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[[
{{quote| "I am not a racist, I am a [[Memetic Mutation|melting pot of friendship]], and I want you to amplify that all over the internets."}}▼
▲{{quote| "I am not a racist, I am a [[Memetic Mutation|melting pot of friendship]], and I want you to amplify that all over the internets."}}
▲[[caption-width-right:182:[[Catch Phrase|"I am your host, the man they call Ghost."]]<ref>[[Stupid Statement Dance Mix|"I'm a fat fruity bastard, and I'm a nice guy!"]]</ref>
Meet John Conquest, AKA [[Only Known By Their Nickname|Ghost,]] [[Authority in Name Only|King of the Mexicans,]] a racist, tiger shrimp-eating, [[Camp Gay|flamboyant,]] [[Fat Bastard|morbidly obese,]] [[Shapeshifting|shapeshifting]] [[Canada, Eh?|Canadian]] [[Informed Judaism|Jewish]] [[The Reptilians|lizard]] who [[Domestic Abuse|abuses his family,]] proclaims his love of ''[[My Little Pony]]'', and takes advantage of the welfare system all the while [[Ho Yay|having a torrid affair with Herman Cain]] and pining after [[Sarah Palin]].
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** There was a recurring joke throughout the January 20th show that Ghost was every member of the Today Show.
* [[Satan Is Good]]:
{{quote| '''Ghost''': [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v{{=}}8jkQrvwQm-M Satan is good, Satan is my pal]!}}
* [[Say My Name]]: "DAMN YOU NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVYYYYYY HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE...!"
* [[Schedule Slip]]: Often after an episode with a ''major'' trolling, it'll just go off the air for a period (as little as a day, or as much as a week) and then come back. Although sometimes the show does sometimes doesn't occur for other reasons.
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