All the Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows: Difference between revisions

** I will always use protection, and all the harem members will be on the pill. The last thing I need is bastard offspring trying to kill me and take my place. Or syphilis. That's no fun, either.

** Better yet - I just [[Take a Third Option|won't have a harem at all.]] Anything that requires this much effort to keep safe just isn't worth it.

*** If I need women that badly, I will just buy Pay-Per-View, or if such technology does not exist, a "Gold Pass" to the local Brothel (Preferably one on the payroll, or at least one who keeps track of who's working for them). They won't want one of their prime customers dead, and I will enter and leave while disguised.

** If I need to have a harem, for whatever reason, I will hire a mix of those aforementioned hot amazons (doubling as bodyguards) and regular prostitutes. They still would be required to occasionally have (protected) sex with me, but they will be allowed to come and go as they please, sleep otherwise with whoever they like (in secret), get lavished with gifts, and most importantly, their families will be well taken care of. Helping their sickly little sisters become healthy will be the real loyalty winners. The baubles will just be bonuses.

* I will make sure to have ''two'' dining halls, and only rig one like this. Having something like this happen to my trusted lieutenant just because I'm paranoid and he forgot which seat it was isn't just a setback, it's bloody ''embarrassing''.

* My jail/prison/dungeon/gulag will be as far away from my primary base as physically possible. The base will have cells for temporary confinement, but all prisoners will be transferred to the main dungeon as quickly as possible. Their equipment will be sent to a different facility, preferably at least 20 miles or more from the prison.

* All of my [[Meido|maids]] will be [[Hot Amazon|hot]] [[Ninja Maid]]s. They will be treated well and given plenty of downtime, but will act as if they were enslaved. That way, when the hero inevitably tries to free them from my 'oppression', they will kill him before he knows what happened. Additionally, if they desire companionship beyond me, I shall encourage them to form a happy relationship with [[Bishounen]] [[Battle Butler]]s who are in a similar position. This way, I can also counter any potential female heroes and [[Action Girl]]s.

** As an added bonus, if Evil Overlording proves not to be my style, this will allow me to seamlessly reinvent myself as a harem anime protagonist.

* I will not rape anyone, ever. Doing so is a [[Moral Event Horizon|one-way ticket]] to a [[Karmic Death]], and those are ''never'' pleasant. Besides, if I want to be a competent overlord, I have to be able to control my desires.

** I will not tolerate rape on the part of any of my subordinates. Anyone caught doing so will be executed. [[Stuffed in A Fridge|Brutally]], [[Bloody Hilarious|slowly]], and [[Forced to Watch|in full view of the public.]] I mean, like ''horribly''. What's [[Rumble in The Bronx|that movie where someone gets stuffed into a woodchipper]]? Like that, only worse.

* If I have a wife, girlfriend, or significant other, I will remain faithful. The wrath of a [[Woman Scorned]] is probably the most powerful force in the universe (or at least right up there), and I'd rather not face it. I'm not having my plans shot to hell because I couldn't keep my pants on.

* If things between the wife and me go sour, I'll do my best to end things amicably and leave her with a decent alimony, to make her less tempted to help the hero. Or just quietly kill her.

** Or I will offer a raise for guards if they volunteer to become eunuchs (or for women whatever the female version is). Not only will it remove the want to chase tail but it also helps built muscle to kick tail instead. I will remember steers are stronger and bigger than bulls because "they focus on grass instead of ass".

** Alternately, I will ensure that my guards are provided with the opportunity to regularly visit brothels, or return home on leave to their significant others. After all, a sexually satisfied guard is less likely to fall for the hero(ine)'s charms.

** Or I will combine the best features of the above two plans by researching suppressant drugs that render the subject biochemically incapable of sexual arousal, but which have no harmful side effects and wear off soon after you stop taking your daily dose. Elite Guards who are on duty in 'essential areas' will be required to ingest daily as a condition of volunteering for elite service and will be randomly screened for compliance. Elite Guards will also be granted relatively generous shore leave periods where they not only can stop taking their pills but also get opportunities to visit aforementioned significant others or brothels, as an additional incentive to volunteer for this duty in the first place.

* I could just use robots, of course. But make sure that the robots are ''actually'' robots, and don't [[Do Androids Dream?|dream]]. And I'll make sure they can't be reprogrammed without retinal clearance from my top roboticist, my head of security, and myself.

* I will put my most sensitive information in an obscure format only readable by my own software, [[Hidden in Plain Sight]] as a derelict terminal not connected to the Network and without any external ports or removable disc drives whatsoever, placed somewhere where no-one will bother to look for it, such as a museum.

** I will, along with this, make sure that the said terminal is readily accessible to myself and whoever must be in on it by the Need to Know Basis' requirements, and in a way that will not attract attention. Me and/or my trusted lieutenants paying visits to nondescript terminals will have great significance to the hero, as it signals that the nondescript terminal in question has some significance to me.

* I will not listen to the princess/heroine/love interest when she says [[The Scarpia Ultimatum|she'll marry me if only I spare the hero's life.]] The fact that she was not willing to entertain the idea when his life was ''not'' on the line suggests her priorities are elsewhere.

* I will have him executed out of her sight, dress up a similar looking minion dress up in his clothes, "release" the minion in front of her, and marry her.

* Although it's normally standard policy to remind myself that there are lots of other women in the world, I must consider the possibility that she may be a princess and I could need her politically. Under these circumstances, I will instead marry whichever heir is the weakest of will, regardless of her personal appearances. Nobody ever said I had to be faithful.

* I will strike a happy compromise. She might be [[Beautiful All Along]], and/or end up aiding the heroes, if I am unfaithful. Even if she does not, she may conveniently take me out after my utter defeat, which should not happen if I have read this list. Or it might be in my moment of triumph.

* I will not keep a gigantic, man-eating beast that is likely to eat just anyone who happens to dump into its moat or dungeon. If it can't be trained into never trying to eat ''me'', it's not worth the risk.

* When a noble hero convinces another, less noble hero not to kill me, it is not the right time for me to push my luck. In a situation like that, I will not mock them for being so naive and promise that eventually I'll kill them both. Instead, I will act humble and remorseful for as long as they've got me dead to rights.

* I will not suddenly start acting evil again once they've no longer got me, either. I will at least wait until they're out of both sight and earshot.

* If I hear a suspicious sound coming from somewhere in my fortress or just outside my camp, I will send out three henchmen to investigate: one in the direction from which the sound was coming, two in the opposite direction.

* I will strive to avoid healing techniques that drain life from one person to heal another. It will only be considered if I have condemned criminals for execution; let their wasted lives be spent to save others.

* I will encourage my soldiers to bring their children to work. The children will learn from common mistakes that are made, and be more likely to work as soldiers. Also, the hero will be less likely to attack my soldiers, in fear that they might hit a child, or leave a child without a father or mother. Also, children could make good back-up soldiers, due to their [[Infant Immortality|surprising resistance to bullets and cuts.]]

* I will make the first Friday of every month "Funny Hat Day". Not only will it raise morale of my Legions of Evil but the hero will think twice about [[Dressing as the Enemy|posing as one of them]] when they have to wear a hat made out of fake fruit.

** I will also grant rewards for the funniest hats. Forcing my minions to humiliate themselves is not good for morale.