn't true. Unfortunately, Pippin couldn't bring himself to do it with the kitten staring at him, so Merry ended up spending several evenings sitting in the next room and watching the kitten for him.
* The narrator in ''[http://fav.me/dd7ow55 Case of the Missing Technology]'' was bound to defied this when it comes to [[Mad Scientist|Monty]]. Considering what Monty [[Unwilling Roboticisation| done to]] [[Spice Girls|Melanie]], the narrator wasn't going to allow it.
=== Film ===
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{{quote|'''Zack Brown:''' How come you get to be all [[Buck Rogers]], having sex in the 25th century with Twiki and Dr. Theopolis, and I'm stuck with a bottle of Jergen's in the bathroom?
'''Miriam Linky:''' Holy Bejeesus, tell me you don't use my Jergen's to whack it in our bathroom.
'''Zack Brown:''' No, you know what I do? I light a bunch of candles, and I sprawl out on my sheets, and I listen to [[Sting (music)|Sting]]. No, I'm a guy. You give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy [[MacGyver]]! }}
* In ''Kinsey'', several people study a video of a woman masturbating to learn more about human sexuality.
* In ''[[Human Nature]]'', a man masturbates in front of another person, which is meant to show that he is unaware of society's taboos.
* Very brief scene in ''L.I.E.'', in which we see Howie in
* In [[Woody Allen]]'s 19th-Century Russian Lit parody ''[[Love and Death]]'', his character meets a gorgeous countess. After a room-wrecking bout of sex she compliments his abilities - he shrugs and says "Thanks...I practice a lot when I'm alone."
* In ''[[Annie Hall]]'', [[Woody Allen]]'s character Alvy and Annie are arguing and he focuses on a pretentious school course she's taking:
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'''Annie:''' Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
'''Alvy:''' Hey, don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love. }}
* A scene around the beginning of ''[[Harold
* ''[[Clerks]]'' had an elderly customer ask Dante for a restroom, some soft toilet paper, and a girlie magazine. It didn't end well.
* ''[[Clerks II]]'' had an inebriated {{spoiler|Elias}} turned on by {{spoiler|the donkey show}}. "I'm sorry, Jesus..."
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* Mother's Younger Brother does this in E.L. Doctorow's ''[[Ragtime]]''.
* Rabbit and his wife do this together in John Updike's ''Rabbit Redux''.
* "Guts", the infamous first story from ''[[Haunted
* A female example in the [[Night Huntress]] books. Cat is just beginning to accept her own sexuality. A few hours after making out with her love interest, she takes a bath and accidentally touches herself. Then she does it on purpose, and ''then'' she starts to get really into it.
* A weird version in ''[[The Red Tent]]''. In the time that the book takes place, when girls get their first period their female relatives have a ceremony for them and uses a goddess statue to break their hymen. The main character Dinah actually has an orgasm.
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** In "Look At The Princess", John is pointing Braca's gun at different parts of his own body. Including, at one point, his hand:
{{quote|'''John''': "My sex life! Kill my sex life!"}}
** In "Coup By Clam", Noranti decides to use the vibrating apparatus she's working with for something it was not originally intended for. This left D'Argo, who was linked to her at this point, in an awkward situation. An odd case of
* Chewbacca's dad Itchy is clearly cracking one off to Diahann Caroll during [[The Star Wars Holiday Special]]. [[Squick|While his grandson and daughter in law are in the other room]].
* A subplot of an episode of ''[[Black Books]]'' features Fran attempting to get off on the Shipping Forecast (no, not ''that'' kind of ''[[Shipping]]'') because she finds the announcer's voice irresistibly sexy.
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* From a Hoedown on ''[[Whose Line Is It Anyway?|Whose Line Is It Anyway]]'':
{{quote|'''Drew:''' Let me tell you, ever since I was thirteen / You've given me the best lovin' that I've ever seen. / Let me tell ya something, that I know you can't stand / I've been cheating on you with my other hand!}}
* The title character of ''[[House (TV series)|House]]'' has on multiple occasions made snarky jokes about viewing porn in his office and masturbating. Given most of the walls are made of glass one hopes he is joking. Being that he's House, who knows.
** Appears to be true, and not just a House snark. At least we know from Cameron that he keeps his porn in the second desk drawer.
** There's also a rather squicky clinic scene where House deduces that a toddler's symptoms are result of this.
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* In ''[[How I Met Your Mother]]'', Marshall was worried about "reading a magazine" at work. Barney answered that he (Barney) "reads a magazine" several times at work. Barney was talking about masturbation, whereas Marshall was talking about taking a deuce at work.
** Also in chapter 13 of sixth series, he's asked to do it in order to get his sperm checked by a doctor. However, it becomes quite difficult to carry out...
* Johnny Vegas, on an episode of ''[[QI]]'', joked that Kellogg's Corn Flakes were designed to prevent masturbation in young boys.
{{quote|'''[[Stephen Fry]]:''' Johnny Vegas, [[The Cuckoolander Was Right|take some points]]!"
'''Johnny Vegas:''' ''(surprised)'' "You're Joking!" }}
* The UK's Channel 4 attempted as series of documentaries under the banner "Wank Week". [[Moral Guardians|This was met with the inevitable response]].
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* Ska band Desorden Publico has a song, "Manuela", who is half [[Intercourse with You]], half this trope, down to the title (who is a transparent allusion to the way "Rosie Palms" is known in Spanish). To add controversy to the mix, part of the lyrics are taken from real letters that the Liberator Simon Bolivar sent to his lover Manuela Saenz.
* Mexican Hard Rock band Cuca also has a song called "Manuela". Translated loosely, the first verse has the singer bragging that because of his ...habit, he "is a being incapable of being manipulated, because he's self-sufficient, and even believes he's intelligent"
* There's an old Cuban song [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBnG5DVi4x0 "Manuela no me pelea"] ("Manuela doesn't fight with me"), about a man who lives a wonderful life because he can party late and his wife Manuela doesn't get mad and fight him. Anyone who doesn't get
* "Blister in the Sun", by Violent Femmes. ("Big Hands, I know you're the one...")
* "Pictures of Lily", by [[The Who]].
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* "She Bop" by Cyndi Lauper.
* "Touching Me Touching You" by Squeeze. "I'm always touching myself/ I've got nothing else to do/ And when I'm touching myself/ I'm always thinking about you...."
* "Fingers" and "U + Ur Hand" by [[
* "It's Only Me (the Wizard of Magicland)" by Barenaked Ladies.
* "Later Tonight" by the [[Pet Shop Boys]] is subtler than some examples here but still unambiguous.
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* [[The Decemberists]]' "[[Billy Liar]]." "[[Unusual Euphemism|Decked by a Japanese geisha with a garland of pearls]]," indeed.
* [[Bawdy Song]] "Masturbation", to the tune of "Alouette":
{{quote|''Masturbation, we like masturbation!
''Masturbation, we like to masturbate!
(leader) ''How I love to choke my chicken!
(response) ''How he loves to choke his chicken!
(l) ''Choke my chicken!
(r) ''Choke his chicken!
(l) ''Masturbate!
(r) ''Masturbate!
[Chorus]
''continue with "spank my monkey", "bash the bishop", "beat my meat", "jerk the Turk" et cetera ad nauseam. }}
* "Never Enough" by [[The Cure]].
* Subverted with "Jizz in my Pants" by [[The Lonely Island]].
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* [[Elton John]]'s "Jamaica Jerk-Off".
** More subtly, "Tiny Dancer in my hand..."
* Subverted by the video for [[Jessica Simpson]]'s song ''A Public Affair'', of all places. When Jessica and her hot friends come up to the counter to get their roller skates, the attendant reaches into his pocket and starts digging in his pants. Jessica and her friends are [[Squick
* "The Big 'M'" by Lust Control
* "Depuis que tu n'es plus là" by the French comedian Max Boublil sounds like a romantic song at first but it really is about masturbation. He even says that he is going to marry his right hand.
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* "You're Makin' Me High" by Toni Braxton is mostly [[Intercourse with You]], but the song begins with "I'll always think of you inside of my private thoughts/I can imagine you touching my private parts/With just the thought of you/I can't help but touch myself." It doesn't help that she starts moaning in the background towards the end of the song.
* Joan Jett's "I Still Dream About You" says "It's all I can do to keep my hands of my pie when I think about the things we've done."
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDafLJRLthM "Touch Yourself"] by [[Barnes & Barnes]] makes no bones about it:
{{quote|''Wouldn't it be wonderful
''If you were to touch yourself?
''I'd like to take a photograph
''Of you as you touch yourself.
''Why risk the danger of sex with a stranger
''When you can touch yourself?
''No one will tease you, you know how to please you,
''Go on and touch yourself.''}}
<!-- * [[Bob Rivers]]' "Caught Me One-Handed" (a parody of Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me") is filled with [[Unusual Euphemism]]s, told from the POV of a young lad caught by mama fantasising about the gal next door. This fits the sub-trope [[Caught with Your Pants Down]]. -->
=== Mythology ===
* In [[Egyptian Mythology]], this was how the world was ''created'', by the god Atum masturbating the universe into existence.
** It's even [[
* Speaking of Mythology, guess what [[Greek Mythology|Zeus]], his brother Poseidon and his son Hermes did simultaneously onto a bull skin in order to create the hero Orion.
** Most versions say they urinated into it, actually. The name Orion means "the urinated one"
* It's the very same god Hermes who, according to Diogenes, taught the trick to his son Pan pining for the nymph Echo, to relieve his suffering. Pan, in turn, learned the habit to the shepherds.
* An older name for masturbation, ''onanism'', comes from a misinterpretation of a passage in the Hebrew/Christian Bible [http://biblebrowser.com/genesis/38-9.htm book of Genesis], thus making the trope [[Older Than Dirt]]. The actual event mentioned was Onan having sex with his late brother's wife. (This was practiced to keep the dead person's line from dying out.) Not wanting to sire a child that would not have been considered his, he 'spilled his seed' (pulled out before climax) on the ground instead, and was stricken for his disrespect.
=== Professional Wrestling ===
* Referenced in a zing by [[CM Punk]] in his [[Mystery Science Theater 3000|MST3K]]-like commentary of ''[[World Wrestling Entertainment|WWE]] NXT'' Season 3 ([[Ms. Fanservice|the Rookie Divas season]]) during a promo challenge when one of the Divas talks about the old "view people in their underwear" public speaking trick.
{{quote|'''[[CM Punk]]''': You know, it's funny, [[Getting Crap Past the Radar|I'm actually not wearing pants, and that's how I watch NXT every week.]]}}
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=== Theatre ===
* ''[[Avenue Q
* ''[[Rent
* ''[[Me and My Dick]]'' unsurprisingly has this as it's about sexual organs. Joey and Dick try to masturbate in the opening scene even! Later Vanessa and Flopsy imply they're about to.
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** In ''[[Mass Effect 2]]'', there's a quarian on Ilium who mentions that she's had a neural stimulator (which "every responsible adult has") installed on her suit, capping off a background conversation about her breaking it off with her human boyfriend. Her turian friend (and probably the player) goes "[[Flat What|what]]" at this knowledge. Sadly, it's only ''then'' that they notice that you're listening in...
{{quote|'''Quarian:''' Ugh, excuse me human, private conversation?}}
** Tali's dossier in the Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC hints ''very'' strongly at
* In an optional (and hysterical) scene, [[Metal Gear Solid|Snake]] can call Otacon on his CODEC while playing... with his "Solid Snake" during the Tanker Mission. Raiden can be indirectly accused of doing this later.
** Snake's response removes all doubt. "You were watching?!"
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=== Web Comics ===
* ''[[PK Comic]]'' directly references this trope in [https://web.archive.org/web/20120720084234/http://www.pk-comic.com/comic0016.html this comic]
* The webcomic ''[[Sexy Losers]]'' had an entire storyline, "Mike's Left Hand", where the title character was a shameless, guiltless chronic masturbator. He even wrote books and taught classes on how to masturbate. His sister was later shown to be exactly the same way. Mike's roommate, unable to avoid him, steadily went insane (though he eventually recovered).
* ''[[Wonderella]]'' shows [http://nonadventures.com/2006/09/30/a-flash-of-despair/ here] that she'd rather play "''[[Hello Kitty]] The Home Game if you know what I mean''" than save the city from monsters and stuff.
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** Belkar also made an onanistic reference when one of his party-mates was turned into a female by a cursed belt. Upon seeing that character restored to his proper form, he asked where the hot chick had gone off to; when told that 'she would never be coming back,' he responded with "[[Squick|that's okay, I can always preserve the memory of her for when I'm... alone]]." Of course, he's merely trying to [[Squick]] out Roy, who he knows was the girl during a moment of [[Gender Bender]].
** [[Half-Human Hybrid|Therkla]] tells [[Spoony Bard|Elan]] that he's "Grade-A, lock-the-bathroom-door, 'No, Ma, I'm just taking a long shower,' fantasy material."
* The ''[[Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha]]'' [[Fan Web Comic]] by [http://www.entropymax.com Entropy Max], has another [[Gender Bender
* [[Questionable Content]] has a full [http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1378 story arc] about Dora helping Faye to tame her libido.
* ''[[Khaos Komix]]'': quickly mentionned with Amber and her [[Homoerotic Dream]] of Nay, more relevant to the plot is Alex's habit; he borderlines [[Asexuality]], except for his masturbation habit, which apparently takes precious time he could use playing videogames. ''[[Single-Target Sexuality|And then he meets Tom]]''
* Barry has a moment in [
* Ben from ''[[Loserz]]'', as mentioned in [https://web.archive.org/web/20101213151915/http://bukucomics.com/loserz/go/119 this strip].
* Graphically overheard in [http://wapsisquare.com/comic/me-time/ this] [[Wapsi Square]] comic.
* One of Davan's previous girlfriends in [[Something
* ''[[Girls with Slingshots]]'' has a very open view on masturbation, and treats it as normal behaviour. Several strips revolve around the female characters buying or using vibrators.
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* From [[The Professor Brothers]] song about JFK:
{{quote|And if he shook your hand, you'd make love with it for hours.}}
* [[The Onion]] News Network: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131117174754/http://www.theonion.com/video/americans-observing-911-by-trying-not-to-masturbat,14366/ Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not To Masturbate]"
* One of the constant complaints made by Los Hermanos, a member of the titular hero team in the ''[[Global Guardians PBEM Universe]]'', was that he felt an overwhelming urge to do this every time the team encountered Cheesecake, a supervillainess whose pheremone-based powers made her irresistable to all men, everywhere.
** Cheesecake couldn't turn Los Hermanos into a lovesick puppy as she did with every other male hero... all she could do was make him extremely uncomfortable.
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As well as, [http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/mumm-ra-is-mrs-mumbletipeg.html Mrs. Doubtfire meets Thundercats], which ended with the [[Caught with Your Pants Down]] bit.
When you wake up in the morning, what's the first thing that you see? It's your morning wood! "Hello, I'm Bruce Campbell, and I can't start my day by waxing my morning wood." }}
* Played with (heehee) in ''[[
{{quote|'''Ray Tracer:''' You blokes should try logging off. Relieves tension.}}
* ''[[Futurama]]'' has its moments of subtle implication, and other times not so subtle. Actually a pretty surprising amount for a show on FOX at that time.
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[[Category:Hand Tropes]]
[[Category:Older Than Feudalism]]
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