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{{quote|''[[Free-Love Future|You people and your quaint little categories.]]''|'''Jack Harkness''', "Day One"}}
{{quote|'''Owen:''' If it's someone we've pissed off that narrows it down to 4 or 5 million.
'''Jack:''' And that's just the humans.|[[Spoiler Title|"They Keep Killing Suzie"]]}}
{{quote|''Why is it that only Gwen seems to have a heart? I don't know if you've noticed but the rest of us are human and amazingly we still manage to get on with our jobs.'' |'''Owen Harper''', "Random Shoes"}}
{{quote|'''Gwen:''' Excuse me... Have you seen a blowfish driving a sportscar?
'''Old lady:''' ''(points in direction of blowfish alien)'' Bloody Torchwood...|"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang"}}
{{quote|'''Jack:''' So, how was rehab?
'''John:''' Rehabs. Plural.
'''Jack:''' Drink, drugs, sex and...?
'''John:''' Murder.
'''Jack:''' (cracking up) You went to ''murder'' rehab?
'''John:''' I know, ridiculous. The odd kill! Who does it hurt?
'''Jack:''' You clean now?
'''John:''' [[Sarcasm Mode|Yeah, kicked everything. Living like a priest.]]|"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang"}}
{{quote|''We don't sniff the sub etheric resonator!''|'''Ianto Jones''', "Sleeper"}}
{{quote|'''Tosh:''' You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
'''Jack:''' It's just a mind probe.
'''Ianto:''' Remember what happened ''last'' time we used it?
'''Jack:''' That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure.
'''Ianto:''' Oh right. Their heads must explode all the time. |"Sleeper"}}
{{quote|'''Owen''' How'd you know that?
'''Ianto''' I know everything! And it says so on the bottom of the screen.|"Sleeper"}}
{{quote|'''Jack:''' All you did tonight was mess things up. Now we have to think of a way to get back in and thanks to you they'll have tightened security.
'''Rhys:''' Well, if you'd stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showing off about the place—
'''Jack:''' Do I show off?
'''Ianto:''' Just a bit.
'''Rhys:''' - you'd know that I got out by telling them I wanted a job as a delivery boy. So rather than cock things up I found you a way to get in. (getting right in Jack's face) But if you can't handle that, Big Boy, then you can stuff it.
'''Jack:'''...(glances at Gwen) This is quite homoerotic.|"Meat"}}
{{quote|''I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.''|'''Ianto Jones''', "Dead Man Walking"}}
{{quote|'''Banana Boat:''' So do you fancy a little drink later?
'''Tosh:''' I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.
'''Banana Boat:''' Huh?
'''Tosh:''' Bananas make me vomit.|"Something Borrowed"}}
{{quote|''That's what I love about Torchwood. By day you're chasing the scum of the universe. Come midnight you're the wedding fairy.''|'''Ianto Jones''', "Something Borrowed"}}
{{quote|'''Gwen:''' On your knees!
'''John:''' [sigh] Honestly, it's just sex, sex, sex, with you people.
'''Gwen:''' Now!|"Exit Wounds"}}
{{quote|'''Gwen:''' [mockingly] Oh my God, Severn Bridge. I'm going into England. Farewell forever.
'''Rhys:''' [mock-concerned] Good luck. Have you got currency?
'''Gwen:''' Yes, and I've had my injections.|"Children of Earth"}}
{{quote|'''Ianto''': Don’t forget me.
'''Jack''': Never could.
'''Ianto''': A thousand years’ time…you won’t remember me.
'''Jack''': Yes, I will. I promise, I will. |"Children of Earth"}}
{{quote|''Wales is insane.''|'''Rex Matheson''' "[[Torchwood: Miracle Day
{{quote|'''Gwen:''' That was your last chance.
'''Lyn:''' Yeah? And what're you gonna do about it? If you're the best England's got to offer, then God help you.
'''Gwen''' I'm Welsh. [punches her]|"Miracle Day: Rendition"}}
{{quote|'''Lupa''': You like ''Torchwood'' right?
'''Snob''': Never heard of it. Is it pretentious?
'''Lupa''': No, but it has lots of gay sex and a pterodactyl!
'''Snob''': You're alright.|'''[[
{{quote|''Land lines, mobiles, tin cans with bits of string, all down. Everything down, absolutely everything. No more phones, phones all gone.'' (makes a little phone with his hand) ''Hello? Anybody there? No, because the phones aren't working!''|'''Ianto Jones''', "Sleeper"
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