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{{tropework}}
{{quote| ''I'm assigned to three different Japanese middle schools. The grade levels are ichinensei, <brninensei, and sannensei. These translate to "1st years," "2nd years," and "3rd years," and are equivalent to American 7-9th grades. So the kids are about 12-15 years old. The ichinensei are just beginning to learn English. So this means they know nothing. Well, they know "Good Morning" and "I go to school by bike" but that's about it. Some of them don't even know that. />}}
ninensei, and sannensei. These translate to "1st years," "2nd years," and "3rd years," and are<br />
equivalent to American 7-9th grades. So the kids are about 12-15 years old. The ichinensei are <br />
just beginning to learn English. So this means they know nothing. Well, they know "Good <br />
Morning" and "I go to school by bike" but that's about it. Some of them don't even know that. }}
 
{{quote| ''You know what's kind of funny though? Some kids can't yet say "Good morning" but damn near all <brof them can ask if I have a big dick. Or "bigu dikku" in Engrish. />}}
of them can ask if I have a big dick. Or "bigu dikku" in Engrish. }}
 
Gaijin <s>Smash</s> [https://web.archive.org/web/20131108161654/http://gaijinchronicles.com/ Chronicles] is the story of Jeffrey "Azrael" Windham, an African-American who moved to Japan as part of the JET teacher exchange program. It originally started as a blog called ''I Am A Japanese Schoolteacher'', about his experiences teaching English at two middle schools in a Japanese town, but has since moved to its own domain and going further into his experiences as a foreigner in the Land of the Rising Sun, even after he moved on from that job.
 
The term Gaijin Smash is about the "ability" foreigners--especially ''large'' foreigners--in Japan seem to have that allows them to often ignore certain customs (and at one point, jump a train turnstile without paying) through sheer force of will and/or [[Refuge in Audacity]] (doubly so for Az, given that he's seen as a [[Scary Black Man]] by default). In other words, a weaponized form of [[Eagle Land]].
 
In June 2010, the blog switched names to the "Gaijin Chronicles".
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=== Gaijin Smash provides examples of: ===
 
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{{tropelist}}
* [[Arch Enemy]]: "Watson". Kid spends three years of his junior high school life pretty much constantly attacking Az's butt/penis whenever possible; when Az questions him on this, he responds "Honestly, does it even matter at this point?"
* [[Ass Shove]]: Kancho.
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* [[Cuteness Proximity]]
* [[Dirty Old Woman]]
* [[Funny Foreigner]]: As of November 2009 Az has done some sketch comedies on Japanese programs that require one of these.
* [[Groin Attack]]: It's bad enough that Az's kids have heard of the "black guys/big penises" stereotype. At least a couple of the more adventurous ones try to ''grab'' his trouser snake.
* [[Hospital Hottie]]: [[Exactly What It Says Onon the Tin|Hot Nurse]].
* [[Hot Dad]]: One of Az's female coworkers testified that she couldn't look Ultimate Sweetness's father (see [[I'm Taking Her Home Withwith Me]] below) in the eyes without getting all faint in the knees. Said father is also a [[The Ace|national-level judo champion and built his family's house himself]]. [https://web.archive.org/web/20110710180911/http://www.outpostnine.com/gaijin_smash/2007/02/speech-contest.html Az comments on how impossible their family sounds.]
* [[Kawaiiko]]: Ultimate Sweeetness. Az claims it's something like [[EverythingsEverything's Better Withwith Penguins|penguin-suit]] [[Azumanga Daioh (Manga)|Chiyo-chan]], times ten.
* [[I'm Taking Her Home Withwith Me]]: Az [https://web.archive.org/web/20120525120824/http://www.outpostnine.com/gaijin_smash/2005/08/the-light-and-darkside-of-the-force.html jokes] that one of his students is so adorable he'd want to kidnap her. Fortunately his fellow teachers don't take it too seriously, he even comments that if he did, the police would just find them having a tea party and nothing else.
* [[It Makes Sense in Context]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20131005114450/http://gaijinchronicles.com/2005/03/21/requiem-for-a-legacy-part-1/ "You are a 12-year-old Japanese boy being held] ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20131005114450/http://gaijinchronicles.com/2005/03/21/requiem-for-a-legacy-part-1/ off the ground]'' [https://web.archive.org/web/20131005114450/http://gaijinchronicles.com/2005/03/21/requiem-for-a-legacy-part-1/ by a large black man who is bound and determined to penetrate your ass."]
* [[Likes Older Women]]: Azrael.
* [[Marshmallow Hell]]: Az [https://web.archive.org/web/20120419020614/http://www.outpostnine.com/gaijin_smash/2005/03/you-will-love-me.html gets one of these] from behind from one of his 15-year-old students. Unfortunately, he makes the mistake of turning his head to see what's pressed up against it.
* [[Meganekko]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20120111090116/http://outpostnine.com/editorials/picture2.html Ms. Americanized] is a subversion. She ''looks'' like a Meganekko, but she's pretty much the opposite of a [[Shrinking Violet]], having gained her nickname in part from being outspoken and vulgar even by American standards.
* [[Never Mess Withwith Granny]]: Many, many examples. According to Az, they are the most powerful force in Japan. Especially if that Mount Fuji story is anything to go by.
* [[Nice Guy]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20120312010000/http://outpostnine.com/editorials/niceguy.html Well...]
* [[The Nicknamer]]: Az himself. See [[Only Known Byby Their Nickname]]. His real first name is known (it's Jeff), but almost never used.
* [["Not Making This Up" Disclaimer]]: You could almost make a drinking game out of it, though usually reserved for "Japan's weird did you know that?" entries.
* [[Not What It Looks Like]]: The pic in [http://www.outpostnine.com/gaijin_smash/2005/03/graduation.html this article], taken with the same girl from the [[Marshmallow Hell]] incident above.
* [[Occidental Otaku]]: Subverted; Azrael had/has some otaku-ish interests, but he either grew out of them or has to be discreet about them. At one point (after getting married), he mentions that he has to sneak out of the house to see the ''[[Neon Genesis Evangelion|Rebuild of Evangelion]]'' movies.
* [[Only Known Byby Their Nickname]]: With the exception of Moeko, pretty much everybody, for anonymity's sake.
* [[Overprotective Dad]]: Ever since finding out he will be having a daughter, Az has been figuring out how to smuggle rocket launchers into Japan just in case.
* [[Platonic Life Partners]]: Several readers [[Shipping|insisted that Az hook up]] with [[Ensemble Darkhorse|Ms. Americanized]], to the point that he had to [[No Hugging, No Kissing|specifically tell them not to]] (besides, she was already dating someone else).
* [[Romantic Two -Girl Friendship]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20120525120928/http://www.outpostnine.com/gaijin_smash/2005/11/just-another-wednesday.html Ultimate Sweetness and her best friend.]
* [[Take Our Word for It]]: "The Octopus."
* [[Scary Black Man]]: How quite a few Japanese people react to Azrael (especially kids), he occasionally uses it to his advantage.
* [[Very Special Episode]]: [https://web.archive.org/web/20130316075105/http://gaijinchronicles.com/2006/12/12/bullying-another-look/ Bullying Chapter.]
* [[Worthy Opponent]]: [http://www.gaijinsmash.net/upload/2006/08/graduation_anon.jpg Good luck, kid.]
 
{{reflist}}
[[Category:Sandbox (New Media)]]
[[Category:Gaijin Smash]]
[[Category:TropeNew Media]]
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