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{{trope}}
[[File:Hand Maiden.jpg|350px|thumbnail|Uh, [[Girlfriend in Canada|she's Canadian]]|link=http://spxcialneeds.deviantart.com/art/High-five-434808785|alt=a photo of a hand with the face of a girl drawn on the palm]]
{{quote|''
''When I think about you''
''I touch myself''
|'''[[Divinyls]]''', "I Touch Myself"}}
{{quote|"Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!"
|'''[[Woody Allen]]'''}}
Lots of people masturbate! It's nothing to be ashamed of
* It's aimed at or about teenagers (usually [[Played for Laughs]]) and the character is either a horny teenage boy, or another character, usually the parents, think that he's masturbating when he is very obviously ([[Innocent Innuendo|or sometimes not so obviously]]) ''not''.
* The character masturbating is [[Hollywood Dateless|sexually frustrated]], disturbed, perverted, or is a [[This Loser Is You|nerd/has no social life]].
* It's a military or a prison setting. The masturbation here would be explained by the shortage of women ([[Amazon Brigade|or men]]), boredom and loneliness. In some other cases (such as the infamous Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse case), it can be used as a form of psychological torture via personal humiliation. For obvious reasons, the latter case is '''heavily''' frowned down upon.
* In porn or erotica, it can be used for sexual titillation for the viewers. In hardcore porn, masturbation also tends to be used as a way for boys to ejaculate onto their partners after pulling out, as doing the latter right before an orgasm is incredibly difficult and extremely risky; there's no guaranteeing that the boy's semen won't end up in his partner or on their vulva/anus (which is enough for a girl to get pregnant or for the partner to contract an STD, regardless of gender), or that the boy won't end up contracting an STD himself from an accidental creampie. Note that while venereal disease tests are frequent in the porn industry, there have been multiple cases of pornstars getting pregnant or infected as the result of a faulty shoot. Pornographic examples of masturbation can either occur via a person stimulating themselves or by having a partner get them off; female masturbation tends to be depicted more often in porn both due to the larger amount of methods by which a girl can achieve sexual stimulation (rubbing, fingering, fisting, placing a vibrating object on the vulva [or the crotch area on the object if the latter is too large], or sticking a foreign object in the vagina) and due to the perception that most porn-watchers are heterosexual males. Male masturbation isn't too uncommon either, though in most heterosexually-oriented works the stimulation is provided by an accompanying girl (note that in cases such as this, the term "masturbation" is limited to the stimulation of the penis with the hand[s] or male sex toys, with oral and mammary sex being considered leagues of their own); the main exception to this is when a boy is intending to ejaculate soon, in which case solo masturbation is just as common as partner-performed masturbation.
Of course, there's a pretty valid reason why "normal" masturbation isn't depicted very often—it doesn't accomplish much. There aren't many ways that masturbation could advance the plot of a story, and because it's generally a solitary activity, there usually won't be any character interaction involved.
Also note that outside of pornography, male masturbation is used far more often than female... though that's not to say that female masturbation isn't given ''any'' attention in fiction (the "[[Rumpelstiltskin]]" tale supposedly had the [[Values Dissonance|original message]], "women who masturbate become infertile"). In older media, expect references to hairy palms and/or blindness, two widespread myths used to keep boys from masturbating, with keeping boys from masturbating being a major motive for [[Moral Guardians]] and their anti-porn crusades. ([[Blatant Lies|Of course, we have]] [[Outgrown Such Silly Superstitions]].)
And now, I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend [[Stealth Pun|Jill (Shakes hands)]].
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* [[Porn Stash]] - A character has a personal collection of pornography, and can usually be assumed to use it as an aid to masturbation.
* [[Poor Man's Porn]] - A character gets off to something not strictly intended to be used for that purpose.
* [[Self
Please move the following into the associated trope page.
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=== Literature ===
* Deenie, in the [[Judy Blume]] book of the same name, mentions touching her "special place" and wondering if that's why she developed scoliosis. Blume said that a principal banned the book from his school library, saying [[Girls Need Role Models|he might've allowed it]] [[Double Standard|if the character were a boy]].
* Similar passages in Blume's ''Then Again, Maybe I Won't'' have made the book a favorite target of censors. Or perhaps it's because of the boy protagonist's [[Naughty Birdwatching|nocturnal activities]].▼
▲Similar passages in Blume's ''Then Again, Maybe I Won't'' have made the book a favorite target of censors. Or perhaps it's because of the boy protagonist's [[Naughty Birdwatching|nocturnal activities]].
* In ''[[Tales of the Otori]]'', sexuality in general is given generally pragmatic treatment: occasionally it's an important part of the plot, but for the most part it's just in the background of the characters' lives. As such, masturbation is mentioned, but only... [[Incredibly Lame Pun|off-handedly]].
* ''Skinny'' has a rather [[squick]]y scene where a young girl masturbates while in the tub.
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* Sid from ''[[Skins]]'' is shown masturbating in the pilot episode, although it's debatable whether he falls into the 'nerdy loser' version of this trope. Knowing ''[[Skins]]'', there are probably definitely a million other *ahem* meetings with Rosie Palms within the show.
* In an episode of ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]'', Buffy herself alludes to masturbating to a friend in 5th grade. "I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'". Which she pretends to have not known what it meant at the time. Considering Willow and Tara "doing spells" together—well, they are into magic (and [[Les Yay|each other]]) - Xander says, "Sometimes I think about two girls doing a spell together... and then I go do a spell by myself."
** In season 7 Andrew has locked himself in the bathroom to edit his documentary on Buffy.▼
▲In season 7 Andrew has locked himself in the bathroom to edit his documentary on Buffy.
{{quote|'''Anya:''' For God's sakes, Andrew. You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?
'''Andrew:''' Entertaining and educating.
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'''Brian:''' Yeah, yeah! We're doing that thing, we're doing what you usually do on a Thursday afternoon!
'''Chris:''' Masturbate?
'''Brian:''' That's it, [[Embarrassing Cover Up|that's what we're going to do together]].
'''Chris:''' Well, maybe back to back, but I gotta tell you, I'm not 100% on this. }}
** In "Stewie Kills Lois", Meg brings a pack of hot dogs to her room, and says: "I'm gonna pretend you're the ''New York Knicks!''" Peter later mentions that he has to buy hot dogs because "we keep running out for some reason".
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== Examples with mental health and sexual frustration ==
▲=== Anime & Manga ===
* In ''[[Neon Genesis Evangelion|The End of Evangelion]]'', Shinji does this {{spoiler|[[Dude, She's Like, in a Coma|over Asuka's comatose body.]]}} With an indiscretion shot of his creamed hand... yeech!
** [[Precision F-Strike|"I'm so fucked up..."]]
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* ''[[Serial Experiments Lain]]'': Lain's friendship with Alice breaks down when one of the Lains spreads rumours around school that she likes to fantasize about a certain teacher while "playing with herself".
* In the beginning of ''[[Midori Days]]'', Seiji bemoans this being his fate, as his [[Badass]] Delinquent status actually seems to make it ''harder'' to get a girlfriend. He specifically says being stuck "with his right hand for a girlfriend", then it happens literally. Ironically, having Midori on his hand effectively ''prevents'' him from masturbating, as she throws out all his porn. A few chapters are dedicating to Seiji attempting to relieve the built-up pressure, but [[Failure Is the Only Option]].
* [[Ax Crazy]] Sako of ''[[Upotte!!]]'' gets ''far'' too turned on by the heat of battle in episode 5 and fondles her magic spot out of pleasure behind a tree. Moments later, she masturbates, with the stuff visibly dripping off her hand- er, if anthromorphized assault rifles actually can do that sort of thing.
===
* Mentioned several times in the comic series ''[[Y: The Last Man]]'' seeing as virtually the entire male population has died. One women casually mentions the difficulty of finding replacement AA batteries for vibrators, and titular last man Yorick tells of one extensive 'session' where the government installed open-air showers outside a hotel he was staying in.
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* ''[[Grand Theft Auto|Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas]]'' has a gag where one of the Brit junkies starts "having an appointment with Dr. Hans Jerkov" in Madd Dogg's studio.
** It's a sort of running gag—the guy is apparently addicted to it.
* In ''[[Fate/stay night]]'', one of the side effects of {{spoiler|Zouken's magical parasite worms}} on Sakura is increased sexual frustration, which she tries to cope with through masturbation. It doesn't work, but she [[Intimate Healing|moves on to Shirou]] [[Good People Have Good Sex|soon enough]]. Another is Shirou's erotic dream about Tohsaka in the same route. It's implied that this is something related to Rider and Sakura when we see Tohsaka's eyes, as they are the same as Rider's real ones. Also, he awakens with the same drained feeling as when Sakura has been leeching his magical energy. However, it's merely played as something to embarrass Shirou and never comes up again after talking to Tohsaka the next day.
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** Zii, watching all-male pornography while calling DiDi's name. She does not notice the contradiction there.
* There's a weird example (which isn't actually masturbation) in ''[[El Goonish Shive]]''. Elliot completely fails at fantasizing about women (Imaginary Bikini Model: I'm someone's daughter, you ''bastard''), which his girlfriend Sarah and her friend Susan discuss at length. Susan thinks he should be praised for his restraint, while Sarah thinks it isn't healthy.
{{quote|'''Sarah:''' Don't you remember [[Gender Bender|what its like being a teenage boy]]?
'''Susan:''' I try not to. }}
* In ''[[Jet Dream (webcomic)|Jet Dream]]'', while Marlene claims a lack of interest in romance of any sort after [[Gender Bender|her sex change]], she also makes several veiled references to using "the science of vibration" or her "Jet Dream Vibrostick" to deal with her new feminine urges.
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== Examples from Military Fiction ==
===
* In the ''[[Aliens vs. Predator]]'' comic book, a Marine left to guard the base is told there's some petroleum jelly in the supplies "in case he gets lonely".
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=== Live-Action TV ===
* Mentioned on several occasions but (unlike the [[Unusual Euphemism|frakking]]) never actually shown in
* This is briefly seen (with a [[Peek a Boo|wall as a censor bar]]) and interrupted in HBO's ''[[Generation Kill]]''.
** One of the episodes is named "Combat Jack" for the Marines' masturbating after the adrenaline rush of a firefight.
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== Miscellaneous Examples ==
=== Anime
* In the fourth episodes of the second season of [[Rozen Maiden]], the dolls said, that Jun is in the toilet, reading "magazines".
* The manga ''[[Onani Master Kurosawa]]''. In translation: Kurosawa, the Master of Masturbating.
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===
* During [[Neil Gaiman]]'s run on ''[[The Sandman]]'' in the early 90's, he was explicitly told by the editors that nobody masturbates in the DC Comics universe. In Gaiman's own words, "''actually, that explains a lot. That’s probably why the characters all dress in tight costumes and go around thumping the shit out of each other.''"
* The plot of the porn comic ''[[Small Favors]]'' opens with lesbian Annie being informed by an aspect of herself that she's exhausted her lifetime allotment of masturbation time. The photographic evidence supplied is a stack of photographs at least a foot tall... all of her masturbating at different times, all taken on ''the same day''.
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=== [[
* In the dreaded ''[[My Immortal]]'', Lupin is caught "masticating" in the bath to a video that he and Snape took of Ebony. Later on she says that he "MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)". ([[Ask a Stupid Question|Yes.]])
* The ''[[Neon Genesis Evangelion]]'' lemon fic ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3043801/1 A Glass Of Wine]'' has Asuka calming an anxious and embarrassed Hikari that "taking care of herself" will get rid of her wet dreams since such dreams are indicators that her brain is craving for an orgasm. Hikari is initially against the idea (no surprise there, knowing her character) until Asuka finishes the job herself. For the cast's most innocent girl.
{{quote|'''Asuka''': "Now if your smart you'll take doctor Soryu's prescription and apply liberally until the symptoms go away."}}
* ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3070350/1/Another_Mans_Cage
* A humourous fanfic by the creators of ''[[Bag Enders]]'' featured an adolescent Pippin being upset because his mother had told him kittens would die if he masturbated and he'd found a dead kitten in the garden and been convinced she was right. Merry gave him a kitten so he could watch it and stop if the kitten started looking ill to prove it wasn't true. Unfortunately, Pippin couldn't bring himself to do it with the kitten staring at him, so Merry ended up spending several evenings sitting in the next room and watching the kitten for him.
* The narrator in ''[http://fav.me/dd7ow55 Case of the Missing Technology]'' was bound to defied this when it comes to [[Mad Scientist|Monty]]. Considering what Monty [[Unwilling Roboticisation| done to]] [[Spice Girls|Melanie]], the narrator wasn't going to allow it.
=== Film ===
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{{quote|'''Zack Brown:''' How come you get to be all [[Buck Rogers]], having sex in the 25th century with Twiki and Dr. Theopolis, and I'm stuck with a bottle of Jergen's in the bathroom?
'''Miriam Linky:''' Holy Bejeesus, tell me you don't use my Jergen's to whack it in our bathroom.
'''Zack Brown:''' No, you know what I do? I light a bunch of candles, and I sprawl out on my sheets, and I listen to [[Sting (music)|Sting]]. No, I'm a guy. You give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy [[MacGyver]]! }}
* In ''Kinsey'', several people study a video of a woman masturbating to learn more about human sexuality.
* In ''[[Human Nature]]'', a man masturbates in front of another person, which is meant to show that he is unaware of society's taboos.
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'''Annie:''' Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
'''Alvy:''' Hey, don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love. }}
* A scene around the beginning of ''[[Harold
* ''[[Clerks]]'' had an elderly customer ask Dante for a restroom, some soft toilet paper, and a girlie magazine. It didn't end well.
* ''[[Clerks II]]'' had an inebriated {{spoiler|Elias}} turned on by {{spoiler|the donkey show}}. "I'm sorry, Jesus..."
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* Mother's Younger Brother does this in E.L. Doctorow's ''[[Ragtime]]''.
* Rabbit and his wife do this together in John Updike's ''Rabbit Redux''.
* "Guts", the infamous first story from ''[[Haunted
* A female example in the [[Night Huntress]] books. Cat is just beginning to accept her own sexuality. A few hours after making out with her love interest, she takes a bath and accidentally touches herself. Then she does it on purpose, and ''then'' she starts to get really into it.
* A weird version in ''[[The Red Tent]]''. In the time that the book takes place, when girls get their first period their female relatives have a ceremony for them and uses a goddess statue to break their hymen. The main character Dinah actually has an orgasm.
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* From a Hoedown on ''[[Whose Line Is It Anyway?|Whose Line Is It Anyway]]'':
{{quote|'''Drew:''' Let me tell you, ever since I was thirteen / You've given me the best lovin' that I've ever seen. / Let me tell ya something, that I know you can't stand / I've been cheating on you with my other hand!}}
* The title character of ''[[House (TV series)|House]]'' has on multiple occasions made snarky jokes about viewing porn in his office and masturbating. Given most of the walls are made of glass one hopes he is joking. Being that he's House, who knows.
** Appears to be true, and not just a House snark. At least we know from Cameron that he keeps his porn in the second desk drawer.
** There's also a rather squicky clinic scene where House deduces that a toddler's symptoms are result of this.
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* In ''[[How I Met Your Mother]]'', Marshall was worried about "reading a magazine" at work. Barney answered that he (Barney) "reads a magazine" several times at work. Barney was talking about masturbation, whereas Marshall was talking about taking a deuce at work.
** Also in chapter 13 of sixth series, he's asked to do it in order to get his sperm checked by a doctor. However, it becomes quite difficult to carry out...
* Johnny Vegas, on an episode of ''[[QI]]'', joked that Kellogg's Corn Flakes were designed to prevent masturbation in young boys.
{{quote|'''[[Stephen Fry]]:''' Johnny Vegas, [[The Cuckoolander Was Right|take some points]]!"
'''Johnny Vegas:''' ''(surprised)'' "You're Joking!" }}
* The UK's Channel 4 attempted as series of documentaries under the banner "Wank Week". [[Moral Guardians|This was met with the inevitable response]].
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* "She Bop" by Cyndi Lauper.
* "Touching Me Touching You" by Squeeze. "I'm always touching myself/ I've got nothing else to do/ And when I'm touching myself/ I'm always thinking about you...."
* "Fingers" and "U + Ur Hand" by [[
* "It's Only Me (the Wizard of Magicland)" by Barenaked Ladies.
* "Later Tonight" by the [[Pet Shop Boys]] is subtler than some examples here but still unambiguous.
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* [[The Decemberists]]' "[[Billy Liar]]." "[[Unusual Euphemism|Decked by a Japanese geisha with a garland of pearls]]," indeed.
* [[Bawdy Song]] "Masturbation", to the tune of "Alouette":
{{quote|''Masturbation, we like masturbation!
''Masturbation, we like to masturbate!
(leader) ''How I love to choke my chicken!
(response) ''How he loves to choke his chicken!
(l) ''Choke my chicken!
(r) ''Choke his chicken!
(l) ''Masturbate!
(r) ''Masturbate!
[Chorus]
''continue with "spank my monkey", "bash the bishop", "beat my meat", "jerk the Turk" et cetera ad nauseam. }}
* "Never Enough" by [[The Cure]].
* Subverted with "Jizz in my Pants" by [[The Lonely Island]].
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* "You're Makin' Me High" by Toni Braxton is mostly [[Intercourse with You]], but the song begins with "I'll always think of you inside of my private thoughts/I can imagine you touching my private parts/With just the thought of you/I can't help but touch myself." It doesn't help that she starts moaning in the background towards the end of the song.
* Joan Jett's "I Still Dream About You" says "It's all I can do to keep my hands of my pie when I think about the things we've done."
* [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDafLJRLthM "Touch Yourself"] by [[Barnes & Barnes]] makes no bones about it:
{{quote|''Wouldn't it be wonderful
''If you were to touch yourself?
''I'd like to take a photograph
''Of you as you touch yourself.
''Why risk the danger of sex with a stranger
''When you can touch yourself?
''No one will tease you, you know how to please you,
''Go on and touch yourself.''}}
<!-- * [[Bob Rivers]]' "Caught Me One-Handed" (a parody of Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me") is filled with [[Unusual Euphemism]]s, told from the POV of a young lad caught by mama fantasising about the gal next door. This fits the sub-trope [[Caught with Your Pants Down]]. -->
=== Mythology ===
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=== Professional Wrestling ===
* Referenced in a zing by [[CM Punk]] in his [[Mystery Science Theater 3000|MST3K]]-like commentary of ''[[World Wrestling Entertainment|WWE]] NXT'' Season 3 ([[Ms. Fanservice|the Rookie Divas season]]) during a promo challenge when one of the Divas talks about the old "view people in their underwear" public speaking trick.
{{quote|'''[[CM Punk]]''': You know, it's funny, [[Getting Crap Past the Radar|I'm actually not wearing pants, and that's how I watch NXT every week.]]}}
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=== Theatre ===
* ''[[Avenue Q
* ''[[Rent
* ''[[Me and My Dick]]'' unsurprisingly has this as it's about sexual organs. Joey and Dick try to masturbate in the opening scene even! Later Vanessa and Flopsy imply they're about to.
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=== Web Comics ===
* ''[[PK Comic]]'' directly references this trope in [https://web.archive.org/web/20120720084234/http://www.pk-comic.com/comic0016.html this comic]
* The webcomic ''[[Sexy Losers]]'' had an entire storyline, "Mike's Left Hand", where the title character was a shameless, guiltless chronic masturbator. He even wrote books and taught classes on how to masturbate. His sister was later shown to be exactly the same way. Mike's roommate, unable to avoid him, steadily went insane (though he eventually recovered).
* ''[[Wonderella]]'' shows [http://nonadventures.com/2006/09/30/a-flash-of-despair/ here] that she'd rather play "''[[Hello Kitty]] The Home Game if you know what I mean''" than save the city from monsters and stuff.
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* [[Questionable Content]] has a full [http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1378 story arc] about Dora helping Faye to tame her libido.
* ''[[Khaos Komix]]'': quickly mentionned with Amber and her [[Homoerotic Dream]] of Nay, more relevant to the plot is Alex's habit; he borderlines [[Asexuality]], except for his masturbation habit, which apparently takes precious time he could use playing videogames. ''[[Single-Target Sexuality|And then he meets Tom]]''
* Barry has a moment in [
* Ben from ''[[Loserz]]'', as mentioned in [https://web.archive.org/web/20101213151915/http://bukucomics.com/loserz/go/119 this strip].
* Graphically overheard in [http://wapsisquare.com/comic/me-time/ this] [[Wapsi Square]] comic.
* One of Davan's previous girlfriends in [[Something
* ''[[Girls with Slingshots]]'' has a very open view on masturbation, and treats it as normal behaviour. Several strips revolve around the female characters buying or using vibrators.
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* From [[The Professor Brothers]] song about JFK:
{{quote|And if he shook your hand, you'd make love with it for hours.}}
* [[The Onion]] News Network: "[https://web.archive.org/web/20131117174754/http://www.theonion.com/video/americans-observing-911-by-trying-not-to-masturbat,14366/ Americans Observing 9/11 By Trying Not To Masturbate]"
* One of the constant complaints made by Los Hermanos, a member of the titular hero team in the ''[[Global Guardians PBEM Universe]]'', was that he felt an overwhelming urge to do this every time the team encountered Cheesecake, a supervillainess whose pheremone-based powers made her irresistable to all men, everywhere.
** Cheesecake couldn't turn Los Hermanos into a lovesick puppy as she did with every other male hero... all she could do was make him extremely uncomfortable.
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As well as, [http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/mumm-ra-is-mrs-mumbletipeg.html Mrs. Doubtfire meets Thundercats], which ended with the [[Caught with Your Pants Down]] bit.
When you wake up in the morning, what's the first thing that you see? It's your morning wood! "Hello, I'm Bruce Campbell, and I can't start my day by waxing my morning wood." }}
* Played with (heehee) in ''[[
{{quote|'''Ray Tracer:''' You blokes should try logging off. Relieves tension.}}
* ''[[Futurama]]'' has its moments of subtle implication, and other times not so subtle. Actually a pretty surprising amount for a show on FOX at that time.
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[[Category:Hand Tropes]]
[[Category:Older Than Feudalism]]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Date with Rosie Palms, A}}
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