Hands-Off Parenting: Difference between revisions

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{{trope}}
{{quote|'''Trent Lane:''' We don't really have any rules at our house.
'''Jane Lane:''' Well, there is that one about not starting fires in rooms that don't have fireplaces.|''[[Daria]]''}}
|''[[Daria]]''}}
 
[[New Age Retro Hippie|Former hippies]] and romantics make irresponsible parents. As often as not, the parents may be rarely home: if there are any adult children, they're either similarly absent or in their 20s and insufficiently motivated to leave the house, which is a disaster zone without any discipline or structure to speak of. After all, who needs structure and discipline? It just stunts kids' growth.
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{{examples}}
== [[Anime]] and [[Manga]] ==
* ''[[Skip Beat!]]''—It: It's implied that the super-serious Kanae "Moko" Kotonami is the product of such a style of parenting, leaving her as the ''de facto'' adult at her home... despite the fact that she has at least two older, married siblings, if only because they are repeating the same hand off style with their respective families.
 
* ''[[Skip Beat!]]''—It's implied that the super-serious Kanae "Moko" Kotonami is the product of such a style of parenting, leaving her as the de facto adult at her home... despite the fact that she has at least two older, married siblings, if only because they are repeating the same hand off style with their respective families.
* In ''[[Penguin Revolution]]'', Yukari's father is like this, just before the full fledged parental abandonment.
* ''[[Naruto]]'': Jiraiya takes this to the point of [[Parental Abandonment]] in regards to his godson Naruto where it was all but said that Jiraiya never even ''met'' the kid for the first thirteen years of his life.
** [[It's Not You, It's My Enemies|This is Jiraiya,]] [[Justified Trope|and Naruto is the son of the Yondaime.]] As bad as his childhood was, he ''did'' survive it.
*** Apparently only barely and entirely due to Naruto's indomitable will, considering a major point of the Chunin Exams arc was how he was the opposite of Gaara, and how easily he could have turned out like that. And it's not like the guy couldn't have at least let the kid know he was there and that he ''cared''. Also, WHY''why THEthe FUCKfuck WASwas HEhe MADEmade THEthe GODFATHERgodfather INin THEthe FIRSTfirst PLACEplace THEN!then?!''
** A good part of Naruto surviving his childhood was due to Iruka, who somehow managed to be Naruto's actual adoptive parent despite only being about ten years older.
* While it is a far cry from neglect, [[Yotsuba&!|Yotsuba]] spends a lot of time unsupervised, considering that she's only five.
** This is probably mostly [[Values Dissonance]]. It's not that Yotsuba's guardian neglects her, he simply allows her to play on her own a great deal, including outside. Helicopter parents aren't as much of a thing in Japan, since it's widely regarded as being extremely safe. He (usually correctly) figures she's simply too small to go far enough to get into any real danger.
* Yukino's parents in ''[[Hohzuki Island]]'' seemed to ignore her completely as a teenager, and barely acknowledged her walking around naked and declaring she's going to town {{spoiler|however that tiny acknowledgment is enough to show Yukino that her parents do care, and their relationship eventually improves - well, they still talk to each other anyway}}. Since they're shown in person (and thus not too busy with work) relaxing at home (with coffee, not drugs), it's probable that they're just leaving their daughter alone like they wanted their parents to when they were teens. Yukino's friend has [[Abusive Parents|the opposite problem]] and is eventually ''jailed'' for being a neglectful mother.
* ''[[Noein|]]'': Haruka's]] parents are divorced and she lives with her mom, who's like this. She isn't spacy or detatched or self-involved, though, she's just really lazy, especially by stereotypical anime mom standards, and sleeps all the time.
* ''[[Nabari no Ou]]'': Miharu's grandmother is surprisingly okay with him running around in the ninja world and [[Shouldn't We Be in School Right Now?|missing weeks of school]] at a time.
{{quote|'''Miharu's Grandmother''': He's injured every time he comes back...At first I was even considering whether I ought to have a talk with the police! Ha ha ha!
'''Yukimi''': Ha ha ha... }}
 
== Comics[[Comic Books]] ==
* [[Spider-Man]]: During the first years, Spider-Man was a classic example. Peter Parker was a teenager living with his Aunt May, he had super-power, a secret identity, a Spider-Man costume, works in the newspaper taking photos of Spider-Man, stayed out of home at any hour or during any time needed, get back home hurtedhurt... and May never suspected anything. Subverted at the [[Ultimate Spider-Man]] comic book, where May actually enforced some discipline (up to the point when she knew what was going on and Gwen Stacy, Iceman and the Human Torch moved to live with them; then it became an even greater "Lane house" than the original Spider-Man).
 
* [[Spider-Man]]: During the first years, Spider-Man was a classic example. Peter Parker was a teenager living with his Aunt May, he had super-power, a secret identity, a Spider-Man costume, works in the newspaper taking photos of Spider-Man, stayed out of home at any hour or during any time needed, get back home hurted... and May never suspected anything. Subverted at the [[Ultimate Spider-Man]] comic book, where May actually enforced some discipline (up to the point when she knew what was going on and Gwen Stacy, Iceman and the Human Torch moved to live with them; then it became an even greater "Lane house" than the original Spider-Man)
* ''[[Batman]]: [[The Dark Knight Returns]]'': Carrie Kelly's parents are so hands-off that they're depicted as having trouble remembering she exists at all when she's not there. (Which is convenient for [[Frank Miller]], since it allows him to completely bypass the question of how she's going to explain to them about her new career path.) It may have something to do with the way they're always surrounded by a haze of what is probably not tobacco smoke. There's also a reference to 'needles', suggesting that their presence in this trope may also be down to harder stuff...
 
== [[Film]] ==
* In ''[[Let Me In]]'', Owen's mother is clearly completely detached from his life due her own alcoholism and despondency over her failed marriage. She is completely unaware that Owen is being physically and emotionally tortured by bullies every day at school and is developing psychological quirks at home due to his sheer loneliness. She thinks everything is just fine and dandy with him. Owen's father, meanwhile, hasn't even seen him for an undetermined amount of time and is also oblivious to his plight. It's an ironic point that Abby, a [[Vampire]], shows more genuine concern for Owen's well-being than either of his parents. It makes {{spoiler|Owen's decision to leave with Abby at the end of the fimfilm completely understandable.}}
* Both the father and stepmother in ''[[Juno]]'' appear to be this, but they come through when it really matters.
* Olive Penderghast's parents in ''[[Easy A]]'' are basically [[Adult Child|teenagers in adults' bodies]] but, again, they are extremely supportive when Olive really needs them.
* ''[[The Rage in Placid Lake]]'': Placid's parents.
* In the live-action ''[[Ben 10]]'' movie, Ben's parents were like this to cartoonish extremes.
** They started out like this in ''[[Ben 10: Alien Force]]'', but then became significantly stricter.
* Sonny Koufax of ''[[Big Daddy]]'' initially believes in this thanks to a [[Freudian Excuse]]: ''his'' father was strict with him and constantly berated him for being lazy, so Sonny is at first determined that Julian, his adopted son, will not grow up to be angry and bitter like he is. He lets Julian eat packets of ketchup in public, trip rollerbladers by throwing sticks in front of them, wear his underwear on the outside of his clothes, kill pigeons with a slingshot, and avoid bathing. The last one eventually convinces Sonny to change his tune when Julian's kindergarten teacher points out that he's the smelliest kid in the class.
* Dr. Henry Jones Sr. deliberately adopted this parenting style in reaction against his own strict upbringing and is astonished when Henry Jr. (aka [[Indiana Jones|Indiana]]) makes it clear he did NOT appreciate it.
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'''Buffy:''' It's possible she thinks ''my'' name is Bobby. }}
 
== [[Literature]] ==
 
== Literature ==
 
* ''[[Narnia]]'': An early example is Eustace Scrubb's parents.
* ''[[Podkayne of Mars]]'': A plot-centric example is Professor and Dr. Fries in [[Robert A. Heinlein|Heinlein's]] novel.
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* ''[[Twilight (novel)|Twilight]]'' seems to imply that Bella's mother is like this, which explains why Bella is so mature.
* ''[[Wolves of Mercy Falls Series]]'' has Grace's parents, who have been mostly ignoring her for her teenage years.
* Averted in the ''[[1632]]'' books, where Grantville's resident (former) hippie Tom Stone is repeatedly presented as having always been an active, engaged, protective parent to his three sons—who may not, in the biological sense, even ''be'' his, but they were born at his commune and he took responsibility for them.
 
== Live Action TV ==
 
== [[Live -Action TV]] ==
* Joy Lass of ''[[Dead Like Me]]'' survived a mother like this and grew to resent her for not being there.
** Her burning desire to ''not'' be this sort of parent has led to a daughter who resents her and another who is unresponsive and turned inside herself (especially after her sister's death). Joy, for her part, doesn't seem to understand why her daughters don't see that she's so much of a better parent than their grandmother that the only logical response is enduring praise and unending gratefulness. I'm probably not being very nice to Joy in that assessment, but in my defense, the show generally shows her as sympathetic by showing the gradual realization that if she wants to get through to Reggie she's going to have to take things on her daughter's terms instead of the other way around.
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* Nana Mary of ''[[Roseanne]]'' was this to Bev. Bev becomes the opposite, partly out of resentment. Roseanne herself strikes a nice balance, but is briefly upset that she didn't turn out to be as permissive as she always intended to be when she was a teenager.
 
== Video Games[[Radio]] ==
* In ''[[Old Harry's Game|Old Harrys Game]]'' Satan finds a household like this when trying to find a perfect home for the baby that got sent to Hell by mistake. There's also another home where everything is regimented, and the children have no freedoms at all. Both won good parenting awards ... sponsored by [[British Newspapers|The Guardian and The Daily Mail]] respectively.
{{quote|'''Satan''': I've met one couple who think adulthood is a disease, and another who think childhood is.}}
 
== [[Video Games]] ==
* ''[[EarthBound]]'': Ness' parents are surprisingly cool with their little boy heading out to fight monsters on his own without any form of escort or weaponry. They just like it when Ness calls them every once in a while to say hi.
** They also are just as cool with giving Ness hundreds and thousands of dollars as allowance.
 
== Webcomics[[Web Comics]] ==
 
* ''[[Sabrina Online]]'': Richard's parents, who seem to have been introduced mostly to counterpoint Sabrina's ultra-conservative <s>mother</s> parents.
* Gene in ''[[Templar, Arizona]]'' seems content to let his kindergarten-age daughter Zora do as she likes; unfortunately for most other people, her favorite activity seems to be snooping around in other people's things.
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** He does lay the law down a few times, one example being when Ash got drunk and even told off a rather vicious associate of the brothers when it seemed he could be dangerous to the teens. He didn't know the guy was an angel, granted, but he could tell the guy was trouble.
 
== [[Web Original]] ==
* ''[[Whateley Universe|]]'': Jade Sinclair's]] father basically was like this, except when he was home, at which point things were a lot worse. Her father turned out to be busy working for a loanshark and drinking. Right up until he decided to beat his child to death.
 
* [[Whateley Universe|Jade Sinclair's]] father basically was like this, except when he was home, at which point things were a lot worse. Her father turned out to be busy working for a loanshark and drinking. Right up until he decided to beat his child to death.
 
== Radio ==
 
* In ''[[Old Harry's Game|Old Harrys Game]]'' Satan finds a household like this when trying to find a perfect home for the baby that got sent to Hell by mistake. There's also another home where everything is regimented, and the children have no freedoms at all. Both won good parenting awards ... sponsored by [[British Newspapers|The Guardian and The Daily Mail]] respectively.
{{quote|'''Satan''': I've met one couple who think adulthood is a disease, and another who think childhood is.}}
 
== Western Animation ==
 
== [[Western Animation]] ==
* ''[[Daria]]'': The Lane family are the alternative [[Trope Namer]]s. The parents are both artists and spend long periods of time away from home; their five kids are each a bit dysfunctional, though [[The Slacker|Trent]] and [[Cool Loser|Jane]] a bit less than the others. Trent once lived in a tent in the backyard for six months; his mother saw it as letting him find his own path, while he {{spoiler|was waiting for someone to invite him back in}}.
{{quote|'''Trent:''' I'm sorry I broke the rules. We don't really have any rules at our house. Right, Janey?
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** Her full name? "Goo Goo Ga Ga." Yes, they asked her when she was an infant.
* ''[[Kevin Spencer]]'': Percy and Anastasia, the parents of the title character on the Canadian cartoon, are like this, being more concerned with getting more booze, welfare cheques and smokes than Kevin's welfare. Kevin would disappear for months at a time, and they were never particularly worried, simply noting that the boy would eventually come home on his own, which he always did. Of course, Percy and Anastasia often wouldn't be around either, given that they spent so much of their time in prison and rehab.
* ''[[King of the Hill]]'': Hank Hill has to deal with parents like this on occasion, which serves as a good contrast to his own firm-but-loving view on parenting. In one episode, he had to deal with two parents who would put their children in neglectful situations like concerts or giving them alcohol just because it made them "cool," and seemed more interested in having a good time thenthan being good, loving parents. Another had a pair of see-no-evil parents who outright refused to discipline their son in spite of mounting evidence that he was a horrible, insufferable brat. Interestingly, he deals with them by having Bobby act ''exactly like their son'' towards them.
* On ''[[Invader Zim]]'', Dib and Gaz's scientist dad Professor Membrane has maybe one day set aside for "quality time" a year, usually appears in the house as a floating screen (half the time with prerecorded messages), and has one of his employees fetch them by asking for his "roommates."
{{quote|'''Dib:''' You mean... us?
'''Scientist:''' You live with the professor, right? }}
* ''[[The Mighty B!]]'': Bessie's ex-hippie mom isn't really neglectful, but her idealistic worldview is rarely aany help in solving her kids' problems.
* In ''[[The Legend of Korra]]'', it is revealed that Toph Beifong has this approach when raising her own daughters, as a deliberate way to give them the free growing up experience she did not experience from her overbearing parents. Let's just say that her daughters weren't very grateful for the apparent distance and abandonment they felt from their mother
 
 
== Real Life ==
 
== [[Real Life]] ==
* In the memoir ''Glass Castles'', Jean, Billy, Lorie, and Maureen have parents like this. Ditzy, artistic, neglectful to the point of borderline abuse, and so on. An interesting case, since this is implied to have a somewhat beneficial effect in the long run. The kids are incredibly self sufficient, helping each other survive their childhood, supporting themselves financially, and fleeing one by one to make a life for themselves in New York.