Groin Attack/Real Life: Difference between revisions

** Another guy blew off his nuts with a BB gun.

** A drunken man once tried to have sex with a raccoon. Let's just say ''teeth'' were involved.

** A couple guys used a shotgun shell to keep their car running when one of their spark plugs failed. Naturally, it went off, hit the driver in one of his testicles, caused him to lose control of the vehicle and resulted in a fatal crash.

* Liverpool defender Phil Babb taking a goalpost to the nads is one of ''the'' most recycled clips on football blooper shows.

** ''"The impact will lift the enemy off the ground."''

* A popular prank in real life:

Did you know I got a job at the airport? Oh yeah, what do you do? Check Baggage! (OUCH!) }}

* In foil fencing the groin shot is a legitimate move, the target area being the torso and crotch. It's also legal in Epee, but in that everywhere is a legal target. The only time it isn't legal is with with slashing weapon, saber. Getting stabbed in the nuts isn't a pleasant experience.

** In fencing most gents opt from day one or soon after to wear a cup to defend against this. Target area being what it is and less-experienced fencers propensity to have less control of the blade, a nutshot in fencing is a When, not an If, proposition. Those that consciously choose not to defend themselves are rarely afforded sympathy when the inevitable happens.

** Such incidents seem to be commonplace in Seattle Mariners history. In 1980, pitcher Mike Parrott took a liner to the man area early in the season. Parrott went from 14-12 in 1979 (the team went 67-95) to 1-16 in 1980.

* This seemed to be missed by most people, but in 2006 when the Dallas Mavericks were playing the San Antonio Spurs for the NBA Western Conference championship, coach Avery Johnson made a last second player change, and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLV3a4CgYLE Josh Howard received some collateral damage].

** Indeed, he did deal a kick to a burning man whose cohort was fighting with police, as the two men had [[Moral Event Horizon|just attempted to attack a civilian transportation center]] with a vehicle bomb and failed, putting the recipient of said kick somewhere in the middle of a Venn diagram of [[Asshole Victim]], [[Acceptable Target]], and [[Kick the Son of a Bitch]] categories for most Western audiences.

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc5p3TmQx34 This slalom skiier] had an unfortunate encounter with a flag.

** The version of her story I read said that he'd raped and beaten her regularly throughout their marriage -- it was his raping her ''anally'' that precipitated the attack.

** Slightly related, there are horrifying coral-eating things called [[wikipedia:Bobbit worm|Bobbit worms.]] If they ''eat coral'', imagine what those jaws can do to your flesh...

* A type of tiny Amazon River catfish (parasitic, feeds on blood -- fish, animal, human, it doesn't matter) called the candiru does a groin attack to males and females alike, mainly because that's the only part of a human or animal body (they swim into the gills of fish) likely to be in the water for an extended period of time -- it finds prey by homing in on urine in the water, swims up the closest available orifice, whether that's the anus, vagina, or even the ''urethra'', and '''extends spines to keep itself in place.''' Isn't nature wonderful?

** The fish is real, and is attracted to urea because freshwater fish excrete small amounts of this substance via their gills, where the candiru wants to go. The part about them defying gravity to swim up a stream of urine and attack a guy who's only ''whizzing'' in the river is what's an urban legend - if a person's groin is below water-level at the time they urinate, it's fair-game.

* In the band's "Behind the Music" episode, [[Metallica]] lead singer James Hetfield recalled in incident following the infamous pyrotechnic accident during one of their tours where James took the worst of hit, and had to have his arm in a cast during which time he couldn't play guitar. One of the tour's technical crew accidentally hit James' arm, and James got so angry that he "punched him right in the nuts."

* [[Tom Green]] essentially sees the time he had cancer as this (since it was in cancer in that particular area).

* Territorial male seals attempt to bite each other in the groin when they fight, rendering their rivals incapable of competing for females.

* Snails and slugs are hermaphrodites, but prefer to breed as males, so attempt to neuter each other with Groin Attacks before mating: whichever snail loses its testes is the one that gets pregnant.

* Rabbits also target their rivals tender portions when they fight. Territorial does do this when they don't want to make more little rabbits. To make matters worse, these fights usually end with said unfortunate bunny issuing the dreaded "rabbit scream."

* Some guy in San Francisco [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/07/man-cuts-off-penis_n_1578076.html?ref=san-francisco&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl4%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D168085 removed his penis with an exacto knife] because...actually, it doesn't say why. He wasn't even drunk or high. We'll just leave it as [[Too Dumb to Live]].

* The Israeli martial art style of krav maga has a thing for groin shots. It's not like learners are intentionally told to attack the groin. The whole idea of krav maga is 'Screw the rules, use any and all weak points to defeat your opponent.' It just so happens that the groin happens to be a particularly weak point.

* Former Seattle Mariners third baseman Adrian Beltre took a line drive to the groin in August of 2009. He stayed in the game until it finished in the 14th inning, despite a torn testicle that eventually swelled to the size of a grapefruit. What song played when he first stepped up to the plate upon his return? "The Nutcracker Suite."

* The "Scrotal Self Repair" [[Darwin Award]] / urban legend. Guy was using the belt of a machine to jerk off and got his nuts caught in it.

* Another [[Darwin Award]] winner injected cocaine into his urinary tract, resulting in severe priapism that led to gangrene that cost him his penis, his legs, and nine of his fingers.

** Hmm... It's not doing the trick. In fact, the lack of any sexual element is what normally makes them so funny.

* Adam Lambert took one of these at the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx_WmUlNil8 Manila performance] of his GlamNation tour. During the dancers' intros he dirty-dances with his choreographer, who at this particular show tried to counter a hip-thrust with a butt-bump at exactly the wrong time and got The Glam One right where it hurts. Check it out at 8:23 and onward. (This Glambert can't help laughing at his reaction every single time . . . even though it really shouldn't be funny.)

** Almost the entire world thinks it's a gruesome, barbaric, and misogynistic practice that should be ended. The act is designed to deny the woman any sexual pleasure, and it is often performed in a less-than-medical environment (e.g. a dirty hut with a large knife). To their credit, both the civil and religious authorities in the countries where it exists have condemned the practice in no uncertain terms.

* Worryingly enough, a [[Groin Attack]] can occur more or less spontaneously and without warning. It's called a testicular torsion and is what happens when a testicle twists around a bit too far and cuts off its own blood supply. Not only is it very painful, but the testicle must be untwisted within a few hours or it will die - which, if it wasn't enough for ya, will promptly result in gangrene if it's not promptly removed.

* For some reason, it's common for people to think that kicking a woman in the groin is ineffective. Being kicked ANYWHERE is painful. The lack of testes means that a kick to the groin won't be quite as severe, but the female genital region still has nerve endings. A groin attack can still hurt a member of either sex.

** Females are also more likely to suffer permanent damage from a groin attack, for a number of reasons.

*** Some of this damage involves (besides nerve damage) breaking the pubic bones. In the female, these bones are set at an obtuse angle (to facilitate childbirth), and they are more easily accessed. CRACK!!!

** Any girl or woman who has sat down too quickly on a bicycle, or tried to hop a fence and slipped, knows just how painful getting hit in the groin is.

** I've witnessed enough playground girl fights to have seen how common it is for a [[Groin Attack]] to floor a girl with the agony. This trope description implies it requires trained fighters or specialists to be able to damage a girl with a [[Groin Attack]]. Most of these examples show how wrong that is.

* Don't [[Ren and Stimpy|whiz on the electric fence]], or a fence in a lightning storm. [[Darwin Award|Loss of manhood]] may result.

* Also, look up Wikipedia user Tim Nu, who claims to have undergone penectomy at the age of 12 due to a serious infection and now wants to shed light on the subject. The picture he uploaded to Wikicommons is pretty [[Squick]]-enducing.

* [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/30/arun-sandhukha-penis-bitten-off-by-rats_n_1177031.html?ref=weird-news Rats.] That's all I'm gonna say...

** Bonus points: there were no medical personnel around as he lay dying in his pool of blood. [[Worst Aid]] ''[[Fridge Logic|at its finest]]''.

* A news story on AOL about [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/12/catherine-kieu-becker-cut-off-husbands-penis_n_895771.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk1%7C77488 a woman cutting off her husband's dick] [[Squick|and putting it down the garbage disposal]]...

* Leave it to [[The Other Wiki]] to maintain an exhaustive list of [[wikipedia:List of cases of penis removal|recorded penis-severing victims]].

* Just type the words 'skater' and 'nuts' into [[YouTube]]'s search engine if you get an enjoyment out of [[Share the Male Pain|wincing.]]

* Marcus Junius Brutus, during the assassination of [[Gaius Julius Caesar|Caesar]], elected to stab him in the nuts. Some say that this was an indication that Brutus thought he was actually Caesar's illegitimate son, but how much credence can be given to the theory is debated.

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[[Category:Real Life]]