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{{quote|''"Get away from the book by any means you can. Or, if you've been unfortunate enough to pay money for it already, [[Wall Banger
|'''Smart Bitches, Trashy Books''' on "[http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/books/extras/top-ten-signs-youre-reading-a-very-bad-romance-novel Top Ten Signs You're Reading A Very Bad Romance Novel]".}}
There are some books you pick up and read, then put down and never pick up again. Others, after you've read them, find themselves [[Wall Banger
'''''Important Note''''': Merely being offensive in its subject matter is not sufficient. Hard as it is to imagine at times, [[Rule
{{examples|Examples (more-or-less in alphabetical order):}}▼
▲{{examples|Examples (more-or-less in alphabetical order):}}
* In 2010, Denise Brown Ellis wrote ''The Adventures of the Teen Archaeologists: (Book 1) The Land of the Moepek''. Full of [[Mary Sue
* ''[[
* Alphascript Publishing and Betascript Publishing have published over 300,000 books. Sounds pretty interesting, until you realize that all of them are just a bunch of Wikipedia articles. "High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA Articles!", the cover of each book states. It gets worse:
** The title of each book is always misleading. You'd expect a
** The covers [http://brianbusby.blogspot.com/2011/10/alpha-beta-dada.html are] [[Epic Fail|epic failures]], such as the book on the Fieseler Fi 167 showing a [[Critical Research Failure|C-130]], and another on the 1867 Canadian Election showing
** The editors don't check the articles to make sure they're accurate, which means that vandalism could've
** The books are often only 40-50 pages long, 100 at the absolute most, yet cost up to $
* On the subject of horribly written non-fiction books, as much as we [[Rule of Cautious Editing Judgement|want to be neutral on this author's views]], ''America's Most Dangerous Nazi'', written by A.J. Weberman, is a blatant a hit piece on a controversial politician
** The author's way of advertising this book is just as horrible. He spams every single article about said politician and whenever he finds positive comments, he links to this book
* ''The Blah Story'' by Nigel Tomm is the second-longest novel at 11,300,000 words<ref>
** A little tidbit
* ''Blood: The Last Vampire: Night of the Beasts'' by [[Mamoru Oshii]] is a continuation of the anime film ''[[Blood:
* Books LLC's ''Wikipedia Source'' series might be an even worse example of published Wikipedia articles than the aforementioned Alphascript and Betascript Publishing. In addition to possesing all
* Robert Newcomb's ''[[Chronicles of Blood and Stone]]'' series was billed as the next big epic fantasy series by its publisher, Del Rey, and given all sorts of heaping praise by reviewers who were clearly both bribed into giving a positive review and incapable of reading the books themselves. The first in the series, "The Fifth Sorceress", presents all women as either stupid and complacent or horrendously, disgustingly evil and corrupt; it's essentially a series of one [[Deus Ex Machina]] after another, and suggests that [[You Fail Biology Forever|pregnancies last for somewhere between 24 hours and six months]]. Oh, and any single item Newcomb created using "scientific" means in the series [[You Fail Physics Forever|defies the laws of physics]] — such as a sword with an extendable/retractable blade (perfectly balanced!) which extends or retracts with enough force to crush a person's skull
** The ''Chronicles'' were tame compared to the second trilogy written by Newcomb, ''The [[Destinies of Blood and Stone]]''. The final book, "Rise of the Blood Royal",
* ''[[The Wheel of Time]]'' series has ''Crossroads of Twilight,'' a doorstopper without content which generally takes place at the same time as the previous book, ''Winter's Heart''
* ''Das Reich Artam'', an [[Alternate History]] set in a victorious [[Nazi Germany]] which
* ''I Am Scrooge'', a short (just over 150 pages) 2010 novel that attempts to ride the "classic novel revamped with something totally inappropriate" bandwagon, with a story about Ebenezer Scrooge fighting an army of zombies. A description of Scrooge walking in a London fog defies belief: "As the air began to freeze and he was a right wheezer and he went by the name of Ebenezer Scrooge." This is just one of the novel's seemingly never-ending
* Clifford Bowyer's deservedly obscure ''[[Imperium Saga]]'' could rival ''The Eye of Argon'' for sheer bad writing. But [[It Got Worse|it gets worse]]
* ''Isle of Dogs'' by Patricia Cornwell is a novel so bad in so many ways, it's amazing Cornwell allowed it to be published. Various blurbs compare the novel's supposed snarky black humor to Carl Hiaasen. Too bad Hiaasen can actually write snarky black humor and write it well; Cornwell couldn't write black humor if it meant the firing squad. Featuring characters blessed with such names as Trish Thrash, Unique First, Fonny Boy, Possum, and Hooter Shook; a zillion plots that go nowhere; and some of the laziest writing this side of ''[[Twilight (
* ''[[Friday the 13th|Jason X: Death Moon]]'', one of several books released in a deal between New Line Cinema and publisher Black Flame, is horrific. Half the time, it feels like the vaguely pretentious [[What Do You Mean It Wasn't Made
** ''Friday the 13th: Hell Lake'',
* The last three books of the ''[[Legacy of the Force]]'' series
** The worst part of all of ''Revelation'' is the general message that Force-users are dangerous, disgusting, and incapable of doing ''anything'' right. In the end, the book's message concludes that all force-users should never be
* In 2000, Nancy Stouffer claimed that her 1984 or 1986 (she disagreed with herself there) book ''[[The Legend of Rah and
* ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20170517092800/http://www.asstr.org/~leslita/stories/ginger_winters001.html Lesbian Land 2250]'', a [[Door Stopper|24-chapter]] [[Epic Fail|epic (fail)]] by "[[GIRL|Ginger Winters]]," apparently made solely for [[Author Appeal]]. It details life in a [[Mary Suetopia]] full of exhibitionist [[Lipstick Lesbian]]s of all ages who bonk [[Anything That Moves]]. Its "futuristic" setting serves only to [[Hand Wave]] the less realistic elements. The entire cast is [[Flat Character|flat]] — nobody has any personality beyond [[Everybody Has Lots Of Sex|craving sex]], and the only way to tell them apart is their appearance, which "Winters" often describes in detail. Every single [[kink]] is conveniently common, and many of them would be life-threatening in reality. No sapient being would speak in the manner of any of these characters. There's no character development, no interpersonal dynamics, and no overarching plot beyond poorly daisy-chained excuses for horribly-written, gut-wrenching sex scenes, such as the author's belief in [[Country Matters|"cunt"]] as a valid prefix and the hair-raising terms that result. The writing is akin to a Babelfish program, except with more implicit sexism. It reads like the rantings of a fourteen-year-old whose only knowledge of females comes from bad lesbian porn, which is especially sad, considering the interesting concept or two the book sometimes spends half a second on.
* ''[[Mass Effect Deception (Literature)|Mass Effect Deception]]'', a tie-in book released in the months leading up to ''[[Mass Effect 3 (Video Game)|Mass Effect 3]]''. Notably, it was also the first novel not written by the series' head writer, Drew Karpyshyn. It was supposed to be a sidestory featuring the continuing adventures of Gillian Grayson; it wound up gaining the hatred of fans for its tactless treatment of [[Hide Your Lesbians|homo]][[Bury Your Gays|sexuality]] and [[Throwing Off the Disability|autism]], a [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XBpMF3ONlI308D9IGG8KICBHfWKU0sXh0ntukv-_cmo/edit?pli=1 list of research errors] longer than IMDB's "Goofs" page for ''[[Battlefield Earth (Film)|Battlefield Earth]]'', and its overall tendency to tear continuity a new one. Not that it fared any better among non-fans--long, drawn out chapters (often [[Show, Don't Tell|expository]] and [[Department of Redundancy Department|redundant]]) were a common occurrence. To say that no proofreading was made would be a severe understatement. Del Rey wound up publicly apologizing for it, and plans have been stated to rewrite large portions of the book.▼
** The treatment of children deserves special mention; they make the girls of ''[[Hogwarts Exposed]]'' look like devout nuns. The story's setting has barely any laws against child molestation, and when those are broken, ''[[Victim Blaming|it's the children, not the molesters, who are blamed]].''
* ''Mein Kampf''... as translated by James Murphy. It took what was something already derided as being [[Doorstopper|overly long]] and [[Purple Prose|hideously thick]] in its original form and somehow made it worse. [[Adaptation Decay|The writing style was changed drastically]], [[Cut and Paste Translation|alterations and expansions were blatant and hackneyed]], and [[Obvious Beta|spelling and grammar were all over the place]]. The book resembles a bad fanfic of the original; its clunky, dull, flowery prose results at least partially from the author's habit of [[Blind Idiot Translation|looking up the words he didn't know in a German-English dictionary and picking the first definition he saw]]. Worse, it was submitted incomplete when Murphy changed his mind about the Nazis and fled Germany, meaning the press had to finish translation. Perhaps fortunately, the few copies that the Nazi press produced were lost until 2008, effectively destroying any chance for this abomination to become anything more than a bizarre curiosity.▼
** The spork board weepingcock has [http://whygodwhy.forumotion.com/t903-the-horrors-of-leslita-part-i-pancakes-nws-image-heavy reviewed] this [http://weepingcock.livejournal.com/303078.html story] [http://weepingcock.livejournal.com/307769.html four] [http://weepingcock.livejournal.com/329059.html times.] None of them fully capture the horror of this wretched escapism.
* ''Mission Earth'', a decalogy <ref>(novel in ten volumes)</ref> by [[L Ron Hubbard]]. Weighing in at nearly 4,000 pages, this was Hubbard's idea of clever [[Sci Fi]] satire. The story moves at an incredibly-slow pace and showcases every sexual perversion you could think of and then some. Rampant misogyny abounds. The story's nothing more than a thinly-veiled pamphlet for Scientology and keeps hitting you over the head with its messages against psychology and psychiatry. [http://www.modemac.com/cgi-bin/wiki.pl/Mission_Earth Here's a highly-detailed overview.]▼
** This work's [[Banned in China|banned in Australia]]. Sure, [[Guilt By Association Gag|the fault goes to]] [[Agony in Pink|a different work entirely]], but...
* As ''Crossroads of Twilight'' is to ''[[Wheel of Time]]'', ''Naked Empire'' represents the bottom-of-the-barrel for Terry Goodkind's ''[[Sword of Truth]]'' series. This book, even more than the others before it, is mostly [[Author Tract|one gigantic sermon against communism and pacifism]], containing the infamous "[[Strawman Political|evil-pacifist]]" plot of Bandakar. Even outside the conflict, Richard's dialogue is constantly saturated with Goodkind's views when he's talking to his friends. (At one point, he and his half-sister discuss the "right" of hair to live on a person's head. ''It's that bad.'') The main plot of the series is advanced barely an inch by the end of this book, there are [[Character Filibuster|speeches]] that go on for pages or even ''whole chapters'', the plot's resolved in one of the most blatant [[Deus Ex Machina|Deus Ex Machinas]] in literature, and...ah, screw it — go look at the reviews on [http://www.amazon.com/Naked-Empire-Sword-Truth-Book/product-reviews/0765344300/ref=sr_1_1_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1 Amazon.com] if you want more proof.▼
** It got worse: somebody made a sequel - "Gladys Stoatpamphlet" made ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20170518135745/http://www.asstr.org/~leslita/stories/gladys_stoatpamphlet001.html Lesbian Land - Future Days].'' It's shorter (only six chapters), has better spelling, and the author admits that the sex violates many modern standards, but many of the same flaws exist as in the original.
▲* ''[[Mass Effect
▲* ''Mein Kampf''... as translated by James Murphy.
▲* ''Mission Earth'', a decalogy <ref>
▲* As ''Crossroads of Twilight'' is to ''[[Wheel of Time]]'', ''Naked Empire'' represents the bottom-of-the-barrel for Terry Goodkind's ''[[Sword of Truth]]'' series. This book,
* While [[Vanity Publishing]] has long been known to be a haven for the worst attempts at semi-literate [[Purple Prose]], ''Night Travels of the Elven Vampire'' by LaVerne Ross is painfully bad even by that standard. But it does provide [[Snark Bait|excellent fodder]] for [http://crevette.livejournal.com/113659.html a truly hilarious review.]
* ''Noir'' by K.W. Jeter is a [[Doorstopper]] [[Cliché Storm|set in a]] [[Dystopia
* ''No Touching'' by Aileen Deng. Let's put it this way — the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, [[Old Shame|who were responsible for its very commissioning, would kindly like you to forget it ever existed]]. Allegedly commissioned to dispel the most common myths about [[Asexuality]], the main character instead reads as [[Stop Being Stereotypical|a compilation of the worst of these myths]], and the plot doesn't even help matters. The only way to express
** Note that the book has a
* ''Org's Odyssey'' by Duke Otterland. The whole plot is a [[Cliché Storm]] of a fantasy novel about Org of Otterland, a hero born from the daughter of a god who must save Anglia from evil. The beginning explains how the Anthropians came to be, but it comes off as [[Purple Prose]]. Moreover, the battles are unfair — the good guys outnumber the evildoers [[One Sided Battle|7 to 1]]. See the reviews [http://www.amazon.com/Orgs-Odyssey-Tale-Post-human-Earth/dp/0595316794 here.]
** More recently, it's become the replacement read for ''The Eye of Argon'' at
* [[Glenn Beck]]'s ''The Overton Window'' is called one of the worst works of literature ever written. The LA Times said it was less a train-wreck than "[http://articles.latimes.com/2010/jun/23/entertainment/la-et-rutten-20100623 a lurching, low-speed derailment halfway out of the station]". [http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/14/AR2010061405423.html The Washington Post concurs.]
** How terrible is Beck's [[Purple Prose|prose]]? Here's an excerpt from the novel:
{{quote|
** The book is even worse than previously thought established. [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-kelly/glenn-becks-new-novel-abo_b_613861.html It turns out] ''The Overton Window'' is a blatant retread of the 2005 thriller ''Circumference of Darkness''. ''Overton'' was even ghostwritten by ''Circumference'' writer Jack Henderson. The only difference is that the names are swapped, and the bad guys in ''Overton'' are left-wing lunatics instead of right-wing lunatics.
* Pacione, Nickolaus. He is a horror writer known for self-publishing unreadable, barely literate, mistake-riddled prose, but even better known for picking fights with everyone on the Internet that dislikes his work,
* The ''[[Doctor Who]] [[Virgin New Adventures|New Adventures]]'' story ''The Pit'' by Neil Penswick is commonly regarded as the worst ''Doctor Who'' novel of all time, not least because of the tedious nature of the story, which is written entirely in [[Beige Prose]] to boot. The Doctor is completely useless and does virtually nothing
* After the runaway success of ''[[The Hunger Games]]'', one Victoria Foyt decided to release her own take on dystopic YA fiction: ''Save the Pearls: Revealing Eden''. Too bad that her book, which portrayed a case of [[Persecution Flip]], was both horribly racist and atrociously written. One important part of the plot is that the heroine must disguise her whiteness with hair dye and makeup and is forced to get a "mate", which is translated in the promotional video as the hired actress essentially asking for a boyfriend while in [[Blackface]]. Along the most notorious setting fails: the allegedly oppressed people had a prettier group name than the oppressors, the black people are depicted as either animalistic or bad Afro-American clichés, and one of the heroine's love interests is apparently a were-feline of some sort. The writing itself was atrociously bad even when not accounting for the racism. [http://das-sporking.livejournal.com/tag/fic%3A%20save%20the%20pearls This sporking] says everything you need to know.
* ''The Sacred Seven'' by Amy Stout is a deservedly obscure fantasy "epic" which is nevertheless only novella-length. The plot's a [[Cliché Storm]] in which a [[Big Bad]] [[Evil Sorcerer]] is trying to take over the world and playing [[MacGuffin]] [[Gotta Catch Them All]]. The attempts at "originality" are things like forest dwarves and the [[Big Bad]] being a female elf leading a troll army instead of the traditional orc army. But what makes this book special is that it has over two dozen point-of-view characters over its meager pagecount in a large font. Most ''pages'' have at least one POV switch, which can be to a character in a completely different geographic location having completely different adventures. As you might expect, none of the [[Loads and Loads of Characters]] have [[Flat Character|much of a detectable personality]]. The whole thing reads like an internet round robin written by a bunch of teenagers. Oh, and there's a sequel called ''The Royal Four''.
* ''La Séptima M'' (''The Seventh M''), a mystery YA book written by Chilean author Francisca Solar, is known as being legendarily bad among the hispanic readers that got to read it. It has everything to fail: a poorly paced plot that ripped off better [[filler]] episodes of [[The X-Files]], characters who switched between boring and unlikeable, a [[Mary Sue|Mary-Suesque heroine]] with an [[Ambiguous Disorder]], several [[:Category:Did Not Do the Research|investigation failures]] (the most notorious one [[Artistic License Pharmacology|being a psychiatric medicine which the author couldn't decide what effects it really had]]), and very pretentious and [[Purple Prose|purple]] writing suffers a nasty case of [[Separated by a Common Language]]. Intended to be the first of a series, the book somehow managed to get a sequel published... about five years later, on digital format only, in a region where the purchasing of digital content lags behind the rest of the world.
* The written sequel to [[George Lucas]]' fantasy movie ''[[Willow]]'', ''Shadow Moon'' (No, not [[Kamen Rider Black|that one]]) by [[Chris Claremont]], is a [[Doorstopper]] written in such a mind-numbing style that enduring the lengthy bland descriptions to get to the mind-numbing plot about the new adventures of Willow requires endurance few readers possess. The rest of the trilogy is supposed to be even worse, but confirming this is difficult for obvious reasons.
* A book that would've
** According to a [[
** Double bonus — the dragon venom that's getting everyone off like rockets? It's described as being an ''[[Artistic License: Biology|anesthetic]]'', when the correct term would be "aphrodisiac".
* Believe it or not, the late Jacqueline Susann (of ''Valley of the Dolls'' fame) wrote a science fiction novel
** It should also be noted that
{{reflist}}
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