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Line 23:
* Freeman's priceless safety "revelation:"
{{quote| '''Black Mesa P.A.:''' In the event of an emergency . . . please stay away from electrified rails, and proceed to an emergency station until assistance arrives.<br />
'''Freeman:''' Man, how dumb would you have to be? I mean, they're not going to say something like that unless somebody's already tried to do it, right? I guess if I was drunk enough I might climb out the window here and pull some hang-time on the electrified tram rail. That kind of reminds me of the squirrel that got caught between the power lines one day back at [
* "Man, are they still talking about hiring? I guess my cousin Jesse needs a job... If only he wasn't a sex offender, it'd be so much easier to find something for him."
* [''Sees a cargo robot ahead of the tram''] "Woah... '''WE'RE GONNA CRASH!''' ...Oh good, it stopped."
* [''seeing a radioactive spill''] "Hey, what's that green crap? What is this?! ''Jesus Christ'', look at this place! This is a disaster! That's gotta be toxic. God, the [
* "Yeah, ya know what? I don't even ''care'' any more. By the time I get suited up I'm gonna be over ''an hour late.'' I figure I'm either fired, or I'm not."
== Episode 2 ==
* [''Stops outside an office''] "Wait a minute... Did I see what I think I did? [''enters lab, looks at whiteboard''] Yep, I sure did. [
** [''walking into the "computer lab" for the first time''] "TURN DOWN THE MUSIC, YOU FRIGGIN' [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bass-head BASS-HEADS!] IT SOUNDS LIKE A STRIP CLUB IN HERE! GOD DAMN! LET'S GET SOME DANCING GIRLS IN CAGES, WHY DON'T YOU?! GOOD LORD!" [''walks out''] "Man! Programmers...who knows what they're doing in there! They're gonna go deaf by the end of the year at that rate. Next time I have to go in there, I'll bring some ear protection!"
{{quote| (The song is [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjj9umuLn0w&feature=related Power Plant] from ''[[One Must Fall]].'' There may even be a few [[YouTube]] videos of the song without comments quoting the above.)}}
* "Man, my voice falls on deaf ears... I wonder if [
* The H.E.V. Notification System:
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' [''donning his HEV suit''] Oh, come on! Now somebody's taken my helmet! [''[[Beat]]''] Ah, screw it... [[Tempting Fate|I probably won't need it anyway.]]<br />
Line 53:
* When two scientists use Retinal Scanners to open the Test Chamber for Dr. Freeman:
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' Ahh, [[Hell Is That Sound|stop that noise!]] I hate that! It reminds me of that dream I have where I'm strapped to a gurney watching [[Fraggle Rock]] with flashing lights on either side of me, then I realize: I'm in Hell! It's all crap anyway. The only reason they we have those scanners is because they caught me playing racquet ball in here once. }}
* "I like climbing things. It appeals to my simian instincts. And also, makes me regret how I have no tail. Damn my genes; [[Shout
* Times like this, I remember why I became a physicist: to show anti-matter particles WHO'S BOSS! YEAH!!
* Man, I hope we get some good readings today; depending on what we find, we might just disprove [
* This is a ''[[Science Is Bad|bad experiment!]]'' We are ''[[Morally-Ambiguous Doctorate|bad people!]]'' [[My God, What Have I Done?|Why did we usher forth]] the ''[[Apocalypse How|green apocalypse?!]]''
{{quote| What happened? Where am I? Am I dead? I don't feel dead...but how would I know?!...If this is what it's like to be dead, then being dead ''sucks!''<br />
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*** "Oh, good. more blood! I was starting to get worried! God, what happened? This guy looks like he got hit by a steamroller!"
* Upon discovering the entry door to the Sector is locked:
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' "Oh, you've ''got'' to be shitting me. I'm gonna sue the hell out of Black Mesa when I get out of here! Locking your workers in? That's what the [
* That's how I say "Open Sesame"... with a crowbar to the face!
* Trying to save a scientist:
Line 89:
'''Freeman:''' No, your ''other'' hand, you idiot!<br />
[''later'']<br />
'''Freeman:''' "Why does everyone have to keep dying on me? Is it really so hard to just not die? I mean, look at me! I was in the chamber at freaking ground zero and I'm still here! Yet you guys slip on a banana peel and that's it! Ugh. [
* Freeman contemplating whether or not the Programmers were killed by the aliens, or simply "raved themselves to death."
** {{smallcaps|"Escape From Techno Hell!"}}
Line 185:
[''Shoots a Bullsquid'']<br />
'''Freeman:''' Man, now I'm almost out of bullets. Are you happy? I'm not! You know what? You can stay in the corner. You've earned it. I'm gonna come back with a dunce cap for you, and you're gonna wear it! }}
* "I'm probably carrying a few blood-borne diseases on my suit. I'm a walking [
* '''"I'M NOT A GERBIL!"'''
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* This exchange:
{{quote| '''Scientist:''' Do you know who ate all the doughnuts?<br />
'''Freeman:''' No! Do you know if [
* "See, the quality of my life is going straight up now that I have a shotgun."
* "Beep."
Line 267:
== Episode 15 ==
* "Unlike my colleagues, I have a tendency to stay alive. Since this morning, I've been [[Man Bites Man|bitten]], [[Only a Flesh Wound|shot]], [[Fiery Coverup|bombed]], [[Shock and Awe|electrocuted]], [[Super Drowning Skills|almost drowned]], [[Not the Fall That Kills You|almost fallen to my death]], and [[Neck Lift|strangled]]. [
* Gordon is crawling through pipes, rambling about how awesome it would be to have pneumatic pipes connecting his house to a liquor store. This being Gordon, he's going over all this in a fairly serious voice, and it's pretty funny. What makes it hilarious is when he pops out to jump into another pipe, says "I'm a gopher!" perkily, then continues his liquor store warp tube monologue as if nothing happened.
* On the subject of radiation:
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== Episode 16 ==
* "That's right; I bang, you bang, we all bang together..."
* Freeman contemplates [
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' What was that Nietzsche said? 'He who fights drummers should see to it that in the process he does not himself become a drummer'? Or was it monsters?<br />
[''later'']<br />
Line 342:
== Episode 22 ==
* "I'm not going to deal with this now. It's like the classic debate of [
* "Man, if I get indicted once I leave here, this is getting harder and harder to explain. I don't think anyone's gonna buy a few dozen counts of self-defense with a submachine gun. I think there's kind of an unspoken rule in our society that if [[Everything Trying to Kill You|this many people are trying to kill you, you're supposed to be dead.]] I need to talk to an attorney. Maybe there's some sort of [[First Blood|Rambo]] clause. But wait, Rambo goes to prison after the first movie. Fuck!"
* Freeman working on the Generator:
Line 388:
* Yet another sanity slip:
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' "I bet we have gnomes down there mining precious metals and gems. I want a gnome[...]I'd put my gnome in a cage and feed him granola. I think they'd eat that. Ah, who am I kidding, if the aliens got down there, they'd have eaten them all by now anyway. Gnomes are small. Wait, are gnomes even real?"}}
* You know, some people might argue [[Accentuate the Negative|I'm only focusing on the negative]], but I think that's because I can't think of one thing today anyone else has done right. All anyone has been doing today has been [[Die, Chair, Die!|breaking things]], [[You Can Panic Now|running around screaming]], [[Unfriendly Fire|shooting the wrong people]], or [[Too Dumb to Live|dying]]. I mean, what am I supposed to say to people? [[Sarcasm Mode|"Wow, you sure did a good job falling down that elevator shaft!" Or "Way to lock yourself inside the freezer! I'm so proud of you."]]
* Okay, I see an alien and a dead body. I can put one and one together. [''Shoots at the bullsquid''] Actually, that's one and negative one. [''Shoots again, killing it''] Now it's negative two, and me. But wait, wouldn't I be number one? I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. See, this is why you have to define your terms. If you don't, people die.
* Everybody's lost except for me!
* A possible [[The Spoony Experiment (Web Video)|Spoony Experiment]] [[Shout
== Episode 27 ==
Line 412:
== Episode 29 ==
* "I ''HAVE'' TO BLOW EVERYTHING UP!!! IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO PROVE I'M NOT CRAZY!!!"
* [
* "THOSE WEREN'T FIRECRACKERS!"
* "Is my education on electromagnetism wrong, or is the WORLD wrong...?"
Line 440:
* "I just thought of a paradox: maybe the ''more'' people I kill, the ''less'' likely it is that they'll blame it all on me! I mean, one guy killing five or ten people? Sure. But can they really pin dozens, and dozens, of armed military personnel on me?"
** "Anyway, my background doesn't fit the profile: No military training, never fired a gun, acquitted for petty theft, not a member of any extremist organizations, has a [[PHD]] in theoretical physics. [[Sarcasm Mode|Yeah, that sounds like our man!]]"
*** "Who're some other spree killers? [
* "Witnessing a zombie eating a soldiers dead body:
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' Ew, that's gross... Hey! get a room you two! [''shoots the zombie repeatedly''] This is a ''family'' missile silo. [''approaches the soldiers body''] I have nothing more to say to you."}}
* Back to his earlier train of thought:
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' "Who else...[
== Episode 32 ==
Line 466:
== Episode 34 ==
* The Freezer Room.
* "[[Shout
* Contemplating who shot a random guard he was talking to:
{{quote| '''Freeman:''' "Maybe the problem just went away... Maybe I just willed it out of existence... Maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."}}
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