Zero Punctuation/Funny: Difference between revisions

** THINK OF SOMETHING WHOLESOME INSTEAD

* (Waffle about game physics)... "and now, to counteract the seriousness of that last sentence, Boingo Boingo Whoopsy Knickers".

** Before that, his musings on playing the original ''[[Tomb Raider]]'' as a kid:

{{quote|'''Yahtzee''': It kind of [[Nostalgia Filter|takes me back to when I was fifteen]] and playing the original ''[[Tomb Raider]]'' and I'd back her up into a corner to get the best view<ref>arrow points at her chest</ref> of her juicy--[[Last-Second Word Swap|thighs]]<ref>arrow points at her thighs</ref>.<br />

* Alone in the Dark's "Terry vs Gonad" sequence.

** Followed up by [[Wet|Wet's]] "Pillock vs Pillock's Boss" sequence.

* From ''[[Ninja Gaiden]] 2'': "So the gore's been ramped up, and as always, hand-in-hand with Gore comes Titties, [[Interplay of Sex and Violence|his lovely wife and business partner.]]"

* The ''[[Prince of Persia]]'' review's "Don't stick your dick in a pudding" metaphor.

* The beginning of the ''[[Fallout 3]]'' review:

{{quote|...[[Breather Episode|Yeah, it's pretty good.]] ''(cue credits, which get cut short after two slides)'' [[Averted Trope|Alright]], [[Caustic Critic|alright!]]}}

{{quote|'''Yahtzee's TV''': By de way dem cunts be dead.

'''Yahtzee's [[Author Avatar]]''': YOU IS DE CUNT! }}

* ''[[Resident Evil 5]]'':

{{quote|It's like watching someone beat their fists against a wall and run off to hospital only to do it some more. And they used my medical insurance. And it's my wall.}}

** And while we're talking about ''Halo Wars''...

*** The entire rant at that point is undeniably hilarious.

{{quote|As the exasperated Chinese zookeeper said to the last male panda in the world, '''FUCK. THAT!'''}}

* His summarized feelings for JRPGs in the ''[[Valkyria Chronicles]]'' review:

{{quote|"If you're new to this series, let me briefly summarize my feelings towards JRPGs: UUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH RRRRAEEEEEEEUUUUUHHHH and every single one of them is about androgynous twelve-year-olds killing Satan."}}

** What's even better is that he continues doing that over the end credits music, even attempting to keep with the tune.

*** "[[Bayonetta]]! As in 'Hey, yo' betta not play this game-' OH, FUCK YOU!"

* ''[[Scribblenauts]]'' "..But as I tapped the block to break it, it shifted slightly, and I clicked the background and ''fuck'', it was like my character had been waiting all day for me to do do that. He flung his pick into the air and started jumping up and down like he wanted to be a cloud when he grew up."

** "''[[Scribblenauts]]'' comes to us from 5th Cell Media, a bunch of work-shy cheaters whose most notable previous title is ''[[Drawn to Life]]'', a game so unfinished that the player had to do half the art design themselves [...] After ''[[Drawn to Life]]'' they wanted to prove they're not above drawing stuff themselves, so they drew every single object on Earth. Talk about overcomensating!"

{{quote|"The main character is Rubi, a tomboyish assassin who is about as likeable and sympathetic as a deep-sea angler fish in an SS uniform."}}

** The utter lampooning of terrible gaming ideas scattered throughout ''[[Wet]]'''s design through use of the game programmer "Pillock," who does everything to please the octopus in his brain.

* His mental breakdowns over the utterly complex plots of ''[[Bayonetta]]'' and, get this, ''[[Pac-Man]]''.

{{quote|Eat pills, avoid ghosts... only sometimes you can eat the ghosts as well if you-AUGH!}}

{{quote|"Anyway, Solid Snake is tasked with the assassination of his evil clone brother, who is dead, but lives on through his posessed arm, which was grafted onto the body of OH CHRIST I CAN'T GO ON THIS SHIT IS BANANAS" ([[Rebus Bubble|[Image of a turd] = [Image of a banana] ]])}}

** Speaking of [[Bayonetta]], his British 'immunity' to her.

** In the same (surprisingly positive) review, he portrays main character [[Just Cause (video game)|Rico]] as a fearsome wizard with almighty control of physics. [[You Fail Physics Forever|He might not be too far off the mark.]]

* The critique of [[Splinter Cell]]'s [[Idiot Plot]] and how the villains are [[Too Dumb to Live]].

** "And some of the characters wear different clothes. I don't find that red dress particularly intimidating, but - oh fuck, a pink dress, ''shit's gettin' real!''"

** His description of the blue-tinted Dark World resembling "the night God drank his Slurpee too fast" accompanied by an image of God clutching his head in agony and screaming "FUCK" had this troper in stitches.

* From his review of ''[[Dead to Rights]]: Retribution:''

{{quote|"In case you never played the first game here's a [[Running Gag|Dead To Rights Recap]]: BANG PUNCH BANG PUNCH BANG PUNCH WOOF!"}}

{{quote|"Let's just hope it doesn't end up Dead To Rights: Retarded. That would be Dead To Rights: Regrettable."}}

** About the takedowns:

** Also from that review, his hilariously accurate impersonation of Samus' [[Dull Surprise|monotone voice]] and [[Purple Prose|overly flowerly way of speaking]].

*** ''And'' his suggestion that they get '''[[Brian Blessed]]''' to voice Samus.

* His [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/2092-Amnesia-The-Dark-Descent description of his thought process during his first scary moment] in ''[[Amnesia: The Dark Descent|Amnesia the Dark Descent]]'':

{{quote|"Oh look, physics! I can throw chairs about like a removal man who's completely stopped giving a shit. Doors suddenly blowing open in the wind? Yawn-o-rama! I guess I'll just look around upstairs and then might as well play Halo: Reach for a bit. Nope, nothing much up here either, I'll just go back and - whoa, what was that thing I just glimpsed running down a hallway? I don't know, but it looked cross about something, so I think I'll go down this other hallway instead. Oh, it's blocked. Guess I'll turn around an- [[Jump Scare|WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?]] ''Augh runrunrunrunrun I'm sorry I didn't mean to mess up your chairs''- OH PISSING BLIMEY '''THERE'S JAM COMING OUT OF THE WALLS!'''"}}

* His impression of ''[[Call of Duty: Black Ops]]'''s frenzied pacing.

{{quote|"Go there! Keep running! Take cover! Not there, you're getting shot! There, shoot that guy! Not him, he's on your side! Can't you tell? He's wearing a slightly different hat! Quick, pick up that grenade and throw it back! I don't know, over there somewhere! Oh, there, see? If you'd thrown it sooner that wouldn't have happened, you stupid cunt."}}

** "Another opportunity for the ''[[Call of Duty]]'' franchise to wave military hardware in our faces and go '''PHWOAR!'''"

** The [[Book Ends|beginning and end]] of the review feature several countries personified as people, including America, Russia, China, the UK and Switzerland. [[Axis Powers Hetalia]] references in the comments section were unavoidable.

* The [[Flat What]] of the '''Fable III''' review. Funniest [[Flat What]] EVER!

* "Oh, [[The Goodies|goody]]! Now I can go back inside and ''keep playing'' ''[[Minecraft]]''!"

** "With Fisher-Price Shoggoths scratching at the walls, I decided the sensible, level-headed thing to do was to tunnel down into the centre of the Earth".

** "Why did it get so dark all of a sudden? What's that rustling sound? Why are my intestines over there now?"

** "Christ, it's like ''Zelda'' meets ''[[There Will Be Blood]]''!" (with picture of Link being chased by Daniel Plainview wielding a bowling pin)

** "One: Do not rely on fire to clear away your forests unless you want your gameworld to look like the Vietnam War."

** "But as I was trying to think of something to do with all these rocks, I noticed a nearby mountain, and thought 'You know what that's crying out for? A ''Skull Fortress!'' With flaming towers and eyes that weep lava (because he's depressed by all the kamikaze shrubs).'"

** His entire rant about the appeal of building anything with his example being a golden [[Biggus Dickus|giant cock and balls]].

* From ''[[A Shadows Tale]]'': "...this is the permanent mental state of most adult male nerds in any situation more sociable than jerking off with a hand-puppet. The [[Ur Example]] of this subgenre, as in '[[Incredibly Lame Pun|Er]], what are you doing with that hand-puppet?' would be [[Ico]], also known as I. C. O. if you're WRONG!"

* ''[[DC Universe Online]]'': His overly long analogy about how reading comics are like bowel movements. Just go look at it.

* From the ''[[Mind Jack]]'' review, after commenting on how some viewers didn't know whether Yahtzee was [[Accentuate the Negative|recommending a game or not]].

* ''[[Killzone]] 3'': "So, ''fuck'' modern technology right in its cutting edge! Oww!"

* Localisation delays for ''[[Kirby's Epic Yarn|Kirbys Epic Yarn]]'': "You'd almost think Nintendo were concerned that a game about a fat, pink retard, voraciously overconsuming, wouldn't go down well in the West."

*** "Blimey, what a badly worded metaphor."

** "Wait, what was I supposed to be fixing again? [[Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny|OOH LOOK A PUPPY]]!"

{{quote|"... how Vamp in ''Metal Gear Solid 2'' was implied to be banging Fortune, but only because Vamp was implied to be banging absolutely fucking everyone, including you as you read this. Try to hold still."}}

* His description of the final boss in ''[[Deus Ex: Human Revolution|Deus Ex Human Revolution]]'' as "the kind of nightmare [[Philip K. Dick]] might have while being spooned by [[H. R. Giger]]", and the [[Running Gag]] of whipping vending machines at NPCs.

** "But if the surface world is supposed to be so completely covered in clouds that you and your Ivory-Tower friends aren't even sure it exists, then why, when you're exploring the surface world, is it always a bright sunny day? ''I FOUND A PLOT HOLE!'' '''''NUUURSE!'''''

** A rare one from his Extra Punctuation continuation(usually devoid of jokes, due to the points not having enough comedic potential), where he notes one point where he is trying to escape a pirate ship, when the resident [[Exposition Fairy]] [[Captain Obvious|interrupts the game to tell you that a monster is attacking a ship.]] Yahtzee [[Laughing Mad|laughs]] [[Sarcasm Failure|hysterically]], [[Despair Event Horizon|throughly convinced that the game isn't happening in real life anymore.]]

{{quote|"You suck a guy's cock. "BING!~ LINK I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT YOU ARE SUCKING A MAN'S COCK! THERE IS A 70% CHANCE THAT YOU SHOULD NOW CRADLE HIS BALLS!""}}

** "As always, the game starts with Link oversleeping. I have a theory that Link is like [[Sherlock Holmes]] and can only function as a human being if he's either on an adventure or enough cocaine to floor a sumo wrestler."

* From ''[[Sonic Generations]]'':

** "And it would probably get you thrown out of a restaurant"

* From ''[[Star Wars: The Old Republic]]'':

** "[[A Date with Rosie Palms|So this is why they call him]] [[Incredibly Lame Pun|Han Solo]]!"

* His ''Prototype 2'' video. Five words: '''FUCK AROUNDY MAKEY SUPER MURDER'''

** "Possibly Liverpool?"

{{quote|"You're listening to Black Mesa Research Facility Internal Broadcasting Friday Morning Drive Time Fun Slot, playing the hits while you play God!"}}

** "To Security Officer Calhoun outside [[The Simpsons|Sector 7-G]]: Stop banging on the door, we know you're out there, we just don't like you."