Agents of Cracked: Difference between revisions

''D.O.B'': (reaches towards Micheal before recoiling)

''Swaim'': (Holding a ''very'' large butcher's knife) Ah! It was a knife...the ''whole'' time... }}

* [[Badass]]: The Chief. Apparently he rides a triceratops to work and drinks tiger blood milkshakes.

** FOR BREAKFAST!

* {{spoiler|[[Your Head Asplode]]: The function of Dan's 'Failsafe Device'. Apparantly it's not lethal.}} This may be due to Michael's apparent immortality, as he later claims that if Dan kills him, he'll come back 'so hard'. Later, this is revealed to be because {{spoiler|he's a demigod}}

* [[Wham! Episode]]: Ohai finale! Where should we begin? Well the Chief turns out to be {{spoiler|Cody}}, who is also {{spoiler|[[Luke, I Am Your Father|Michael's father]].}} Because {{spoiler|the Chief is part of a ancient order of demigods}}, and {{spoiler|Michael is too "retarded as balls" to be his offspring}}, {{spoiler|the order would want Michael killed if they found out.}} After all, {{spoiler|"you can't have a retarded demigod running around."}} So the Chief {{spoiler|created Cracked as a way to keep Michael occupied and hide him from the other chiefs.}} In other news, Cracked's rival Broked is staffed by {{spoiler|clones of the Cracked staff (oh yeah, the Chief also created cloning)}}, the articles and videos on Cracked.com are {{spoiler|encoded with the ultimate truths about the nature of life, the universe and everything, which can be decoded (or, if you will, "cracked") by anyone who reads every single article and buys the right merchandise}} and T-Bone {{spoiler|(and B-Tone)}} are {{spoiler|robots reprogrammed by the other chiefs to kill Dan and Michael}}. So of course, {{spoiler|Dan and Michael fake their own deaths}}, and they all live happily ever after. Am I missing something? Oh, yeah, {{spoiler|Dan turns out to have [[Ho Yay|been in love with Michael all along.]]}} All this in 12 minutes and 40 seconds. Whew.

{{quote|'''Sarge''': "So, what are you gonna do with the site now that it has no other purpose than as a repository for dick jokes?"

'''Chief''': "I don't know. Sell some hats?" }}