If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her...: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

 

 

The one true manly way to concede defeat for the girl's heart is to tell the winner that, if he ever screws up, he should expect an ass-kicking of epic proportions. Usually uttered by (or sometimes to) [[The Lancer]] or [[The Rival]].

The manly and gracious thing for the winner to do is to accept this statement. "I would be disappointed if you didn't." This is ''not'' (usually) an insult or a threat, but an agreement between guys who both want the same girl to be happy.

 

 

And yes, an asskicking of epic proportions ''will'' follow should any betrayal occur.

{{examples}}

== Male Warning Male ==

* How about a male-warning-''[[Boys Love|gay]]'' (well, bi) male example? Hiro, Shuichi's best friend, warns Yuki against making Shuichi cry any more than he already does in ''[[Gravitation]]''.

** Apparently, [[No Hugging, No Kissing|this was supposed to be non-romantic.]] [[Relationship Writing Fumble|Not everybody saw it as such]].

* In Adachi Mitsuru's ''H2'', Miyoshi says this to Hiro about Koga. However, {{spoiler|Miyoshi is just trying to throw Hiro off, so that he can make a move on Koga.}}

* Though he'd just apply to anyone, [[Bleach|Hitsugaya Toshiro]] reminded Ichimaru Gin that should he spill one blood from [[The Woobie|Hinamori Momo]], he'll kill him in instant. {{spoiler|Tragically subverted when through Aizen's trickery, Hitsugaya ended up IMPALING Hinamori with his own sword.}}

 

 

* Tag-team variant: in the comic ''[[Excalibur (Comic Book)|Excalibur]]'', Brian and Kurt (Captain Britain and Nightcrawler) warn teammate Pete Wisdom that if he hurts Kitty (fellow teammate Shadowcat) in any way, they'd rip his head off, desecrate it with graffiti, and drop it in the middle of the English Channel.

* Wolverine performs the brotherly version in the ''[[X-Men (Comic Book)|X-Men]]'' comics, after Gambit returns to the team following the blowup about his past misdeeds, warning Gambit that if he hurts Rogue again, he and Logan are going to have some sharp, pointy, adamantium words.

** An early '80s ''[[X-Men (Comic Book)|X-Men]]'' comic has Wolverine intending to beat some sense into Colossus after the latter breaks up with Kitty Pryde, but Wolvie settles for getting Colossus involved in a [[Bar Brawl]]... with [[The Juggernaut]].

** He does this again (though a platonic version) with Cable, a former rival, when he realizes that Cable means a lot to Jean, who'd just spent several years raising baby-cable in the distant future. "Far as I'm concerned, the slate's clean between us. Just one thing. If you ever break that girl's heart, I'm gonna finish what I started in Madripoor."

 

 

 

 

* The film ''[[Pirates of the Caribbean]]: The Curse of the Black Pearl'' has a more subtle example, when Commodore Norrington, after learning that his fiancée really loves the smith Will Turner, tells Will that he expects him "to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of his life" as he does in his work; in the context of the conversation, it is obvious which aspect of Will's life he's particularly referring to.

** Don't forget that Norrington delivers the admonition while holding his sword ''inches'' from Will Turner's face.

* In the film ''[[Shanghai Knights]]'', after initially objecting to the idea of a relationship between his sister Lin and Roy O'Bannon (Owen Wilson), Chon Wang (Jackie Chan) accepts it, but adds, "Break her heart, I break your legs," to which Owen replies, "That's fair."

** Boba Fett steals this line in the Star Wars Expanded Universe while another Mandalorian informs him that he is going to marry Fett's granddaughter.

** It's mentioned in the book that Sonny's threat "If you touch my sister again I'll kill you!" makes everyone relax, as he'd never say that if he ''was'' willing to kill Carlo (because it could be used as evidence against him). Mind you, Sonny isn't exactly cool-headed over these things, which his enemies use to their advantage.

* In ''[[Clueless]]'': [[Crowning Moment of Funny|Hey, you. Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel. I doubt anybody would miss you.]]

* In ''[[Shallow Hal]]'', when Hal thinks that Rosemary and Ralph are back together, Hal comes to Ralph to concede victory:

* In the film [[Something New]], Kenya and Brian embark on a double date with Kenya's friend and her fiance. When the ladies excuse themselves to go dancing, the other guy tells Brian that while he likes him and he seems to be an "okay guy", he thinks of Kenya as a sister and even if not, she's his girlfriend's best friend, so Brian had better not be using Kenya as some "science experiment" (Brian is white and Kenya is black).

* In the extended cut of The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King. Samwise Gamgee gives Gollum a warning about betrayal and harming Frodo when the latter becomes suspicious of what lies in Shelob's Cave.

 

* [[Absurdly Powerful Student Council|The Student Council President]] gives this to Layfon in regards to his sister Felli in [[Koukaku no Regios]]. It's played entirely for laughs, since Layfon has no idea that Felli likes him, and the President is wearing a [[Badass Longcoat]] over a red and white striped bathing suit.

* [[The Redemption of Althalus]] sees {{spoiler|Deiwos warning Althalus in this way. Considering Deiwos is a god, Althalus has good reason to never think about slipping up...}}

* Sibyl's brother to Dorian in ''[[The Picture of Dorian Gray]]''

* An unusual example in ''Wolf of the Plains'': Temujin threatens the father of his wife-to-be with massacre of his entire clan if he beats Borte again. Note that Temujin grows up to become Genghis Khan.

* Subverted in the [[Mortal Instruments]] trilogy, when Jace prepares himself for this speech from Simon, his girlfriend Clary's protective best friend. Of course, Clary is a demon-slaying Shadowhunter.

'''Simon''':No. If you hurt Clary, she's quite capable of killing you herself. Possibly with a variety of weapons. }}

* In ''[[A Song of Ice and Fire]]'', Jon Snow and Tormund Giantsbane are discussing the latter's new son-in-law. Tormund threatens him by saying that he'd rip the boy's manhood off and beat him with it if he broke his girl's heart. However, the wildlings of this story kidnap women to make their wives as a standard practice, with the acknowledgment that the woman ultimately chooses whether to stay.

 

 

'''Wesley''': Apparently... }}

** And later in reverse:

'''Wesley''': Acceptable terms. }}

** Of course, then in another episode Ross and Chandler are stuck in an arm wrestling match due to being "equally weak". For the joke is that ''neither'' of those guys is remotely violent or physically threatening. Phoebe on the other hand...

** Another good one is # 4: ''"I'm sure you've been told in today's world, sex, without using a 'barrier method' of some kind, can kill you... let me elaborate; when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you."''

* A non-romantic version occurs in an episode of ''[[Scrubs]]'': J.D's feckless and goofy older brother, acknowledging that his brother will never look up to him but admires Dr. Cox intensely, warns Cox in perfect seriousness to take his responsibility as J.D's mentor more seriously, "or you'll have me to answer to."

* Used in ''[[The Office]]'', (US Version) in "Phyllis gets Married", where Michael Scott says to Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration: "If you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I'll kill you." Bob Vance replies with, "If ''you'' ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I'll kill ''you''."

** In another episode, Michael goes to prank the Utica branch after learning that Stanley wants to transfer.

* Since parental threats are allowed, we ''can't'' forget (president) Jed Bartlet's on ''[[The West Wing]]'':

** And he ''likes'' Charlie!

* ''[[Noah's Arc]]'': Ricky says this verbatim to Wade regarding Noah (and means every word of it).

* In ''[[The Mentalist]]'' episode "Bloodshot", Rigsby delivers this warning to Grace's new boyfriend, who takes it gracefully and assures Rigsby he'll treat her well. {{spoiler|Immediately subverted when he kicks Rigsby to the ground and beats him into unconsciousness--turns out he's the episode's bad guy, who's been using Grace to get access to CBI.}}

* ''[[The Drew Carey Show]]'':

** Inverted with Booth telling Bones' brother that if he broke her heart again, he would hurt him. And [[Papa Wolf|knowing Booth]], he would and could carry out that promise.

** Angela's father does follow through on his promise, although without guns he just strands the guy in a desert and gives him a permanent tattoo of Angela. This is even after Angela tells him that they both called off the wedding.

* In [[ER]], during Abby and Luka's wedding, Lucien, who is rather fond of Abby, goes up to Luka and warns him if he ever hurt Abby, he would kill him. Which Luka, who was busy trying to find Abby and knows that Lucien is quite drunk, absently gave him an "all right".

* Occurs in the [[True Blood]] season one episode "Cold Ground" when Sam confronts Bill.

* In ''[[Chuck]]'', after Morgan starts openly dating [[Adam Baldwin|Casey]]'s daughter, Casey grudgingly lets the relationship continue, but warns Morgan that if he breaks her heart, Casey will "break [his] everything." Surprisingly, this does not happen more often, even from such people as Sarah's father or her ex (probably because Bryce knows Chuck is a good man).

* In ''[[Downton Abbey]]'', {{spoiler|Lord Grantham agrees to let Tom Branson}} marry his daughter, but warns:

 

 

* The Rodney Atkins song "Come on in Boy" seems to avert this at first, as the girl's father merely tells her date how much his daughter means to him and that "she deserves the best." However the last line in the chorus the father promises he'll see them when they get back, as he'll be up "still cleaning this gun."

* The basis for the song "Welcome to the Family" by Little Big Town is a man detailing to his new brother-in-law how scary his family is.

* Tom F. Wilson in his Daughter Song.

* A musical implied variant (sort of "Male Reassuring Female"), the song "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" by Journey includes the lines "If he ever hurts you / True love won't desert you".

 

 

* Christopher Titus during his "LOVE IS EVOL" special mentions telling his new younger girlfriend's father that he'd take care of her. Her father, a Vietnam Veteran Marine Pilot, basically tells him, if he doesn't, "One Shot, One Kill".

** Later he jokes about how his body would be found over four states and he says that her brother, a federal agent, says, "They ain't gonna find ya."

* Bill Engvall's segment of the ''Blue Collar Comedy Tour'', to a boy who has come to take out his daughter:

 

 

 

 

** To anyone not familiar with the game (shame on you), the Quarians have the largest fleet in the galaxy.

** Becomes [[Harsher in Hindsight]] {{spoiler|on Tali's loyalty mission, when you discover Tali's father has died in the interim, because he was recklessly playing with AI soldiers, so that he could retake the Quarian homeworld for her.}}

* Discussed and parodied with Guybrush and a human LeChuck in ''[[Tales of Monkey Island]] Chapter 2: The Siege of Spinner Cay'':

'''Guybrush:''' ''[smiles]'' Actually, that kinda sounds like our honeymoon! }}

* In [[Dragon Age II]], if Hawke romanced Fenris, then romanced Anders, you get this banter.

'''Fenris''': Be good to him/her. Break his/her heart, and I'll kill you. }}

 

 

* From [[Least I Could Do]] when [http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20091026 Rayne realises] {{spoiler|Archie and Issa are serious about each other:}}

* In ''[[The Phoenix Requiem]]'', Robyn does it to Jonas in [http://requiem.seraph-inn.com/viewcomic.php?page=540 this strip].

* In the webcomic [[Archipelago]], shortly after declaring his love to Alice, Riley meets her five brothers. They are not impressed, especially since Riley is half-wereshark, a race almost universally hated. Alice manages to reconcile them, but the eldest pintur still gives Riley [http://archipelagocomic.com/comic/?id=661 this] touching farewell speech.

* An epic variation appears in ''[[Girl Genius]]'', with Gil threatening a political rival instead of a romantic rival:

'''Wooster''': Yes, Ohgod yes! Yes, Master! }}

 

* Although there's no spoken dialogue, it's probably safe to infer that this happens in some form in [[There She Is]], from Il-ho to Nabi. Even without the words there, the emotional context is definitely present. He carries through with the threat part in Step 4, {{spoiler|attacking Nabi for breaking up with Doki and breaking her heart, then they begrudgingly come to terms in Step 5 when Il-ho gives Nabi the second ticket to Paradise so that he can follow Doki, but Nabi rips it up, indicating he's done running from his problems. The Jjintta then help him [[Race For Your Love|race to the airport.]]}}

 

 

* Spoofed in ''[[Futurama]]'', when Zapp Brannigan tells Fry (who is pretending to be Leela's boyfriend) that if he screws up or hurts Leela in any way, Zapp will dive in to take his place "...like a fly on a particularly seductive piece of manure."

* ''[[Kim Possible]]'':When Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable start dating (thanks to some encouragement from the Moodulator), Kim's dad warns him that he'd better not make Kim unhappy unless he wants a one-way trip to a black hole.

* Similarly in ''[[Danny Phantom]]'' where Paulina's father declares to her date, Danny...these lines...

'''Danny''': ''[[Opt Out|*leaves with Paulina*]]'' [[Screw This, I'm Outta Here|And I'm glad we had this chance to chat]]! }}

* ''Scooby-Doo and Ghoul School'' have the fathers of the monster girls warning Shaggy and Scooby what they'll do if the girls are unhappy. The fathers consist of pretty much all of the classic [[Universal Horror]] monsters.

 

 

 

 

== Female Warning Male ==

** Light being [[The Chessmaster|Light]], he manipulates Rem into carrying this threat out on someone else. Just as planned.

* ''[[Tokyo Babylon]]'': {{spoiler|Hokuto, Subaru's sister, threatens Seishiro to kill him if he'll ever make her brother cry, and goes as far as threatening him with a kitchen knife when Subaru isn't there.}}

* In ''[[Kimagure Orange Road]]'', [[Broken Bird|Madoka]] often warns [[Ordinary High School Student|Kyosuke]] to not make his sort-of girlfriend [[Genki Girl|Hikaru]] cry. Problem is, Kyousuke cares for Hikaru yet is in love with Madoka... and Madoka also falls for him, despite her efforts to aid Hikaru and [[Tsundere|her own reluctance to admit it]]. In the anime, [[Tear Jerker|it didn't end well]]. This also applies to the local [[Chew Toy]], Yuusaku, who loves Hikaru despite her rejecting him often and constantly warns Kyosuke to not hurt either her or Madoka.

* Shortly after Takayuki and Haruka hook up in the first episode of ''[[Rumbling Hearts]]'', Haruka's best friend Mitsuki warns him not to string Haruka along, or she'll make him regret it...violently, if necessary.

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Happens in a short and funny scene in ''[[Jerry Maguire]]'' when Jerry has "The Talk" with his new sister-in-law. After multiple characters have warned him about the talk, Jerry braces himself, goes in, and has "The Talk", which consists of:

'''Jerry:''' ... I'm glad we had this talk... }}

 

 

* In the [[Dragaera]] novel ''Yendi'', Vlad gets that warning from his wife's erstwhile [[Lovely Angels|assassin partner]]. Lampshaded in that he sees it coming and tries to head it off (but gets it anyway).

 

 

* The pilot episode of ''[[Dharma and Greg]]'': Dharma's friend, upon meeting Greg for the first time, warns him that "she'll bring him pain he can't even imagine" if he hurts Dharma.

* From ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]'':

** She didn't, though.

** From "Beneath You":

'''Dawn''': Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with a chip in your head. But you do sleep. If you hurt my sister at all... touch her... you're gonna wake up on fire. }}

* Drake from ''[[Drake and Josh]]'' had to deal with this from his [[Sadist Teacher]] Mrs. Hayfer as he was dating her daughter, threatening that "If you break her heart, I'll break you." Though getting sick of his date's bad laughing habit, he struggles throughout the whole episode figuring out a way to break up with her without invoking Mrs. Hayfer's wrath.

 

 

* In the third ''[[Jak and Daxter]]'' game, after [[Genius Ditz|Tess]] gives a new [[BFG]] to Jak, and tells him that she wants him to protect "her [[Love Interest|little baby]]" (Daxter) with it, or else she'll "hunt him down and hurt him REAL BAD."

** She'll give a similar warning to a female Hawke as well.

 

 

* ''[[Tokimeki Memorial]] Drama Series 1 : Nijiiro no Seishun'' : [[spoiler: [[Schoolgirl Lesbians|Minori Akiho gives this speech to ["Heroic Mime|the main protagonist]] / [[Canon Name|Naoto]] [[Graceful Loser|when she gives her blessings]] for his relationship with her dear [[Sempai-Kohai|senpai]] [[Yamato Nadeshiko|Saki]] [[Team Mom|Nijino]] in the game's Best Ending."]

 

 

* Zeetha to Gil in ''[[Girl Genius]]''. Complicated further by the fact that he's still not sure she doesn't ''[[Dating Catwoman|need]]'' [[Dating Catwoman|hurting]].

** Though not made to a romantic rival, [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060306 this epic threat by Gilgamesh] is similar in spirit.

* Sarine Elle of ''[[Errant Story]]'' delivered such a speech to former Ambassador Rarune regarding his own half-elf daughter.

* In ''[[Shadowgirls]]'', when Charon threatens [[Jerk Jock]] who was trying to rape her daughter she uses this trope in interesting way by assuring him that she will do terrible things to him if ''anything'' happens to Becka, including accidents.

 

 

* ''[[Avatar: The Last Airbender]]'' has a frankly scary (non-romantic... [[Ho Yay|most likely]]) warning from {{spoiler|Katara to Zuko, soon after he joins the Gaang: "Let me tell you something right now. You make one step backward, one slip up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, and you won't have to worry about your destiny any more. Because I'll make sure your destiny ends. Right then and there. PERMANENTLY."}} [[Ship Sinking|Zounds]]!

** Happens to Zuko again in the series finale... from his love interest, at that!

 

== Male Warning Female ==

 

 

* The movie ''[[Clerks]]'', when the [[Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass|otherwise childish and adolescent]] Randal Graves seriously warns "Oh, hey Caitlin. Break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal."

 

 

* ''[[Spaced]]'': Mike, who is intensely jealous of Tim's new girlfriend Sophie, warns her that "You hurt him, I'll kill you." Sophie, shocked, asks Tim if he was serious... to which Tim chuckles good-naturedly and replies, with complete, genial sincerity, "Yep."

** In the episode "Knight Fall," we get House threatening a girl for Wilson. It's sort of a variation, though, as he's threatening Wilson's ex-wife, who is rekindling a relationship with Wilson, and so it's more like "You've Already Hurt Him And I'm Not Going To Let You Do It Again."

* On ''[[Due South]]'', Ray Vecchio gives this warning to Frasier's [[Femme Fatale]] girlfriend. It doesn't help.

 

 

* Ratheel of [[Juathuur]] warns Veithel. {{spoiler|It's a failure of epic proportions.}}

 

== Female Warning Female ==

 

 

 

 

* [[Tomboy and Girly Girl|Watts to Amanda Jones]] in ''Some Kind of Wonderful'': "You break his heart, I break your face." {{spoiler|In the end, Amanda realizes that Watts's feelings are more genuine than hers and graciously concedes.}}

Lucy: [smiles] Deal. }}

** Subverted somewhat in that Victoria has no interest in Frank romantically; she's just speaking as a friend.

 

 

* In [[Meg Cabot]]'s ''Missing'' series, Jess warns her brother's girlfriend "if you break his heart, I'll break your face." When her other brother begins dating her best friend, she repeats the same warning to her brother.

 

 

* In ''[[Chuck]]'', Sarah, who has feelings for Chuck, gives essentially this threat to his new girlfriend.

* Lynnette to {{spoiler|The teacher who's boinking her son}} in ''[[Desperate Housewives]]''.

 

 

* The song "Seven" by Vagiant has a variation where a girl warns her ex that she will beat up any girl who hurts him (which isn't really a fair warning, but whatever).

 

 

* [http://www.arthurkingoftimeandspace.com/0211.htm This] ''Arthur, King of Time and Space'' strip.

* [http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=459 This] ''[[Questionable Content]]'' strip.

** None of which bodes well for Dora currently {{spoiler|as she has dumped Marten because she couldn't get over own trust issues, and now his mom is on her way to town again.Marten's mom is TOTALLY sympathetic with Dora, too.}}

 

** Seems more like unfortunate timing with that particular phrase, as it's a long-standing schoolyard "older sibling protects younger sibling" line.

* ''[[Danny Phantom]]'': Sam does this to {{spoiler|Paulina when the latter sees Danny change forms}} in the episode "Lucky in Love."

[[Category:Stock Phrases]]

[[Category:Truth in Television]]