Groin Attack/Real Life: Difference between revisions

You know what my favorite play is? The Nutcracker! (GAH!)

Did you know I got a job at the airport? Oh yeah, what do you do? Check Baggage! (OUCH!) }}

* In foil fencing the groin shot is a legitimate move, the target area being the torso and crotch. It's also legal in Epee, but in that everywhere is a legal target. The only time it isn't legal is with with slashing weapon, saber. Getting stabbed in the nuts isn't a pleasant experience.

** In fencing most gents opt from day one or soon after to wear a cup to defend against this. Target area being what it is and less-experienced fencers propensity to have less control of the blade, a nutshot in fencing is a When, not an If, proposition. Those that consciously choose not to defend themselves are rarely afforded sympathy when the inevitable happens.

** Such incidents seem to be commonplace in Seattle Mariners history. In 1980, pitcher Mike Parrott took a liner to the man area early in the season. Parrott went from 14-12 in 1979 (the team went 67-95) to 1-16 in 1980.

* This seemed to be missed by most people, but in 2006 when the Dallas Mavericks were playing the San Antonio Spurs for the NBA Western Conference championship, coach Avery Johnson made a last second player change, and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLV3a4CgYLE Josh Howard received some collateral damage].

** Indeed, he did deal a kick to a burning man whose cohort was fighting with police, as the two men had [[Moral Event Horizon|just attempted to attack a civilian transportation center]] with a vehicle bomb and failed, putting the recipient of said kick somewhere in the middle of a Venn diagram of [[Asshole Victim]], [[Acceptable Target]], and [[Kick the Son of a Bitch]] categories for most Western audiences.

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc5p3TmQx34 This slalom skiier] had an unfortunate encounter with a flag.

** The version of her story I read said that he'd raped and beaten her regularly throughout their marriage -- it was his raping her ''anally'' that precipitated the attack.

** Slightly related, there are horrifying coral-eating things called [[wikipedia:Bobbit worm|Bobbit worms.]] If they ''eat coral'', imagine what those jaws can do to your flesh...

* A type of tiny Amazon River catfish (parasitic, feeds on blood -- fish, animal, human, it doesn't matter) called the candiru does a groin attack to males and females alike, mainly because that's the only part of a human or animal body (they swim into the gills of fish) likely to be in the water for an extended period of time -- it finds prey by homing in on urine in the water, swims up the closest available orifice, whether that's the anus, vagina, or even the ''urethra'', and '''extends spines to keep itself in place.''' Isn't nature wonderful?

** The fish is real, and is attracted to urea because freshwater fish excrete small amounts of this substance via their gills, where the candiru wants to go. The part about them defying gravity to swim up a stream of urine and attack a guy who's only ''whizzing'' in the river is what's an urban legend - if a person's groin is below water-level at the time they urinate, it's fair-game.

* [[Tom Green]] essentially sees the time he had cancer as this (since it was in cancer in that particular area).

* Sam Houston took an arrow in the groin at the [[wikipedia:Battle of Horseshoe Bend|Battle of Horseshoe Bend]], the injury keeping him out of the rest of the [[The War of 1812]].

* Territorial male seals attempt to bite each other in the groin when they fight, rendering their rivals incapable of competing for females.

* Snails and slugs are hermaphrodites, but prefer to breed as males, so attempt to neuter each other with Groin Attacks before mating: whichever snail loses its testes is the one that gets pregnant.

* The "Scrotal Self Repair" [[Darwin Award]] / urban legend. Guy was using the belt of a machine to jerk off and got his nuts caught in it.

* Another [[Darwin Award]] winner injected cocaine into his urinary tract, resulting in severe priapism that led to gangrene that cost him his penis, his legs, and nine of his fingers.

** Hmm... It's not doing the trick. In fact, the lack of any sexual element is what normally makes them so funny.

* Adam Lambert took one of these at the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx_WmUlNil8 Manila performance] of his GlamNation tour. During the dancers' intros he dirty-dances with his choreographer, who at this particular show tried to counter a hip-thrust with a butt-bump at exactly the wrong time and got The Glam One right where it hurts. Check it out at 8:23 and onward. (This Glambert can't help laughing at his reaction every single time . . . even though it really shouldn't be funny.)

* A news story on AOL about [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/12/catherine-kieu-becker-cut-off-husbands-penis_n_895771.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk1%7C77488 a woman cutting off her husband's dick] [[Squick|and putting it down the garbage disposal]]...

** He got is penis mutilated because he wanted a divorce. According to one source, [http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/07/oc-woman-in-custody-for-poisoning-husband-cutting-off-his-penis.html she drugged him, tied him up, and then proceeded to chop off and dispose of his genitals in said fashion.]

* Leave it to [[The Other Wiki]] to maintain an exhaustive list of [[wikipedia:List of cases of penis removal|recorded penis-severing victims]].

* Just type the words 'skater' and 'nuts' into [[YouTube]]'s search engine if you get an enjoyment out of [[Share the Male Pain|wincing.]]

* Marcus Junius Brutus, during the assassination of [[Gaius Julius Caesar|Caesar]], elected to stab him in the nuts. Some say that this was an indication that Brutus thought he was actually Caesar's illegitimate son, but how much credence can be given to the theory is debated.