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The Talk: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|''"When a man and a woman are in love, or very drunk, they..."''|'''Stan Smith''', ''[[
A conversation, usually between parent and child, about sex. May be occasioned by the question, "Where do babies come from?"
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== [[Anime]] and [[Manga]] ==
* In the anime ''[[
** What makes it ''hilarious'' is the [[Relax-O-Vision]] (and music) accompanying the scene, and then, when Nyamo is sober again the next morning, [[Hilarity Ensues|Chiyo asks some questions.]] Watch the whole scene [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VY8L_apFieE#t=1m20s here].
* In ''[[Full Metal Panic]]: Fumoffu'', Kaname gives a sort of similar talk to Sousuke (though it was more explaining what "flirting" and "picking up women" was). No dialogue is heard, and his reaction is to turn deathly pale and break out into cold sweat, stammering that he "can't do that." Lord knows what his reaction would be should anyone ever give him [[The Talk]] about explicit sex.
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== [[Fanfic]] ==
* There's a ''[[Star Trek (
** There was a hilarious one in which [[
* A particularly funny ''[[Naruto]]'' fanfic had Naruto going around and asking all the adults in the village what sex is and keeping a journal of the info he gets as they all either brush him off or give him lewd advice. "NEVER GO INTO ANKO'S HOUSE! She has a bunch of weird equipment and she's hard to get away from when she gets her clothes off."
** ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3313914/1/ Fetish? What's A Fetish?]'', a hilarious story about Naruto and Sasuke (Not like that, pervs) finding out all about sex and fetishes. And I do mean all, [[Sqee]] and [[Squick]] included. It's funny, but can also be serious when the author feels the need.
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*** Kurenai's way: Kiba using Akamaru's "special friend" to [[Brain Bleach|"demonstrate"]].
* There's a very funny fan fic called ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2759/1/The_Talk The Talk]''. Batman, Nightwing, and Superman joined together to give the talk to Robin (Tim). They gave a special type of superhero talk that involves body armor.
* A fanfic for ''[[
* ''[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5772667/1/Nuts_and_Bolts Nuts And Bolts]'' featured [[Iron Man|Tony Stark]] giving the talk to his son. He was reluctant at first since he really didn't see the reason why.
{{quote| Pepper: Now, are you going to talk to him?<br />
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** The end of the fic is Mento calling Beast Boy, seeing him and Raven kissing, and saying "You see, when a, um… half-demon… uh, tolerates a, uh… changeling… very much…"
* In ''[[The Legend of Spyro a New Dawn (Fanfic)|The Legend Of Spyro: A New Dawn]]'', Sparx reveals his dad had [[The Talk]] with him before he left home. He promptly changes the subject because he doesn't want to talk about it. Volteer and Cyril give a rather tame one to Cynder as well. Volteer was about to give a much more...detailed version by Cyril cut him off.
* In ''[[Kitsune On
* The ''[[My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
* For ''[[Axis Powers Hetalia]]'', Sealand gets an incredibly awkward and incomplete version of the talk from Sweden and Finland after accidentally walking in on them in [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7870821/1/Why_is_Mama_Moaning 'Why Is Mama Moaning?'].
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* Inverted in ''[[Pleasantville]]'', where Reese Witherspoon's character had to give "The Talk" to her mother (on the overly clean-cut TV sitcom from [[The Fifties]] [[Trapped in TV Land|in which her and her brother have been trapped]]).
* Painfully, ''painfully'' straight in ''[[American Pie]]''.
* In ''[[Beethoven (
* The Daniel Stern movie ''[[Bushwhacked]]'' features Stern's character as a fake Scout Leader delivering "the talk" to the boys in his scout group ''vividly'', with help from action figures.
* In ''[[National Lampoon Vegas Vacation]]'', Clark Griswold observes his son Rusty checking out the babes by the pool at their Las Vegas resort hotel. He then launches into a filibuster that sounds more like a horticulture lecture than a sex talk. Rusty interjects, ending the scene with the following exchange.
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* ''[[Now and Then]]'' Chrissy gets the talk from her mother (Bonnie Hunt), who is portrayed as either a sexophobe or just overly concerned about her daughter growing up. She starts by explaining that "every woman has a [[Unusual Euphemism|garden, and it needs a hose to water it]]." The narrator, Sam (Demi Moore) explains that as a result of this conversation, Chrissy will develop a lifetime obesession with gardening.
* ''[[Bicentennial Man]]'': Andrew is given one by his master, and expresses sorrow over the millions of deaths of unfertilized sperm.
* A Sundance short-film, ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3gNQ2KYCb4 Late Bloomer]'', has one of the most twisted and Lovecraftian takes on [[The Talk]]. Yes. [[
== [[Literature]] ==
* [[Terry Pratchett]]'s ''[[Discworld]]'' novels have played with this.
** There were two attempts by the older witches in the Lancre Coven to explain it to Magrat (who's almost a [[Chaste Hero|Chaste Heroine]]). In ''[[Discworld
** In ''[[Discworld
** At another point in the book, when the wizards are facing down the notion that they are the only men and Mrs. Whitlow the only woman who are likely to come along for some time (like thousands of years), they speculate that there must have been a Mr. Whitlow at some point, because she's, well, ''Mrs.'' Whitlow. A different book references a "Hepzibah Whitlow" in passing, who may be related, and, if the actual wizard rules on marriage (frowned upon, but never actually forbidden, as such) are anything to go by, may even be the man we're looking for.
** Subverted in ''[[Discworld
*** [[Call Back]] in ''[[Discworld
** Whenever the subject comes up, Tiffany Aching comments that she knows about this already because of her numerous older sisters. She also witnessed her brother's birth, since nobody bothered to send her away.
*** Don't forget she was born on a sheep farm. She knows about the... red bags of chalk tied to the rams.
** In ''[[Discworld
** Averted in the case of Carrot Ironfounderson, whose adoptive dwarf parents had intended to give him [[The Talk]] at ''dwarf'' adolescence, i.e. age 50. Carrot's girlfriend Angua opts for demonstration over explanation.
* The parody "To The Batpole!" in the anthology ''Batman Unauthorized'' imagines how this conversation might have gone between a teenaged [[Batman|Bruce Wayne]] and Alfred.
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* On ''[[Law and Order Special Victims Unit|Law And Order: Special Victims Unit]]'' in the episode "Hysteria," Elliot tries to give daughter Kathleen [[The Talk]] by speaking entirely in soccer metaphors, after which Kathleen reassures her father she's a virgin.
** There's a similar scene in [[Life Goes On]]. After accidentally spending the night at her boyfriend's house (they fell asleep watching TV), Drew tries to give Becca the talk as she prepares for her driving test. "''You don't want to merge unless you're absolutely sure''". An irritated Becca snaps that cars have nothing to do with sex.
* Nicely subverted in ''[[Malcolm in
** Double-subverted in a later episode. Lois finds out that Malcolm and his girlfriend are getting serious and, since she's leaving soon and won't have time to give him all the lessons he needs, drags poor Malcolm around in an endless car-trip where she tells him ''in graphic detail'' everything she thinks he'll ever need to know about sex. Subverted in that Malcolm already knows all of this and doesn't want to hear it from his mom... {{spoiler|and then double-subverted when he actually learns an extremely important lesson from her towards the end}}. After all, doesn't ''every'' teenager think they know it all?
* Played painfully straight repeatedly in multiple episodes of ''[[
* In ''[[Roseanne]]'', a reluctant Dan has to give this talk to DJ after he catches him [[A Date
** An earlier episode plays with this by having Roseanne and Dan preparing to give this to Becky, then discovering that Darlene actually needs it more.
* ''[[The Andy Griffith Show]]'': Andy literally tells Opie, "Sometimes, when a man and a woman love each other very much..." and the show dissolves away.
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'''Teal'c''': On the first eve of shim'owa. My advice is that the knife be as sharp as possible.<br />
'''Rya'c''' : Perhaps Kar'yn is right. Not all of the old traditions are worth holding on to. }}
* In ''[[
** In another episode, when Baldrick asks for permission to ask a question, Blackadder replies "Granted, as long as it's not the one about where babies come from."
* In ''[[Mortified]]'', Taylor spends an entire episode fleeing from her parents who she thinks are trying to give her [[The Talk]]. Finally cornered, she discovers that they actually want to talk to her about doing her share of the household chores now that she is older. Relieved, she immediately agrees and starts doing the dishes with her mother. However, her mother then takes advantage of having a captive audience to actually give her [[The Talk]].
* An episode of ''[[
** Ironically, Dr. Quinn ends up needing a version of [[The Talk]] herself, with her only knowledge of sex coming from her medical books. Despite being a 30-something woman, she's still a virgin and nervous about her impending wedding night. Luckily, her friend Dorothy is there to offer her advice.
* A sketch from Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's show ''[[Not Only but Also]]'' has an upper-class British gent trying to explain the facts of life with his naive 18 year old son, who doesn't want to believe the "filthy things they say at school". After much stalling ("In order for you to be brought about... it was necessary for your mother and I... to do something.") he makes wild claims that his son's conception was through his mother sitting in the same chair that he had been in and "was still warm... from my body". The conversation eventually escalates into them discussing Uncle Bertie ("Dirty Uncle Bertie they call him at school." "And they're right, Roger! Uncle Bertie is a dirty, ''dirty'' man"). [http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=d0Z1QGpTZSo The sketch can be viewed here].
* Subverted by a ''[[A Bit of Fry and Laurie]]'' sketch in which Fry asks Laurie (playing his son) if he knows where babies come from. Laurie replies "I always sort of assumed that you put your penis into mummy's vagina and then intercourse occured". Fry responds that this is indeed what they told him but that it is a bit more complicated than that, going on to say that somehow carpets are involved in the process. (The whole sketch turns into a spoof plug for the show's supposed sponsor's "Tideyman's Carpets').
** Even better in another Fry and Laurie sketch when a father (Laurie) brings his son to the headmaster (Fry) complaining about the "vulgar lies" his son had been taught in his biology class. "Sexual intercourse sometimes leads to pregnancy in the adult female." Apparently the man believed that children came out of nowhere after a man and woman had gotten married and bought a house.
* Played with on ''[[Heroes (TV series)|Heroes]]''. Bennet brings up the subject of boyfriends, and Claire fears that they are going to have [[The Talk]] ''again''. Fortunately, he merely wants to discuss how a boyfriend [[It's Not You, It's My Enemies|might be dangerous, as their family is in hiding]].
* [[Buffy]] and her mom have a different kind of talk after Angelus tells Joyce that he and Buffy had sex. It is played not for laughs, but for angst, as it brings up the emotional agony Buffy is suffering as a result of Angel losing his soul.
* ''[[MASH]]'': Colonel Blake gives a lecture on the dangers of getting STD from the local prostitutes which creates much amusement in those listening, as he acts like an embarrassed father giving [[The Talk]].
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* Was a [[Running Gag]] on ''[[Clarissa Explains It All]]''.
* Allison from ''[[Living With Fran]]'' receives two talks. One takes place before the series and is the "How and What", the later one is the "Who and When".
* Defied on ''[[
* Mentioned in ''[[The Adventures of Pete and Pete]]''. Dad wants to have a talk (not The Talk) with younger Pete but younger Pete thinks they're gonna have The Talk Cue [[Crowning Moment of Funny]]:
{{quote| '''Dad (to Little Pete):''' Pete, we need to have a talk, as father to son.<br />
'''Little Pete:''' Oh, don't worry, dad. Artie already had that talk with me.<br />
''* Mom faints* '' }}
* In the ''[[Star Trek:
** "[[Crowning Moment of Funny|Are you referring to... Vulcan biology]]?"
** There's also Charlie X, in which Kirk and McCoy debate hotly who has to give the titular Charlie "The Talk". Turns out Kirk's absolute rubbish at it. Trips over himself the whole way and ends up telling Charlie almost nothing.
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'''Ignorant Officer''': ...Is it something to do with receiving stolen goods? }}
* ''[[All in The Family]]'': In the flashback episode dealing with Mike and Gloria's [[Wedding Day]], a very flustered Edith attempts to give one of these to Gloria...who gently and discreetly lets her mother know she already understands what she needs to. It's actually one of the show's [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming|Crowning Moments of Heartwarming]].
* Happens in ''[[The Fresh Prince of Bel
* On ''[[3rd Rock
{{quote| '''Coach''': Well... your, uh, man and your... your male and female... they have these certain parts that are, uh... how do you call, uh... complementary to each other. ''[awkward pause]'' These parts come into play. ''[awkward pause]'' And that's how we all were born.<br />
'''Tommy''': I'm sorry, but can we get someone who's actually ''had'' sex to teach this class? }}
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** Made even worse by the fact that Kurt had actually asked his dad to do some research so that they could ''have'' this kind of talk. In the episode right before this. [[Negative Continuity|Continuity? What continuity?]]
* One episode of ''[[Kate And Allie]]'' had Allie giving [[The Talk]] to her son. It ended with him in a state of acute embarrassment, wailing "My ''mom'' said 'condom'!"
* Subverted in the ''[[Married...
{{quote| Kelly, maybe it's time we had a little talk. You're getting to be a big girl now, and there's something I've been putting off telling you for a while. But time is slipping by quickly, and I don't want you to learn about it on the street. Honey, there is a thing out there that men will want you to do. In fact, they'll expect it. Now, no woman really enjoys it, but we do it, get them to marry us, and then never have to do it again. That horrible thing is called "work".}}
* The ''[[Doctor Who]]'' episode “A Good Man Goes To War” has one given to, of all people, [[Celibate Hero|the Doctor]]- and not about his own sexual exploits, but that of Rory and Amy. You’d think after nine-hundred-odd years he’d know about it, and he certainly seems to understand the general idea, but it sure takes him a long time to realise what Madame Vastra was telling him about.
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'''Father:''' Ah yes... Milton, I think it's time we had a talk about the birds and the bees... As you've probably noticed, they've almost completely surrounded the house now!<br />
[Sound of curtain being drawn back, angry squawking and buzzing is heard] }}
* Subverted by the Belgian humorist Philippe Geluck. [[The Talk
{{quote| When a man is very in love with a woman, and the woman is also very in love [[Department of Redundancy Department|with the man who is in love with her]], they want to stay close to each other [...]the erection come from arterial blood kept under pressure within erectils organs while blocked by veins contraction.}}
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* ''[[Once Upon a Mattress]]'' devotes an entire song, called "Man to Man Talk," to a mute father attempting to explain about the bees and flowers via hand motions to his son the prince. The son wants to know more about the wedding night, but the embarrassed father resorts to miming the old fable about the [[Delivery Stork]] (dangling a handkerchief from his mouth while flapping his arms and standing on one leg). Fortunately, the son sees through this.
* ''[[Theatre/Spring Awakening|Spring Awakening]]'' opens with Wendla's mother trying to give her the talk, but as a prudish 19th century woman she can't quite bring herself to fully explain it (saying only that when you love your husband a child is created). The effects of this later in the play are quite bad indeed.
* [[Tom Stoppard]]'s ''[[Arcadia (
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== [[Web Comics]] ==
* In [http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2005-10-12 this] ''[[
* Spoofed in a ''[[Cyanide and Happiness]]'' comic, where, just after the father tells the son about the birds and the bees, the son replies "Let me get this straight... First there's a momma bird and poppa bird, and now you're telling me they actually have ''sex'' with bees? What type of disconnected, interspecies bullsh* t is this?"
* Cut short in ''[[Dan and
** In fact, there is a [[Running Gag]] of someone starting a phrase by "Sometimes a male and female X love each other", to elicit a [[Too Much Information]] response.
* The webcomic ''[http://www.itswalky.com/ It's Walky!]'' plays this straught with the series of strips starting [http://www.itswalky.com/d/20001109.html here.] The storyline is even called "The Talk", and has Sal and Jason (the figurative "parents") reluctant and Joyce disgusted. On the other hand, this is probably the first time "The Talk" has been given to a mind-wipe victim with a repression complex who was about the same age as said figurative parents. This is one is sort of hard to categorise.
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** Gabe's talk [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/1/18/ was slightly less scarring].
* ''[[Backward Compatible]]'' has a [http://www.crispygamer.com/comics/backward/backward-2009-04-29.aspx different kind of talk].
* ''[[
* Gil from ''[[Girl Genius]]'' [[A Man Is Not a Virgin|probably doesn't need it]], but apparently the [[Shipper
* Subverted (naturally) in ''[[Something Positive]]'', where the worldly Mr. Sanderson winds up giving The Talk to Davan's not-quite-son Rory. Rory, who remembers his mother saying Davan might have been his actual father, is only too quick to [http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp08052011.shtml put two and two together].
{{quote| '''Rory''': ''Davan put his penis in my mommy?!'''}}
* [[Subverted]] in ''[[
{{quote| '''Mark:''' You're eight, Adam. That means it's time for me to tell you about the birds and the bees. [[Comically Missing the Point|Birds are a good choice for small white and blue fliers. Bees, on the other hand, are used to falsely justify direct damage in green.]]<br />
'''Adam:''' Why is Mommy sadly shaking her head? }}
* Hazel and Clairce from [[Girls
== [[Web Original]] ==
* [http://walfas.org/flash/sakuflan.swf "Sakuya, what's sex?"]
* Defied in ''[[Yu-Gi-Oh!:
{{quote| '''Tristan''': Joey what's sex?<br />
'''Joey''': Well you see when a man and a woman-<br />
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== [[Western Animation]] ==
* ''[[Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy]]'' plays with this in "I Am Curious Ed", where Sarah and Jimmy try to get a straight answer on where babies come from from one of the other kids. Kevin and Nazz are too embarrassed to tell them, Johnny only seems to know how it happens with birds, and Rolf offers to tell them what his father told him when he was their age, which turns out to be "You are children, go away!". When they turn to the Eds, Eddy just plain misleads them, Edd gets [[Metaphorgotten|hung up on the metaphor of bee reproduction]], and it turns out Ed still believes in [[Delivery Stork|the stork]]. Weird note about this episode: when it was replayed a while after the first time it aired it had [[No Dialogue Episode|all of the dialogue removed]], but the music and [[Mickey Mousing]] was even louder. If the subject has anything to do with it is unknown, but it has aired again.
** The rerun issue sounds like they used a "music and effects" soundtrack. A lot of shows have these, they're used to create foreign language versions, otherwise you'd have to rebuild the entire soundtrack. I'd guess it was a cockup rather than some kind of censorship.
* Subverted in ''[[South Park]]'', "The Return of the Fellowship of the Rings to the Two Towers", where the parents think the children have watched a wild porn film, and seemingly out of the blue explain groupsex, urine fetishism, etc. to the increasingly aghast children. This is because of an earlier scene where they tried to deliver a more traditional version of "the talk" to Token (who ''did'' see the film). When they're done talking about the things a man and a woman do when they're in love, he says, "And when the woman has four penises in her at once, then stands up and pees all over the men... is that love? Five midgets, spanking a man covered in Thousand Island dressing... is that love?"
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{{quote| '''Bart:''' What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding...}}
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPNxZno3YaM&feature=related It's not like Bart didn't know already however.]
* ''[[
* ''[[Carl Squared]]'': Carl's parents decide to give him the talk at the end of "Carl's Techno-Jinx", complete with helpful educational video.
* ''[[
* On ''[[King of the Hill]]'', Bobby's biology class was going to do a sex-ed unit, which Hank and Peggy opposed. Hank said that if their son needed to know anything about sex he would learn it at home. Of course, it turned out that they were both intensely uncomfortable with the idea of talking about sex with their son, so they caved and signed the permission slip. Then Peggy, a substitute teacher, was asked to sub for the biology class, so she had to work to overcome her aversion to [[The Talk]]. (The fact that her own mother's version of [[The Talk]] amounted to giving her a book filled with pictures of flowers didn't help.)
** But then it turns out that {{spoiler|none of the other childrens' parents signed the permission slip, so they all leave the classroom and go to the library when it's time to start the lesson. By that time, the only two in the room are Peggy and Bobby.}}
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== [[Comic Books]] ==
* A [[Running Gag]] in the earliest ''[[Runaways]]'' comics had [[Cute Bruiser]] Molly asking about "gross stuff" and "bleeding" happening to her and being constantly brushed off by everyone she asks ('''''Molly''': Can I ask you a question about girl stuff? '''Gertrude''': Under no circumstances.'') It turns out she was bleeding [[Psychic Nosebleed|from her nose]], a sign of her emerging [[Puberty Superpower]].
* In the second volume of ''[[Ultimate Spider
{{quote| Aunt May: "Do you know about that?"<br />
Peter: "What?"<br />
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== [[Film]] ==
* In the original ''[[The Parent Trap]]'', the father decides to have the Talk with Sharon (disguised as Susan) on a golf course, assuming that's why she's wanting to know about her mother all of a sudden. After a few minutes of awkward explanation, Sharon tells him she's known about ''that'' for ages.
* The live-action ''[[Casper (
{{quote| '''Kat''': I want to look... nice, like... like date nice.<br />
'''Dr. Harvey''': Really? Uh... Honey, you know, I think maybe it's time that we sat down -<br />
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* ''[[Doug]]'', In the last episode, Doug's father Phil, after spending the entire season trying to give Doug [[The Talk]], finally works up the courage to tell him, only for Doug to cut him off and say he already knows about sex, and proceeds to explain it to his Dad. It cuts immediately to after the conversation with his dad walking away saying "Thanks son, I think I learned something" in a completely dazed voice. Either his dad did not understand something (despite having three kids), or Doug is into some creepy stuff.
** Even after Doug was given [[The Talk]], his parents are completely clueless about Doug's crush on Patti, referring to her as a friend - even inviting her for a sleepover.
* Weird variant: Sari from ''[[Transformers Animated]]'' [http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Image:Sariprime.jpg explains it to Optimus Prime] (no, we don't hear it, but it became so iconic that traumatizing Optimus is considered [[Transformers Animated
* Send up in the ''[[Looney Tunes]]'' short "Walky Talky Hawky" (the first Foghorn Leghorn cartoon). Henery Hawk's father is ready to give him the talk, only it's not about sex but about [[Carnivore Confusion|wanting to eat chickens]]. Before dad begins, Henery asks him, "Okay, Pop. Whatcha wanna know?"
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