Things Mr. Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do In An RPG: Difference between revisions

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* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html Numbers 1 - 500]

* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/89715.html Numbers 501 - 1000]

* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/131998.html Numbers 1001 - 1500]

* [http://theglen.livejournal.com/282764.html Numbers 1501 - 2000]

 

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* [[Abnormal Ammo]]:

* [[Against My Religion]]:

1902. Playing a Gamorrian doesn't violate anybody's religion. }}

* [[Alien Blood]]:

* [[All Just a Dream]]:

1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence. }}

* [[Ambiguous Gender]] / [[Elfeminate]]:

* [[Ambiguously Jewish]]: Averted.

* [[Antidisestablishmentarianism]]:

701. Cannot take the moniker "the Hyperpolysyllabicsesquipedalinist." }}

* [[Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny]]:

* [[Awesome McCoolname]]:

1579. No one in the party gets to name their character Kurgen McAsskicker. }}

* [[Ax Crazy]]: On a number of occasions.

1912. No more surprise parties for the berserker. }}

1960. I will not use the commune spell to find out who is John Galt. }}

* [[Backup Twin]]:

* [[Badass Grandpa]]:

* [[Bad Powers, Bad People]]:

* [[Bad Powers, Good People]]:

* [[Barbie Doll Anatomy]]:

* [[Battle Cry]]:

909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry [[Lost in Space|"DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"]] }}

* [[Beard of Evil]]:

* [[Beethoven Was an Alien Spy]]

* [[BFG]]:

* [[Big Bad Friend]] / [[Vitriolic Best Buds]]:

* [[Biggus Dickus]]: Possibly implied.

1367. Gnomes are not nature's tripods. }}

* [[Bilingual Bonus]]:

140. The Dutch language does not exist in the Forgotten Realms. }}

* [[Bi the Way]]:

* [[Black Magic]]:

* [[Blatant Lies]]:

1821. Even if the rules allow it, the Soviet National Anthem doesn't qualify for the inspirational music ability. }}

* [[Bloody Murder]]:

* [[Bondage Is Bad]]:

1904. Prepping for the adventure means memorizing spells and buying gear, not coming up with a [[Safe Word|safety word.]] }}

* [[Bottle Fairy]]:

* [[Bottomless Bladder]]:

* [[Breaking the Fourth Wall]]

* [[Brick Joke]]

1379. I will not threaten to glue the old rules for gnomes over the new rules for Elves Mk II. }}

* [[Bullet Catch]]:

* [[Caffeine Bullet Time]]:

242. Not allowed to give quicklings Mountain Dew. }}

* [[Calling Your Attacks]]:

1094. My wizard does not need to [[Pokémon|shout out the name of what he's summoning every time he picks a creature]]. }}

* [[Calvin Ball]]:

* [[Cameo]]:

1199. [[Stan Lee]] does not have to make a cameo appearance in every single adventure. }}

* [[Camp Straight]]:

* [[Captain Obvious]]:

* [[Car Fu]]:

1789. Doesn't matter what the map says, can't drive a sports car through the villain's lair. }}

* [[The Casanova]] / [[Really Gets Around]]:

1908. No matter what the rules say, my psychotic racist character doesn't get a permanent persuasion bonus just because she puts out. }}

* [[Cast Full of Gay]]:

1850. [[Language Equals Thought|There is also an elven word for "heterosexual".]] }}

* [[Catapult to Glory]]:

* [[Chainsaw Good]]:

* [[Character Alignment]]: .

1929. [[Ayn Rand]] has no affect on my alignment. }}

* [[Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys]]:

1555. No matter how well I roll on my Intimidate check, France won't surrender. }}

* [[Cherry Tapping]]: Acceptable in and of itself, but...

* [[Chronic Backstabbing Disorder]]:

* [[Coast Guard]]

* [[Combat Medic]]: Plan A — don't get hurt.

1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks. }}

* [[Combat Pragmatist]]:

* [[Combining Mecha]]:

1462. Dwarves do not have the racial ability to merge into a larger, more powerful dwarf. }}

* [[Complaining About Rescues They Don't Like]]:

* [[Conspicuously Public Assassination]]:

* [[Contagious Powers]]:

* [[Contractual Boss Immunity]]:

1790. Can't find the villain just by casting power word stun in the bar [[Exploited Trope|and seeing who's still standing]]. }}

* [[Cool and Unusual Punishment]]:

* [[CPR: Clean, Pretty, Reliable]]: Minus the Clean, Pretty, and Reliable part, of course.

* [[Crazy Cat Lady]]:

* [[Creator's Pet]]: Knows how to take advantage of them.

* [[Crowd Song]]:

* [[Cutting the Knot]]: To think outside of the box, it seems he cuts his way out with a chainsaw.

1907. No putting the villain's fake bio on Match.com and letting the stalkers do my work for me. }}

* [[Cybernetics Eat Your Soul]]:

1515. The Pope does not have cyberpsychosis. }}

* [[The Dandy]]:

* [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]]: For his GMs, at least.

1046. We can’t stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain. }}

* [[Dead Guy Puppet]]:

* [[Defied Trope]] / [[Enforced Trope]]: The GMs to what he does.

* [[Despair Event Horizon]]: Caused one in the player themselves.

* [[Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?]]:

1513. I will not shoot a Great Old One just to say I did it. }}

* [[Doppelganger Spin]]:

* [[Drop the Hammer]]:

* [[Dungeon Bypass]]: A good number of the entries on the list. These include but are certainly not limited to...

* [[Dungeonmaster's Girlfriend]]: Apparently the cause of strife more than once.

* [[Epic Flail]]:

* [[Enemy to All Living Things]]:

* [[Even Evil Has Standards]]:

** He also seems to have a particular dislike for pedophiles/ephebophiles.

1823. Despite what you'd think, taking out a child molester with extreme prejudice doesn't restore my humanity. }}

* [[Everything Makes a Mushroom]]: Especially his fireball spells.

443. Zombies are not infectious in D&D. So I should stop shooting PCs in the head if they are bitten. }}

* [[Everythings Nuttier With Squirrels]]:

* [[Everythings Smellier With Skunks]]:

* [[Experience Points]]: Has more than a few ideas of how to earn more.

1215. If I'm just a few XP from 16th level, I can't just cast fireballs at random forests until I hit something. }}

* [[Expy]]: The #1 entry prevents him from basing characters on [[The Who|Keith Moon]].

1721. The minute the GM figures out my Inquisitor is [[Law and Order|Lennie Briscoe]], he dies. }}

 

* [[Failed a Spot Check]]:

* [[Fan Disservice]]:

1378. We will limit the total amount of conversation on the topic of "Hot Gnome on Gnome action." }}

1559. Any mention of [[Star Wars Holiday Special|Life Day]] gets everybody a dark side point. }}

* [[Fartillery]]:

1812. Not using any emission from the barbarian as flamethrower fuel. }}

** [http://axelslist.blogspot.com/ This blog] is a variant containing things that have one of the aforementioned inspired people wrote, specifically referencing Mr. Welch and Skippy.

* [[Football Hooligans]]:

* [[Fridge Logic]]:

* [[Full-Frontal Assault]]:

* [[Funny Afro]]:

* [[Furry Fandom]]:

* [[Gag Boobs]]:

* [[Game Breaker]]: Numerous times In-Universe.

* [[Gangsta Style]]: The page quote.

* [[Gatling Good]]:

1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun. }}

* [[Gender Bender]]: [[Hermaphrodite|Restricted to male or female.]]

* [[Genius Bruiser]]:

* [[Genki Girl]] / [[Keet]]: This seems to be how he plays elves.

* [[Girl-On-Girl Is Hot]]:

* [[A God Is You]]:

723. If my character is related to a god, it can't be as a parent. }}

* [[God Test]]: Inverted

* [[Godzilla Threshold]]: Extra care must be taken not to cross it with this guy around...

* [[Going Commando]]:

* [[Golem]]: Adds a few more the Monster Manual "forgot".

967. There is no such thing as a Tequila Golem. }}

* [[GMPC]]:

1963. If I can't use the dwarf to beat a guy to death, that includes beating him against the dwarf. }}

* [[Groin Attack]]:

* [[Groundhog Day Loop]]:

* [[The Guards Must Be Crazy]]

* [[Gun Fu]]: [[Averted Trope|Averted.]]

* [[Hair-Trigger Temper]]:

876. If I want to play a rampaging nordic warrior and get handed a treehugging elf hippie instead, I can't play her like a rampaging nordic warrior. }}

* [[Half-Human Hybrid]]:

* [[Healing Hands]]: Which are apparently rather... ''naughty''.

* [[Healing Shiv]]:

* [[Hell-Bent for Leather]]:

* [[Hero Insurance]]:

1792. Let's keep the collateral damage to under a billion dollars. }}

* [[He Who Must Not Be Heard]]:

* [[Our Dwarves Are Different|His Dwarves Are Different]]... [[Our Elves Are Different|And So Are His Elves]]:

* [[Hit Points]]:

824. The back up trap handler is not the guy with the lowest INT. }}

* [[Hitler's Time Travel Exemption Act]]:

1317. My character will refrain from appearing with Hitler in any history books. Especially if I'm chasing him with a wheat thresher. }}

* [[Hive Mind]]: Ninjas do not have them.

* [[Hong Kong Dub]]:

* [[Hulk Speak]]: Banned

* [[Human Shield]]:

* [[Hypocritical Humor]]: Welch apparently hates [[Munchkin|powergamers]] enough to get told not to do various things that horribly mess up their game plans... and then just a bit further on he'll get admonished against using a horrifying [[Game Breaker]] build/weapon/tactic/etc. of his own. (Granted, those tactics are usually [[Crazy Awesome|highly]] [[Refuge in Audacity|imaginative]].)

** A few items on his list qualify as well:

1784. Some grizzfarb says I have to stop making up gnomish profanities. }}

* [[I Call It Vera]]:

* [[I Know Your True Name]]:

* [[I'm a Humanitarian]]: Apparently, Mr. Welch finds every playable race tasty to some degree. That, or he's played too much ''[[Nethack]]''.

** Although there are some limits:

* [[Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy]]:

* [[Impossibly Cool Weapon]]:

* [[Improbable Weapon User]] / [[Improvised Weapon]]:

1915. The following are not acceptable specialties for a weapon master: Mustard Gas, Cheese Grater, Sardonicism. }}

* [[Incredibly Lame Pun]]: Guilty so many times.

* [[Inescapable Ambush]]: Even if he casts Glassee on the door.

1404. I will not spoil the adventure's mandatory ambush by using the cheesy tactic of a "scout". }}

* [[I Surrender, Suckers]]:

* [[I Thought That Was]]:

* [[It Makes Sense in Context]]: The alternate link in the main article that sorts the list by game makes certain jokes and certain prohibitions more obvious for example:

* [[Jackass Genie]]:

* [[Karma Meter]]:

218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation. }}

* [[Kids Are Cruel]]:

* [[Knife Nut]]:

* [[Konami Code]]:

* [[Lampshade Hanging]]: Also disallowed.

* [[Lawful Stupid Chaotic Stupid]]: He tries to make up his own alignments, but gets turned down each time. Most of the time, though, [[Chaotic Stupid]] describes him ''far'' too well...

* [[Least Rhymable Word]]:

1428. No spending half the game session seeing what rhymes with Nyarlathotep. }}

* [[Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards]]:

1493. No metamagic feat lets me add fragmentation to my spells. }}

* [[Literal Genie]]: He's got a backup plan for this guy.

* [[Load-Bearing Boss]]:

* [[Logic Bomb]]: Back to the genie.

* [[The Loonie]]: If only fictional examples of this kind of player could be quite so dedicated to it... but he doesn't seem to like competition.

1426. I am not "He who must not be named only in passing." }}

1914. Can't abuse the boggan's weakness to get free babysitting. }}

* Lost in Translation: On purpose.

61. The Barbarian's name does not translate into "Screams like little sissy girl" in my language. }}

* [[Loveable Sex Maniac]]: Quite possibly Welch himself, given the number of sex-related things.

* [[Ludicrous Gibs]]:

1867. Can't have a gun that reduces people to Rorschach tests. }}

* [[Made From Real Girl Scouts]]:

* [[Make a Wish]]: Not with this guy.

1658. The words "Rock Opera" will not appear in any of my wishes. }}

* [[Make Wrong What Once Went Right]]:

1703. The time machine is not for finding ringers for our baseball team. }}

* [[Master of None]]:

1917. "The ability to do anything, as long as it's not that hard" is not a real superpower. }}

* [[Me's a Crowd]]:

* [[Mid-Battle Tea Break]]: Defied.

* [[A Million Is a Statistic]]:

* [[The Minion Master]]:

* [[Mook Horror Show]]

* [[Money Spider]]:

* [[Mook Chivalry]]: Averted!

* [[More Dakka]]:

1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun. }}

* [[Most Common Superpower]]: Doesn't actually count as a superpower, no.

** Enforced in by at least one of his Dungeonmasters.

* [[Mundane Utility]]:

* [[My Friends and Zoidberg]]:

* [[Naughty Tentacles]]:

642. My character's grandma was not, is not and will never be a contract killer. }}

* [[Ninja Maid]]:

* [[Noodle Incident]] / [[Noodle Implements]]: ''All the time.''

1708. No bringing up the time we were nearly [[Total Party Kill|TPK'd]] by a jerboa. }}

* [[No Pronunciation Guide]]:

716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce. }}

* [[Odd Job Gods]]:

1342. There is no god of Wombats, no matter how much I pray. }}

* [[Off the Rails]]: He's tried. The DMs don't like it.

* [[One-Hit Polykill]]:

* [[One Stat to Rule Them All]]:

* [[One Steve Limit]]:

882. I will not convince the party to name all the characters the same thing. }}

* [[Only Smart People May Pass]]: He can be a bit ''too'' smart.

1534. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the DM's riddle. }}

* [[Our Gnomes Are Weirder]]: His are much, much weirder.

* [[Overused Copycat Character]]: Mr. Welch seems to have an extreme dislike of these.

 

 

* [[Patron Saint]]: Related to the page quote. However...

1527. There is no Patron Saint of the Dodecahedron. }}

* [[Perfectly Cromulent Word]]:

1682. Snufficate is not a real way to kill somebody. }}

* [[Pit Trap]]:

* [[Plot Armor]]:

1982. If the GM's pet NPC has tons of plot armor, can't use her for cover. }}

* [[Politically-Correct History]]: Sort of.

* [[Post-Modern Magik]]:

* [[Power Perversion Potential]]:

1659. Just because he has specialization in observation skills does not mean '[[Being There|he likes to watch]]'. }}

* [[Professional Wrestling]]: Apparently, his campaign takes the concept of "gimmick infringement" very seriously.

* [[Punched Across the Room]]:

1899. The target's current zip code has no bearing on my called shot. }}

* [[Railroading]]:

1449. Any plan that would quickly, logically and safely defeat the module early is doomed to failure. }}

* [[Ragin Cajun]]

188. I cannot play a elf with a scottish accent, nor a cajun dwarf. }}

* [[Razor Floss]]:

* [[Recoil Boost]]:

* [[Redemption Equals Sex]]:

* [[Red Shirt]]:

* [[Reference Overdosed]]: Hoo boy.

* [[Religion of Evil]]:

* [[Required Secondary Powers]]:

1564. Superspeed gives immunity to friction. }}

* [[Retcon]]:

* [[Reverse Psychology]]:

* [[Rushmore Refacement]]:

* [[Sailor Earth]]:

* [[Sanity Meter]]:

* [[Scenery Censor]]:

* [[Scooby-Doo Hoax]]:

* [[Screw Destiny]]: Denied.

1933. No part of the elven cloak is actually made out of elves. }}

* [[Sdrawkcab Name]]:

1230. It's okay if you name your Kindred Alucard. But I still can't name my Garou Namflow. }}

* [[Selectively-Lethal Weapon]]:

1989. Can't set the Death Star to stun. }}

* [[Self-Imposed Challenge]]:

* [[Sensitivity Training]]:

* [[Seppuku]]:

* [[Shaped Like Itself]]:

* [[Shotguns Are Just Better]]:

* [[Similarly Named Works]]

* [[Speed Run]]:

1213. No, we can't see if the party can beat Temple of Elemental Evil in under an hour. }}

* [[STD Immunity]]:

* [[Stripperiffic]]:

* [[Stuff Blowing Up]]:

* [[Summon Bigger Fish]]:

* [[Suspiciously Apropos Music]]: Actually, he has been banned from subversions thereof. No marching to polka.

* [[Take That]]:

859. I will concede we're on a dungeon crawl and stop trying to talk to the monsters. }}

* [[Talking Your Way Out]]: Also not appreciated by the DMs.

* [[Tank Goodness]]:

* [[There Is No Kill Like Overkill]]:

* [[Thrown Out the Airlock]]:

* [[Token Minority]]:

* [[Trojan Horse]]:

* [[True Art Is Incomprehensible]]: Welch is not allowed to invoke it in-universe.

* [[Truth Serums]]:

 

* [[Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny]]: In-Universe

* [[Un Entendre]]:

1875. Before I make the seduction check, I will reread the description of the swinging knack. }}

* [[The Unpronouncable]]

716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce. }}

* [[Useless Useful Spell]]

* [[Use Your Head]]

* [[Valley Girl]]:

* [[Vampire Hunter]]: He hunts bloodsuckers with extreme prejudice, it seems.

1851. Can't use woodchippers as shotguns against vampires. }}

* [[Verbal Tic]]:

516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock. }}

* [[Virgin Sacrifice]]:

* [[Vorpal Pillow]]:

* [[Walking Shirtless Scene]]:

* [[Wasteful Wishing]]: Over a dozen, including:

* [[Waxing Lyrical]]

* [[Weaponized Animal]]

* [[Weapon of X-Slaying]]

* [[We Need a Distraction]]: Greatly limited.

* [[What Did I Do Last Night?]]:

654. If the party goes into my room and finds a Deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts and spurs, they can start the module without me. }}

* [[Whatevermancy]]:

888. Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats. }}

* [[What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?]]:

1565. Shapechanging is an acceptable super power. Shapechanging [[Crippling Overspecialization|only into the '93 San Diego Padres is not.]] }}

* [[Whoring]] / [[Crippling Overspecialization]]:

1730. No putting all my weapon points in the blowgun. }}

** Incidentally, yes, most variations of [[The Oldest Profession|the other kind]] are banned too.

* [[With Catlike Tread]]:

* [[Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds]]:

* [[You All Meet in An Inn]]: Not good enough for him.

1688. Just because he starts every game in a tavern doesn't mean the Barbarian needs rehab. }}

* [[You Can Leave Your Hat On]]:

1244. I will not point out the Drow Matron would make more money as an exotic dancer. Even if it's true. }}

* [[You Can't Thwart Stage One]]:

1881. No shooting the Quarren at the start of the adventure, even if it would have immediately solved the last four adventures instantly. }}

* [[Your Days Are Numbered]]:

 

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