Jerkass/Quotes: Difference between revisions

{{quote|''"I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane!<br />

While people behind me are going insane<br />

I use public toilets, and I piss on the seat<br />

I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"<br />

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces<br />

While handicapped people make handicapped faces!<br />

{{quote|'''Namine:''' So why were you saying Zex wouldn't help us?<br />

'''Axel:''' Cause he's a jerk.<br />

{{quote|''(In response to a Q&A session from a man who survived the Virginia Tech shootings)<br />

I HAVE A COUPLE QUESTIONS FOR YOU BUT, SINCE YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH, I WAS NICE AND INCLUDED THE ANSWERS TOO.''<br />

Q: WHAT'S VIRGINIA TECH'S FAVORITE WAY OF CONSUMING ALCOHOL?<br />

A: SHOTS<br />

Q: WHAT DOES ANTARCTICA AND VIRGINIA TECH HAVE IN COMMON?<br />

A: THEY'RE BOTH -32<br />

(Later, after the list of victims was posted.)<br />

{{quote| ''"You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it.You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why!"''}}

{{quote| ''"Two words--nuclear fucking weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the democracy they want. They can have a democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it won't make a lick of difference, because we've got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen! And when we find a cure for cancer, we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? You ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million times. That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be."''}}

{{quote| ''"I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes and Lee Marvin-" "Hey." "-and Sam Peckinpah-" "Hey." "-and a case of whisky-" "Hey!" "-and drive down to Texas-" "Hey! Hey! Hey!"''}}