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Since ''[[Riff Trax]]'' is essentially an [[Uncanceled]] ''[[Mystery Science Theater 3000]]'' with the same cast as the later years of that show, funny moments are almost entirely guaranteed.
* [[Riff Trax/Funny/Film Franchises|Film Franchises]]
* [[Riff Trax/Funny/Shorts|Shorts]]
=== ''300''
* When the Persian messenger arrives:
{{quote|
'''Persian Messenger''': Earth and water.
'''Mike''': So...''mud''.
'''Leonidas''': You rode all the way from Persia for ''earth and water''?
'''Bill''': Well, I lost some of the message along the way... }}
* When Leonidas dispatches the Persian messenger's party, and decide to run the [[
{{quote|
'''Mike''': His kids make fun of him because when he's handing out stuff on the Fourth of July he insists on saying, "THIS! IS! A SPARKLER!"
'''Kevin''': Or when he's giving his car a tune-up, and his kid asks, "Hey, dad? What's that small, white thing with metal at each end?" And he always replies, "THIS! IS! A SPARK PLUG!"
'''Bill''': ''Or...''when he sits down to a meal of juice, toast, milk, and Trix cereal--
'''Mike''': Uh-oh, where's he going with this?
'''Bill''': And he looks at his bowl of Trix and he says, "[[
'''Kevin''': Wow!<br />
'''Mike''': [[Actually Pretty Funny|Wow, you pulled it out! Nicely done]]! }}
* Leonidas sitting down next to his son after a sparring session, "Hey, wanna beer, kid?"
{{quote|
* When Leonidas meets with the Persian messenger:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': That would be [[A Good Name for a Rock Band|a great name for]] [[Genius Bonus|a Muslim]] [[A Good Name for a Rock Band|rock band]]. }}
* "Jog, men! Jog casually into battle! '''JOG!!!'''"
* (seeing the [[Rain of Arrows]]) "Aw, relax; they're probably not even meant for us..."
* When the 300 are preparing to leave:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': Though Johnson's son may not be the marrying type, if you know what I mean.
'''Mike''': He's considering [[Unusual Euphemism|moving to Athens]], if you catch my drift.<br />
'''Kevin''': We think he may [[Don't Explain the Joke|be a homosexual]], if you can read between the lines. }}
* After a shot of the massive Persian fleet:
{{quote|
* "Kid, how'd you get so dirty?! You were outside for, like, five minutes!"
* "Uh, I don't like this new '[[Darker and Edgier|extreme]]' image for ''[[The Giving Tree]]'' --it was fine the way it was."
* "''March Of The Penguins'' had less marching!!"
* Leonidas meeting Xerxes for the first time:
{{quote|
'''Xerxes''': It's not the lash they fear...
'''Mike''': Oh, no...it's turning into one of ''these''... ''(all three start imitating porno music)'' }}
** And later in that scene:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': Gay.
'''Leonidas''': ...divine...
'''Bill''': Oh, he is ''[[Camp Gay|divine~]]''<br />
'''Leonidas''': Such an offer, only a madman would refuse.<br />
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* (imitating [[Who Framed Roger Rabbit?|Roger Rabbit]]) "Ahem. Attention, Spartans!"
* During one of the many battle scenes:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': What we were cast, costumed, and choreographed to do.
'''Mike''': What we were blue-screened and digitized to do.
'''Bill''': What we were ''shaved'' to do. }}
* And in another battle:
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' In pre-kabuki kabuki masks.<br />
'''Bill:''' And using pre-samurai [[Katanas Are Just Better|samurai swords]]. }}
* When they start throwing bombs at the Spartans:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': To their Ku Klux Pimps! }}
* "Alright, we're finally here. The movie has finally taken us ''quite literally'' to hell."
{{quote|
* When the evil senator essentially rapes Queen Gorgo:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': No-no, no, no--
'''Disembaudio''': {{smallcaps|Is ''THIS'' the kind of filth you turn on when I leave the room?!?! FOR SHAME!!!}}
'''Kevin''': No, Disembaudio--
'''Disembaudio''': {{smallcaps|[[Big No|No! Noooo! NOOOOOOOO]]!!!}} }}
* "[[Crowning Music of Awesome|Kneel before the soundtrack!! SUBMIT TO IT!!!!!]]"
** Also referring to the music: "March, gentlemen, march to the music of [[Nine Inch Nails|Nine]] [[Genius Bonus|Daktylos]] [[Nine Inch Nails|Nails!]]
* The Immortals approach.
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': The Russian vollyball team? }}
* During Xerxes' rebuttal to Leonidas turning down his offer to submit to Persia's will:
{{quote|
* Right before all the Spartans get killed:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': His teeth are bleached and capped... }}
* After Leonidas throws his spear at Xerxes
{{quote|
''(The spear clips his face, making him bleed, and sticking in the back of his throne)''
'''Bill''': ''(as Xerxes covers his face)'' How tacky! }}
* The Slo-mostrians are coming!
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* "Remember, [[Family-Unfriendly Aesop|only you can prevent sickly babies from diluting the strength of our race]]! [[Braveheart|Freeedooom!]]"
==
* Kevin theorizes if the music had been done by [[Randy Newman]] instead:
{{quote|
It's as busy as a little bee.
It's gonna be my dinner guest
When it busts out of my chest,
Because I've got a little alien in me." }}
==
{{quote|
'''Bill''': Thoughtful nickname for a guy [[Unfortunate Implications|who is crippled from the waist down]]. }}
* The scene where Jack tries to keep the doglike creatures away with a torch.
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': Hey, now! Don't try to talk me out of it!
'''Bill''': Gungan! Kill it!
'''Kevin''': Meesa... senet... tar...
'''Bill''' (whisper): Kill it more! }}
* During the destruction of the Home Tree
{{quote|
'''Bill''': Did I just tell a tree to get some? Man, I need shore leave. }}
* '''Jack''': Look where we are, Grace.
{{quote|
* '''Bill''': Come my peaceful brethren, LET'S KILL THEM ALL!
* '''Kevin:''' [[The Little Mermaid|Look at this stuff,]] [[Shout-Out|Isn't it neat?]] Wish that my junk was as big as my feet. [[Watchmen (comics)|Doctor Manhattan's]] got nothing on me in PANDORA!
* Mike's "Robot Knife Fight" song.
* After the final duel between Quaritch and Jake, Jake is back in his human body and struggling to grab a breath mask:
{{quote|
* Neytiri, after she meets Jake: You are like a baby! Always making noise, don't know what to do.
{{quote|
* The very last joke: {{spoiler|"Morning wood!"}}
* After the failed ritual to transfer Grace into her Avatar:
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' Also our religion is bullshit. }}
* The 'Informer's rendition was short but hilarious.
* After Jake prays to the Great Mother for aid.
{{quote|
Mike (as Neytiri): -she's an amoral psychopath. }}
* '''Kevin:''' 6-legged, anteater horses.<br />'''Mike:''' George Lucas slowly nods his silent approval.
* Probably the most involved [[Running Gag|Kansas City Royals]] joke in Rifftrax history while Jake fights the six-legged dogs:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': Wow.
'''Mike''': I believe you covered three entire city blocks before you got to that one.
'''Kevin''': I try. }}
* Any reference to Quaritch's supreme [[Badass]]-itude.
{{quote|
==
* During the [[Opening Scroll]]:
{{quote|
* [[Unnaturally Blue Lighting|"I used to like the color blue. Now it's dead to me]]. Cram it, [[The Smurfs|Smurfs]]. Piss off, ocean. Screw you, sky."
* During the final air battle:
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': Yes, Mike.
'''Mike''': And a bunch of knuckle-dragging cave dwellers with spears took a break from picking nits off each other and eating them for a few days and taught themselves to become top-level fighter pilots?
'''Bill''': Yes, Mike.
'''Mike''': And that, somehow, these exact same weapons - well maintained and on alert, mind you - did '''NOT''' save the human race from the aliens one thousand years ago, when the humans who actually '''MADE''' these weapons were alive? You know, the humans that did '''NOT''' wear goat skins, and sacrifice goats, and smell like goats, and marry goats?
'''Kevin''': Yes, Mike.
'''Mike''': And is there any reason that I should not dedicate my '''LIFE''' to building a time machine, so that I can eventually travel back to the set of ''[[Saturday Night Fever]]'' and infuse the heels of [John] Travolta's disco shoes with nitro glycerin, so that he is eliminated from history and this movie '''NEVER GETS MADE?!?!'''
'''Bill''': Um...no, Mike. Go nuts. ''([[Beat]])''...I think you just did. }}
** And soon after that fight...
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': Uh, Mike? We're not in--<br />
'''Bill''': Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh...he's in a better place now. }}
* "You know, this movie seems kind of silly."
* Their reaction to Terl's infamous scenery chewing.
{{quote|
''(the guys start cracking up)''
'''Terl:''' I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!
'''Bill:''' Wow, you're really going to go with that performance huh? }}
* This exchange:
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' Right.
'''Kevin:''' Then they sent Travolta, who's going to whiz the entire planet down his leg in a few short days.
'''Bill:''' Right again.
'''Kevin:''' And ''somehow'' this movie is supposed to make us feel good about Scientology?
'''Mike:''' Yeah, I think in the same way [[The Birth of a Nation|Birth of a Nation]] endeared us all to the Klan. }}
==
* The harp-playing scene in the mead hall, where the crew proceeds to interject "What If Thor Was One of Us" and "Shorty Got Low" into the song.
* During the battle with Grendel:
{{quote|
Wow, that is an extremely faithful telling.
Oh, you're bettin' your meatballs. }}
* (upon Beowulf stabbing his way out of the eye of the Kraken/Loch Ness Monster/what have you and yelling his name as a war cry:)
{{quote|
* (during a massively long zoom-out from the camera):
{{quote|
* Anything and everything pertaining to [[John Malkovich]]. Example:
{{quote|
** And later, after Grendel has attacked, something rises from the water:
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' No no no no, it's just John Malkovich.
'''Kevin and Bill:''' [[It Got Worse|GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!]] }}
* In regards to Beowulf's burning pyre boat...thing:
{{quote|
* At the burial of some fellow soldiers:
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' No, they were ''Geat'' warriors.
'''Wiglaf:''' They died a foul death.
'''Beowulf:''' They were murdered by a foul creature from the depths of Hell.
'''Bill:''' Right, [[Back to The Future|Crispin]] [[Take That|Glover.]] }}
==
* The guys start noticing a similar similarity between ''Birdemic'' and [[The Room|a certain other film]].
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' ''(as Tommy Wiseau)'' [[Simon and Garfunkel|Oh, hello darkness my old friend.]] Hahahaha! }}
* The spontaneous, ahem, "[[Special Effects Failure|forest fire]]":
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' With small pinpoint blazes that are not spreading in the least! Help!
'''Mike:''' And which are handily contained to tiny patches off the road itself making safe passage quite easy! Help!
''(later'')
'''Kevin:''' It's not a forest fire. It's a bunch of Buddhist monk chipmunks doing a simultaneous self-immolation to protest!
'''Bill:''' To protest global warming?
'''Kevin:''' No, ''this movie''! }}
* Kevin: "Sadly, the only [[An Inconvenient Truth|inconvenient truth]] was in Rod's ''pants''."
* Bill's [[Cluster F-Bomb]] during the credits at the cast, filled with [[This Trope Is Bleep|censor bleeps]], followed by Mike when Kevin brings up spruce bark beetles.
* During an exceptionally bad bit of [[Special Effect Failure]].
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' The hell is post? Keep flailing! }}
* After an eagle manages to divebomb a filling station.
{{quote|
'''Kevin (as another eagle):''' Sam! '''''[[Big No|Noooooooooo!]]''''' }}
* The guys have fun with the [[Blind Idiot Translation]] script:
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' ''(as Rod)'' Hang on. I said "part-times Eagles fan."
'''Kevin:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' [[Leave the Camera Running|Keep rolling]]! }}
** Then:
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' ''(as Rod)'' Hold on. I said "cats lover".
'''Kevin:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' Keep rolling! }}
* In one particularly bad example of Nyugen refusing to ''ever'' do a second take:
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' ''(as Mom)'' Look, I screwed up the line.
'''Bill:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' [[Brick Joke|Keep rolling!]]<br />
'''Kevin:''' ''(as Mom)'' But it was really bad!<br />
'''Bill:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' '''KEEP ROLLING!''' }}
* One word: "Slrpnls." Nobody knows just what a [http://youtu.be/aVYUPmjJ9bU slrpnl] is.
{{quote|
'''Rod''': "Yes; Mass Solar owns the patent to this technology."
'''Kevin''': "And, what are you calling them again?"
'''Mike''': "Slrpnls."
'''Kevin''': "I'm...not...?"
'''Mike''': "Slrpnls!"
'''Kevin''': "Perhaps if you slowed down?"
'''Mike''': "Sldwnslrpnls?" }}
==
* After Jason has knocked out two policemen
{{quote|
* "I hope there's a can on this floor. I've got more gas than the Homer Simpson balloon."
* "Well, apparently I'm a Euro-dick who's too good to answer my own door!"
* When Castel jumps out of the apartment window
{{quote|
* "Eamon's starting to breathe on the windows and write dirty words."
* "Dude, you shot my ween! That's just not cool!"
** "I was LYING about my ween, for you see, I do not have one!"
==
* "Welcome back to the finals of Olympic Open Field Tag. Daniel Craig is currently 'It,' but may not be for long."
* The random yet hilarious reaction to seeing Daniel Craig's face in the opening credits.
{{quote|
** "Oh, I get it now. This guy is the missing Mario Brother." "Either that or he's the original Prince of Persia."
** '''BOND SMASH!'''
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* "Spies have been reduced to stealing ringtones for [[Ruritania|Eastern Bloc countries]]. A clean [[Schnappi das kleine Krokodil|Schnappi]] can bring as much as $3 on the black market."
** After Bond steals a bad guy's backpack and starts rifling through it:
{{quote|
* "Finally, he's got some time for ''[[Second Life]]''--he can get back to being a foxy blue-skinned woman with green hair."
* "I'm Rube Cardsuck, this is Patsy McMoneygone, and Mr. E. Z. Mark."
* "So these are the people behind-the-scenes at the airport making sure your flight is delayed, your luggage is lost, and that the restaurants are always closed when you're hungry."
* When the "World's Largest Airliner" is unveiled:
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': With all the other leaders of the free world--
'''Mike''': Of course. And 300 orphaned children from Kosovo--
'''Kevin''': And Oprah Winfrey!
'''Mike''': Sure, throw in Oprah Winfrey! }}
* Mike and Kevin's bantering impressions of air traffic controllers.
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* (As Bond looks at his tuxedo'd self in a mirror) "Yeah! My God, I'm hot! This tuxedo would look best on the floor! ...Seriously, though, [[Screw Yourself|I'd do me]] in a heartbeat."
* Mike and Kevin's impressions of a guy who doesn't understand poker and a frustrated croupier, respectively:
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': "Sir, you can't do that!"
'''Mike''': "Double down!"
'''Kevin''': "Sir, that's Blackjack!"
'''Mike''': "Bicycle!"
'''Kevin''': "Sir, now you're just reading the back of the cards!" }}
* "Mr. Bond, I have a message for you from a Mr. Le Chiffre. It reads, 'Mr. Bond, your missing ten million dollars has been found, quote: "somewhere in my huge pile of money" and you can pick it up at "my butt." Burn, burn, ROFTLMAO, pwned, love, Le Chiffre.' You know, I really should look these things over before I read them over the intercom."
* ...''This'':
{{quote|
'''Mike (as Bond, rather gleefully)''': Really, like on a bakery counter? Or onstage at a political rally? }}
* "It's been six minutes and we haven't done it--I wonder if he's impotent..."
* "The people of Venice know about ''land'', right? And how it makes an excellent foundation for buildings?"
* During the {{spoiler|climactic scene where Vesper drowns}}:
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': If you break out into an ode to Celine Dion, I will give you the Le Chiffre treatment with your own microphone. }}
==
* Our first introduction to the monster:
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' We're only 18 minutes in, Mike.<br />
'''Mike:''' I stand by my statement. }}
* When the citizens take pictures of the fallen head of the Statue of Liberty:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': Ms. Liberty, is it true you're parting with Mickey Rourke? }}
* "Then again, the upside to destroying New York...no more David Blaine."
** "Wow, you're right! Destroy away, monster! Look for a smug guy with a deck of cards."
* While the protagonists are running to the subway station:
{{quote|
* As the protagonists venture into a wrecked building to find their friend:
{{quote|
'''Bill''' (as Kool-Aid man): OH YEEAAAH!! }}
* "My name is Robert Hawkins..."
{{quote|
* The camera is focused on a set of TVs in a radio store, with one of them playing an episode of [[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
{{quote|
==
* When a 70's, shaggy-haired, small-mustachioed, clueless logger comes on camera:
{{quote|
==
* "I would seek justice, one way or another. I would become [[Batman]]! Until some rich idiot in Gotham city sued me for naming rights..."
* [[Squick|"I'm gonna get so, so naked, and then I'm gonna sit my fat bubbly ass right on Affleck's head!]]"
==
* "Stop playing Wii Voodoo and help my son!"
==
* In the beginning, when Ayra is magically transporting Saphira's egg.
{{quote|
''The egg vanishes in a burst of light''
'''Kevin''': Magic melon! }}
* The Riffers constantly pointing out how Eragon's family members are never introduced properly.
{{quote|
'''Mike''': Hail sweaty guy who kinda looks like me. }}
** ''Later''
{{quote|
'''Mike''': Well, clearly because that's a blue thing. It's ''blue''.
Kevin: Ahh, right, of course. }}
** Culminating in:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': Goodbye, brother-cousin-friend-fellow-farmhand. }}
* "Ah [[Jeremy Irons]]. The guy you call when you think, 'How can I make my movie a lot ''creepier?'''"
* The Riffers giving [[Ridiculously Cute Critter|baby Saphira]] the voice of an alcoholic.
* Mike lets Disembaudio take over for the credits.
* Over a shot of a medieval village
{{quote|
'''Mike''': [[Insufferable Genius|Carolingian or Byzantine Renaissance?]]<br />
'''Kevin''': I don't know, HUZZAH! }}
* After the third [[Fake-Out Fade-Out|fake ending]]:
{{quote|
==
* Right off the bat, the's reaction to the "Original Film" card
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' Yes, ''Original'' Film presents the third sequel in under a decade to a movie that ripped off its plot from ''[[Point Break]]''! }}
* During the opening scene, the mini-semi flips around and starts driving backwards.
{{quote|
* After Dom catches a bullet in his back and barely even flinches
{{quote|
* "Offer him coupons! Drug lords ''love'' coupons!"
* O'Connor gets the name "David Park" out of a low-ranking gang member. One of his fed buddies complains that he could throw a fortune cookie out the window and hit a dozen David Parks. When another agent informs him that "Park" is a Korean name rather than a Chinese one...
{{quote|
* The running gag of Dom thinking 46 is the biggest number there is. One such instance late in the movie:
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' ''(as Dom)'' Unless you have ''46 dollars''. }}
==
* ''[movie opens up with a cloudy sky]''
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' Die die die die d-death death death d-diediediedie! }}
* ''[A construction worker has fallen to his death]''
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' David Blaine? Are we rid of you at last? }}
* At the construction site
{{quote|
* This [[Actor Allusion]]:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': We're having [[Ice Age|ground sloth]]! }}
* During the lion attack
{{quote|
* Mark Wahlberg's character notices a {{spoiler|soon revealed to be plastic}} plant...
{{quote|
* One of Rifftrax's many memorable song covers:
{{quote|
'''Mike Nelson''': (singing) I sliced my wrists/with some broken glass/And then I blew my head off too/Then I disemboweled myself/And hung myself with my own intestines thanks to the Summer Wind.
'''Bill Corbett''': Very nice you guys, maybe a touch dark.
'''Kevin Murphy''': Really? Which part? }}
==
* The boys singing over the creepy sibling's audition song. Including [[Randy Newman|Short People]], the theme to [[The Facts of Life]], [[Shania Twain|Man! I Feel Like a Woman]], [[The Clash|London Calling]], Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, and [[David Bowie|Suffragette City]].
{{quote|
* Kevin deciding that "Get Cha Head In the Game" means "If you want Head, you should get it In The Game."
* Kelsi trips:
{{quote|
* A boy does some ballet:
{{quote|
*CRASH!*
'''Mike:''' And he was beaten by the [[Avenue Q]] puppets. }}
* Troy's reaction after Gabrielle volunteers to audition, complete with wheezing.
* ''Stick To The Status Quo''
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' The most kick-ass cello solo that doesn't involve the phrase "Yo-Yo Ma's drunk again." }}
** Later, after the song.
{{quote|
'''Troy:''' Oh. What's that?
'''Zeke:''' Oh, it's a creamy custard-like filling with a caramelized surface, it's really satisfying.
'''Troy:''' Yeah, cool.
'''Chad:''' Shut up, Zeke!
'''Bill:''' Zeke would blind him with his pastry torch the very next day. }}
* During Chad's first appearance.
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' And Disney finally sues Disney. }}
* "Help!" - A message from the film's editor. Poor bastard never had a chance.
Line 1,651 ⟶ 408:
* [[Jurassic Park|"Gah! A velociraptor!"]]
* Kevin's addition to Gabriella's song:
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' ''And miracles, speaking of those/[[Insane Clown Posse|How do magnets function?]]'' }}
==
* The entirety of Bill Corbett's rant about Lost.
* As Cobb toasts Fischer Sr:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': And may nobody break up his empire. *exaggerated cough* }}
==
* "[[The Big Lebowski|The Dude]], [[Hey, It's That Guy!|International CEO.]]"
* When Tony is chatting up the journalist and looking very skeevy:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': Beard and mustache from the "Guy Who Makes Lewd Comments About His Own Nieces" collection of beards and mustaches.
'''Kevin''': Slicked-back hair from the "Brother-In-Law Who Threw Up At Your Daughter's First Communion Party" line of slicked-back hair. }}
* Kevin mistaking "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies for a Keanu Reeves monologue, and continuing the song in his own words when Tony turns off the radio.
{{quote|
* When Tony shows his weapons to the troops:
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': I SAY things with emphasis ON words THAT may not HAVE gotten them NORMALLY! }}
* [[Disproportionate Retribution|"And this is just for an overdue book from the Kandahar library."]]
* ''[while Tony is building his reactor]''
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' ''(as Tony Stark)'' It's called a "cram it four eyes."
'''Bill:''' ''(as Yinsen)'' Oh really, I thought tha- HEY! }}
* When Tony Stark is wandering through the desert after escaping:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': No! We're losing Kevin! Bill, give him [[Crowning Music of Awesome|20cc of]] ''[[Lawrence of Arabia]]'' soundtrack, stat!<br />
'''Bill''': Uh, roger! ''(starts humming ''[[Lawrence of Arabia]]'' music)''<br />
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* "Xana''dude'': L. A. home of [[Citizen Kane|Charles Foster Kane]] III."
* When Tony first attacks the terrorists in the cave with the original suit:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': Oil can replaced by [[Badass|can of Whoop-Ass]].<br />
'''Mike''': Seth Rogen--assassin. }}
* This little bit when Stark returns to the Middle East village:
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': I'm being held captive here against my will!
'''Bill''': Can't hear you, smiting. }}
* Or this when we meet the, aptly named, main villain.
{{quote|
'''All''': Obadiah Stane?!
'''Bill''': Did they consider naming him "Menacing T. Badperson"? }}
* At the start of Tony's press conference.
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': That's a moose! Okay now ''you'' do an animal. }}
* Any joke about Robert Downey, Jr.'s <s>past</s> everlasting drug problems.
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* Bill's "Ow!" as the mask slams shut over Tony's face.
==
* Kevin's opera note as wrong!shark's mouth is pulled open.
* As the town meets over the recent shark attacks, and Quint scrapes the chalkboard with his nails
{{quote|
* As the Trio are about to set off to hunt the shark, and Brody is kissing his wife
{{quote|
'''Kevin''' ''(as Quint)'' AND YA PROMISED YOU'D SAVE YOUR TENDEREST KISSES FOR ME! YOU BIG GAY YA! }}
* As the shark pulls Quint under:
{{quote|
* The shark bursts through the wall:
{{quote|
* "Thirty-eight colorful and barely coherent Quint stories later..."
* "Day Two; or, as it would come to be known: The day Quint ate Hooper."
==
* When the Brachiosaur is first seen:
{{quote|
* As the Jeep drives to the Visitor Center:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': No.
'''Weird Al''': Is ''that'' a dinosaur?
'''Mike''': No!
'''Weird Al''': Is ''that'' a dinosaur?
'''Mike''': ''[[Big No|NO!]]''<br />
'''Weird Al''': This park sucks.... }}
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* "Aah! A human!"
* Our heroes are blocked by a fence that may or may not be electrified:
{{quote|
* "BOY! OR! GIRL!?"
* After Dr. Grant and the kids first escape from the T-Rex.
{{quote|
'''Grant''': But that's not what ''I'm'' going to do.
'''Mike''': I have darker plans for you! }}
* [[Looney Tunes|"Shhhhhh, be vewwy vewwy quiet. I'm hunting waptors"]]
* *thunder crashes* "'''PLAY''' '''''[[God|ME]]''''' '''WILL YOU?!'''"
* When we first meet Hammond:
{{quote|
'''Mike Nelson''': I go mainly by skin colour! }}
* Nedry giggles happily as Dodgson gives him a bag full of money:
{{quote|
==
* Just after Sokka pops up, we get this gem:
{{quote|
* '''Iroh:''' When you wake we'll have tea together before we start the engines, eh?<br />'''Bill:''' [[The Room|Let's go get something to eat, HUUUUUUH?]]
* '''Kevin''': (As Pakku, fending off the Fire Nation with [[Special Effects Failure|some less than impressive waterbending]]) Behold the awesome power of my grand-niece's Super Soaker!
* '''Mike:''' ''[as Katara]'' Just F.Y.I., that big flying panda thing of yours... he drowned.<br />'''Bill:''' ''[as Aang sobbing]''<br />'''Mike:''' And your flying monkey cat.<br />'''Bill:''' Yes?<br />'''Mike:''' He lived.<br />'''Bill:''' ''[sobs harder]'' Oh dammit! Dammit!
* ''[A soldier walks up and whispers to Zhao, played by Aasif Mandvi]''
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' ''[as Mandvi]'' Wha- Oliver?! But he was in the freakin' [[The Love Guru|Love Guru]]!<br />
'''Mike:''' Love Guru has more than double our [[Rotten Tomatoes|tomato meter ranking]], sir.<br />
'''Kevin:''' DAMMIT! }}
* ''[When Zuko talks to the boy in the Fire Nation colony]''
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' I LIKE TURTLES!
'''Kevin:''' Okay, maybe not... }}
* '''Aang''': We were forced under the water of the ocean.<br />'''Bill''': The water of the ocean, much like the air of the sky or the flame of the fire.
* And of course, the obligatory [[Hey, It's That Guy!|Harpo]] joke
{{quote|
'''Kevin''': I'm ashamed to confirm, but yes.<br />
'''Mike''': Our shame is great.<br />
'''Kevin''': Perdurable shame. }}
* ''[An old Earth Kingdom man leads Aang to a shed.]''
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' Well Harpo's a tool and he's related to a bender.
'''Bill:''' Lock him in the shed! }}
* As the boy narrates Zuko's [[Backstory]]
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' The lesson: [[Disproportionate Retribution|Never put the pizza box in the fridge if there's only one slice left.]] }}
* As Admiral Zhao confronts the Blue Spirit:
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' (As Zhao) I mean, I know you're a cosplay character from some lame [[Anime]] series, but I can't place you. }}
* As Zhao briefs Ozai on the Avatar's rescue:
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' (As Zhao) I don't know where you got that from, my liege. Mostly they call him "The Masked Homo". }}
* [Zuko in the Southern Water tribe]
{{quote|
'''Mike''': I NEED THEIR PREPERATION H FOR MY FACE OWIES! }}
* '''Zuko''': Don't even try to escape, THIS IS A WARSHIP!- ''[Aang flips over a table]''
{{quote|
'''Mike (As Iroh)''': Hey, don't beat yourself up, you said "Don't even try to escape". Who knew he would try to escape despite your saying that? It's not your fault.
'''Bill''':Hmm, thanks man, that really helps. }}
* "Hello, plot? Motivation? Audience Interest?"
* '''Zhao''': With this information, we can bring down the water tribe city.<br />(Ozai's actor looks toward the Camera)<br />'''Bill (as Zhao):''' King? King,YO! I'm over here king!
* [[Memetic Mutation|PEBBLE DANCE]]
{{quote|
* A bunch of fire nation soldiers running away
{{quote|
** Several Scenes Later.
{{quote|
'''Mike''': What? Ma'am, no, not the wind. }}
* Aang practicing waterbending
{{quote|
'''Bill (in southern accent)''': Well, alright.... }}
* Yue doing her thing.
{{quote|
* Oh,sure his light up tattoo looks fancy, but it's just there to remind him where his nose is.
* The whole [[Running Gag|practice area sequence]]
* Also, airline safety dance.
* Introducing Zhao: [[The Daily Show]]'s Senior Taking-a-Role-for-the-Paycheck Correspondent. And also:
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' Which one of you two can yell the loudest? }}
* Run! M. Night's making his cameo back there!
* '''Kevin''' [as Zuko]: I have no time to think about girls when I'm obsessing over a 12-year-old boy. Wait. [[That Came Out Wrong]].
* As Zhao dies a watery death:
{{quote|
* "Hey, Mr. Avatar, you're causing all the toilets in town to back up."
* Any time Aang is referred to as [[Star Wars|a Jawa.]]
* Iroh's first appearance:
{{quote|
* Iroh tests Aang's Avatar abilities by pouring water on the table:
{{quote|
* Zhao sees Zuko again:
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' ''(as Zuko)'' [[Pre-Ass-Kicking One-Liner|I got better.]] }}
* After knocking Katara out:
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' ''(as Katara, said perkily)'' That's nice; I'm unconscious! }}
* One of the title cards:
{{quote|
* "So do you think they mean 'bender' the way British people use it?" "Google it, folks!"
* Kevin vocalizing Aang's [[Dull Surprise]] while entering the Northern Water Tribe.
Line 1,843 ⟶ 600:
* After Zhao removes his cape and nervously puts it down - "I'll take off more. Don't think I won't take off more!"
* During Katara's opening seen, showing her waterbending.
{{quote|
* As Aang fights off a horde of Fire Nation soldiers in a stone dais thing:
{{quote|
* When Zhao is about to kill the moon spirit and asks Iroh why the gods insist on giving themselves such vulnerable physical forms:
{{quote|
*Close up of the sack holding the soon-to-be-dead moon spirit*
'''Kevin''': Workin' out great. }}
* As all the soldiers/citizens stop to watch the tidal wave rising up over the city during the climactic final battle:
{{quote|
==
* The [[Running Gag]] involving Burt's the motel manager's missing pet raccoon.
* "SHIRTS! SHIRTS! THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME!"
Line 1,859 ⟶ 616:
* "''[[Memento]]'': '''[[What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?|HOT, BACKING UP ACTION, PULLING CAREFULLY FORWARD LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN!]]'''"
==
* When Nestor returns home as Roger Miller sings:
{{quote|
* Mike and Disembaudio arguing over the appropriateness of Mike using the word "ass" to describe the donkey narrator.
==
* The riffers making fun of, among other things about Micah, his name:
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' When guys named "Micah" try to act tough, we '''''all''''' lose. }}
{{quote|
{{quote|
{{quote|
*
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' Demon~! I'll just leave 'im on the porch, okay?
''(Katie answers the door)''
'''Bill:''' ''(growly, demonic voice)'' ''''"COME WITH ME TO HELL!!!"''' }}
* (Pretending to read with the planchette on Ouija board):''' T-H-I-S-M-O-V-I-E-B-L-O-W-S'''
* The riffers' reaction to the ridiculously small areas where Micah puts powder on the ground to pick up the demon's footprints:
{{quote|
* The talk the riffers have about a Hollywood adaptation of Goodnight Moon, in which they believe Shia Leboeuf is destined for the role as the bowl of mush.
* '''Mike:''' So let me introduce you to someone who IS familiar with demons; his name is [[Michael Bay]].
* '''Micah:''' Hey, we haven't had anything interesting happen in a while!
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' This might be our first self-riffing movie! }}
* '''Mike (as Micah):''' Here, let me sing you a lullaby: '''''[[Sympathy for the Devil|PLEASE ALLOW ME]] [[The Rolling Stones|TO INTRODUCE MYSELF]], [[Man of Wealth and Taste|I'M A MAN]]...'''''
==
* * singing* "I fell in to a burnin' ''Reign of Fire''!/ McConaughey peeled off his shirt/ and the flames got higher!"
* When a man and a boy explore a cave:
{{quote|
'''Kevin (as Man)''': That way, when I hear your muffled screams, I'll be able to estimate the size of the cave-in."
and
'''Mike''': Well, they drilled right into the side of the [[Batman|Batcave]], killing Alfred and Robin instantly. [[Batman]] remains in intensive care. }}
* (As a child) "YAY!!! I get to sleep in the same room with a depressed, hairy man!!!!"
Line 1,901 ⟶ 658:
* "INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING!!!" "Yeah, well, INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING BACK AT YOU!!!!!"
* This moment:
{{quote|
'''Mike (doing a damn good [[Winston Churchill]] impression)''': We will fight to the cistern. We will fight to the garbage-strewn towers. We will fight to the dank, rat-infested basement. We will NEVER SURRENDER!!!...Probably. }}
* "Alright, just like we practiced men: panic and scatter. Panic and scatter!"
* Any scene where they make fun of Matthew McConaughey (there are too many to list).
==
* The entire monologue about [[Prison Rape|"I used to fuck guys like you in prison!"]]. "Do you still keep in touch with them? Did you hang around and talk afterwards or was it purely sexual?"
*
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' [[Lampshade Hanging|I think by its very definition it does.]] }}
==
* [[Brain Bleach]]: Every sex scene is greeted with horror by any who watch them, but especially when Kevin sees [[Fan Disservice|Tommy Wiseau's pasty white rear end]].
{{quote|
* ''[Lisa orders a pizza]''
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' Ah yes, Domino's WTF-special. }}
* [[Crowning Music of Awesome]]. Kevin and Bill singing "There's a Hole in My Bucket", and [[Sanity Slippage|taking it too far]].
{{quote|
* [[Ear Worm]]: The mention of Loverboy gives Mike and an earworm of ''Working For the Weekend''.
* [[Epileptic Trees]]: Is the film secretly a sly dadaist joke? Does Mark possess the God-like power to hear the film's soundtrack? Will {{spoiler|Johnny come back as a zombie in a sequel entitled ''The Tomb''?}}
* [[Melodrama]]: The Disembaudio sequences during the movie's sex scenes. This movie manages to destroy the lives of Disembaudio and all of his friends and family.
** Though with the exception of Dis's Grandmother and G-Dimes, and we guess Walter, they were all pretty horrible people and kinda deserved it.
** Disembaudio's rant about his addiction to horse tranquilizers and the fact that he's committed several murders recently will probably bring tears to your eyes.
Line 1,928 ⟶ 685:
** "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Movie Theater!" [[Running Gag|"Oh hi, Sidewalk!" "Oh hi, Newspaper!" "Oh hi, Entrance!"]] [[Overly Long Gag|"Oh hi, Michelle!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Underwear Story!" "Oh hi, Answering Machine!" "Oh hi, Mark, again!" "Oh hi, Doggie!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Building!" "Oh hi, Embarcadero!" "Oh hi, Darkness!" "Oh hi, Gun Barrel!" "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Mark! Hi, Denny! Hi, Lisa!]] {{spoiler|I'm dead, you know...}}"
* [[Sanity Slippage]]: After one bizarre and inexplicable piece of dialogue after another between Peter, Johnny, and Mark:
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' I can't take it anymore!
'''Mike:''' Oh, you're just a little chicken, Kevin. <small>CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP</small>! Chicken Kevin. }}
** See Crowning Music of Awesome above.
Line 1,936 ⟶ 693:
* A [[Call Back]] to, of all things, ''[[Prince of Space]]!'' "I like you ''VERY MUCH''!"
==
* Kevin's horrified screams upon seeing the weird bug things in the "Thumbelina" segment.
** Kevin then states he's certain that there's already [[Fanfic]] devoted to them. Bill pipes in, "[[Rule 34]]!"
* Any time the riffers remind us that Santa is telling the Thumbelina story to the kids, and imitate what his narration for some of the strange/boring/painful parts must be like.
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' ''(as Santa)'' Enough questions! Guy in the gorilla suit, shut that kid up, will ya? }}
* During the painful sequence where Santa attempts to attach a sheep to his sleigh
{{quote|
'''Santa:''' COME ON! OOHHHH! OH, HARDER!
'''Kevin:''' (amid mutual groans of horror) Gah! your right!
'''Santa:''' Well, now he is in the wrong way!
'''Kevin:''' ''(now utterly horrified and disgusted)'' OH MY!!
'''Santa:''' Let's get him out again... OHH, HARDER!!
'''Bill:''' OH, YOUR A BAD MAN MIKE! I'm going to open my eyes now!
'''Santa:''' HARDER!! HARDER, ohhhhhh...
'''Kevin:''' [[Brain Bleach|GAH, IM STILL SEEING IT!]] }}
* And the above is immediately preceded by this bit
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' "DEAR GOD! you can start by getting your Santa pants dry cleaned" }}
* During a close up of the Ice Cream Bunny:
{{quote|
* Mike becoming increasingly fed up with Bill's [[Running Gag]] about Mr. Digger's Bronx accent. "Now let's go get some nice pastrami at the deli."
* Their riffing on the "Santa"
{{quote|
* And as Santa seems to fall into unconsciousness after the kids leave
{{quote|
'''Kevin''' All Hail the SUN! }}
* The group's reaction to the various nightmarish animals that appear
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' GAH!! the [[Woody Allen]] of Frogs!
'''The Frog:''' Thats what I need alright! I wonder where my mother is?
'''Mike:''' ''(in a horrified murmer)'' man that is one messed up amphibian! }}
** their reaction to the bug/wasp/cthulhu like things as they hop their way across the screen
{{quote|
'''Mike''' Ah great, ok then
'''Kevin''' ''(inhales deeply)'' AAAAAARRRGHMYGOD!!! ARRRGRGRGGTHISISTERRIBLE!!! AAAIIRRGGH!!! PLEASEGODWHATISIT!!! AAAIIIRRGGHH!!! }}
** and their reaction to Mrs Mole's "Mole Supremicism"
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' Unlike God's chosen race, the MOLE! }}
* "Well, that's it. I officially have no idea what we're looking at, why we're here, or even who I am anymore."
* Kevin's [[Heroic BSOD]] after the entire Thumbelina story doesn't change a thing in the Santa story. "I'll pull the sleigh! I'll marry Mr. Digger! I'll do whatever you want!"
* As the Ice Cream Bunny drives the kids in his vintage fire engine to save Santa, the guys are left speechless.
{{quote|
'''Bill:''' "Just this. Enjoy." }}
* Their theories of what exactly they're seeing and why- ranging from a seriously bad drug trip to the studio exploding and them being in hell while Satan himself considers that forcing them to watch the film might be a little too harsh.
* Their reaction to Thumbelina's criteria for an ideal husband
{{quote|
'''Bill''' Human Being. A distant, third priority for her. }}
* "We came through time, space, and the boundaries of fiction to see that?"
==
* On the sergeant found dead at the end.
{{quote|
'''MJ Elliott:''' Ah, so the body was ''in-turd''. }}
==
* As Marcus dies in the end of the prologue, the movie [[Fade to White|fades to white]], and "Directed by McG" appears on the screen.
{{quote|
* Any jokes pertaining to Marcus and his having been in ''[[Avatar]]''.
* As John Connor steps onto the landing site:
{{quote|
'''Kevin''' (as [[Harrison Ford]]): [[Air Force One|"GET OFF MY PLANE!"]] }}
* As the [[Humongous Mecha|Harvester]] first appears:
{{quote|
* Any joke referencing [[Christian Bale]]'s [[Memetic Mutation|infamous]] [[Rant-Inducing Slight|tirade]] (which came from the shooting of this movie).
** "Don't mention the lights in front of Mr. Bale! Oh, who gave him explosives?!"
Line 2,007 ⟶ 764:
** "WHAT ARE YOU!?" "I don't know." '''[[No Indoor Voice|"ALRIGHT, I WAS JUST CURIOUS, THAT'S ALL!"]]'''
* When Marcus encounters Kyle Reese (looking much like a street urchin)
{{quote|
Bill (as Reese with a Dickens street urchin voice) Why Christmas Day sir!! }}
==
* The description brings up the 1985 [[Dork Age]] where Thor was turned into a frog and led a frog army, concluding with "This actually happened and you should look it up right now."
* When Selvig says Thor's on steroids: "Just check his balls. They're tiny!"
Line 2,017 ⟶ 774:
* "Is there something in my mouth?"
* After a tender scene in the RV, it cuts to a fire.
{{quote|
'''Kevin:''' Wow, what a shocking and audacious ending. }}
* After Loki reveals his blue skin to Odin: "Okay, okay. I knocked up [[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (film)|Violet Beauregarde]]."
* The endless fun they have with the word Odinsleep.
* Thor can't lift Mjolnir: "Must I now whack moles with my bare hands?"
* [[Lampshade Hanging]] how expected the [[Actor Allusion]] jokes have become: "To avoid crucifixion by ''[[The Wire]]'' fans, we're obliged to point out that this guy played Stringer Bell."
Line 2,026 ⟶ 783:
* "I only have one hand! Oh right, the eye patch."
* When Loki is lying under Thor's hammer:
{{quote|
* This:
{{quote|
'''Loki:''' Why not?
'''Mike:''' Ah, the rarely-used 'why not' defense of genocide. }}
* As Thor enters the halls of Valhalla to triumphant fanfare:
{{quote|
* Disembaudio singing along with the Foo Fighters over the credits.
==
* Capt. Smith as the Titanic sets off.
{{quote|
** Also counts as a CMOF for [[Mystery Science Theater 3000]], as this line was also used when Mike and the 'Bots viewed clips of Titanic during an Oscar special.
* as Rose, Ruth, and Cal admire the Titanic
{{quote|
'''Cal''': It ''is'' unsinkable. God Himself could not sink this ship.
''[a deckhand calls for Cal]''
'''Deckhand''': Sir! Sir!
'''Bill [as Deckhand]''': Sir, the captain has asked if you would ''please'' stop foreshadowing!
''[later]''
'''Jack''': We're the luckiest sons of bitches in the world, you know that?!
'''Bill''': Aw, man,[[James Cameron|Cameron's]] beyond foreshadowing now. He is ''five''-shadowing! }}
* (As the flashback starts to the ship) [[Conspicuous CG|CGI! CGI! CGI]]
Line 2,056 ⟶ 813:
* Singing "Poker Face" to the tune of "Nearer My God to Thee."
* After saying [[Running Gag|"I regret nothiiiing!"]] several times in regards to the people falling off the ship, this happens:
{{quote|
* As a passenger falls to his death on the capsizing Titanic:
{{quote|
* [[It Was His Sled|"I have to admit, I totally saw that coming."]]
* '''Bill''': (in a snooty tone of voice) Time for a crunk party. ...Bitches.
Line 2,064 ⟶ 821:
* "Dear diary...I saw boobs today."
==
* "Drew has broken free! He's trying to flee the set!"
* At the beginning of the movie:
{{quote|
'''Rich Kyanka''': I fought them in World War 2 just yesterday! }}
==
* A [[Call Back]], of all things, to ''[[Birdemic]]''.
{{quote|
* There is also a [[Call Back]] to ''[[The Room]]''. When the film goes into a softcore Cinemax's style porn scene, Kevin exclaims, "Tommy Wiseau has ripped control of the film!" Naturally, Disembaudio walks in at this moment, just as he did in ''The Room'', and once again calls the trio perverts.
=== ''The Wicker Man'' ===
* The infamous bike scene:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': (''as Sister Rose'') It's a girl's bike.
'''Edward:''' Get off the bike!
'''Kevin:''' (''as Sister Rose'') I said, ''it's a girl's bike.''
'''Edward:''' (''pulls out his gun'') Step away from the bike!
'''Mike:''' (''as Sister Rose'') Fine, if you want to look like an idiot on a girl's bike. }}
* And school girls' [[Straw Feminist]] rant.
* Pretty much every time the ridiculously masculine Sister Beech is on screen, expect to crack up like a lunatic. She's obviously their favorite thing about the movie.
** For instance, after Edward knocks her out with a single punch:
{{quote|
** Late in the movie, when Mike mistakes her for ''Kevin James''.
* "When I think of getting jumped by Leelee Sobiesky, it's a little different."
==
* The intro includes a fantastic [[Shout-Out]]: Disembaudio challenging guest-riffer [[Neil Patrick Harris]] to a [[How I Met Your Mother|Slap Bet]].
* "Nintendo Sixty FOUUUU-I mean a Golden Ticket! Yippie!"
* Chemistry class:
{{quote|
'''Neil''': Of course, Mike. [[What an Idiot!|I see no reason whatsoever not to]] [[Violation of Common Sense|mix together whatever chemicals I'm handed at any given time]].<br />
'''Mike''': That's what I like to hear.<br />
Line 2,102 ⟶ 859:
'''Mike''': ''[[Big No|Nooooooo!]]'' }}
* When the news reports that two of the five tickets have been found:
{{quote|
'''Neil''': So they go nuts for Wonka Bars even in grim, socialist, dystopian societies?
'''Disembaudio''': {{smallcaps|Oh? Is this set in France?}}
'''Mike''': Disembaudio~ ''once again'' coming out of nowhere to spank the French! }}
* "Mom saw a dull flicker of hope and snuffed it out right at the source. Way to go, mom."
* Math class.
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' ...how to play Hangman!
'''Mr. Turkentine:''' ...about percentages. ''(talks for a while -- shot of the class groaning)''
'''Mike:''' ''(imitating children's voice)'' ''THIS IS HISTORY CLASS!'' }}
* "Where have I seen that deluded look of hope before--oh, yeah! A craps table at 4:00 {{smallcaps|a.m.}}!
* When Charlie and his grandfather pine over a Wonka bar that may or may not have the Golden Ticket inside:
{{quote|
'''Neil''': ''Obliterated''. Not an atom of hope or joy anywhere to be found. }}
* Just before they enter:
{{quote|
'''Veruca Salt''': I want to go in first, before anyone else!
'''Mr. Salt''': Anything you say, sweetheart.
'''[[Neil Patrick Harris]]''': [[I Need a Freaking Drink|I can't believe I forgot mah bloody flask]]. }}
* In the very tiny room, just before the factory itself:
{{quote|
'''[[Neil Patrick Harris]]''': Sam-B would have to a~gree!
''('''SLAP''')''
'''[[Neil Patrick Harris]]''': Ugh!
'''Mike''': Disembaudio! You just slapped [[Neil Patrick Harris]]!
'''Disembaudio''': {{smallcaps|Hey, I just did what we were both thinking. I keeps it real, Neil!}}
'''[[Neil Patrick Harris]]''': Ouch! Yes, I get it--very real. }}
* When Willy Wonka sings for the first time:
{{quote|
''([[Beat]])''
'''[[Neil Patrick Harris]]''': ...wow.
'''Mike''': Now that I think about it, though, my tie wasn't nearly that subdued. }}
* When the kids are [[It Makes Sense in Context|licking the walls]]:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': ''(as Wonka turns Salt's head toward him)'' Look, Salt, I swear to god, I will cut you! }}
* When Willy Wonka starts shouting during the Creepy Tunnel Scene from Hell:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': Why...yes!
'''[[Neil Patrick Harris]]''': I don't mind if you do!
'''[[Neil Patrick Harris]]''': This is for all the eight-year-olds who dropped blotter acid before going to see the film.
'''Mike''': Salvador Dali took one look at this scene and said, "Hey, man! This is too weird even for me!"
'''Wonka''' (singing): There's no earthly way of knowing....which direction we are going....
'''Mike''': You know what would be funny -- if you were an airline pilot and get on the intercom and do this exact thing.
'''Neil Patrick Harris''': This is what I imagine it's like to spend time with [[Tim Burton]]. }}
* After drinking the special soda:
{{quote|
'''[[Neil Patrick Harris]]''': ..."metaphor"? Heck, no! I think they ''were'' high when they filmed this! And when they wrote it, filmed it, screened it, ate lunch, slept, took showers. There was more THC passing through that movie set than through the whole Burning Man festival. }}
* During Veruca's "[["I Want" Song|I Want It Now]]" song:
{{quote|
'''Neil Patrick Harris''': Yeah. Just the other day I knocked em' dead with a five minute show-tune about the kind of cold-cuts I demanded to have in my trailer. Standing-O, my friend. ''(as Veruca Salt trashes the room)'' Gosh, I didn't do this ''exactly''; during my dance break, I ran around punching crew guys and lighting small fires. }}
* "A stiff thumbs-up shows the kids today you're 'down' with the 'music' and the 'scene' and the 'Pogs'."
* The confusion over which country the movie takes place in, including "Maybe it's set before the American Revolution" and "Hope he doesn't get mugged on the mean streets of Englameripoland."
* During "Pure Imagination":
{{quote|
'''Neil Patrick Harris:''' (finishing the lyric) Simply watch another movie! }}
==
* During the opening scene:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': It doesn't seem fair, but I guess they're doin' it... }}
* On Wolverine's facial hair:
{{quote|
'''Bill''': I think he should try a beard with no mustache for a fresher, more 1863 look. }}
* "Shouldn't he get back to the University of Michigan and start ''being their mascot''?"
* "Cerebro?" "Magneto?" "Yes, Cerebro." "Why, thank you, Magneto!" [[Running Gag|"Hello, Cerebro." "Yes, Magneto."]] [[Overly Long Gag|"Well, Magneto, I guess." "Cerebro."]]
* On Cerebro (their favorite thing in the whole movie):
{{quote|
'''Mike''': Yeah, he nearly called it "Brains A-Poppin'." }}
* A nice [[Take That]] at a certain other movie in the series:
{{quote|
'''Wolverine''': That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
'''Mike''': Then you've never seen ''X-Men 3''. }}
== Video Games (seriously!) ==
===
* On the COG armor:
{{quote|
* When Cole Train enters his old locker room.
{{quote|
'''Mike:''' [[What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?|THRILL as a grown man grows nostalgic!]] }}
== Live Shows ==
* The pre-show cards. A few from ''[[Jack the Giant Killer (film)|Jack the Giant Killer]]'' included "Movie Mistakes" (''[[Zookeeper (film)|Zookeeper]]'' starring Kevin James''), "Real Life Giant Killers" (''David - Goliath''), "Only in the Movies" (''Could a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, and fun have difficulty finding a relationship, because she is "kinda clumsy"''), Movie Anagrams (''Blil Plluman - Bill Paxton''), and Movies that Netflix Puts on Instant Watch Instead of [[Riff Trax]] (''Cool Dog'').
** The all-time best is one from ''[[Jack the Giant Killer (film)|Jack the Giant Killer]]'', where they finally answer an open question from the previous year's show: yes, corn is actually grass.
* The toy commercials from the Christmas show. Mike's "gift" was of a 60s toy robot with an [[Accidental Innuendo]]-filled [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc2NWo8HbCI commercial].
Line 2,516 ⟶ 948:
** "Be right there..."
* [[The Flash Tub|Shmorky's]] animated short before the main show, an [[Deranged Animation|animated representation]] of the thoughts of [[Something Awful|Lowtax's]] daughter Lauren. It's hilarious.
** This leads to a bit in ''[[Jack the Giant Killer (film)|Jack the Giant Killer]]'' where the guys suggest that one scene in the film (which involves [[It Makes Sense in Context|a chimpanzee reaching for a bottle containing a
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