The Coroner Doth Protest Too Much: Difference between revisions

{{examples}}

== Accidents ==

* In one ''Medieval: [[Total War]]'' [[After Action Report]], the first time the author's faction assassinated another faction's leader, the cause of death was reported as a fall down a flight of stairs, with various outlandish and improbable explanations being given for the more suspicious injuries (such as impaling himself on the spiked banister for the various stab wounds). Saying that a character had "fallen down the stairs" became an euphemism for every assassination performed thereafter.

* In a [[Let's Play]] of ''[[Ultima VI]]: The False Prophet'', the party concludes, after some intimidation from the Avatar, that "Chuckles fell down some stairs. And into a cannon."

 

* In ''[[Hot Fuzz]]'', every murder committed is made to look like an accident. Each one seems improbable at the least, but the most obvious one is Leslie Tiller's death. "She tripped and fell on her own shears."

** Tiller's death seem to be the only death that's actually been witnessed in some time; the others were either staged for whoever found them, or they simply disappeared altogether. The above quote was from Angel explaining how ludicrous the instance that it might've been an accident was, and how the police force was lazy/incompetent for simply accepting "accident" as cause of death for years.

{{quote|Those of you I find lacking will quit. And those of you who refuse to quit will have a training accident. This base suffers three training accidents a year. Unfortunate accidents that I will not hesitate to repeat if you cross me! }}

 

* Essentially the purpose of the Special Investigations department of the Chicago police in Jim Butcher's ''[[The Dresden Files]]''. When a dozen victims are mauled by wolf-like animals in the middle of Chicago, they're the ones that make reports about strings of animal attacks and close the case. When three different people's hearts explode out of their chests, they're the ones to protest too much. Presumably most of these are filed as accidents. In a [[Lampshade Hanging]], one of the actual coroners ''didn't'' protest too much, called a [[Our Vampires Are Different|vampire corpse a vampire corpse]], and ended up in a mental institute for three months.

* In Diana Gabaldon's ''Voyager'' series, a man is shot while threatening to kill the baby his wife gave birth to, by the man who actually got her pregnant. The whole thing is covered up, as an accidental discharge of a weapon. It was ruled 'death by misadventure'. Upon learning this, one character states dazedly, "Well, I guess being shot is pretty misadventurous..."

* In ''[[To Kill a Mockingbird]]'', Boo's killing of Bob Ewell is said to be this. Atticus is initially under the impression that it was Jem who killed him and tries to rebuff sheriff Heck Tate's repeated insistence that "Bob Ewell fell on his knife," saying he's not going to pull any strings for his son, until Tate makes it clear that the person he's trying to protect is someone who needs privacy and whose life would be miserable if he suddenly became the center of local attention, much more so than Jem.

 

* In an episode of ''[['Allo 'Allo!|Allo Allo]]'', Herr Flick explains that an artist who knew too much "Fell out of a Gestapo car, over a bridge, onto a railway and was run down by the Berlin Express. It was an accident."

* In the original ''[[Blackadder]]'', the various Archbishops of Canterbury are reported as dying in a series of suspicious accidents -- including one incident in which the king's hired killer ran towards the archbishop with his head bowed, and supposedly forgot that he was wearing a disembowelling helmet with a four-foot spike on the top. And another in which the victim accidentally impaled himself -- on the spire of Norwich Cathedral. Finally, one was struck by a falling Gargoyle...while swimming at the beach.

'''Mary Todd:''' "I knew it!" }}

 

* An [[Russian Humour|old anecdote]]:

{{quote|defendant: I just peeled an orange, and this guy walked by, slipped on an orange peel and fell, right on my knife. So unfortunate.

judge: And then he got up and repeated this... seventeen times total? }}

 

* The use of this by the South African police is parodied in an episode of the British radio series ''[[The Very World of Milton Jones]]'', in which Milton, whilst in prison in apartheid South Africa, slips on some soap in the shower, gets a towel wrapped around his neck and the light fitting, and then falls down some stairs, much to the bemusement of his guard - "What? But they'll never believe that. I mean, they have, they will." [[Nigh Invulnerable|He doesn't die]].

 

* Historical example: Bekhter, the ambitious half-brother of Temujin, was killed in a [[Hunting Accident|"hunting accident"]]. You might know Temujin better by his adult title, Genghis Khan.

** "Dissident" ''Secret History'' expressly insists that Temujin and his brother Kasar killed Bekhter. However, Belgutei (Bekhter's brother) apparently remained Temujin's friend and loyal assistant. L.N.Gumilev surmised that if Bekhter spied on their outcast family for Tayichiut tribe, this would be the reason why Belgutei could justify the killing and why Tayichiut (who threw them all out a few years ago) hunted Temujin.

* In 2012, a British spy, who had been missing for two years, was found dead by asphyxiation in a padlocked duffel bag in his bathtub. A possibility that keeps being brought up is that, in some sort of sex game, he wormed his way into the duffel bag, zipped it all the way up, then padlocked it.

 

* In the Barathi society in ''Swashbucklers of the 7 Skies'', those who go mysteriously missing are said to have "regrettably drowned." Given that the Barathi enshrine violent, bloody vengeance as a social ''duty'', there are quite a lot of drowning accidents. Mostly because if one goes about their vengeance in an indiscreet manner, thereby inspiring a return blow, drowning turns out to be contagious.

* In ''[[Birthright]]'' [[Tabletop Games/Funny|Official Playtest Notes]] one king was "found by his guards to have suffered a [[Doomy Dooms of Doom|terminally fatal]] mountaineering accident in his living room". "Mountaineering" here isn't an euphemism for "falling from the bed" but rather a reference to ''[[Impaled with Extreme Prejudice|climbing spikes]]''.

* In the old West End Games Star Wars RPG it was quite possible for a character to die of accidental beheading with a lightsabre. Due to an intentional feature of the rules, a character with no skill in the use of a lightsabre had about a 1 in 6 chance of lopping off one of his own extremities (including his head) on EACH attempt to attack with a lightsabre. Try convincing the local authorities that the guy had pickpocketed your lightsabre and accidentally killed himself with it when you confronted him. (As most groups included at least one Jedi competent enough to make a lightsabre but not competent enough to never get pickpocketed, this was a perfectly feasible situation.)

 

* In ''The Accidental Death of An Anarchist'', the aforementioned Anarchist died after "falling" out of the window of the police station where he was being interrogated. Interestingly enough, it was based on Real Life.

** This case got [[Shout-Out]] in [[Elite|Elite 3: First Encounters]], to [[Kick the Dog|show]] that [[The Empire]] isn't nice.

* ''[[Chicago]]''. "Cell Block Tango" has several of these, being claimed by the actual murderesses. "I fired two warning shots. Into his head." "He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ''ten times''."

 

* In ''[[Tropico]] 3'', it is possible to form a secret police and have people disposed of [[Stealth Pun|off screen]]. The regular excuse will be transmitted by radio not long after, this being that the victim tripped and fell out of the second story of their home onto the street, then being run over by an ambulance followed by a hearse. [[Sarcasm Mode|Tragic misfortune, isn't it?]]

* In the timeline included with ''[[Zork: Grand Inquisitor]]'', it's explained that the current Grand Inquisitor gained his title after his predecessor "tripped on the rug and accidentally strangled himself".

* Honorable mention from ''[[Portal (series)|Portal]]'' - upon entering the first level featuring an energy particle, [[G La DOS]] informs you that contact with such particles has been known to cause "certain disabilities, such as vaporization". (The "existence-impaired", I guess?)

 

* In the first ''[http://www.bmoviecomic.com B-Movie Comic]'' flick, Pharaoh Rutentuten had a [http://www.bmoviecomic.com/index_0027.html tragic hunting accident].

* The coroner from ''[[Scary Go Round]]'' repeatedly blames deaths on snake bites, carrying around a staple-remover for the purpose of simulating fang wounds on the bodies. [[General Ripper|In his opinion]], [[Reptiles Are Abhorrent|snakes]] have had it too good for too long.

 

== Natural Causes ==

* Inverted in ''[[Death Note]]''. All of Kira's targets die of perfectly "natural" heart attacks.

 

* ''[[Collateral]]'':

{{quote|'''Max:''' He... he... he fell on the cab. He fell, he fell from up there on the motherfucking cab! Shit! I think he's dead.

* Inferred in ''[[Wag the Dog]]'', regarding {{spoiler|the death of Stanley Motss}}.

 

* In [[Diane Duane]]'s ''[[Star Trek]]'' [[Expanded Universe|novel]] ''My Enemy, My Ally'', Kirk reads intelligence reports from the Romulan Empire, which state among other things that several senators have died of natural causes. He reflects that an inability to live after being poisoned is natural enough.

* In [[Robert A. Heinlein]]'s ''[[Between Planets]]'', a family friend of the protagonist is [[Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique|interrogated]] by the brutal government officers. They tell the protagonist the cause of death was "heart failure". He then realizes that no matter how you die (or are killed), your heart is still going to stop...

* Willy Knight, Vice President of the Confederate States of America in the ''[[Timeline-191|Settling Accounts]]'' series, is hauled off to Camp Dependable and executed when President Jake Featherston discovers his disloyalty. Featherston wanted the black prisoners to kill him on their own, but since they wouldn't touch him, he ordered his murder. His cause of death is listed as natural because "His heart stopped, didn't it?"

 

* In a similar vein to [[Tom Clancy]], ''[[Burn Notice]]'s'' resident [[Deadpan Snarker]] Michael Westen has been known to refer to death by gunshot as "dying of acute lead poisoning".

* A wrinkle was added in ''[[The Vampire Diaries]]'' when the local coroner and member of the secret council - his main responsibility is this trope, ruling that mysterious deaths are 'animal attacks' and most certainly not vampires - is himself murdered, in what may well be the first non-vampire-related murder Mystic Falls has had in ''years''.

 

* An Arkansas medical examiner once ruled that a man who was decapitated died of natural causes. Though in this case, it's a whole lot weirder than "Hey, you can't live without your brain": He ruled that the man died of a perforated ulcer, and that a dog ate his head.

** And, since said Arkansas medical examiner was such during the governorship of one [[Bill Clinton|William Jefferson Clinton]], certain [[Strawman Political|Right Wing extremists]] added the death to the so-called "Clinton Body Count": a list of people supposedly murdered on the orders of then-Governor Clinton.

* Jack Ruby died in prison of "fast acting cancer."

 

* In the background material of the Finnish [[Dystopia|dystopian]] RPG ''Hiljaisuuden Vangit'' - an alternate-history game where the Axis won [[WW 2]] - a coroner mentions that whenever someone dies in "suspicious" circumstances the cause of death is officially listed as heart attack. Teenage girl, every bone crushed, deep burns all over the body? "Heart attack."

* In Forgotten realms, any novel or adventure regarding [[Always Chaotic Evil|Drow]], its [[Running Gag|mentioned at least once]] that being found [[Critical Existence Failure|dead with a dagger in the back]] is a natural death, and the [[Chronic Backstabbing Disorder|leading cause of death in Drow cities]].

 

* In a [[Show Within a Show]] [[Flash Back]] scene of the musical ''[[City of Angels]]'', the body of Hollywood film producer Irwin S. Irving is brought into the morgue. His press agent reports that he died peacefully in his sleep, while the coroner tells about the two bullets that entered his body: "All in all, an obvious heart attack."

 

* The PC game ''[[Harvester]]'' has a memorable scene where the protagonist visits his girlfriend only to find a bloody skull and spinal cord laying in her bed ({{spoiler|they're not really hers}}). The sheriff rules the death "natural causes," as he puts it: "Hey, body can't live without a skull; don't get much more natural than that."

* In Egoraptor's short [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwrPuCnNbv8 Metal Gear Awesome], a maddened Snake eventually ends up shooting people in the face and reporting their deaths as heart attacks.When the Colonel points out they have bullet wounds, he gets shot in the face through the radio.

* In [[The Simpsons]], Fat Tony's wife was "whacked by natural causes."

** Although, to be fair, that's played more as Fat Tony not being able to properly enunciate the terms of a natural death, rather than him covering for a murder.

 

== Suicide ==

* ''[[Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro]]'', the main character's father was killed in a closed room by his head being cut off by a chainsaw, and then his blood was painted on the walls. Because the police had no leads and couldn't figure out how anyone could enter the room, it was classified a suicide.

 

* In ''Analyze That'', one character says he was set free because one key witness committed suicide. "He stabbed himself in the back four times and threw himself off a bridge. Very unfortunate."

** Later mocked when a would-be assassin is thrown out of the penthouse window (during Sobel's wedding no less):

'''Charleston:''' * confused* You mean suicide?

'''Bensonmum:''' Oh, no, it was murder. Mrs. Twain hated herself. }}

** To be fair, the throat-wound victim was set up to look like he was shot by someone else. It was just set up to look like a suicide pact, rather than the murder that it was.

* In ''Thunderheart'', Maggie tells Ray about a man who supposedly committed "suicide" by shooting himself in the back of the head.

* In ''[[Series 7: The Contenders|Series 7 The Contenders]]'' an uncooperative contestant named Anthony is left seriously injured, incapacitated and vulnerable to attack after what the [[Unreliable Narrator|voiceover]] describes as a "self-inflicted knife wound to the back."

 

* In [[Douglas Adams]]'s ''[[The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul|The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul]]'', Dirk Gently's employer is found decapitated, with his head sitting neatly on a record player. The police called it the trickiest suicide they had ever seen, because the room was locked from the inside and they weren't about to write "[[Deal with the Devil|killed by a demon]]" on the paperwork.

** Because they were irritated with the situation and with Gently, the police tell him to figure out how the guy did it. Or else. After some investigating, he dashes off an apparently improbable but plausible scenario.

* In one of their fake "man-on-the-streets" segments, the Onion asked people about the head of the CIA's recent resignation and conviction in the wake of a scandal. One woman said, "I guess now we just sit back and wait for the part where he commits suicide by shooting himself multiple times in the back of the head."

 

* In ''[[Angel]]'' Kate is interviewing a suspect and the following conversation takes place:

{{quote|'''Spivey:''' I heard it was suicide.

* In [[Picket Fences]], a convicted sex offender moves to town and is harassed and rejected until he's eventually found dead in an apparently suicide, having been shot twice in the head. In a subversion, it turns out that it ''was'' suicide. The first head wound wasn't immediately fatal, so he shot himself again.

 

* A court jester suffers death by comically large mallet to the back (his entire back) in a strip of [[Non Sequitur (comic strip)|Non Sequitur]] from Nov 14, 2010.

 

* King Cleomenes of Sparta was exiled for bribing the Delphic Oracle. He intimidated his way back into power by threatening to raise a rebellion but was accused of insanity by his half-brothers and put in the stocks. The next morning he was found dead with flesh carved from his legs, hips, and stomach, with the bloodstained knife lying next to him. Everyone agreed he'd killed himself.

* The JFK assassination was rife with strange suicides.

* During the Brazilian dictatorship, journalist Vladimir "Vlado" Herzog was "found" hanging from the bars of a prison cell. The bars were clearly too low for it to be a real suicide.

 

* ''[[Kingdom of Loathing]]'' has the tale of St. Yule "Be Sorry" Brenner. Brenner apparently "committed suicide by stabbing himself repeatedly in the back, then throwing himself to wild dogs." Considering the similarity and the fact that it ''is'' Kingdom of Loathing, it's likely that this is a reference to the above example from ''Analyze That''.

 

* In ''B-Movie Comic'', after being informed by the Vizier of Pharaoh Rutentuten's tragic hunting accident, his grief-stricken queen committed suicide by taking the Vizier's dagger and stabbing herself a dozen times in the back.

* In ''[[Contemplating Reiko]]'' happened to {{spoiler|''stuffed rabbit''}}.

{{quote|'''Reiko''': [http://taintedink.com/?p{{=}}1352 He committed seppuku].}}

 

* In Digitalph33r's series ''Hard Justice'', one of the cops finds a mutilated torso with no limbs or head, with the door of the house knocked down, and figures it was a suicide.

 

* In ''[[The Simpsons]]'', there was a mafia guy who had committed suicide "By stabbing himself. In the back. Fourteen times."

* ''[[Robot Chicken]]'': After Beast Man accidentally kills He-Man, a suicide note is written stating that he fell backwards on an axe like he always talked about.