IKEA Erotica: Difference between revisions
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{{trope}}
[[File:
{{quote|There is nothing duller than dull pornography.|'''[[Agatha Christie]]''', ''[[The Clocks]]''}}
Named after the Swedish home furniture retail chain,
However, it [[Tropes Are Not Bad|can be used properly]]. IKEA Erotica has its merits as a tool of parody or simply as a means to [[Getting Crap Past the Radar|fool the censors]]. If used from the POV of a [[The Spock|certain type of character]], it can be in interesting insight into their
An extremely common feature of [[Porn Without Plot]]. An example of
The extreme of
Not to be confused with [http://www.furnitureporn.com/ furniture] [https://web.archive.org/web/20131030120913/http://www.strangehorizons.com/2006/20060213/copley-woods-f.shtml porn]. Or [http://www.cockeyed.com/pranks/ikea_party/ikea01.shtml The IKEA Fancy Dress Dinner Party]. Also not to be confused with a [[Cargo Ship]].
Or [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezwhZC4R-eI&feature=related furniture porn].
See also [[Fetish Retardant]] and [[Narm]], common consequences of
{{noreallife|this is All The Tropes, not Tropes After Dark.}}
{{examples|Dishonorable mentions:}}
== Anime
* Used intentionally in ''[[Speed Grapher]]''. If a sex scene isn't [[Fan Disservice]], it's this trope.
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* The sex scenes in Greg Egan's novels are so frighteningly banal and usually misjudged from the characters' perspective that he's clearly subverting the whole idea of the things. Yes, people bump naughty bits together from time to time. They also urinate, get cramps, digest food, and flake off skin; there's no tradition of putting scenes specifically depicting ''those'' activities into novels.
* [[Tom Clancy]]'s ''The Bear and The Dragon'' is proof that devout Catholics should never, ever, EVER be allowed to write sex scenes.
** His earlier ones are even worse, especially when Jack [[The
* [[John Varley]]'s novel ''Mammoth'' contained an
* [[How Not to Write A Novel]] points out in a section entitled "Assembly Instructions: Wherein the sex is drained of sex" that this is the likely result of a writer being uncomfortable with the scene; "The result will be something that reads like a medical brochure about erectile dysfunction. What's more, it will read as more perverse than a straightforward 'They fucked all night', and in a disturbing Norman Bates-y way."
* [[Older Than Print]]: An awesome scene early on in the Japanese creation myth ''[[wikipedia:Kojiki|Kojiki]]'': "Izanagi asked his spouse Izanami, 'How's your body formed?' She replied, 'My body, formed though it be formed, has one place that is formed insufficiently.' Then Izanagi said, 'My body, formed though it be formed, has one place that is formed in excess. Therefore I would like to take that place in my body which is formed to excess and insert it into that place in your body that is formed insufficiently and give birth to the land. How would this be?' Izanami replied, 'This would be good.'"
* A rare example of IKEA erotica being used on purpose, for a reason: in [[Greg Bear]]'s novel ''Slant'', a couple sex scenes are described with clinical precision, but it's clear that there's not meant to be any sort of romance or passion. In the first scene, a call girl has sex with a client: she doesn't enjoy it, of course, and he's only doing it to infect her. In the second scene, a man is jumped by his very horny wife, and doesn't really get a chance to enjoy himself either. The obsessively detailed style is repeated throughout the novel to create the feeling of being bombarded by information.
* Used in ''[[The Handmaid's Tale]]'', in order to
* ''Kramer's War'' by [[Derek Robinson]] mentions IKEA erotica, but doesn't indulge in it. One character actually thinks the words "Insert Tab A into Slot B" ironically; luckily we are spared the sex scene. Other novels by Robinson prove immune to IKEA erotica.
* [[The Subject Steve]] has this. And IKEA [[Gorn]]. And IKEA social interaction. And IKEA human life. All deliberate, mind you.
* Done for comedic effect in one of Michael Moorcock's "Dancers at the End of Time" novels. The characters are often described as "making love" in a nonspecific manner, but when they actually decide to do it for real (in order to conceive a baby - Jherek Carnelian, the central character) they have some difficulty working out "what goes into where, and so on."
== Live-Action TV ==
* ''[[The Shield]]'' invokes this, intentionally, in an ongoing subversion of [[Hollywood Sex]].
* Episode 6 of ''[[Garth Marenghi's Darkplace]]'' opens with a piece of hilariously bad
{{quote|'''Learner:''' I read modern writers, and it's "screw this", "he licked her", "she sucked that", "he bit the other", you know, "someone put it there", "he held it", I mean, where's the sensuality?
'''Marenghi:''' Where's "he glided in liquid smooth"? Where's "her wispy mound"? }}
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== Tabletop Games ==
* The [[
** Well, theoretically optional, but given the rest of the manual's emphasis on the least arousing sex this side of a court-ordered chemical sterilization, you might as well just do it. You're already a sex offender just for agreeing to play the game; just as well hang for a sheep as a lamb.
== Video Games ==
* Considering the purposes they're purchased for, it's ''amazing'' just how bad the writing in most English hentai games is when it comes to sex scenes. In most cases, the writers probably either:
*
*
*
* [[Divi-dead]] [[Up to Eleven|takes it to a whole other level]] with such gems as "shove your eggplant up to my ribcage!", and the hero always, always, '''always''' finishes with '''"I'm BLASTING!"'''
* It can probably be explained mostly with poor translation job by people who had little to no actual experience, since those games were originally in Japanese.
** Sometimes even when the translation is good, it's often too clinical, and marred with [[Unsound Effect|strange sound effects]].
* Used to [[Tropes Are Not Bad|great effect]] in [[Katawa Shoujo]] whenever a sex scene is supposed to be awkward.
== Web Originals ==
* [http://i412.photobucket.com/albums/pp210/notdazzled/fail-owned-nut-ad-fail.jpg This sign]{{Dead link}}, as documented on the Fail Blog.
** Text reads ''"not without a washer!"'' in Portuguese, by the way.
* The [[Porn Without Plot]] of certain fixations and fetishes can turn into matherotica, when the author decides that the best way to spark the reader's libido is by rattling off measurements. A blend of
* "[[Fate/stay night|Please put your...that!]] [[Rule 34|Y-your PoNoS!]] [[Doujinshi|To my...my...Here!]] [[Narm|...My VAGooo!!!]] [[Crowning Moment of Funny|And J-J-JAM IT IN!]]" [[Memetic Mutation]] [http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/jam-it-in-you-lost-me ahoy].
** Completely justified, as the male lead is so dense that he doesn't even know what sex is and needs to have it explained to him.
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* In [[Atop the Fourth Wall|Linkara]]'s review of ''The New Guardians #1'':
{{quote|'''Linkara''': "Considering your team's mission statement is only about procreation, you really don't need to know all that much. Insert A into B, repeat as needed."}}
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20130311215243/http://askikeapony.tumblr.com/post/15996463518/granted-i-wore-my-tail-a-little-differently-back Literal IKEA Erotica].
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