Mass Effect/Funny: Difference between revisions

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== Mass Effect ==

* "I've had enough of your snide insinuations." '''*[[Crowning Moment of Awesome|SHEPARD PAWNCH!]]*'''

* Renegade Shepard has by far the most of these in the game.

'''Shepard:''' Depends on the species... turian. }}

** The first time you try to warn the Council about the Reapers:

'''Shepard:''' [[Crowning Moment of Awesome|Here's another one: 'Go to hell!']] }}

* The following exchange:

'''Kaidan''': Ouch, I walked right into that one. }}

** What about this?

'''Shepard:''' You still sassin' me soldier? I think you need some more physical training. }}

* Also, if you have Wrex with you when you first arrive on Noveria, and you have the confrontation with the dock guards.

'''Wrex:''' .....why not? }}

** Tali's reaction is just as good: "I'll be... right behind you. That armor is in good condition?"

*** The fetish site thing is especially funny considering his earlier claim that Liara is "not to his taste", and he doesn't have much interest in "alien culture". Suuuuure.

**** And let's not forget his comments regarding Chora's Den, filled with asari strippers:

***** Though Ashley's reaction is much sillier:

*** Let's not forget Ashley's ironic [[Take That]] against the video game industry.

* Lorik Qui'in has evidence that {{spoiler|Administrator Anoleis is crooked and has Shepard retrieve the evidence. If you ask him to testify instead of using it for blackmail, he will refuse. You can convince him... OR you can just give it to Anoleis instead (ruining Qui'in's career, and possibly his life) simply to backstab him. Upon telling Qui'in (who is naturally in shock), he asks why.}} The Renegade response?

'''Lorik Qui'in''': [[Lampshade Hanging|What insane breed of logic is that?]] }}

** Gianna Parasini's reaction is also excellent, as is Shepard's response, made even funnier when [[Jennifer Hale]] does it.

'''Shepard:''' Language miss. }}

* And in the ruins of Feros:

'''Krogan Commander''': Oh, good, I really need to kill somebody! }}

** Especially funny due to this troper's extreme frustration with technology. Stupid machine!

*** This is even funnier in ''[[Mass Effect 2]]'', when you learn that this production of Hamlet is a riveting FOURTEEN HOURS long.

** The much-maligned elevator rides are, at least, good for comedy:

'''Wrex:''' ''All'' the time. }}

*** And this:

'''Tali:''' Yes. Most of the technology that I hoped to send back to the Flotilla has subsequently attempted to kill us. }}

**** Somewhat of a [[Funny Aneurysm Moment]] when you consider what happened with the technology she did send back.

*** Alternatively, with Wrex:

'''Wrex:''' It's good for you. A nice explosion now and then keeps the mind sharp. }}

*** Wrex, on killing krogans despite the genophage: "Anyone who fights us is either stupid or on Saren's payroll. Killing the latter is business. Killing the former is a favor to the universe."

*** And when first talking to him on the Normandy: "There was this one time the turians almost wiped out our entire race. That was fun." It's the delivery that makes it hilarious.

*** Eh, let's just say [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOg-nLWe71w ANY elevator conversation with Wrex] is worthy for the lulz. Still, for [[Tallen|This Troper]] this piece takes the cake:

'''Wrex''': [[Crowning Moment of Funny|Done.]] }}

*** Joker may be quite adept at being the [[Deadpan Snarker]], but Wrex truly elevates this to an art form.

* If you take Wrex on the mission to save Liara, when the cave-in starts and you go up the elevator, Wrex utters the immortal words:

This is then followed by [[That One Boss]]. }}

* Nobody mentioned the [[Bizarre Alien Biology|Krogan Testicles]] scene?

** Which gets referenced in the second game when Renegade Shepard, during Thane's loyalty mission, can threaten to cut Elias Kelham's balls off and sell them to a krogan.

* If you didn't get the codes to start the Neutron Purge while on Noveria, one of Shepard's lines is "Sic Semper *cough*", in a shout out to ''[[Army of Darkness]]'''s "Klaatu...Barada...*mumble*" The VI will [[Beat|take a slight pause]] before denying access.

** The party responses to Mira's explanation of how dangerous the neutron purge is are also good for a laugh. Wrex argues with it, claiming it would be like a walk in the sun for a krogan (whereas Mira claims that it's lethal to '''ALL''' lifeforms). If Liara and Ashley or Kaidan are with you, Liara tells Shepard the importance of reading the directions on any controls s/he uses, prompting Ashley/Kaidan to [[Deadpan Snarker|remark]] that it's always a good idea to [[Getting Crap Past the Radar|RTFM]], to Liara's confusion. If Tali is with you she will provide the immortal line:

*** There is also the VI's response to Liara's saying that they shouldn't press buttons. "That is a wise precaution for every terminal in this facility."

* Speaking of ''[[Army of Darkness]]''...

* During a playthrough, a krogan mercenary was charging at my character. Being an Adept, the equivalent of a squishy wizard, I used the Lift power to fling said krogan into the air. It turns out that the game incorporated Newton's first law into the game, and the krogan floated up while still moving forward, drifting over Shepard's head while flailing uselessly. The kicker? The path of the krogan's drift ended up taking him over a railing and falling down into the sea.

** Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bitch in space, after all.

* The description of the planet Prescyla.

* The [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2SKNbkH9tI following exchange] on Noveria:

'''Guard:''' ...How about this? You pretend you didn't see us, we'll pretend we didn't see you. }}

* "Oh crap, a pop-up."

* "Yeah, well if you want me in a tin foil mini skirt and thigh-high boots, you're gonna have to buy me dinner first."

** "Sir."

'''Ashley:''' You don't take much shore leave, do you, L-T? }}

*** From the same exchange:

'''Ashley:''' ...That your professional opinion, sir? }}

*** And at the end of the conversation, after Kaidan's fumble:

* "Who votes to take the vehicle into the creepy underground tunnel?"

** Then Garrus: "Yes. Its weapons' massive firepower should be useful in these cramped quarters."

* When Ashley is telling Shepard about her family and gets to the part about her father:

'''Shepard:''' He's not a zombie, is he? }}

* "I haven't been shot in the head nearly enough times for that to sound like a good idea."

* "Your grasp of the obvious is inspiring."

'''Ashley''': Nah, I'm good. }}

* One of the best elevator conversations ever, between Wrex and Tali:

'''Wrex''': ''Yes.'' }}

** Wrex's tone makes him sound surprised that she even asked the question, in the "you ''don't''?" sense.

** If you have Wrex and Kaidan, the conversation ends up going something like this.

'''Wrex''': You can't? That's why Shepard is your superior officer. And ''that's'' why... Shepard would win. }}

*** If one thinks about this, this also means that Wrex, one of the most badass individuals in the universe believes Shepard could kick his butt most days since Wrex is willing to let Shepard order him around most of the time.

* After you choose to {{spoiler|gun down Wrex}}, Kaidan approaches you and asks if you're okay. The Renegade answer is: [[Bond One-Liner|"I'm feeling a hell of a lot better than he is."]]

* When you're in the Citadel:

* Then there's this gem:

'''Shepard:''' Whoops. }}

* Also if you keep cutting off the Council, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bbrQ5EkBz4 this] happens.

* Ashley trying to romance Shepard with poetry can lead to this reply.

** That line is even [[Your Mileage May Vary|funnier or more tragic]] in hindsight.

* Ashley's conversation with Shepard, after he used Paragon to persuade Jeong into saving the colonists.

** To female Shepard she says this:

** Kaidan's remark on that sequence to both Shepards;

* If you wait until near the end of the game to go to Therum for Liara, she's been trapped in a detention field a good while, and is initially convinced that Shepard and teammates are hallucinations.

* From the rarely-seen renegade Kaidan, regarding the Council:

** And Shepard's comment from the same conversation:

* During a conversation with Ashley about some of her anti-alien sentiments, you can get something along the lines of the following exchange:

'''Shepard:''' I don't think kissing turians is going to be necessary, Chief. }}

** Pretty standard humor for Ashley. Then cue [[Hilarious in Hindsight|ME2's romantic options...]]

*** Personally, this troper prefers this branch from the "kiss a turian" line.

'''Ashley:''' Yes, sir. Unless you ask me to kiss a superior officer. This would violate Alliance regulations on fraternization. At which point, I would refuse your request and relieve you of your command. ...Sir. }}

*** [[Fridge Brilliance]]: Then Shepard wouldn't be her superior officer anymore. Let's hear it for [[Loophole Abuse]]!

*** [[Don't Explain the Joke|I'm pretty sure that was the point...]]

* If you bring Liara with you on Noveria, enter the Hot Labs, and ask Mira where Benezia is....

'''Liara''': How humans tolerate such literal-minded VIs is beyond me... }}

* Ashley's comments on Chora's Den is always good for a chuckle.

{{quote|"A million light years from where humanity began and we walk into a bar filled with men drooling over half naked women shaking their asses on a stage. I can't decide if that's funny or sad."|'''Kaidan:''' What, you don't think they're here because of the food?}}

* Appointing Captain Anderson as the human representative in the Council:

'''Captain Anderson:''' Only with you, Ambassador. Only with you. }}

* There's a hilarious bit in the Upper Markets on the Citadel. A human customer keeps attempting to make a return to a turian salesman. Their back and forth is made even funnier when another (turian) customer's return is accepted much more easily.

** If you follow it to the end he finds the receipt and gets a refund with no trouble. Until it continues in the sequel, of course...

* Talking to Ashley about Eden Prime:

'''Ashley:''' Sir, they have flashlight heads! }}

* Lorik Qui'in remarking on a human turn of phrase:

'''Qui'in''': "Let me go"? Do humans consider conversation a form of imprisonment? Maybe that is why so few are willing to sit and talk." }}

* Ashley's ''legendary'' snark moment before you pick a second team leader on Virmire:

'''Ashley''': Why is it when someone says "[[With All Due Respect]]," they really mean "kiss my ass"? }}

** Made even better - or [[Funny Aneurysm Moment|tragic]] - when Shepard subsequently says "[[Call Back|with all due respect]]" to the Council during the argument that leads to the Normandy's lockdown.

** On a much lighter note again; Shepard seems to take Ashley's interpretation of the phrase every other times he/she says it.

* This troper has always loved bringing Garrus to the Rogue AI assignment on the Citadel.

'''Garrus''': That ''could'' be a problem. }}

* Shepard seeing {{spoiler|Species 37 a.k.a. the Thorian}} for the first time.

** Alternatively, Shepard's weary and frustrated renegade response:

** All three of the possible responses are pretty funny; the Paragon reaction is a humorously understated, "This could be... problematic."

* Bring Kaidan and Wrex along when you go hunt down Fist. Kaidan's reaction to Wrex suddenly gunning Fist down is ''hilarious''.

'''Kaidan:''' ''Oh my God!'' }}

* In a minor sidequest on the Citadel, Shepard can either help the salarian Schells develop a device for cheating at space slot machines, or give the prototype device to the casino's owner and then go back and tell Schells about it. His flabbergasted reaction is already pretty funny, but when he asks what he's supposed to do now, Shepard's companions break out the snark:

'''Schells:''' You're no help at all! }}

* Wrex and Kaidan tend to be a great combination for hilarity value. While on Noveria, when the rachni start banging around but before they're actually revealed:

'''Wrex:''' Probably debris. [[Deadpan Snarker|Don't have a panic attack. I'll protect you]]. }}

* Noveria again:

* Admiral Ahern is ''hilarious''.

"Wow. Shepard, the only way your team could have made better use of their unique talents is if you had gone into battle with your eyes crossed." }}

* When confronting a scientist who helped Saren one of the possible options is this:

** She protests, then sees that Shepard's clearly not listening and bolts, before your allies comment on their\Shepard's enjoyment of the scene.

 

** The most striking video clip is something nobody saw coming. Despite her obvious pro-human/xenophobic stance on everything in life [[Hypocrite|she is shown having a brief make-out session with an Asari lover]].

* Grunt. In combat, a combination of a certain [[Battle Cry]] and a [[Badass Boast]] cut off and spliced at the right time leads to this:

* One of the best reasons to bring Grunt with you to Haelstrom.

* On the Presidium, if you saved the Council in the first game:

** Which has led numerous players to hope for [http://nerfnow.com/comic/435/ a moment like this] come ME3.

* Mordin's loyalty mission, if Tali is there. The drugged Urdnot scout you can talk to can be Charmed into returning to base, leading to this exchange:

'''Tali:''' [[I'm Standing Right Here|I'm standing right here!]] }}

** Or, if Garrus is there: "There's no pep talk like a military pep talk."

** If Jacob is there: "Reminds me of boot camp."

* This exchange between Joker and Shepard:

'''Joker:''' Gah, you're such a downer! }}

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDwKH-n8RHs&feature=related The commercial for Gamestop's preorder bonuses:]

'''Mercenaries''': "Help!" "Hold your breath!" "I can't swim!" }}

** Made even funnier when you realize Grunt is present...at his own recruitment mission.

*** It's also even funnier for certain players, if you talk to EDI in the observation decks, Shepard will tell EDI that the windows on the Normandy are a weak-point.

**** And much like {{spoiler|Legion, she also explains to the organic why it doesn't matter.}}

'''Shepard:''' Oh yeah, I bet the geth are all sitting around saying "The organics would ''never'' try the no-windows thing twice". }}

** Of particular note was [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRf_bfVWQuw an exchange started by Garrus], who'd mentioned how he missed riding the elevators in Citadel because of the lack of conversation.

'''Garrus:''' Maybe we'll talk later. }}

*** One can't help but suspect that Garrus is making fun of Shepard as well, with the whole nonchalant "we'll talk later" thing.

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-R5NyiqOlx0 Mordin sings] [[The Pirates of Penzance|Gilbert and Sullivan]]. "Always had me do the [[Motor Mouth|patter songs]]."

** "I'm sorry. I know that was important, but... You performed Gilbert and Sullivan?"

My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian, I am the very model of a scientist salarian. }}

** At the end, there's a long delay between the end of Mordin's song and Shepard's response. For any other conversation, it would sound like an extreme case of [[Paused Interrupt]], but after ''this'' conversation it sounds like ''Shepard is just as speechless as the player''. Even if the player picks a response immediately, there is that pause.

*** With Miranda, he cautions you to be wary of "bugs" - they can be planted ''anywhere''. And he offers to give you an exam afterwards.

*** If Shepard is not involved with someone (or hasn't progressed far enough with the [[Romance Sidequest]]), Mordin's speech goes from giving advice to an awkward conversation about having to let Shepard down easy.

'''Mordin''': No offense intended. Salarian reproduction different. Very little sex drive. If intended to try human, would try you. Glad you stopped by. Clear the air. }}

*** [[This Troper]] got this conversation with ''[[Ho Yay|Male!Shepard]].'' I think I've found my new [[Crack Pairing]]...

** Not to mention that after you walk by him afterwards, he greets you with a mangled version of "Irasshaimase!"

*** If someone could explain to me what those things are actually referring to, I'd be grateful...

** "Sniff. This what passes for food out here? My tastes run more along the lines of edible. Looks like worms. Dead ones. This a human thing? Ugh. I'll pass. I'll eat almost anything, but I stress 'almost.'"

* After doing Garrus' loyalty mission in ''Mass Effect 2'', when you ask him how turians prepare for risky operations, he tells you a story about how he sparred with a female recon scout. He had reach, but she had flexibility, and they went nine rounds before the ref declared the match a tie. Then he says something like this:

** And of course [[Fem Shep]] can provide us with this.

* Speaking of {{spoiler|Garrus}}, his romance arc with Female Shepard produces this gem after {{spoiler|Shepard and he discuss when they should attempt to have sex.}}

{{spoiler|'''Garrus'''}}: Wait... that metaphor [[That Came Out Wrong|just went somewhere horrible.]] }}

** And when you talk to him after suggesting it for the first time:

** ...and a bit later:

* How about when Shepard [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=954yTOMFTAo&feature=PlayList&p=4B310ECD74391E42&index=100&playnext=2&playnext_from=PL gets wasted] at that bar on the Citadel?

** How about Shepard getting wasted with Dr. Chakwas? She even passes out in one of her own hospital beds!

*** Your toast to Joker: "To the ornery bastard who flies this ship."

*** Or the final toast:

'''Chakwas''': I'll drink to that! }}

** Getting wasted on the Citadel? Waking up in the bathroom with a turian pissing in front of you is just priceless.

** Also on the Citadel, Shepard approves of another drink by saying, "Do it!" The delivery is hilarious.

** And if you decide to have yet another drink ([[Made of Iron|which is liquor meant to be consumed by]] ''[[Made of Iron|Krogan]]'', [[Made of Iron|no less]]):

** Hell, Shepard getting wasted at ANY point in the game.

* During Jack's recruitment mission

'''Zaeed:''' You aren't hiring the right ones! }}

* {{spoiler|1=[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CRPScZ-FOI Legion dancing.]}} That is all.

** The krogan shaman certainly thinks so: "Ba ha ha ha! I ''like'' this human! S/He understands!"

* Anything that comes out of Mordin's mouth.

"Kirrahe. Yes, remember him. Good captain. Bit of a cloaca though. Loved his speeches. 'Hold the line!' Personally, prefer to get job done and go home." }}

** Even funnier when you realise that he actually says "Hold the line!" when enemies charge at you.

*** Then a lot, lot less funny when he dies during the suicide mission and, with his last breath, asks you to "tell them... I held the line."

** Any of Mordin's "can't talk right now" lines are pure gold.

"Later. Updating crew dental records. All Cerberus personnel have cyanide capsules in molars. Primitive. Ocular nerve flashbangs harder to disarm." }}

* A conversation between the Normandy's chef and a random crew member:

'''Hawthorne:''' "That'd be reeeeeeeal nice, Mr. Gardner." }}

** Anything out of Gardner's mouth becomes unintentional comedy, simply because he's noticeably voiced the same guy who does Ambassador Udina.

'''Chef:''' "Hey, I wash my hands...most of the time. This ain't no luxury liner, you have to pull your own weight on a Cerberus vessel, and I just catch what falls through the cracks. Heh, [[Incredibly Lame Pun|through the cracks.]]" }}

*** When he first played, this troper laughed the -first- time Gardner said "Through the cracks." He was subsequently surprised when Gardner did so at exactly the same time.

**** When you do get better supplies for him to cook with, the next comment by Hawthorne in the mess is hilarious:

* You can take Legion with you onto the Citadel and have the discussion with the C-Sec officer at the front desk about heightened security to protect from geth infiltration ''while he's standing right there''. Even better is that he comments on it and the officer ''doesn't even realize'' that he's geth.

** In a similar vein, bringing Legion along on Tali's loyalty mission on the Flotilla triggers a short cutscene where the quarian guards hold you at gunpoint and angrily tell you to get him off the ship. The CMOF comes because after this, the game shifts into the *regular* cutscene, where Tali indignantly denies ever sending active geth parts to her father.

*** [[Exact Words|Technically, as her captain, you're the one bringing an active geth onto the fleet]].

* One of the most hilarious moments in the series is when {{spoiler|the Collectors are infiltrating the Normandy}}

'''Joker:''' ''Right.'' }}

** The quote became a [[Funny Aneurysm Moment]] after [[Tear Jerker|the Overlord DLC]].

** There is also an occasional glitch where, instead of being dragged into the elevator and shrieking, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zumxfjdMnf0 Kelly Chambers stands in the elevator next to the Collectors as if keeping it open for them.]

* In Mass Effect 2, when exploring the Local Cluster (which houses our Solar system, so basically you can check out Earth and whatnot), trying to launch a probe at (depleted) Uranus.

** If you do it again, she says

* "The Council thought that Blasto, the first hanar Spectre, would play by the rules."

** "This one has no time for your solid waste excretions."

** It gets bonus points for having someone imitate Don [[La Fontaine]] while narrating it.

** "Shepard, you've recently been dead."

* Joker's joke about the Illusive Man inventing the paper clip.

* The following Renegade interrupt, when female Shepard goes to sign up with the mercs at Omega.

'''Shepard:''' [[Visual Pun|Show me yours, tough guy]], I bet mine's bigger. }}

** Then, the Batarian recruiter says "impressive" in one of the most bored voices ever heard.

* Herrot, the elcor merchant on Omega. The only elcor in the entire game who is ''smoking a cigar''. Also, when you intimidate him to lay off on Kenn:

* [[Running Gag|"You humans are all racist!"]]

** For clarification, the Batarian prophet's ''entire audience'' is a gaggle of curious humans.

* The famous, award-winning all-elcor run of ''Hamlet'' makes a return appearance in a Citadel advertisement. Watch here: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCO_UsyhL9o&feature=related Elcor Hamlet]

'''Hamlet:''' Venomous Sarcasm: What a piece of work is a man! }}

* My personal favorite has to be the salarian video game salesman. Everything he says is great, but these are two of my personal favorites:

"For an extra ten credits you can buy the copy protection package!" }}

** It's especially funny once you realize that he's a [[Take That]] at Gamestop Employees and the first game's infamous [[Take That Us|DRM copy protection]].

** Comparing the salarian Special Tasks Group to the Spectres, Mordin comments that the STG is better funded - at least they don't have to buy their own weapons.

* The [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GnbubpRyGw asari and her krogan boyfriend] in an otherwise forgettable sidequest on Illium. As if the krogan spouting greeting-card love poetry wasn't funny enough, we get this exchange with the asari. (Bonus points if you're remaining faithful to your own asari companion.)

'''Asari:''' ...Oh, sorry. Not... meaning that personally or anything. }}

** It gets even better: After the two of them hook up, you can find them on Tuchanka, where he's trying to convince her that living in a post-apocalyptic ruin is far more fun than living in a futuristic metropolis. It almost makes you wonder if you doomed the poor girl . . .

* The [[Cat Fight]] between Miranda and Jack if you complete both their loyalty missions. Joker's [[Covert Pervert]] response is priceless:

** Covert?

** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObVxYYB0knA Covert]???

* The bar on Illium is home to many of these. In addition to those already mentioned, there is a conversation between a female quarian and a turian. The quarian is complaining about her [[Jerkass]] human boyfriend's insensitivity to biochemical barriers and the like, while the turian is engaged in a pretty transparent attempt to hit on her. It's all the funnier if you are in the middle of romancing your squad representative from either species, where the issues discussed are actually a minor plot point.

*** It gets even better. In Lair of The Shadow Broker, {{spoiler|after you kill him and Liara takes over}} you can see some things recorded on all of your recruited members and read a list purchases and things bought by Tali and installed/uninstalled by her. She installs and uninstalls that nerve-stimulation package quite often and (I'm not sure if this is only for people who romanced her) after installing the Immunoboost Professional Edition (it's pretty clear what that was for) she installed the Nerve-Stim Pro Deluxe Edition. Damn, Shepard must be REALLY good.

***** Maybe she's contemplating Garrus if she can't be with Shepard? She ''did'' buy "Fleet & Flotilla", after all.

******* Then she reinstalled it. Then she uninstalled it again. Then the whole thing ended with her installing the "[[Up to Eleven|deluxe version]]".

* A short discussion on Illium when you're talking to the officers before recruiting Samara. The cop mentions that her orders are to arrest Samara, which would mean Samara killing her (long story). As a Paragon you can say that the orders are unjust, and you shouldn't be sent in to certain death on commanders orders.

'''Tali''': Which is about twice a day. }}

** Garrus adds in his 2 cents as well:

** Or Grunt's response to Miranda:

** What about Thane's?

** Of course, [[Good Bad Bugs|sometimes the phrases don't quite match up]], which is [[Narm|funny in a whole different way]]:

'''Tali''': Which is about twice a day. }}

** Erm, Legion's?

* Pretty much anything that comes out of [[Cool Old Lady|Matriarch Aethyta's]] mouth.

** Her mother was an asari commando who fought in the Krogan Rebellions. Her father was a krogan who fought in the rachni wars. She was a matriarch and he was pushing a thousand when he discovered the truth. They called Aethyta, who was about a hundred and working as a stripper at the time, to tell her they were going to have it out and she was to love whichever one survived.

** Sometimes her mother would put on the old commando leathers for "special nights" with her father, much to Aethyta's embarrassment.

** She warns Shepard not to drink anything meant for turians and quarians. She uses as a reference point the time she witness a krogan drink a liquified turian on a dare six or seven centuries back.

** Try talking to her after drinking the "Mystery Drink" from the drink kiosk. You'll notice her appearance has... changed.

** "What can I do for ya? No sex though, I just cleaned the bar."

*** The best part about the [[Face Palm]] is that many players are likely to have an identical reaction upon stumbling on that scene for the first time.

*** And after Conrad is gone:

*** She must not have many [[Proud Warrior Race Guy|krogan]] customers.

**** A video shows her headbutting one.

* 2 out of the 3 actions you can make in response to Conrad's idiocy are also worth a good laugh. The "neutral" response results in [[Groin Attack|kneeing him in the crotch]] while the funnier, Renegade, option has [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lDH9soOp2M Shepard shoot him in the foot.]

** If the groin attack is chosen, Aethyta reacts thusly;

*** Doubly funny is the idea that the [[Groin Attack]] means than the obsessed fanboy gets more touch than most of Shepard's romance options.

**** On-screen, anyway.

** Even the Paragon response is funny in its own way, even though it doesn't resort to violence. Shepard speaks in the most deadpan tone ever.

** The dialogue option is titled ''for crying out loud''. A show of hands for those who didn't think it.

* My absolute favorite Moment Of Funny is Conrad [[Lampshade Hanging|explaining]] how he is pretty much exactly like Shepard:

** That whole conversation is a laugh. I particularly like that bit where Conrad says: "My wife was really supportive. She even paid for my shuttle fare off-world." As if that wasn't funny enough, the camera is positioned just right that you can see the bartender standing behind him do a facepalm.

*** [[What an Idiot!|She speaks for us all]].

* Joker's comments on your new crew members - especially about Garrus.

'''Joker''' (about Mordin, paraphrased): He is this know-it-all type of guy. Does he have a master's degree from FU or something? }}

** Joker drops this gem immediately after you recruit Garrus:

** Most of Joker's "idle" chatter is pretty good too:

* Seeing [[Dirty Cop|Harkin]] get [[Groin Attack|kneed in the crotch]] by [[Cowboy Cop|Garrus]], and, if you ignore the Paragon quicktime event, Garrus shooting him in the kneecap.

** And even if the Paragon quicktime event is taken, Garrus will headbutt Harkin before telling Shepard;

** Thane's line to the "duct rat" informant: "Be still, Mouse. You can change your pants in a moment."

** And the sleazy defense attorney taking off running once Shepard breaks out the Spectre credentials.

* [[Memetic Badass|Niftu Cal]], the volus who's higher than a kite and thinks he is a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjp46Uv8PUE biotic God], causing Shepard to raise a hand to cradle the oncoming headache from listening to him. Performing a Paragon action leads to Shepard staring at the volus' back as he is about to valiantly waddle in to the next room and get perforated, then gently nudging him. The volus very slowly pitches forward and lands flat on his face. Wonderful visual comedy.

** "I'll nap. Destroy the universe later..."

** Or the Renegade option with Shepard's sarcastic "charge."

** Or if you do nothing, the volus summons a biotic charge and throws it at Wasea, the mercenary leader... only to have it be a tiny little spark, which sputters out and pops right at the end of her nose. Wasea then gives a "bitch please" face before then proceeding to one-shot the volus with her own biotic charge.

*** Jack bets fifteen credits he doesn't get five feet.

*** Then there's Zaeed's line, which is just ''dripping'' with contempt:

*** Thane's line is both funny and kind of sweet:

*** And just how does Niftu Cal introduce himself? He stumbles until his head collides with Shepard's groin.

*** He is a great wind that will sweep all before him like a... a [[Department of Redundancy Department|great]] [[Shaped Like Itself|wind]]!

** Possibly my favorite reaction of that entire scene. When Nifu introduces himself and you have Legion in your party, Shepard looks to Legion. Legion ''shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head''. 1,183 programs running in it and they all basically say "We are just as confused as you are".

* The engineering section has a comment for every occasion, from acquiring members to ship upgrades, including this little gem after getting Jack on your team:

'''Kenneth Donnelly''': "Damnit girl, stop toying with me!" }}

** How could you forget about.

'''Tali:''' "You ''know'' I can hear you." }}

** My personal favorite.

'''Ken:''' "See? Look where your mind went. I've got to watch out for myself." }}

** And then there's this little exchange:

'''Kenneth Donnelly''': "Aye, but in the right hands it can taste like mighty fine ass." }}

** And don't forget this:

'''Kenneth Donnelly''': "I love it when you talk dirty." }}

** Most of the exchanges in the cantina are hilarious. The one that follows later in the game goes:

** After Garrus's recruitment mission the following conversation takes place:

'''Garrus''': (laughs) "Damn that hurts, my face is ''barely'' holding together as it is. It's just as well, everyone was always ignoring ''you'' and hitting on ''me''. At least now this gives you a fair shot." }}

** Alternatively (If Shepard is female):

*** That seems to be the first sign that he's a romance, with the slow, cautious way he says it while focusing entirely on Shepard. Somehow, that just makes it even more hilarious - but then again, most of his dialogue in the romance is hilarious and adorable at the same time.

*** Also note that this is probably early enough in the game where Shepard still has some of his/her own scars from being stitched back together after a two-year case of the dead. By comparison, Garrus got off easy.

* After you complete Miranda's loyalty quest, you get a message from her sister Oriana, which ends with these postscripts.

PPS. Miranda, quit looking at Shepard's messages. Oh, don't act like you don't. It's what I'd do. }}

** It gets even better in Lair of The Shadow Broker. On one of his terminals you can find recorded things on all of your crew members including a chat between Miranda and her sister about a boy Miranda's sister likes. Miranda occasionally drops some personal info on him to try to help her. By personal I mean everything from eye color to when he broke a bone. That's just creepy.

*** And when Oriana asks Miranda how to get the boy to notice her, Miranda delivers some heartfelt advice... straight from an agony aunt column.

* Grunt's recruitment, which overlaps with CMOA. It's a tense scene, with Grunt pinning Shepard by the neck and threatening to kill him/her, while Shepard is calmly reasoning with the krogan. Eventually, Grunt decides that Shepard is more useful alive and Shepard says "I'm glad you saw reason." Then the camera pans out to reveal {{spoiler|the whole time Shepard had a gun pointed at Grunt's chest. ''Which Grunt has just figured out.''}} "Huh?"

* And after you visit Tuchanka:

* As the ''Normandy'' is escaping {{spoiler|the explosion/wave of radiation that destroys the Collector Base}}:

'''Joker:''' "Yeah, I get the gist of it, EDI! Hold on!" }}

* During Legion's loyalty quest when you've triggered the EM flux.

'''Shepard''': [[Now You Tell Me|I really wish you'd said that before.]] }}

* "You ''what''?! Councillor, do the words 'political shitstorm' mean anything to you?" ...The fact that it's Udina who says it - and the tone of voice he says it in - just makes it ''that much funnier''.

** As an added kick in the nuts, his environmental suit is ''pink''.

** Tali's introduction of the Admiral is even better

** And when you DO ask about the name...

** Seems to double as a shout-out to [[Fred Saberhagen]]'s [[Berserker (Literature)|Berserker]] stories. Or possibly a hint. Given that a qwib-qwib is (adjusting for universe equivalent terminology) an anti-Reaper Reaper...

** For those who don't get the Iktomi or Defranzh jokes, Quarian naming conventions include the name of the ship on which that quarian is crew. So, for example, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy/Neema/whatever. Now sound the other two out in the same fashion.

* Most of the NPC shoppers. Especially:

'''Elcor:''' With a sincerity such that skepticism would be deeply insulting; [[Blatant Lies|no]]. }}

* On the Citadel, the turian and asari couple looking at souvenirs. She suggests a model ship -- "Honey, I'm an engineer. I look at ships all day."

*** Then when he complains that she's ruined the Citadel for him, she says, in a happy, satisfied voice, "The fish it is!"

* Joker and EDI. Most of their exchanges, but especially when they start getting along.

'''Joker:''' Okay, yeah, that was a little creepy. }}

* [[Futurama|"Next thing you're gonna tell me is he's a quint and craps dark matter."]]

* On Illium there's a "bachelor party" you can overhear, with an asari stripper paid to dance on the tabletop for a salarian who vainly tries to explain why his race's customs are somewhat different. He is slowly...convinced by the dancer's skills.

***** Same. Without a drink she just looks like a rather unattractive woman. After a drink or two she looks like a drag queen.

* Recruiting Archangel is a bit of this with a ton of [[Crowning Moment of Awesome]].

'''Archangel:''': It wasn't easy... I ''really'' had to work at it. }}

* When you first board the {{spoiler|new}} ''Normandy'', hang around the forward bridge next to Joker before you talk to him. If you wait long enough, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObVxYYB0knA epic] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlqdQeocsjg lulz] [[Hilarity Ensues|ensue]].

* Shepard dancing. PERIOD. The guy can't dance at all!

** Even better when he's in the Collector armor, including the creepy alien helmet with full faceplate.

*** ...YouKeepTellingYourselfThat.

* When first talking to Illusive Man Shepard can ask about Cerberus, about why s/he was revived, about the threat they face. Or s/he can ask if being revived means his/her junk still works.

* During Shepard's first conversation with Joker on the refurbished Normandy, Joker is waxing enthusiastic about the new luxuries like leather upholstery, lacking on the original, while expressing his dislike of his new A.I. copilot. One possible convo option:

'''Shepard:''' Technically this is a civilian ship. I'm probably lucky you're still wearing pants. }}

** Of course, the scene would have been infinitely funnier if you later showed up on the bridge to find Joker not wearing any pants.

* Doing Mordin's loyalty mission.

'''Garrus:''' Gardens. Electronics shops. Antique stores, but ''only'' if they're classy. }}

** Couples with [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming]] when you realise that it was ''Shepard'' who asks what places are fun to fight in. This troper is fairly sure that Garrus is the only person Shepard will talk to during assignments that aren't that character's loyalty mission. That shows how much they know and trust each other, and that they have grown to be close friends.

*** [[Battle Couple|If not more than that.]]

* To the asari suspected of being a geth infiltrator:

* Fortack, the krogan scientist, when asked why he'd work with salarians even though they produced the genophage: "Why not? What's the worst thing they can do? It's not like they can make us any ''more'' infertile. ([[Beat]]) ...Um, wait. Forget I said that."

** {{spoiler|Might be [[Harsher in Hindsight]] when you find out from Mordin that the salarians actually did enhance the genophage to counter krogan adaptation to it - to maintain the level of infertility rather than to make them even more infertile, but that's not likely much of a distinction from a krogan perspective.}}

** There's also this:

'''Shepard''': Not exactly what I would call effective academic peer review. }}

* When Shepard and Thane are talking to Captain Bailey about a boy who gave Thane's son a name to talk to about an assassination contract, Bailey mentions how the boy was making shoddy VIs to sell on the side.

'''Bailey''': Buggy, though. It crashed every half-hour and the error message was about how the galaxy was at stake and you should fix the problem yourself. }}

** A funny thing is that you can tell Mouse that you won't turn him in if he gives you one of those!

** Or you can demand a cut of the profits.

* During Mordin's loyalty quest Shepard can comment on the krogans experimenting on humans by saying that this is what made Cerberus look like the better option. If Miranda is in your squad she will chime in.

* Meeting Wrex on Tuchanka, and telling him where you've been the last two years.

'''Wrex''': Oh. That must have been very painful for you, then. }}

* Through hacking, you can place party members recruited in the second half of the game (say, Legion) into your squad in the first half of the game. Oddly, [[Dummied Out|they still have lines]]. When brought along to Purgatory to free Jack, after Renegade Shepard tells her "I'm offering to be your friend. You don't want to be my enemy," Legion has this absolute ''gem'' to say.

** Legion is always a source of mission humor. For example, If Grunt is brought along on Legion's Loyalty Mission and Shepard mentions the ethics of treating aliens differently, Grunt asks if it would be an issue if he punched Legion. Legion replies that it would not be damaged but Grunt's hand may be.

*** During Samara's recruitment, if Shepard suggests not following the order to arrest the Justicar, Legion will note that they are ordered into deadly situations "an average of 2.73 instances per day. Rounding down."

**** In Rodam Expeditions, using the Renegade option to get a discount prompts the salesman to request a geth's head to make into a desk lamp. Legion notes that functionality is not in the geth's specifications.

* A volus on the Citadel wastes absolutely no time in getting outraged over this poor choice of words.

"You're mocking '''*deep breath*''' me!" }}

* One of Mordin Solus' random lines when using his Incinerate power is particularly funny.

** Bit of [[Fridge Brilliance]]. They are synonyms. It really doesn't matter!

* '''Grunt:''' [[Chronic Backstabbing Disorder|I'm not going to stab you in the back, Shepard]]. Fighters like you and me... right in the face. *[[Beat]]* ...kidding, kidding.

* After {{spoiler|destroying the Collector's base}} Shepard indulge him/herself and flip off {{spoiler|the Illusive Man}}:

** And the look on the Illusive Man's face after you finish talking to him is just ''priceless''.

* During Jack's romance, one of the dialogue options telling her that you're going to stay with her even if she is really messed up has her ask Shepard "What are you, nuts?" His response: "I'm also technically undead, so do your worst."

* After Shepherd explains to Tali that s/he isn't working for Cerberus, "they're working for [him/her]".

* The ending of the ''Hamlet'' advertisement on the Citadel. Due to the elcor saying what tone they're speaking in before saying the sentence, it results in this.

* The [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr68ynrKVo0 Tupari drinks machine on the Citadel]. The more you interact with it, the more its enthusiasm becomes... ''worrying'':

"Tupari: [[Bite the Wax Tadpole|Brings your ancestors back from the grave!]] }}

* If you bring Grunt and Jacob into the plague zone this conversation occurs near the burning bodies.

'''Jacob:''' Gonna pretend I never heard that. }}

** Also Grunt yelling at the plague as he starts coughing

** If you bring Jack it's even better.

* A volus on Illium seems to ''really'' be [[Compensating for Something]], demanding "high performance upgrades."

** The fact he's trying to hit on the asari, as well as trying to get asari-compatible reproductive upgrades, adds an extra level of hilarity.

* The DNA hunt. Shepard doesn't find anything in the plant.

** And you can accidentally set off the alarm clock in this "quiet"<ref>We have dismissed that claim.</ref> quest.

** And when you try to find DNA from the couch.

'''Shepard:''' No, a credit chit. *gets 1 credit* (And that credit is in your rewards, too!) }}

* Kasumi on Grunt's recruitment quest, if you meet Rana Thanoptis, she comments, "She seems nice... in a mad scientist ethics-for-sale kind of way."

* Shepard's reaction to Grunt's character development is rather classic especially the bit where Grunt finds a field of corpses funny.

* Thane's loyalty mission, during the interrogation of Elias Kelham after he has been knocked out:

'''Thane''': Shepard, he's just a common criminal. You killed a ''Reaper''. }}

* Kasumi's comments to Shepard if he had sex with Miranda.

* The first conversation with Joker and EDI can produce this gem.

'''Joker:''' Thanks, I'll remember this. }}

* During Mordin's loyalty mission:

** In Lair of the Shadow Broker, you learn the story, and it's a [[Crowning Moment of Awesome]], involving a few funny moments as well, such as Mordin's opinion that Captain Kirrahe has an obstruction in his cloaca, and his further opinion that the obstruction is Kirrahe's cranium.

* On the Citadel when Avina mentions that the geth were behind the attack, Kasumi will deliver this:

* On discovering the nature of Grunt's illness:

** Thane says "Fascinating" is possibly the most bored sounding voice ever heard by sentient life.

* Taking Kasumi through the C-Sec tunnel before Shepard regains his/her Spectre status:

* The human and turian in Rodam arguing about what weapon to buy with the turian constantly talking about the shotgun.

** Hell, the vendor in Rodam's ridiculous over-enthusiasm, what with hiding behind his desk and holding an imaginary gun like a ten year old playing soldiers.

* Renegade Shepard [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn-swno6Ej8 tricking the stock boy] during Thane's loyalty mission.

* During the Overlord DLC, if you attack a cow on the planet with the Hammerhead, the vehicle notes something that is quite obvious.

** Nevermind the hilarity of [[Car Fu|running over one of the cows with a hovertank]].

* Bringing Kasumi on Mordin's loyalty mission:

'''Mordin''': Not always. Sometimes I fall asleep. }}

* Another gem from Mordin:

'''Mordin''': Sorry. I'll...try...to...slow...down. [[Motor Mouth|No,nonono.Can'tdoit.]] }}

** Not taking said Renegade interrupt is even more hilarious, since that results in one of your buddies doing it, startling Shepard, and responding to his/her accusing look with a shrug.

* More Overlord DLC humor in the form of 'research logs' on the Prometheus station, where a [[Deadpan Snarker|deadpan]] Cerebus Researcher comments about one Lanigan's antics about scaring the other researchers with the possibility of the geth reviving. {{spoiler|[[Funny Aneurysm Moment|Of course, the VI takes over their station and infects every machine in the place...]]}}:

** The log after that:

* Overlord is full of dark humor. Such as the [[Interface Screw]] with the door lock icons. You approach one door with a red icon, and the "Bypass Door" tooltip. The door opens automatically when you approach. Another set of doors are next to each other. Try to open the green door, and the red one next to it opens instead. Finally, one last door, when you try to open it, instead has the icon ''slowly'' slide along the wall to another door before opening ''that'' one.

* This gem after the Krogan Shaman has explained the intense regimen he needs to stick to to be a Shaman.

'''Shaman:''' Indeed. }}

* If you tell Mordin that you're "not interested" in Miranda when he gives you the birds and the bees talk nets you this gem:

* In 'Lair of the Shadow Broker' DLC, ANY of the [[Like an Old Married Couple|banter between Shepard and Liara]]. Especially during the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Syk4uMKMJGk car chase]:

'''Shepard''': I'm going! }}

 

'''Shepard''': Wonderful. }}

 

'''Liara''': You're enjoying this. }}

** Then, moments later:

'''Shepard''': Again? }}

 

'''Shepard''': Yeah, I hear those can be bad for you. }}

 

'''Shepard''': ''(unfazed)'' We'll be fine! }}

** After taking a couple of collisions:

'''Liara''': [[Lampshade Hanging|Still better than the Mako.]] }}

** And right [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGwX0UpHXCc before] the car chase, as Shepard walks up to the car, "I'm fine, by the way, thanks for asking." (This after falling a story or two while wrestling with an asari)

*** Later, a Paragon interrupt reveals he's actually quite put out by that.

** When Shepard [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAuh8GSJDWc asks] about the Azure hotel:

'''Liara''': So did I. }}

** And, later, while infiltrating the Shadow Broker's base:

 

'''Shepard''': Thanks for the tip. }}

 

'''Liara''': I think we can guess. }}

 

'''Shepard''': [[Deadpan Snarker|That's comforting.]] }}

 

'''Liara''': [[Lampshade Hanging|At least]] [[Scenery Porn|the view is nice.]] }}

 

'''Shepard''': Please don't give the mercs ideas. }}

 

'''Shepard''': Keep dreaming, T'Soni. }}

 

'''Shepard''': [[I Warned You|I told you.]] }}

 

'''Liara''': That security upgrade made a lot of people unhappy. }}

 

'''Liara''': No time to talk! }}

** Also, some of the Shadow Broker security feeds. The best ones are Elias Kelham's 'solution' to the Joram Talid problem. And our favorite reporter interviewing a krogan...with predictable results. WHAM.

*** Later on, our favorite reporter gets her ass kicked ''by a volus''. Then again, that volus was a vicious, shin punching bastard.

** The [http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Shadow_Broker_Dossiers Dossiers] are full of these:

***** Legion has 4 infractions in ''Galaxy Of Fantasy''. Three of them are insane feats that the game admins considered to be impossible, though Legion somehow got them overturned, but the fourth was a suspension for unsportsmanlike conduct (taunting players). He did not file a dispute.

***** Also, his gamer handle - "Infiltrait0rN7".

***** Consider this next time that he tells you that humanity [[Stealth Pun|always comes first.]]

**** Hell, the entire summary of Mordin's mission with Kirrahe is hilarious. The farming equipment story is the icing on the cake. [[Noodle Incident]] no more!

'''23:16''' - Distraction team arrives to provide relief. Commander Kirrahe notes parameter shift, suggests Rentola take injured members back to ship while he and remainder of team attempt to hit secondary drop point. Despite injuries to face and head, Specialist Solus refuses to return to ship, noting need for soil and water analysis at secondary site. Kirrahe suggests Solus is one tough cloaca. }}

*** Tali's hesitation on whether or not to get the... nerve stimulation progam. And after installing it and uninstalling it several times, she finally settles down. After installing the ''pro edition'' of the program.

*** We find out that Grunt downloads porn. Specifically, asari porn. Well, he is a teenager...

*** What, no mention of the fact that Grunt reads ''Hemingway''? And has bought a Krogan Battlemaster Action Figure "with real smash your enemies actions"?

*** [http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Shadow_Broker_Dossiers/Garrus_Vakarian Garrus] liked killing criminals in [[Karmic Death|ironic ways]].

Zel'Aenik nar Helash (viral specialist, serial killer) - Cough }}

*** Thane's preferred assassination techniques when it comes to [[Made of Iron|krogan]].

*** Jack got banned from both an internet forum and online poker for her actions. She also writes dark poetry.

*** Jacob's choice of videos while doing 300 crunches. [[Covert Pervert|One of them is implied to be asari porn.]] This Troper is wondering, whether this is a shout out to ''[[American Psycho]]''.

**** Because most of Grunt's movies are the same as other characters (he also watched ''Vaena'', like Garrus), I interpreted it as Grunt watching a movie that Jacob suggested. I leave the implications of that to you.

** Miranda's correspondences with various men on "iPartner Connections". Some of them are extremely brief:

[DISCONNECT] }}

*** Which really puts that load screen about how "there are no decent galactic dating services" into perspective.

* The timing and Wrex's matter-of-fact acceptance that Warlord Okeer is dead is great:

'''Wrex:''' *''without missing a beat''* Of course. You're with Shepard. How could he be alive? }}

* On discussing your relationship with Liara:

'''Shepard''': I have fond memories of the last time you [[Double Entendre|put pressure on me]]. }}

** Another great one from ''Lair of the Shadow Broker''. If you are romancing Liara, when she comes up to the captain's quarters she will mention that she ran into Joker. And then she says this.

'''Shepard:''' (Embarrassed) Of course he did. }}

** Alternatively:

'''Shepard:''' (Embarrassed) Of course he did. }}

** [[Rule of Three|Alternatively alternatively]]

'''Shepard:''' (Embarrassed) Of course he did. }}

** And even though the context is a bit of a [[Tear Jerker]], if you've romanced Garrus and were with Liara in the first game she delivers this line if you use a Paragon interrupt to confront her about your relationship:

* If you meet and save the salarian workers on Thane's recruitment mission, you later get this email.

So if you could tell him that... or just whatever parts of that you think appropriate... I'd appreciate it. }}

* You can [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHomhkEgR9w&feature=related challenge a krogan] in Samara's loyalty mission, then have a staredown until ''he'' backs down.

** The first part of Samara's loyalty mission is full of moments like this. The ''optimal goal'' is to be a ''massive douchebag''. If you've been playing a straight Paragon, it really gives you a chance to let loose. The aforementioned krogan stare-down, beating up a turian off-screen and flinging him across the room? Good times.

'''Asari Dancer:''' I '''''do''''' wanna think that! }}

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6el8a5UoMIY Kal'Reegar's delivery] upon meeting Legion in Haestrom is hilarious.

** "YOU'VE GOT A GETH! ''RIGHT BEHIND YOU!''"

*** "You know, ordinarily that wouldn't fly with me, but I can't afford to be picky right now!"

* Kelly's reaction to Shepard's [[All Girls Want Bad Boys]] comment.

* Your [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMxYZvESfsM first conversation] with Mordin as a party member involves stating to him it must have been frustrating to work with such limited facilities on Omega. He immediately tells you that he loved it. It was a wonderful challenge - few resources, many patients, a lot of hostiles, he couldn't have asked for more. Then he seems to realize what he's saying, and backpedals a bit.

** In the same conversation he mentions how Kirrahe's a good captain, but a bit of a cloaca, loved [[Heroic Sacrifice]]-ish speeches, which Mordin doesn't understand. He dismisses this as bravado, jargon, chest-pounding - then pauses, apparently realizes who he's talking to, and says "No offense."

* A bit of [[Dummied Out|cut content]] shows that the groundskeeper turian had a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGKQhuDW6B4 few lines that didn't make it into the final game]. Pity, because they're great lines.

"'Scuse me for askin', but - you're a female, right? You got those funny bumps, like an asari." }}

* From Thane's recruitment mission, one rescued salarian gives a piece of advice:

* If you don't kill the Thresher Maw during Grunt's loyalty mission, EDI's dialog regarding the breeding requests changes.

'''Grunt''': "Book the protester! And her sister if she has one!" }}

* This troper finds a lot of Zaeed's dialogue is funny.

'''Zaeed:''' (on Niftu Cal) Want me to kneecap this guy so he doesn't follow us around? }}

** His exchange with Tali when you confront Kor Tun:

'''Zaeed:''' A rifle butt to the head would be faster. }}

* Even though the ending of Arrival is pretty serious, what with {{spoiler|destroying an entire system and everything}}, Admiral Hackett delivers a line that never fails to make me laugh:

** It's even better if you remember that the whole thing was supposed to be a stealth mission. ''Oops''.

* If you walk into the opposite-sex bathroom on the ''Normandy'':

* The [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWYUiVfZo9k dancing turian] on Thane's loyalty quest. Set to "What is Love".

* During Jack's introductory scene, if you have Grunt with you all he says when he sees Jack tear through the guards and the walls is "Jack is small, this will be funny" and later "Oh, I want to see this!" and "Move! I want to see how long she'll last" and "She's blowing everything up. I like her!" when pursuing her. It's his kid-in-a-candy-store tone that seals the deal on the funny.

* When walking into Afterlife, you can confront of group of Batarians lounging in the tunnel. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY_DOfiAjoo The renegade option] has a funny little moment when one of the Batarins tries giving Shepard the throat slice gesture. Shepard promptly points His/Her gun at him...and he runs like a wuss.

* This exchange during ''Dossier: The Professor'' mission:

'''District Guard:''' You don't have a grenade launcher, lady. }}

** And, just before that:

'''District Guard''': Uh... No? }}

* Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't stop laughing in the final boss fight with {{spoiler|the human reaper}}. It just kept leaning and ducking like a baby playing peek-a-boo.

** Serious YMMV on that, this troper found the peek-a-booing to absolutely terrifying. The ONLY other thing to scare him was discovering the end fate of those captured by the Collectors.

* Kasumi is a ''massive'' optimist. Take her along on the derelict Reaper mission:

** Shepard also gives an awesome deadpan snark at Joker at the beginning of the mission:

* Before you recruit Archangel, you can hear the news talking about the attack on his fortress, and musing on the man himself.

* Blowing up Donovan Hock's gunship right after he says "Do what you like to this gunship." Well, Hock, you asked.

* In a sidequest, you can come across an audio log from a recently-fired miner, stating that he's leaving the planet to help "take out some dumbass vigilante on Omega." Ask him how well ''that'' went... It's even funnier if Garrus happens to be in your party at the time.

** Sadly, Garrus does not say anything about it.

* One of the Shadow Broker grunts once crashed This Troper's game with a flashbang. [[No Fourth Wall|Smartest AI I've ever seen in a game]].

* The first conversation you have with Joker aboard the new Normandy:

'''Joker:''' Uh, ''leather''! }}

* Samara can be spoken to around the varren pit fighting ring on Tuchanka. She comments on the barbarity.

* When discussing with Miranda about waking up Grunt, Renegade!Shepard refers to him as a ''paperweight''. The kicker is the Commander's plan if the Krogan gets dangerous:

'''[[The Comically Serious|EDI:]]''' Twenty-four permanent crew, Shepard. }}

** Admiral Gerrel's story of service with Tali's father.

** After Tali's trial, Shepard can tell the Quarians not to go to war. When the reply is an empty promise it will be considered s\he steps back from the podium, head shaking, arms waving, Shepard's body language screaming "why do I even bother?"

*** Also after Tali's trial, you can head up and get Joker's input on the situation. He mentions that "Some of those Quarians... I guess living aboard a ship your whole life can really mess with your priorities? [[Suspiciously Specific Denial|Not that I would know...]] ah, [[Insult Friendly Fire|I just burned myself.]] Great."

* Jack's thoughts on Legion.

* When you ask Miranda how mad her father was the she left, her answer makes me laugh: "Shots were fired." It's the matter-of-fact tone that sells it.

* The way Thane kills Nassana Dantius is simply hilarious to behold. As Nassana is still drawing her last breath Thane hugs her, lays her down oh so gently, and then just as gently lays her hands on her chest.

* Another overheard conversation, this time at the Zakera Cafe on the Citadel, where the customer wants to buy something to impress his date, and the clerk is unimpressed with his lack of understanding.

'''Customer:''' [[Insult Backfire|Hey, thanks!]] }}

 

 

== Mass Effect 3 ==

* "I've had enough of your tabloid journalism." ['''[[Rule of Three|SHEPARD PAWNCH!]]'''] Players get their Third Round with our '''[[Sarcasm Mode|favorite]]''' reporter. We (as expected) get the option of once more punching her, except this time ''[[Genre Savvy|she dodges the punch]]'', and after doing a battle pose, tries to hit back. Shepard's response? . [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bafyItlWVvs Headbutt her]. Krogan style. Enjoy.

'''Shepard''': ['''SHEPARD HEADBUTT!'''] }}

** Unfortunately, if Shepard doesn't counterattack in time, Shepard gets knocked out and the reporter decides that riling up Shepard is not worth her time.

*** ''Unfortunately?'' After spending two games being Shepard's personal [[Chew Toy]], that was freakin hilarious.

*** When she starts up Shepard's look tells the whole story, like s\he is trying to keep from laughing, or dropping the dreaded F bomb.

* The single-player demo ends with a rather amusing scenario in which {{spoiler|the female krogan you rescue from a group of Cerberus troops yanks a shotgun out of Wrex's hands to blow away a pair of stray troops with one shot each, before shoving the gun back at Wrex. Wrex just shakes his head and mutters, "Women."}}

** Made even more hilarious if you're playing as FemShep, seeing as how Shepard is standing ''right behind him''. Silently smirking.

** Added to back on the Normandy.

'''Wrex:''' Yeah, but our women have SO many of them. So sometimes I pretend to listen and, well, let's just say krogan females have tempers too. }}

* While on-route to the salarian homeworld to retrieve "Eve", a fertile krogan female, Wrex gets a bit antsy. Shepard and Liara assure him they'll retrieve her safetly and he expresses his gratitude.

'''Garrus:''' Figured you'd gone soft sitting on your throne, forgot how to hold a gun. }}

* Another gem can be found if Garrus is in your party and you speak with Wrex right after landing.

'''Wrex:''' I could throw a few salarians off a cliff it it'll make you feel better. }}

* And then there's this. Garrus and Wrex are as much bros to each other as they are to Shepard.

'''Garrus:''' Just wait till this war is over. }}

* Later, the team meets up with Captain Kirrahe, who pulls out a pistol that shoots sticky grenades, causing Cerberus troops to explode. Garrus has a certain gleam in his eyes.

* The ever-astute Mordin gives us this observation: "Affinity for destruction intact, Shepard."

* Upon arrival to Sur'kesh, Shepard is refused landing. Wrex decides to perform a "krogan airdrop" and leaps from the shuttle. Held up against salarian security, he throws them away with a biotic blast but is then targeted by snipers from afar. If the renegade option is chosen, this golden moment is engaged:

'''Wrex:''' [[Deadpan Snarker|I wonder why.]] }}

* The gang's reaction to the yahg prisoners on Sur'Kesh, especially Liara and Garrus.

'''Liara:''' [[Dude, Not Funny|Not funny!]] }}

* This time, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8S2EEPvA7c&feature=channel_video_title the Game Stop commercial] consists of a [[Charge Into Combat Cut]] with an [[In a World]] speech. {{spoiler|Then Shepard yells at Garrus to stop with the cheesy narrating and get back to shooting.}} The way he's speaking, it sounds like he's jealous of Shepard's weapon.

* Remember Blasto, who started as a forum injoke, who recieved a small cameo in the second game? He got [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyK8nopOwqs his own radio drama], which is 10 minutes of absolute hilarity.

'''[[Cowboy Cop|Blasto]]:''' This one agrees and poses multiple tentacles aimed upwards in an agreeable manner. }}

** Just the the concept behind Blasto 6 elicits much laughter. Imagine a typical buddy cop movie and the cliches attached to them: the [[Cowboy Cop]] partnered with the [[By-The-Book Cop]], the latter cop has a sister attracted to the former cop, the villain who uses [[Screw the Rules, I Have Connections]] to his advantage, and the perpetually worried [[Da Chief|police chief]] chastising the two cops when things go awry. Alone, [[Cliché Storm|it's boring and uninspired]]. Mix those archetypes with two elcor, a hanar, a volus and a vorcha, and the races' respective speaking styles, and it's ''gutbustingly funny'' (the elcor cop starting every single line with "badassfully" being the highlight). Imagining the entire ordeal makes the scenario even more insane.

 

'''Blasto:''' Slumber would be difficult due to the energetic nature of our copulation. }}

** "Are you engaging in reproductive behavior with this one?"

** [[Dirty Harry|"Does the criminal scum consider itself fortunate?"]]

** This sequence:

'''Blasto:''' (almost monotone) [[Big No|Noooooooooooo...]] }}

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUzNYcRzDIo Shepard finding Ashley on the floor with a massive hangover] and makes suggestions of getting her up.

'''Shepard''': As you were, Williams. }}

** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AceGvkcPBFA Here is the female Shepard version]. Femshep's sing-songy voice is pure comedic gold.

** And considering she got the booze from [[Badass Spaniard|Vega]], it's entirely possible that it's because she downed, in its entirety, a large bottle of mescal.

** At least she can outdrink Shepard. After three drinks the screen blacks out and Shepard wakes up next to Aria, who gives a look of pity that s\he can't handle alcohol.

*** Ah, but three drinks of ''we don't know what''. For all we know, that glass was filled with food-colored [[Gargle Blaster|ryncol]].

*** Even Garrus gets in on it, when he says, "Believe it or not, these guns still need calibrating."

* Javik's [[Fish Out of Temporal Water]] opinions on the other races.

'''Liara''': ...I'm sorry? }}

** His comment on salarians from the same conversation:

''(Later)'' '''Javik:''' They used to ''lick their eyes.'' }}

** And the nod to the [[Fan Nickname]] that was being used to refer to him back when {{spoiler|there were crazy rumours about a Prothean squadmate}}.

** Wrex plays up the 'angry krogan' act with the guards on Sur'Kesh by telling them he eats salarian liver raw. Javik adds that he's actually right, and [http://youtu.be/ilC5PMaiOBs the protheans considered it a delicacy]. The guards' faces make the entire moment.

'''Tali:''' Uh...okay. }}

*** Of course, considering the vast number of Collector corpses that Shepard has left in her/his wake, ''and'' the fact that at least one Reaper could assume control of a Collector's body, this could be considered an ''entirely valid question''.

** His [[Bizarre Alien Biology]] leads to a funny moment with Shepard regarding his or her love interest. For example, if it's female Shepard and Garrus:

'''Javik:''' I'm not. Your pheromones are. }}

* Kirrahe assumes that you're joking when you tell him that Javik's Prothean, and guesses that it's actually a drell or some other alien with genetic engineering.

** Which is doubly funny when contrasted with Mordin's reaction to first seeing Javik moments later.

* A salarian protests that he can't release Eve once containment protocols are in effect. He's interrupted mid-sentence with a painful electric shock, with Mordin right behind him.

* After EDI {{spoiler|gets the android body}}, she'll mention that "Do not worry, Shepard. I only forget to recycle the Normandy's oxygen when I find something ''truly'' interesting." The [[Stunned Silence|look of silent horror on Shepard's face]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOJ1y2zJwSE is absolutely] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbpSuHvCSeg hysterical]... especially when EDI then follows it up with the usual "That was a joke."

** Actually, just about everything involving EDI and Joker, and the fact that [[Everyone Can See It|about everyone on the Normandy is thinking]] [[Robo Ship]].

*** As shown in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdtngc2YfmE&feature=plcp&context=C3ec938eUDOEgsToPDskKxhIHHY6laE844zs-vOeZ5 this video], Joker is caught asking for sex advice of how to get it on with EDI from Mordin.

** After the mission in Tuchanka, Joker has an idea on how to deal with Reapers:

** How did EDI counter Cerberus' cyberwarfare after the events of ME2? By flooding their servers with porn. '''Seven zettabytes of it.''' Most of it was Joker's.

*** For everyone playing along at home, a zettabyte is 10²¹ bytes. In all Joker has seven (ahem) '''sex'''tillion (7 x 10²¹ or 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) bytes of porn on the Normandy's computer. Yes, sextillion is a real number. Additionally, as of 2009, the total memory of the ''entire Internet'' was estimated to be half a zettabyte. [[The Internet Is for Porn|The Extranet Is For Porn]] [[Up to Eleven|indeed]]. ''How'' did he get the time to watch all that?

*** ''Five sense stimulation,'' Like fornax. *Deep Breath*

* Garrus and Joker telling jokes to each other on the Normandy's bridge.

'''Garrus:''' [[Never Live It Down|Correct]]! }}

** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMRgCUCUIoU It goes downhill from there].

** At one point, Joker is surprised to learn the turians made a joke ''specifically about him''.

'''Garrus:''' So their marines can beat someone in hand to hand combat. }}

** Related to that - [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzTIgEv95oI Vega tries to get Javik to open up a bit]. [[Hilarity Ensues]].

*** James meets the last member of an extinct civilization. Liara had questions about Prothean government and society. James just wants to know if they liked to get drunk. James and Javik, you two managed to avoid the [[Replacement Scrappy]] title magnificently.

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uubb0xVBYU The banter between M!Shep and Tali] (if a romance option was pursued) is hilarious while {{spoiler|on the Geth Dreadnought}}.

'''Kaidan:''' Uh... if you like, I can give you two some privacy. }}

** Ashley tries to get the two lovebirds to cut the chatter (which is even funnier if she was your ME1 love interest and you dumped her for Tali in the first place):

** Even funnier is Javik's response:

'''Javik:''' Mating between species. A pointless exercise. }}

** Even ''funnier'' is Garrus's response:

** Just Tali being a flirt and her interactions with Shepard in general. It's both hilarious and heartwarming to watch them go back and forth. [http://youtu.be/-siCdhbHh-4 Another gem], if you managed to get the quarians and geth to work together:

'''Tali:''' (''chuckles'') Oh, trust me, Shepard. The only other person who gets inside this suit is ''you''. }}

** If you negotiate peace with the geth and quarians:

'''Tali:''' Only the cute ones. }}

* The ''entire'' Grissom Academy sequence, watching [[Ax Crazy|Jack's]]...''unique'' teaching style and it's startlingly positive effect on her students.

** Especially when they start [[Take That Us|mocking]] some of her lines from ME2 (which themselves are taken verbatim from enemy biotics from ME1)...

** And their reward for surviving the whole debacle:

*** It's a Funny and Heartwarming moment if you own the Mass Effect 3 iOS app and Jack emails you, "Rodriguez just ripped a husk's head off. May be some hope for her yet."

** And if you're romancing Garrus and bring him along:

** Or her reaction to EDI, which is surprisingly amiable:

** But nothing can really stack up to the very ending of the mission, whereupon Jack and Joker [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BI_0FFaY6g#t=7m25s have a verbal spar over intercom for old times' sake.]

(''[[Curse Cut Short|loading screen]]'') }}

* And seeing her later at Purgatory Bar:

** During the same outing, Shepard can take a jab about how Garrus always seems to have a new scar every time they meet up, and cracks about how Vakarian might be losing a step in his old age.

'''Shepard:''' [[Actually Pretty Funny|Touche]]. }}

* Though mention in the previous game, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx69vvZP0EE you can finally meet the Shepard VI at the Citadel.] His/Her lines are pure gold.

'''Actual Shepard:''' [[Do I Really Sound Like That?|I don't really sound like that...do I?]] }}

** It's also based on the personality of your Shepard, so while a Paragon Shepard VI is obnoxiously friendly, a [[Anti-Hero|Renegade]] Shepard VI sounds more than a little [[Ax Crazy]].

'''Shepard VI:''' Ever wrestle a varren for money? }}

* Mordin Solus [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5RDs76UbH4 contemplating retirement]:

'''Solus''': ...Might run tests on seashells. }}

** {{spoiler|Becomes a [[Tear Jerker]] should he send off to [[Heroic Sacrifice|truly cure the Genophage]].}}

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvwD7vDknFU Catching] {{spoiler|Garrus and Tali}} getting a little cozy with each other near the end of the game, if Shepard is not in a relationship with either one of them.

** And then there's this little gem soon after.

{{spoiler|'''Garrus'''}}: {{spoiler|You are so mean. And I'm okay with that.}} }}

* During the Sur'Kesh mission, [http://youtu.be/cPIIaK4Vl20 you can press a button on a random terminal] ([[Up to Eleven]] times), then a nearby soldier accosts you for touching things you aren't supposed to. As you press it more, [[Stop Poking Me|he continually pleads for you to stop with increasing agitation]]. Eventually, you find out {{spoiler|that it's a feces analyzer.}}

** And then he removes the interaction prompt so you really ''can't'' touch it anymore.

* After you've rescued the krogan's princess, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDuzzYGIDWU this] happens.

'''Eve:''' For the ''last time'', Doctor, ''[["No. Just... No" Reaction|I'm not interested!]]'' }}

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8ONUZDckGA "I'm Garrus Vakarian, and THIS is now my favorite spot on the Citadel!"]

* And then there's the bizarre hilarity that is the Conrad Verner encounter (Paragon version, at least). Or, as I like to call it: '''Random Shit From the First Game Coming Together in the Most Bizarre Way Possible: The Sidequest'''. So, a question for you: how do Conrad Verner, the writings of Matriarch Dilinaga, the armory licenses, retrieving the data disks on Feros, and helping out Detective Chellick [[Noodle Implements|all fit together in a logical way]]? Answer: ''I still have no idea''.

** Then there's some of the [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eow4XCnq_M#t=116s automated dialogue] you can have with him.

'''Shepard''': [[Squick|Gah]]... }}

** When caught drumming up support for Cerberus because Shepard worked for them, Shepard [[Face Palm|speaks for us all]].

** Conrad also ask the question every player of ME 1 had about the thermal clip system and why it replaced the self cooling one or didn't just became an addition.

** One of his lines refers to the save bug which caused renegade action to be imported from ME 1 regardless of an actual player decision.

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nUWcAmt6VB4#t=123s Drunk Tali.] Just...Tali being totally hammered. Especially when she starts calling Javik over the intercom and tells him she thinks he actually likes Liara.

** Particularly her difficulty with the... "emergency induction port."

*** And then her comment about Miranda: "Keelah, she was such a bitch."

** The iOS app has her ''drunk text'' Shepard. And the next day, text "Ow. Head hurts. Why do people do this for fun? And what happened to my spellchecker?"

** During the same sequence when Tali's smashed, she has an amusing conversation with Javik regarding his relationship with Liara. She teases him about liking Liara, then teases him about liking Tali herself. Javik is more than a little exasperated:

** This is even funnier considering Javik's [[The Empath|empathic]] abilities; he probably [[Ironic Echo|pulled that line]] from Tali's own conversation with Garrus in the second game.

** Also, her [["Well Done, Son" Guy|daddy issues]] show up full force. If she's in a relationship with Shepard:

** And in general:

'''Tali:''' Don't 'aaah' at me. (''grumbles'') You sound like a vorcha. }}

*** There's a reason for that: Mark Meer (male Shepard's voice actor) [[Talking to Himself|also does some of the vorcha voice-overs.]]

** Also a [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming]] since she is extremely proud of Miranda for standing up to her father who did extremely morally questionable things to win a war and how she wish she was like her and be able to stop her dad from doing something that got him killed.

* Upon Normandy approaching the Geth Dreadnought while "rigged for silent running."

* Joker and Vega chat through the intercom on the possibility of the quarians making him an exoskeleton suit. Joker says it'd mess with his spatial awareness, which he needs to "feel" the ship, and zings Vega about his [[Ramming Always Works|shuttle antics]] after Vega tries to retort that his suit doesn't screw ''his'' spatial sense up. Joker also concludes that he doesn't have the figure for it, citing Tali and her [[Ascended Meme|hips]].

* Anyone who has scrolled through one of the Squad Member pages will notice that [["Well Done, Son" Guy|daddy issues]] are ''the'' disorder of the day. Shepard is well aware of this.

'''Shepard:''' [[Genre Savvy|I've just learned you have to ask about these things.]] }}

* We all knew the Illusive Man has... different... priorities from most people, but check out his reaction to {{spoiler|Shepard storming his base in the first step of the game's climax.}}

* On Tuchanka, while running from the biggest thresher maw ever:

'''Mordin:''' Metal in truck excellent iron supplement for maw's diet! }}

* Padok Wiks, Mordin's [[Suspiciously Similar Substitute|replacement]] if he died in Mass Effect 2, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dr9k2ywHWL4 wonders how krogan mate]. After a hilarious facial expression, he asks Eve.

'''Eve:''' Very clumsily. }}

** Bonus points because Wiks sounds like a [[Covert Pervert]] at the beginning... {{spoiler|then once Eve responds, it turns [[Exact Words|he really was interested in how krogan mate]] [[For Science!]]}}.

** For double bonus hilarity: Padok Wiks is at least partially based on Bioware writer [[Name's the Same|Patrick Weekes]].

* You can try to talk Liara into [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESEyqTqYWnk speaking to her father]. She doesn't want to. Until you say just her name, at which point she gives a petulant "Fine." And then eavesdropping on their conversation is hilarious.

'''Renegade!Shepard:''' I never get to surprise you with anything. }}

** Some [http://youtu.be/svau_peWtQo gems] include the phrase "useful as tits on a Hanar", starry-eyed reminiscing about "Nezzy's" [[Buxom Is Better|magnificent rack]], with [[Too Much Information|predictable reactions from Liara]], Liara being gobsmacked that she has a part-hanar sister, {{spoiler|Aethyta}} telling Liara that if she gets the urge to headbutt something it's genetic, to Liara's protestations, a comment about how {{spoiler|Aethyta's}} surprised that Liara's panties haven't caught fire around Shepard, and when {{spoiler|she gives Liara a unit of Eclipse commandos}} says that Liara's too old to "buy you a damn pony."

** Liara's response to the gift is just as hilarious:

'''Liara:''' {{spoiler|You're the best father ever.}} }}

* This line from Tuchanka:

'''Wrex''': ''I know. You get all the fun!'' }}

** From the same scene: most of your squadmates will react to the "trench run" by asking if they really just got shot at by a Reaper. Javik, on the other hand, starts shouting excitedly that he remembers this part - and it's the ''easy'' bit. Wrex's sage advice is to avoid the giant laser.

* If you convince the geth to support your war, a Broker email describes an Alliance soldier's complaints about not knowing the geth were friendlies. Not only did he "shoot the flashlights" off of one, he then had to ''apologize'' to it, and insists he's never living that one down.

* This conversation between Shepard and Legion, making fun of the fact that no one believed Shepard about the Reapers.

'''Shepard:''' ...That must have been nice. }}

* If you choose the krogan over the rachni (thus saving Aralakh Company), Grunt sends you the following [[Blatant Lies|well-spelled, correctly-punctuated and highly literate]] email:

SHEPERD S HEPAURD SHEPARUD!!! }}

* Throughout the entire game, everyone reacts to Javik with a combination of surprise, awe, and confusion. With one exception.

** Well, Wrex doesn't seem overly shocked either.

'''Wrex''': ''(deadpan)'' Sometimes I'm not sure whether Normandy is a warship or a traveling freak show. }}

* When Shepard speaks to Bailey s\he can share his\her thoughts on politics.

'''Bailey:''' Hmmm. You know, if that was a bumper sticker I'd place it right on my desk. }}

* Kai Leng's smack talk about whoever he killed during the Citadel coup - {{spoiler|Thane / Kirrahe / the salarian councilor}} - provokes some interesting reactions from your squadmates. If nothing else, it's hilarious they all hate this guy as much as the audience came to.

'''Tali:''' '''Bosh'tet!''' }}

* The interaction between Shepard and Liara's Asari "father".

''' {{spoiler|Matriarch Aethyta}}''': Well I'm ''not'' human, am I? Anthropocentric bag of dicks. }}

* While Legion is aboard, you can visit Garrus and hear the two chatting over the com system... about [[Running Gag|calibrating the Normandy's guns]]. Legion [http://youtu.be/H_i9fiqjhSs insists that only a .32% increase is possible]... then [[Serial Escalation|Garrus gets a .43% increase out of them]], causing Legion to be baffled.

'''Shepard:''' Well, it wasn't his ear. }}

* Eve hates the way Mordin talks to himself while working because he keeps describing absent-mindedly and in minute detail how his failures would result in her horrible, horrible death. She finds it a little unsettling. He tries to accomodate her, so he resorts to trailing off into mumbling about "sensitive topics". Eve finds ''that'' even worse because it leaves so much room for the imagination...

** In the iOS app, Jacob announces that he and his wife finally came up with a name for their baby. It's not Shepard. It's Hackett. Oh, and the baby is a ''girl''.

* Upon encountering the Hanar diplomat {{spoiler|who reveals his plans of uploading a virus to shut down his homeworld's defenses, leaving them open to Reaper attack,}} Shepard's response without any prompting or dialogue choice, is of course:

** If Kasumi's helping you with this quest, she chimes in with her opinion of diplomat's idea that the hanar, who worship the Protheans, should serve the Reapers because the Protheans became the Collectors:

** Also, earlier in the quest, Jondum Bau rules out a possible suspect by saying that the money he's transferring is for his mistress. After speaking to Bau, Kasumi pipes in.

** Let's not forget Kasumi immediately turning around and telling Shepard she's not going to join his/her crew, since s/he already got one suicide mission out of her, before a little later on enquiring how much of the old crew Shepard has got back... and remarking that if Shep'd got Jacob back, she'd reconsider. Even if she still has Keiji's greybox, since she's "nostalgic. Not ''dead''."

* One of Liara's archived conversations is an argument between Grunt and a recruit for Aralahk Company.

'''Grunt''': Trying to mate with salarian females doesn't count as fighting. }}

* Bring Kaidan along with you and Tali to the geth dreadnaught and watch the two of them completely nerd out over omnitools, with Tali cheerfully heckling Kaidan for still using the same model.

* If you helped EDI and Joker get into a relationship, EDI will reminscience about the first time Joker saw her new shell. Joker said that she didn't have to conform to societal standards to beauty.

* After kicking {{spoiler|Cerberus}} off the Citadel and a side mission or two, Shepard hits the mess hall only to discover James and Garrus 'whipping it out' for comparison... their military accomplishments, that is.

'''James''': Doesn't count - you did that with Shepard. }}

** Walk around the ship a bit, then come back for Part 2:

'''James''': *shrugs* It's a gift. }}

** Walk around some more and come back for Part 3, in which Garrus and James both lampshade their prior interactions, before telling the story of how they teamed up to singlehandedly kick the Reapers back into darkspace.

'''James''': Nah, it was just us. Mostly me. }}

* After the "Geth Fighter Base" mission (paraphrased from memory):

'''EDI:''' No. }}

* EDI demonstrates her mastery of [[Deadpan Snarker|deadpan humor]] during a discussion with {{spoiler|Legion}} about the efficiency of her new platform.

'''EDI:''' [[Did I Just Say That Out Loud?|...Did I just vocalize that on the bridge?]] }}

** That dialogue also features Legion criticizing the inefficiency of EDI's design. Especially for being so (ahem) [[Most Common Superpower|top-heavy]].

* Going to the Ardat-Yakshi Monastery starts out just like a horror movie. Lights are off, no one's home, elevator's not working, last team sent in disappeared. You walk inside and see the whole place is a mess. All of a sudden, ''something moves...''

** Everyone has a variation on the theme.

'''Liara:''' (''[[Beat]]'') ...Sorry, that was me. }}

* Having the achievement "bleep" function as a censor to Jack telling Joker "F-- you" might just be an industry first. Doubles as [[Fridge Brilliance]] for those who didn't catch it the first time around.

* Ashley, on what she'd like to do {{spoiler|once she's out of the hospital}}:

* If you bring Garrus along on the Geth Dreadnought with Tali, he will mention that Dr. Michel bought him some dextro-amino chocolate.

'''Tali''': Oh, nothing~ ''(you can practically hear her smirking)'' (...[[Alternate Character Interpretation|or maybe]] [[Hilarious in Hindsight|she sounds jealous]].) }}

** Alternately, if you are a female Shepard romancing Garrus:

'''Tali''': Watch yourself, Shepard. }}

* During the final mission:

** @_@ ...Wreav wants to rule ''another'' [[Death World|scorched desert]] filled with [[Everything Trying to Kill You|horrible monsters]] yet voluntarily populated by [[Aussies With Artillery|heavily armed homesteaders?]] All I can say to that is, "[[Awesome Aussie|Aren't Australians krogan?]]"

** [[Australian Wildlife|Just the wildlife.]] It says a lot that some of them are endangered. [[Awesome Aussie|Some keep them as pets.]]

* Joker has a great line when Shepard is encouraging him to give a relationship with EDI a try. I can't be the only one who thought of a certain [[Futurama]] episode:

'''Joker:''' A crushed pelvis and a broken heart. }}

* After the Sur'Kesh mission, you can get this dialogue with Wrex:

'''Wrex''': And ''I'' gave you the moral support to dodge those bullets! }}

* If Javik is in the party for the Tessia mission, you get this:

'''Javik''': Or maybe it's the ''actual'' Prothean standing next to you. }}

* After EDI puts herself in a new body, she mentions Joker might be pleased with her new body. Shepard replies that it's an [[Understatement]]. Even funnier is if you speak to Dr. Chakwas right after.

'''Dr. Chakwas:''' ''(laughing)'' Joker is going to have a ''field day''! }}

* When mentioning EDI inserted herself into Cerebus tech without permission:

** In that same conversation, Shepard can ask Joker if he knew EDI was going to install herself into said Cerberus tech.

* Quarians are hot. How hot? If Tali and MShep are in a relationship, just ask Javik:

'''Javik:''' ([[Evil Laugh]]) }}

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLn07UJnxLs Argument of capital importance for the future of the galaxy between Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau of the Alliance military and Doctor Liara "The Shadow Broker" T'Soni]:

'''Liara:''' I'm ''not'' telling you {{spoiler|if my "hair tentacles" move}}! }}

** The only thing that would have made that funnier is if Joker later asked a Shepard romancing Liara.

** If Shepard takes Liara's side:

* If you chat to Joker after {{spoiler|leaving the Rachni Queen to die}} he comes out with the following:

* At certain moments you have to pick a squadmate to disable/repair something technical while you and the other team member defend them. Apparently, the developers knew this could lead to some odd choices - if you tell James to disable one of the geth AA guns on Rannoch...

''He walks over to the control panel, scratches his head in bewilderment - then '''kicks it'''. Repeatedly.'' }}

* The Renegade leadup to Shepard and Garrus' Presidium excursion:

'''Garrus''': No offence, but if the end of the galaxy is coming, I'm not going out on the phrase "This one feels like a flower." }}

* Wrex referring to '''Kalros''', the mother of all Thresher Maws as "one HELL of a ''guard dog''".

* A conversation James and Cortez have down in the shuttle bay about the merits of the Mako vs the Hammerhead [[Lampshade Hanging|that is set up to sound like two fans of the series arguing about the vehicle sections.]] Crowning moment has to be when Cortez says the Mako handles "like a drunk rhino".

** Specifically Cortez's remark about Vega's preference for Grizzly IFV.

* Tali's line after saving Shepard from a falling elevator in the Geth dreadnought:

** Bonus! If Tali and a male Shepard are in a relationship, this dialogue is altered. And we see a bit of Tali's [[Tsundere]] side:

'''Shepard''': Yeah, you were worried. }}

* Attempting to [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGqoSZwdS8A flirt with Joker as Femshep]. All of his lines are respectful and thoughtout...but his ''face'' shows that he's terrified. He shows more fear than when the Collectors attacked the Normandy.

* On letting Balak go after convincing him to pledge the remaining Batarian troops.

'''Shepard''': I ''want'' to put a bullet in his head. But we're all making sacrifices today. }}

* If Shepard is in a relationship with Liara, when s/he's finished talking with him, Wrex will compliment the new Normandy but is annoyed that he doesn't have a window, and ribs Shepard that it's probably because of his/her relationship that Liara does.

'''Shepard:''' No comment. }}

To be the Krogan Queen!'' }}

** But Mordin still prefers patter songs.

* When a [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2D7dWnqbq2c Hanar approaches Javik on the Citadel], it's unfortunate they only speak in [[Creepy Monotone]], because you can just ''tell'' the poor thing is about to shit its pants seeing an actual, living Enkindler.

* A real [[Missed Moment of Awesome]] is when the Rachni are aiding against the Reapers. The email when an Alliance member crapped his pants at seeing a ''rachni'' board his ship and ''not'' attack and ''help'' with the effort. Imagine a Yoggoth working side by side with you in a casual manner.

* Speaking of elephants in the room, there's an amusing exchange between an Alliance member and a Geth Prime on Earth, as one of the Alliance apologizes for ''shooting a hole'' in one of the Geth platforms before realizing they were friendly.

* If you talk to Cortez after the Communications Relay you get this little exchange between Vega & Cortez.

'''James Vega''': That I do. }}

* You can pardon the engineering duo from the 2nd game at the Spectre terminal. Like in the 2nd game, they're always good for a laugh. {{spoiler|Eventually Gabby calls Ken out on him hitting on every girl on the ship but ''her''. Support Gabby in the argument and you'll catch them under the engineering deck towards the end of the game. Complete with "were we caught?" lines.}}

'''Michael''' Thank you! }}

** Similar to the above, I had to go and speak to someone on the Citadel for the side quest. I'm not even sure who, or what side quest, because the man I was speaking to had not rendered, and was thus invisible. It was like Shepard was having a meaningful conversation [[Animate Inanimate Object|with a surprisingly articulate bench]].

* [[Harry Partridge]] has contributed his talents to crafting [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOqHUa2LfNY an 80's cartoon] version of the ''ME'' universe. Three words: Wrex on keytar.

'''Vega:''' (While doing chin-ups in the background) [[Ho Yay|You know you love the show, Esteban!]] }}

* Take Kaidan to find Admiral Zaal'Qoris, and he has a comment on fighting geth, again.

'''Shepard:''' Yeah. Intel always was a little sketchy. }}

* Samantha Traynor is the new yeoman on the Normandy. When you first talk talk to her she'll bring up not even having a toothbrush, and you can suggest placing a requisition order for one.

'''Shepard:''' Yeah...you're on your own on that one. }}

'''Traynor:''' You never take me anywhere nice. }}

* One funny [[Noodle Incident]] from Javik on the iOS app: "Thresher maws have gotten much bigger. [[Dune|Too big to ride now. A shame.]]"

* Liara at one point asks Garrus about a [[Noodle Incident]] in his Archangel days: did he really [[One-Hit Polykill|kill three Blue Suns mercs with one round?]] Garrus laughs it off: the third guy died of a heart attack.

* The dangers of Father/Daughter bonding...

'''Aethyta:''' If it's all civilized you're not doing it right. }}

* The descriptions for the Batarian planets show some choice examples of [[Black Humor]], from discussing [[It Makes Sense in Context|the Reapers' taste in literature]] to the [[Blatant Lies|boisterous claims]] of the former Batarian Empire.

* A meta-example of humor from the [[YouTube]] video of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHnOPmL2Nk0&feature=relmfu Tali and Ashley sniping at each other] as romantic rivals. The top rated comment:

{{quote| She's onto you, Tali. Quick! Be cuter! }}

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIQ-iGF1t-4 Tali doesn't like spiders much.]

* In the first game, Pressly is suspicious of Tali and claims she'll be stealing things from the Normandy. At first, it seems he's just being a [[Fantastic Racism|space racist]]. Then the admirals show up on a vessel with a Normandy-esque stealth drive...

* Sometimes it's better to have the backup characters around. On the geth dreadnought, without Tali:

'''Ashley:''' She's not all the way sane, is she. }}

 

{{reflist}}

[[Category:Video Games/Funny]]

[[Category:Funny]]