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{{trope}}
Two characters in a verbal dispute are reduced to exchanging
If the participants are of each other's preferred gender,
And if the participants [[Ho Yay|happen to be the same gender]], such as with [[Vitriolic Best Buds]], certain [[Yaoi Fangirl|fans]] will use this as a ground for claiming that the pairing has a basis. Namely, that the characters have chemistry by bickering [[Like an Old Married Couple]], or that they have a lot of [[Foe Yay]].
If they're dueling, it's [[You Fight Like a Cow]]; if they're in a contest of some sort it's [[Trash Talk]]. You can pretty sure [[Your Mom]] will get mentioned at some point in the exchange.
Commonly known as "The Dozens" in mid-20th Century America.
{{examples}}
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* The last episode of ''[[Code Geass]] R2'' had Rakshata and Lloyd bickering at each other {{spoiler|when they're in prison, right before Lelouch's assassination at the hands of Suzaku/Zero}}. Hardly surprising, since they're ex-classmates and members of opposing [[Rival Science Teams]]. Lampshaded when {{spoiler|the also imprisoned}} Nina hears them, asks Lloyd's assistant Cécile what's up, and Cécile is all "oh, don't worry hon, they've been like this since forever".
* In ''[[Full Metal Panic!]]'', Kurz and Sousuke tend to do this with each other a lot. Kurz tends to take the dirtier approach, and insults Sousuke by calling him a stupid, naive, [[Virginity Makes You Stupid|gutless virgin]] (which Sousuke reacts angrily to mainly because he [[Chaste Hero|assumes it's probably an insult]]), while Sousuke tends to attack Kurz as being a lazy, useless good-for-nothing. Interestingly enough, Kurz is shown to pretty much be the ''only'' person who can make [[The Stoic|Sousuke]] get annoyed to the point where he yells petty insults and bickers. Some people think it [[Ho Yay|means]] [[Like an Old Married Couple|something]].
* Kanda and Allen from ''[[D.Gray-man]]''. They can't go two sentences without
** One example is in the Drama CD where the following conversation takes place:
{{quote|Kanda: Gluttonous pig with no sense of taste.
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{{quote|'''Akane:''' What did you say, you little sardine?!
'''Ranma:''' Shut it, savage woman! }}
== Comic Books ==
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"Your ego needs its own zip-code!" }}
== Fan Works ==
* The ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]/[[Harry Potter]]'' [[Crossover Fic]] ''[https://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-613/echo+The+Life+of+Brian.htm The Life of Brian]'' by "echo" has this wonderful exchange between Sirius Black and Severus Snape:
{{quote|"I am beyond houses today, git."
"Bastard."
"Pompous windbag."
"Manwhore."
"Limp-dicked degenerate."
"Punk-assed bitch."
"Frequent masturbater."
"Premature ejaculator."
"Do you two need a moment alone? I could leave." Narcissa snapped. "Really."
"No."
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
It was quiet for several minutes.
"Hippogriff fucker." Snape hissed.}}
* A truly classic example can be seen in the "complicated traditional word-war" in which Shampoo and Hilda the Chinese Viking engage during chapter 17 of the ''[[Ranma ½]]'' [[Original Flavour]] fic ''[[Girl Days]]'' by Rob "Kenko" Haynie. True to the trope, it starts out lame and goes south from there, aided by both girls' [[Hulk Speak|limited grasp of Japanese]]:
{{quote|Shampoo and Hilda were, well, not being particularly nice.
Not nice at all.
"Horny Girl."
"Stupid Amazon."
"Horny Girl."
"Stupid Amazon BITCH."
"Horny SLUTTY Girl."
...
"Stupid UGLY Amazon bitch!"
"Horny slutty GOOFY girl!"
...
"Stupid ugly SILLY Amazon bitch!"
"Horny slutty goofy FAT girl!"
...
"Stupid ugly silly nasty no-talent Amazon bitch!"
"Horny slutty goofy fat mean geeky girl!"
[[I Take Offense to That Last One|"Who you call geeky?"]]
"Shampoo call horny slutty goofy fat mean geeky girl geeky!"
...
"Stupid ugly silly nasty no-talent flat-chested Amazon bitch!"
"Horny slutty goofy fat mean geeky trampy girl!"}}
== Film ==
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{{quote|'''Swoosie Kurtz:''' Your Honor, I object!
'''Jim Carrey:''' You would!
'''Kurtz:''' [[Large Ham|OVER-ACTOR!]]
'''Carrey:''' JEZEBEL- *bursts out laughing* Oh, no! They're on to me! }}
* Who can forget the legendary exchange between Rufio and Peter in ''[[Hook]]'', consisting of at least nineteen volleys, climaxing with "Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you just EAT ME? You two-toned zebra-headed paramecium-brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!"
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'''Cal:''' You know how I know ''you're'' gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore.
'''David:''' You know how I know that you're gay?
'''Cal:''' How? 'Cause you're gay? [[Gaydar|And you can tell who other gay people are]]?
'''David:''' You know how I know you're gay?
'''Cal:''' How?
'''David:''' You like Coldplay. }}
* The first [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]] film had a painfully G-rated version of this between Donatello and Casey Jones. Part of it was that they were trying to go in alphabetical order.
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'''Phillips''': Pus licker!
'''Ham Porter''': Fart smeller! }}
== Literature ==
* In the ''[[Discworld]]'' novel ''[[
* ''[[Year of the Griffin]]'' displays this with Felim and the Emir of a far off land. When they meet towards the end of the book, they begin yelling various insults at each other about how their maternal ancestors were different animals. (Your mother was a camel!) It is later revealed that {{spoiler|the two are brothers and insulting their own mothers, grandmothers, etc.}}
* ''[[Artemis Fowl]]'': something of a hobby among most of the main characters, Foaly and Mulch in particular.
* [[The Bartimaeus Trilogy|Bartimaeus]] and Nathaniel, nigh-constantly.
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* The [[The Icelandic Sagas|Icelandic Saga]] of Gunnlaug Viper-Tongue (''Gunnlaugs saga ormstungu''). A major part of the story is Gunnlaugur confronting his rival in front of the king of Norway and them doing the ancient equivalent of freestyle battle rapping to see who the king favours.
* Mudge gets something of a [[Moment of Awesome]] in ''[[Spellsinger|The Paths of the Perambulator]]'', when the world-saving heroes are trapped by a [[It Makes Sense in Context|magical cage built of insults]]. Only Mudge is a sufficient maestro of put-downs to volley the cage's slurs back at it, with each diss's intensity turned [[Up to Eleven]], until it disperses.
* In ''[[Bored of the Rings]]'', Gimlet and Legolam frequently trade lame epithets.
{{quote|"Elf-dog," hissed Gimlet, retrieving his beard.
"Pig of a dwarf," suggested Legolam.
"Toymaker."
"Gold-digger."
"Flit."
"Wart." }}
== Live-Action TV ==
* The entire concept of Rob Newman and David Baddiel's ''History Today'' sketches on ''[[The Mary Whitehouse Experience]]'', featuring two history professors insulting each other like schoolchildren; "That's you, that is..."
* In the ''[[Doctor Who]]'' episode "Doomsday", the leader of the Daleks and the Cyberleader take turns insulting each other after the Dalek refuses an alliance. What makes this particularly fun is that both communicate in [[Robo Speak]]. Mickey sums it up: "It's like Stephen Hawking meets the speaking clock."
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'''Londo:''' ...''Fanatic!''
'''G'kar:''' ...''Murderer.''
'''Londo:''' [[You're Insane!|You are]] ''[[You're Insane!|insane]]!''
'''G'kar:''' And ''that'' is why we'll win.
'''Londo:''' ..."Go be the ambassador to Babylon 5", they say. "It will be an easy assignment". Ugh, I ''hate'' my life.
'''G'kar:''' ...So do I.
'''Londo:''' ''Shut up!'' }}
* An episode of ''[[Ally McBeal]]'' had Ally and her ex doing this two different times, with Ally ultimately winning both rounds. In the first, her conquering insult was "Lawyer!" (ironic, since she was one also), and in the second, she won by calling her opponent, simply, "Man!"
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'''Hurley:''' Shut up, Red... neck... man!
'''Sawyer:''' Touché. }}
* From ''[[That '70s Show]]'', between Hyde and Laurie:
{{quote|'''Hyde:''' Boy Laurie, you really like that hotdog! You didn't even chew it.
'''Laurie:''' Oh hey Hyde, Father's Day is coming up, shouldn't you practice saying: Hi are you my Daddy?
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* in one episode of the incredibly obscure Uk [[Sitcom]] ''Never The Twain'' Windsor Davies character gets into one of these with a French waiter which ends with both of them consulting a phrase book/dictionary in order to continue the insults. Funnier than it sounds.
* In the Avery Schrieber episode of ''[[The Muppet Show]]'', Avery does a sketch where he battles "the Monster of the Moors" (Sweetums) in an insult contest.
* Buffy and Willow in ''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]'':
{{quote|'''Willow:''' I'll stop giving you a hard time... Runaway.
'''Buffy:''' Will!
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'''Buffy:''' Witch.
'''Willow:''' Freak. }}
* ''[[Reba]]'' has Reba's ex-husband, Brock, and her close friend, [[Sitcom Arch Nemesis|Lori Ann]] interact with each other in this fashion. For example:
{{quote|'''Brock, upon walking into Reba's eldest daughter's baby shower''': Look at all these beautiful women. [[My Friends and Zoidberg|(Looks at Lori Ann) You must be security.]]
'''Lori Ann, looking at Brock''': I thought we agreed not to hire a clown. }}
* ''[[Never Mind the Buzzcocks]]'':
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* The pilot episode of ''[[Community]]'' has this exchange:
{{quote|'''Prof. Duncan''': I'm asking if you know the difference between right and wrong.
'''Jeff''': I discovered at a very early age that if I talked long enough, [[Chaotic Neutral|I could make anything right or wrong]]. So either I'm God, or truth is relative. And in either case, BOOYAH.
'''Prof. Duncan''': Interesting. It's just the average person has a much harder time saying 'BOOYAH' to moral relativism.
'''Jeff''': Duncan, you don't have to play shrink to protect your pride. I accept. You're chicken.
'''Prof. Duncan''': Are you trying to use [[Reverse Psychology]] on a psychologist?
'''Jeff''': No, I'm just using regular psychology on a spineless, British twit.
'''Prof. Duncan''': I'm a professor; [[Lame Comeback|you can't talk to me that way]].
'''Jeff''': A 6-year-old girl could talk to you that way.
'''Prof. Duncan''': Yes, because that would be [[Enfant Terrible|adorable]].
'''Jeff''': No, because you're a 5-year-old girl and there's a pecking order. }}
* In the ''[[Two and A Half Men]]'' episode "For the Sake of the Child", Charlie and Alan take turns at insulting each other, using up insults that start with each letter of the alphabet. When we see them, they're at L.
* Surprisingly, given it's [[Beyond the Impossible]] [[Cluster F-Bomb
* Happens often between Bud and Kelly on ''[[Married... with Children]]''. The insults usually center around Al (occasionally Peggy's thrown in as well). Also happens between Kelly and one of her sleepover guests; the final insult before fisticuffs: Bundy.
* [[Discussed Trope|Discussed]] ''and'' [[Invoked Trope|invoked]] in the very first episode of ''[[Welcome Back, Kotter]]'', in which Mr. Kotter contrasts the differences between the 1950s and 1970s versions of "The Dozens" by engaging Barbarino in an exchange of insults. (Kotter uses [[Your Mom|"your mother"]] attacks as examples of the 50s, Barbarino uses the immortal "Up your nose with a rubber hose".)
== Oral Tradition, Folklore, Myths and Legends ==
* ''Flytings'' are found in [[Norse Mythology]], the most memorable being ''Lokasenna'' ("The Insults of Loki") in which Loki insults every single god in the pantheon, and is only quelled when Thor threatens to smash his head in.
** Another classic flyting is the exchange between Thor and Harbard the Ferryman (actually {{spoiler|Odin}} in disguise).
* In the African epic ''Sundiata'' the eponymous hero does this with his [[Worthy Opponent]].
== Theatre ==
* Appears in the ancient Greek comedy ''[[The Clouds]]'' by [[Aristophanes]].
* Several examples from the works of Shakespeare:
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'''Timon:''' Rogue, rogue, rogue... }}
** In [[Henry IV]], Hal and Falstaff spend most of their scenes together trying to top the other in insults.
{{quote|'''Hal:''' I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine coward, [[Fat Bastard|this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh,—
'''Falstaff:''' 'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck,—
'''Hal:''' Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again. }}
* Seen in the play ''[[Waiting for Godot]]'' where Vladimir and Estragon spend one page hurling insults until Vladimir yells 'Cretin' to which Estragon replies with 'Critic', which naturally utterly defeats Vladimir.
* [[Cyrano De Bergerac]]: [[Girl Posse|Viscount de Valvert]] and [[Gentleman Snarker|Cyrano]] engage on this in an ''epic''' way at Act I Scene IV. [[Curb Stomp Battle|It was not pretty]] [[Humiliation Conga|for the Viscount]].
* In ''[[The Marriage of Figaro]]'', Susanna and Marcellina insult each other in song while fighting over Figaro.
* In ''[[The Threepenny Opera]]'', Lucy and Polly try to out-do each other in the Jealousy Duet, while fighting over Macheath.
=== Musical and Opera ===
* The following from ''[[1776]]'':
{{quote|'''John Dickinson''': Are you calling me a coward?
'''John Adams''': Yes! Coward!
'''Dickinson''': Madman!
'''Adams''': Landlord!
'''Dickinson''': Lawyer!
Which, from there, leads to the two whaling away at each other with their walking sticks in a donnybrook that can only be broken up by gunfire. In Congress. Some things never change. }}
* In ''Keating! The Musical'' a song called ''On The Floor'' is a rap-battle of volleying insults between Paul Keating and John Hewson. It's all the funnier because all the insults are things they actually said.
* Gyorgy Ligeti's operatic [[Mind Screw]] masterpiece ''Le Grand Macabre'' has this embarassing scene where the Black and the White Ministers trade insults with each other—alphabetically, from A to W, because they cannot think of anything that start with X, Y or Z.
{{quote|'''White''': Arse-licker! Arse-kisser!
'''Black''': Blackmailer! Bloodsucker!
'''White''': Chalatan! Clodhopper!
'''Black''': Driveller! Dodderer! }}
* In [[Gilbert and Sullivan]]'s last opera, THE GRAND DUKE, the duet of Rudolph and Ludwig:
{{quote|Ludwig. Tall snobs, small snobs, rich snobs and needy ones!
Rudolph. (jostling him) Whom are you alluding to?
Ludwig. (jostling him) Where are you intruding to?
Rudolph. Fat snobs, thin snobs, swell snobs and seedy ones!
Ludwig. I rather think you err. To whom do you refer?
Rudolph. Ludwig.
To you, sir!
To me, sir?
I do, sir!
We’ll see, sir!
I jeer, sir!
(Makes a face at Ludwig.)
Grimace, sir!
Look here, sir –
(Makes a face at Rudolph.)
A face, sir!
The joke is that they are only PRETENDING to insult each other, to furnish an excuse for the "statutory duel" of the subtitle }}
* Also, in Gilbert's [[Cox and Box]], the duet "Who are you, sir?" followed by "Printer, printer"
== Video Games ==
*
** The most famous example is the "insult swordfights" from ''[[The Secret of Monkey Island|Secret]]'' ("You fight like a dairy farmer!" "How appropriate. [[You Fight Like a Cow]]."); the Fettucini Brothers indulge in this a bit as well ("Slacker!" "Weasel!" "Ruffian!" "Fop!").
** The quality of your insult comes from your swordfighting skill, of all things.
** ''[[The Curse of Monkey Island]]'' features ''rhyming'' insult sword-fighting.
** [[Escape from Monkey Island]] has insult arm-wrestling and a monkey form of insult battles, "Monkey Combat". Also in ''Escape'', in order to solve a puzzle, Guybrush needs to "borrow" a time clock from two chess players, so he gets the two mad enough at each other that they're too busy
*** [[Crowning Moment of Funny|FRINGE CANDIDATE!]]
* Likewise, there's an entire pirate insult mini-game in the third ''[[Sly Cooper]]'' game where the object is to not do the same insult twice.
* Pirates and
** That's a blatant swipe/parody of ''[[Monkey Island]]'', though, even to the point of having the same (long, tedious) puzzle solution and even some of the same insults.
* In [[World of Warcraft]], an exchange between two [[Vitriolic Best Buds|bumbling ex-cops]] in Dalaran (possibly a [[Shout-Out|tribute]] to the above [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]] example) goes as follows:
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* The cutscenes of ''The Amazing Spider-Man'' for the [[Game Boy]] have Spidey trading insults with villains.
* Imoen and Korgan from ''[[Baldur's Gate|Baldur's Gate II]]'' get into this in the "Throne of Bhaal" expansion.
{{quote|'''Korgan:''' Hmph, Imoen, yer an o'er-lame excuse fer a member o' this party and I be tired of exertin' meself to [[Squishy Wizard|protect ye]]! Next time I let ye perish, screaming like a ninny as ye does!
'''Imoen:''' The last time I saw you exert yourself over anything was the last slab of pork in an inn. If you could keep up with me with that beer gut of yours I'd be amazed.
'''Korgan:''' Beer gut?! Why, ye stinkin' wench, how dare ye! Keep up with my keen axe as it flies towards yer head, more like! Though it'd be like splittin' a hair, skinny as ye are!
'''Imoen:''' I'd be startled if a drunk dwarven oaf like yourself could hit the broad side of a barn with your axe. And while we're talking about stench, let's talk about the last time you passed out in your own vomit.
'''Korgan:''' An outrage! Yer a canker on me backside and the world would be best rid of ye! Loathsome mongrel she-dog!
'''Imoen:''' Brutish pig! You're nothing but a boil needing lancing!
'''Korgan:''' I've seen harlots with less open sores than ye, ye pimple-faced, whining gutter-snipe!
'''Imoen:''' You cantankerous, foul-mouthed excuse for a gully dwarf!
'''Korgan:''' Gully dwarf? Har har! Ye knows how to hit low, ye does! Har har! Yer a fine, fine lass, ye are, Imoen. That Gorion of yers would be proud.
'''Imoen:''' Aw, gee. Thanks, Korgan! }}
== Web Comics ==
* [[Honeydew Syndrome]] shows this between Josh and Metis in the last scene of Chapter 5.
* [[Metanoia]] has Star and Zander doing this a few times.
* [[Misfile]] has a round of this between Ash and Tom before their last race.
{{quote|'''Tom''': Say, why don't you wear something sexy some time? I keep mistaking you for a boy. Maybe if you showed some cleavage I'd feel bad and go easy on you."
'''Ash''': Damn. Looks like my plan backfired. Everyone at school was saying you were into boys. Then again, I kinda like the boy look. You ought to try it sometime. Now shut up and let's race. }}
* [[Ozy and Millie]] had a friendly version of this in one strip, in one of their games: iambic pentameter slam.
* [[The Dreamer]] has Alexander and Beatrice do this [[Belligerent Sexual Tension|in spades]].
* In ''[[Rusty and Co.|Rusty and Co]]'', [http://rustyandco.com/comic/level2/level-2-17/ this is a pirate duel.]
* In ''[[Sinfest]]'' [https://web.archive.org/web/20140209183204/http://sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=1813 Seymour and Lil' E trade cynical and idealistic cliches.]
== Web Original ==
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20130927224738/http://www.bash.org/?23396 The top-rated quote] on Bash.org is a somewhat meta version.
* [[The Nostalgia Critic]] and Angry Video Game Nerd do this in their first brawl.
* [[The Nostalgia Chick]], Nella and Tammy use the Wii FIT to insult the hell out of each other instead of just using it for exercise.
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20120806134959/http://everythingsucksforever.tumblr.com/post/3663981620/zing This] quote from two people from the blog Everything Sucks Forever.
* ''[[Dragon Ball Abridged]]'' had Nail and Vegeta snappily shooting back and forth for a few moments.
{{quote|'''Vegeta''': Trust me, you don't want any of what I am right now.
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'''Vegeta''': Pretty big talk, coming from a bipedal slug.
'''Nail''': Big talk, coming from a bipedal ''bitch''. }}
== Western Animation ==
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* An ''[[Animaniacs]]'' sketch features Yakko trading insults with "[[No Celebrities Were Harmed|Howard Tern]]", ultimately winning out when the best insult Tern can think of is "You're a little shorty-shorty."
* ''[[Beavis and Butthead]]'' did this to each other constantly. On more than one occasion, it's actually shown as a sign of endearment.
* On ''[[The Tick (animation)]]'', (the animated version), this happens between Die Fledermaus and American Maid: "Jerk!" "Jingoist!"
* The ''[[Earthworm Jim (animation)|Earthworm Jim]]'' cartoon gave us this classic...
{{quote|'''Professor Monkey-For-A-Head:''' Yellow belly!
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* ''[[South Park]]'' runs nuts on this trope, usually revolving around Cartman. After about season 4 or so, any scene featuring him and Kyle has about a 50% chance of devolving into an exchange of insults focusing on Kyle's Judaism and Cartman's weight.
* Ed and Edd exchange this in ''[[Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy]]'' over a hunk of rotting cheese Ed keeps in his jacket. But Ed's only insult he made was "STINKY HAT!"
== Real Life ==
* Prime Minister's question time (yes, that really is what it's called) in the UK can desend into this. Luckily there is someone with the job of "Speaker of the House" who stops it going on for too long. There has been at least one incidence of an argument over music groups breaking out (paraphrased);
{{quote|'''MP:''' [speaking about the recently ''unelected'' Gordon Brown]...as [[Did Not Do the Research|The White Stripes]] say "Everyday I love you less and less".
'''David Cameron:''' Actually I think you'll find that song is actually by Kaiser Chiefs. [[Crowning Moment of Funny|Incidentally, I Predict A Riot]]. }}
* Also frequently occurs in the Australian Federal Parliament's Question Time. Certain politicians are infamous (and often popular) for their command of invective, but the all-time champ in the last few decades was former Prime Minister Paul Keating. Many of his 'greatest hits' can be found on [[YouTube]], and make quite entertaining viewing.
** They call the floor of the Australian Parliament the "bear pit" for good reason.
* Sir [[Winston Churchill]] is known for more than a few of these. A small sampling:
** '''Lady Astor:''' "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."
** '''Elizabeth Braddock:''' "Winston, you are drunk."
* If you have multiple children who are capable of speech, odds are this will ensue.
** Even if they are incapable of speech, they will find a way to do this. Bickering trumps all obstacles.
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{{reflist}}
[[Category:{{PAGENAME}}]]
[[Category:Narrative Devices]]
[[Category:Insult Tropes]]
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