Achievement Unlocked: Difference between revisions

''Yes you, the player: [[This Loser Is You|A lowly blue elephant]] [[In a World]] [[Desperately Looking for a Purpose In Life|that has no defining purpose.]] [[Determinator|But you will create a purpose,]] [[Beyond the Impossible|and that purpose is to do the unthinkable.]] The extraordinary. The tasks that few have thought to achieve. [[Bizarrchitecture|The world you struggle in pushes back with tremendously nonsensical squares and launchers...]] [[Expansion Pack|coins that pay for things]] [[Allegedly Free Game|you would only imagine should have been free to begin with.]] [[Spikes of Doom|Spikes will be hellbent in causing your demise.]] [[Nintendo Hard|This will not be easy.]] And while the road of purposelessness will be overbearing you will succeed. You know why?''<br />

''[[Because Destiny Says So|Because it's]] [[Call to Adventure|your destiny.]]''<br />

''[[Welcome to Hell|Welcome to metagaming hell.]]''<br />

''[[Gotta Catch Them All|I have collected 250 individual achievements.]]''<br />

''I was never obligated to finish the achievements given to me. So much time has elapsed... I could have baked a pizza, went for a run, helped my sister move her apartment across town... but instead I sat here.''<br />

''I SAT.''<br />

''Here I sat, pushing the arrow keys, moving a little 20 pixel elephant around a screen doing fairly random tasks. First I was getting rewarded for no particular reason; soon after, I started to earn achievements on my own accord. By the end, I became [[The Master]]. I won.''<br />

''I WON.''<br />

''I played Row Row Row Your Boat. I ran in a giant hamster wheel. I even pooped a pastry. [[It Makes Sense in Context|In the end, it all made sense.]] I needed to achieve. I needed to win. And even though I got there with a bit of stress, time-wasting, and lack of diginity, I achieved what few have ever done.''<br />

''I CONQUERED.''<br />

''[[A Winner Is You|Congratulations player. YOU HAVE DONE IT.]]''<br />