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== From ''A Very Potter Musical''
* Voldemort taunting Draco: "And how do you suppose to get my Death Eaters into your daycare centre!? And don't suggest a giant slide, or a trampoline [[Noodle Incident|...because we already tried those.]]"
* One of the cut lines from the AVPM edit:
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'''Ron''': It's not me, I swear! }}
* When Quirrel walks by, Malfoy says "Go home, terrorist!".
** Then when everyone looks at him, he quickly pretends to be looking around him trying to figure out who said it. The expressions Lauren Lopez makes are ''hilarious''.
* Snape's lecture on portkeys:
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'''Hufflepuff Girl''': Professor, can, like, a person be a portkey?
'''Snape''': No, because if the person were to [[A Date
** Also, his reaction to the look.
** That last line is also a case of [[Fridge Brilliance]] and a possible [[Actor Allusion]], when you consider who played Joey in [[Me and My Dick]]...
* Voldemort to Quirrel:
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* The entire introduction of Cho Chang:
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'''Lavender''': BITCH, I AIN'T CHO CHANG!
'''Ron''': That's Lavender Brown! RACIST SISTER! * [[Dope Slap]]* }}
** The fact that she says Konnichiwa, which is Japanese, to someone who she (thinks) is named Cho Chang, who is Chinese, makes it even funnier.
* "Draco, you little shit!"
* Goyle, full stop.
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* Three words: "Voldemort out, bitches."
* Ron's gigantic Hershey's bar and his complaints about Hermione after the Ball:
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* Snape explaining how to destroy the last horcrux:
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{{spoiler|'''Snape''': (Drops Dead)}}
'''Draco''': He didn't even do anything.
{{spoiler|'''Harry''': That's because he's dead you dumb mother-...}} }}
* Right before Harry's [[Heroic Sacrifice]]:
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* Harry trying to trade dragons with Draco.
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'''Draco''': No. I've got a fruit by the foot, so I don't want your gushers.
'''Harry''': Look, I'll even throw in my Teddy Grahams so you can make little gusher-teddy-graham sandwiches. }}
** Then Draco offers to trade if he'll throw in some Bugles. Harry decides it just isn't worth it.
* After Draco finds that he cannot kill Dumbledore, Snape shouting "Cowardice, Draco? Ten points from Gryffindor!" It took [[Tropers/Crazy Cat Lady IRL|This Troper]] a minute to process, and then proceeded to go back and re-watch it 5 times.
* Just before Snape betrays the Death Eaters:
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** And directly after:
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* Snape when he gets bitten:
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* Any time Draco gets a monologue. ''Especially'' the "Pigfarts" bit, in which he's talking about going to school on Mars ''and somehow turns it around and makes it about how dumb'' Harry ''is for thinking he could go there''. Complete with ridiculously overblown sarcasm. And [[Rule of Funny|writhing on the floor]].
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* "The Sorting Hat and The Scarf Of Sexual Preference won't be back until next year, so basically I've just been putting anyone who looks like a good guy in Gryffindor, anyone who looks like a bad guy in Slytherin, and the rest can just go wherever the hell they want."
* Snape: "Harry... I've always wanted to bone your mom."
* "Maybe you'll just have to fight Mushu from [[
* Dumbledore: "For you Cedric, Puff the Magic Dragon. Figment the Imaginary Dragon. The Reluctant Dragon. And for you Potter....THE HUNGARIAN HORNTAIL, THE MOST TERRIFYING THING YOU'LL EVER SEE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE!"
** '''Ron''': "Man, this competition's gonna suck. All these dragons are lame. Accio Double Stuff. *sees Harry's dragon* Oh my God, monster!! Is this yours?! Oh my God, that is so awesome, let me hold it! This thing is terrifying. I hope real thing is smaller. Rawr!"
* This exchange about horcruxes:
{{quote|
'''Harry''': "Well, the medallion says that's dumb, so we're not gonna do that." }}
* Harry talking to Ginny after he sings her the "Ginny Song":
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'''Ginny''': "I think it already has."
'''Harry''': "Good! 'Cause it's for Cho Chang!"
'''Ginny''': *sounding sad* "Oh, yeah. She sure is beautiful."
'''Harry''': "Beautiful? More like supermegafoxyawesomehot. She is far more appealing, far more interesting, and far more attractive than anyone I know... in my immediate group of friends." }}
* This discussion after Snape talks about Portkeys:
{{quote|
'''Harry''': "What's, uh, what's a horcrux?"
'''Snape''': "I'm not even going to tell you, Harry, you'll find out soon enough." }}
* '''Harry''': "A goat? Oh my God, I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I can do that morally."
** And immediately after:
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'''Snape''': *to Dumbledore* "Did you just say 'did he just say dragons'?"
'''Dumbledore''': "I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to have ''shut up'', Potter." }}
* After Harry tells Ron why he should tell Hermione he likes her:
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'''Harry''': "Hold on, HP's gonna take his own advice, pal." }}
* In the graveyard:
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'''Voldemort''': "Kill the spare!" }}
* '''Ron''': "So good luck with whatever you were talking about and I hope that you and Voldemort live happily ever after. Me? I am never going to be happy again!"
* This exchange:
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'''Draco''': "Oh, well, I guess if you're giving me the option, I'll kick my own ass, thanks." }}
* All of Malfoy's denials about his real feelings towards Hermione, but this one in particular leaves me in stitches.
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== From ''A Very Potter Sequel''
* "WHO DISRESPECTING DA UMBRIDGE?!?" In fact, any scene with Umbridge probably has a couple of these.
** "I am woman, hear me SMASH!" *stamps feet repeatedly*
** "Now you're a rule-breaker, Potter. And it's time for your punishment." "Punishment?" "Oh, it's nothing TOO bad. You've just gotta--''takes out a huge knife''--take this knife, put it upright on a chair, and '''SIT ON IT, POTZI'''!"
*** Even funnier is later when this little interaction takes place:
{{quote|
Harry: You were telling me to sit on a knife... }}
** Her checking the flowers for explosives after holding Neville at swordpoint, immediately followed by him running in terror after she tries to give him a thank-you hug.
* Seamus right before Harry Freakin' Potter:
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** All of Seamus' uses of "bloody ___!" especially the last one in Act 2:
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* Sorty's proposal to Scarfy.
* Both Sirius and Lupin after jumping around like complete nutters making farting noises:
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* The entire scene with [[One
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* "Just once... just one time... I wanted to take your mum's... boobies... and [[Whose Line Is It Anyway
** A little extra funny (or perhaps just weird) when you consider the actress who plays Lily is pretty flat-chested.
*** For bonus points, when Snape interviews Arielle Goldman (the actress who plays Lily and a few other characters), he hits on her pretty shamelessly.
** Snape so drunk he can barely speak.
* Any time Lucius enters/exits a room.
** Lucius period. The increasingly-ridiculous dancing (especially the ''trust fall'') is the best.
** The bit where he makes the deatheaters dance when Potter wakes up:
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* Harry enters his compartment on the Hogwarts Express by simply miming opening a door handle. Ron, on the other hand, mimes a complex sequence of high-tech security measures, including a retinal scan, in a hilarious Overly Long Gag.
** And when he finally gets the door open, the sting from Seinfeld once again plays!
** When Hermione comes in later, she doesn't even bother with the door.
* Molly Weasley in the beginning, especially "ya got an F on your shirt, dumbass!".
* Firenze. The outfit, the silly voice, the fact that he's Goyle, "My chest!"...
** And his hilariously pretentious dialogue! A great spoof on the "noble centaur" archetype, and pretty much any "noble and wise" fantasy creature ever written.
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* Any time Draco draws.
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* Draco's introduction in the sequel
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* ''[[Ear Worm|Hermione can't draw, Hermione can't draw, Hermione cannot draw! She only reads books and she cannot draw even if she's reading a how to draw book!]]''
** ''[[Ear Worm|Lupin can't sing, Lupin can't sing, Lupin cannot sing...]]''
* "SIRIUS BLACK! SIRIUS BLA- oh, checkmate. SIRIUS BLACK!"
* Basically anything to do with Red Vines, specifically the Stepbrothers-type scene involving them in Act 1 part 2.
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'''Ron and Harry''': "Red Vines!" OH MY GOD!
'''Ron:''' ''[hugging Harry passionately]'' [[Ho Yay|Where have you been all my life?!]]<br />
'''Harry:''': [[Literal Metaphor|In a cupboard under some stairs!]] }}
* [[Crack Pairing|Firenze/Umbridge]].
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'''Kids''': YAY!
'''Umbridge''': WUT?!? }}
* After Dumbledore (with Scarfy) disapparates:
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'''Snape:''' He disapparated!
'''Umbridge:''' What?! That's bullshit Snape!! You can't disapparate within Hogwarts!! Right!?
'''Dumbledore:''' ''[offstage]'' Right!
'''Umbridge:''' Right!! DAMMIT!! ''[high kicks Hermione right in the face!]'' }}
* When the Trio and Draco have captured Lucius, and he's explaining {{spoiler|that he isn't Draco's father}}:
{{quote|
'''Harry''': Ollivander?
'''Hermione''': Filch?
'''Ron''': Regulus Black, Sirius's brother?
'''Yaxley''': ME? }}
** Also, this, after Lucius {{spoiler|explains that Draco is not his son, but Dobby's}}:
{{quote|
'''Draco''': {{spoiler|It's ''so'' small...}}
'''Lucius''': {{spoiler|It's because you're a ''fucking elf''!}} }}
* Just about any scene with Snape and Lupin. After Umbridge fires Lupin is a particularly good example.
{{quote|
Snape: "Look at my face, Remus; do I look happy?" *grins and begins singing and dancing* Lupin got fired! Lupin got fired! Lupin got fired!" }}
** How is Snape's signature line not in here?
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'''Lupin''': You're absurd!
'''Snape''': [flabbergasted] ''That's absurd!'' }}
*** And from Snape to Lupin:
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* "[[Running Gag|Did you get my text? Well, you didn't text me back.]]"
* Goyle's Introduction: "WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?"
** "It's Clobberin Time!"
* Lupin teaching the kids how to produce a Patronus:
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Students: [[Peter Pan (Disney film)|Any happy little thought?]] }}
** "I'll imagine I'm at the Valentine's Day Feel-her-up dance and all the boys can't keep their hands off me!"
*** [[All Men Are Perverts|"Well let's try
*** And later: "Cho, I said I was kidding!"
* Lupin's victory dance after Gryffindor win the Quidditch match, in which he shamelessly marches up and down the stage, covered in blood and dressed in nothing but his underwear, smacking his own ass. This troper was laughing so hard that her sister thought she was having an asthma attack.
** Even better is Neville and Rita Skeeter finding him in his underwear, just having attacked a doe. Lupin's reaction:
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** Brian Holden is freaking ''fearless''. Half of what he does as Lupin would be completely unfunny in the hands of another actor, but Holden just goes for it, "butt trumpet", "*cough Lupin shouldn't pay for that cough*", and all.
* [[Take That|Snape's reaction]] to Umbridge changing the portrait in Dumbledore's office:
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'''Umbridge''': I don't care for Zac Efron. Taylor Lautner's my man.
'''Snape''': ''(points at her in abject horror)'' What do you want, you horrid ''bitch''?! }}
* Ron's Poop-Nose maneuver on Draco. Also doubles as a [[Crowning Moment of Awesome]].
* Ron's [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming|speech of encouragement]] to Hermione... using ''Spider-Man''.
* [[That Makes Me Feel Angry|EVIL PLANS! WE ARE MAKING EVIL PLANS!]]
* I can't believe it hasn't been mentioned, the speech before No Way:
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'''Harry''': No way? You listen to me to me now, for 11 years I was a little douche bag locked up under some stairs. But this year? I've found I'm a wizard, and I'm famous, and I can fly, and turn invisible, and I just traveled the FUCK back in time. So Fuck you Draco, how's that for a happy thought? (Cue Song) }}
* The end of Act 1.
* Snape replacing "Mama's Love Hand" with a quill.
* It's unnoticed, but after Harry's first day he says, "The best class was definitely Satanic Rituals."
* Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.
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'''Ron''': ...Defeat. }}
* This exchange, which goes something like this:
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'''Lupin''': Why that's easy, Snape. KILL! (The kids gasp) I mean, kill animals! (The kids gasp some more) I mean, dance with animals! (They sigh in relief) }}
** Especially funny since only Lavender (who always cries) cries on the word "kill", but when he changes it to "kill animals", a ''bunch'' of the kids cry. Including ''Draco''.
** Also:
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* Harry trying to cheer Hermione up by explaining how much of a douchebag ("I'm Jesse McCartney's Douchebag!") he is in the Muggle world... and basically describing the actor playing him, [[Darren Criss]]. Also, any time they get Hermione's name wrong, and the one time he gets it right:
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'''Harry''': [Excitedly] Really? Her--man-- Munster?
'''Hermione''':... Close enough. }}
* Any time Lavender Brown cries when she's scared straddles the line between this and Woobie-dom.
* "[[That Makes Me Feel Angry|I'm in a rage!]] [[Harry Potter (
* Draco's monologue about going to the potty will have you in tears laughing even if you don't like bathroom humor.
* When being taught the patronus, this dialog
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'''Ron''': (who had been massaging Hermione's back, jumps back in horror and puts his arm around Harry) No, I was thinking about Harry.
'''Harry''': Oh cool, what a coincidence, I was thinking about myself too. }}
** And when they're told to "hold on to" their happy thoughts, Ron is [[Literal
* In the first scene, Lucius lampshades the confusion many likely felt when they heard about the sequel, given how the first show ended. "There is literally no way to move forward from this point!"
* "Didja hear the one about Sirius Black an' Flitwick's li-ul bruvvah?"
* Ron about Hermione: "OH MY GOD, NIGHT TROLL!"
* After Harry finds Sirius:
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'''Harry''': "I believe him guys. He saw my parents in the mirror, and well, you can't fake that!" }}
* The entire speech Umbridge gives to the girls:
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** And Umbridge's laugh: "A DUR DUR DUR DUR DUR"
* Lupin: "Stay out of the Shrieking Shack. I'm a werewolf in there."
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* Umbridge laying down some new rules: "Rule number one: No Boys!... Unless they're cute! Rule number two: No alcohol... unless there's plenty to go round! And rule number three: no parties... UNLESS UMBRIDGE IS INVITED!!"
* Not from the play itself but Tom Felton's reaction to the casting is pretty hilarious.
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'''Felton:''' Rolls around on the floor a lot...?
[[Beat|* beat *]]<br />
'''Felton:''' SHE!?! }}
* From towards the middle of the play, in Act 1 Part 13:
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'''Snape''': I doubt it. My actions led directly to the death of the only thing I've ever loved...
'''Audience''': Awww...
'''Dumbledore''': [[Mood Whiplash|This is probably twice as funny as that!]] }}
* During one performance of the Sequel, Umbridge's shoe flew off after she high-kicked Hermione in the face. All of the actors noticed it and barely contained their laughter... except for Darren, who was ''completely clueless''.
* When Ron and Harry head into the Shrieking Shake, they attempt to remember what Hermione's name is when calling out to her. Hilarity ensues.
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* Joe... ''Professor Snape's'' interview with [[Mr. Fanservice|Joe]] [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp7oF3NQ1xA&list=PL42870D44BF01425F&index=7&feature=plpp_video Walker]. You can tell Walker is trying ''so hard'' to not punch Snape.
* After getting her flowers from "Big D", this exchange from Umbridge:
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*[[Beat|None of the students respond]]*
Umbridge: Right! }}
** Later, after she takes over as [[Irony|DADA]] teacher.
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Hermione: Ohh, God! }}
* Snape: Alright, that's enough! As much as I'd like to see some of these bastards beaten *points at Harry* it's against the rules. Now come on kids. I've got a fun lesson planned. To the dungeons.
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* A meta example, but this audience reaction.
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Harry: For the first time in my life...I don't want one
*Audience gasps in horror* }}
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