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All the Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows: Difference between revisions
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* If I have a monster [[Made of Iron|too]] [[Invincible Minor Minion|tough]] for the Hero's weaponry to hurt, I will never put it in a room with [[Boss Arena Idiocy|weapons, devices or explosives which CAN hurt it]]. If possible, the room shall be as bare as possible with no possible implements that could be extracted from the ground or wall. After all, [[MacGyvering]] is becoming an increasingly-common hero talent.
* An unfamiliar [[Weapon of Choice|weapon]] is [[Exotic Weapon Supremacy|difficult to fight against]]. Therefore, my own [[Impossibly Cool Weapon|weapon]] will be [[Improbable Weapon User|rare and ill-known]]--or better yet, my own invention in the first place.
* I will not use a [[Black Magic|ritual]] to [[Instant Expert|grant]] [[Upgrade Artifact|great]] [[Super Empowering|power]] to [[Elite Mooks|a few select]] [[Super Soldier|Doom Troops]] when I can use the same ritual to [[Mass Super
** The moment I'm sure it's safe I'll also grant this power to myself. Twice if possible.
* I will have [[Death Trap|traps]] on any surface the Heroes can [[Roof Hopping|reach and step on]]--including the [[Wall Crawl|walls and ceiling]], depending on their powers.
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* I will know that the best defence is the [[Status Quo Is God|status quo]] so i will use it against the hero and do everything in my power to maintain it.
* If I have, indeed, taken over the world and wish to secure my presence, I will supplement my Machiavelli with some Foucault.
* I will not name my [[Right
* On my secret computer, there will be a link to All The Tropes that says "My [[Evil Plan|Evil Plans]]". That way, if the heroes find it, [[
** Nah. Even my most trusted can still [[Heel Face Turn|be turned]]. Just me.
* I will NOT be a [[Blood Knight]]. It makes no sense to drag out fights against the hero just so I can enjoy the fight. That's what gets foolish overlords killed.
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** If I wanted to enjoy a fight, I will use a VR simulator with sufficient safety precautions taken. If there's one thing I learned from "The Tortoise and the Hare", it's that you can either compete or you can fuck around. Not both.
* If I am [[I Have Your Wife|holding the hero's girlfriend hostage]] [[Hostage for McGuffin|in exchange for a powerful artifact]] and the hero ACTUALLY follows through with things, I won't be stupid and kill her and him both just because I feel like it. Instead, I will hand back the hero's girlfriend and escort them out with a large number of soldiers all armed with machine guns who [[Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy|can actually hit the heroes]] if they try to resist. They will also be trained [[Deadly Dodging|never to fire if an ally is standing on the other side of the hero]]. Additional: Make it clear that any ally who stands by the heroes when they go through the machine-gun corridor gets what's coming to them.
* My evil minions will be trained to never say the phrase "[[
* My Legion of Terror will use weapons that can go through their own body armor to make sure the hero can't use them as human shields. This will also make killing him easier if the hero puts on the uniform of one of my minions in an attempt to blend in. I will make it possible to alter this so that [[The Hero]] cannot "switch frequencies" and make my minions defenseless.
** Screw that, heroes always steal weapons from defeated [[Mooks]]. Instead, I will install a remotely-activated stun weapon on each suit's skin, so if the hero tries to pick up one of my minions, he will be electrocuted. Said weapon will also be available on the inside of the suits, in case the hero puts one on. If at all possible, I will ensure that these stun weapons are vital to the suit's function, and that the hero cannot activate them himself without getting himself electrocuted.
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*** If I need women that badly, I will just buy Pay-Per-View, or if such technology does not exist, a "Gold Pass" to the local Brothel (Preferably one on the payroll, or at least one who keeps track of who's working for them). They won't want one of their prime customers dead, and I will enter and leave while disguised.
** If I need to have a harem, for whatever reason, I will hire a mix of those aforementioned hot amazons (doubling as bodyguards) and regular prostitutes. They still would be required to occasionally have (protected) sex with me, but they will be allowed to come and go as they please, sleep otherwise with whoever they like (in secret), get lavished with gifts, and most importantly, their families will be well taken care of. Helping their sickly little sisters become healthy will be the real loyalty winners. The baubles will just be bonuses.
* If I ever decide to [[No, Mr. Bond, I Expect You to Dine|have dinner with the hero]], I will not attempt to [[Poisoned Chalice Switcheroo|poison him]]. There are ''far'' too many things that could go wrong. Instead, I will hide several syringes full of poison in his chair. A blade will also pop out of his end of the table and impale him. Then, a sixteen-ton weight will drop on his head. If he decides to use his last action to shoot me (if he somehow managed to sneak a gun through 5 different searches), he will still fail because I will not actually be there; it will be a hologram, robotic double, or other kind of fake.
* I will make sure to have ''two'' dining halls, and only rig one like this. Having something like this happen to my trusted lieutenant just because I'm paranoid and he forgot which seat it was isn't just a setback, it's bloody ''embarrassing''.
* My jail/prison/dungeon/gulag will be as far away from my primary base as physically possible. The base will have cells for temporary confinement, but all prisoners will be transferred to the main dungeon as quickly as possible. Their equipment will be sent to a different facility, preferably at least 20 miles or more from the prison.
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* My plans will not involve animals when it is not really necessary. I will not drop the hero into a snake pit when a pit of poison-coated spikes will be just as effective, and a lot cheaper.
* I will not bother wasting resources to create [[Biological Mashup|weird hybrid animals]]. A flying bear army [[Awesome but Impractical|might be really cool, but it would cost millions of dollars to create just bear]], and it would probably have a multitude of genetic defects. An entire army would drain my budget. The awesome hybrids can wait until I've conquered the world and have unlimited resources. If I ''do'' make these creatures, they will fight condemned criminals in the arena. The public needs its [[Bread and Circuses|entertainment]].
* If I am in a fantastic setting, troops riding on winged bears would practically be a [[Game Breaker]], because the result could be achieved through magic instead of science and would be much cheaper and more reliable. The flying bears are the air force, the land force would be gorilla-wolves, and the navy would be [[
* If I do use animals in my schemes, I will have all their backgrounds checked. Nothing is worse than finding out that [[The Hero]] [[Androcles' Lion|once saved the monsters from a rockslide]] and now they owe their lives to him.
* Citizens will ''not'' be heavily guarded, nor will they be incredibly poor. People will be allowed to have wealth, as wealth leads to donations. Taxes will be spent wisely on important social programmes. People will learn about the horror outside the walls. Public places will be within walking distance to eliminate the need for polluting cars, and all public places must have a master chef who will be there by his own free will. They will also have high def, plasma screen TVs that do ''not'' just broadcast me.
** However, I will also try to obtain some bad land as well as all that nice land and stuff, use the good land for vital resources and put cities on the bad lands that should always be razed by a different villain so nobody will give me a massive civilian uprising to deal with because of razing the land the cities are on.
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* Under NO circumstances [[Combat Stilettos|will I or any of my minions wear heels]]. While sexy, they will [[Broken Heel|always break at the worst possible time]], and they impair movement to a significant degree.
* If I ever need to protect something vitally important behind an array of magical defenses, I will try and incorporate at least one which uses a password or other means of identity verification. Whilst [[Only Smart People May Pass|ancient riddles]] and [[Threshold Guardians|tests of skill]] will keep the riff-raff out, they also grant entry to anyone capable of working them out- and heroes tend to be annoyingly good at this.
* I will not make a sentient robot, even though it may seem like a good idea at the time. It will be a killing machine that follows my orders and not [[Instant AI, Just Add Water|one that goes on some philosophical spiel about being a machine that is self-aware in which it realizes that it can destroy me or join the hero.]]
** Similarly, the same could be said about any sentient computer.
* I will never [[No One Could Survive That|assume the hero is dead]] without making a reasonable effort to find the corpse and ensure he really is dead. Even if he is dead, there will probably be more. Every hero needs to succeed where others have failed, after all, and the one I just killed may only be a precursor for the ''real'' hero.
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* I will not, under any circumstances, trust some upstart new villain that I've never met; especially when they suggest a plan to take down the heroes that I've never thought of or that requires finding some new weapon that they guarantee will help defeat the heroes. This plan will inevitably [[Sorting Algorithm of Evil|elevate the new guy at my expense.]]
* I will avoid any plan that involves releasing the [[Sealed Evil in A Can]]. This would most likely result in the above situation, [[Evil Is Not a Toy|or worse.]]
* [[Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism|I will take careful notes on the world in which I live and intend to conquer]]. If I live in a [[Crapsack World|crapsack]], [[World Half Empty|half-empty]] world where pillaging and [[Moral Event Horizon|various other atrocities are committed every other day]] ''and'' [[Karma Houdini|people get away with it]], [[Anyone Can Die]] (and ''does'' and ''[[Killed Off for Real|stays dead]]'') and the world essentially hates mankind, I can allow some leeway on the "Evil" parts. However, I must do careful evaluation if God is proven to exist and [[God Is Evil|he hates the world]]. No matter how powerful I am, a God-like entity is far beyond my powers and I'm best becoming [[Enemy Mine|allies]] with the local [[Anti
** If no one dies or, alternatively, [[Death Is Cheap|comes back more times than a cat]], [[Karmic Death]] is commonplace and the world is full of sunshine and [[Sickeningly Sweet|Teletubbies]], I should go somewhere else as an "Evil Overlord" is against all odds. [[Like a Badass Out of Hell|Conquering Hell]] is not an option as the afterlife is usually governed by beings far too powerful for me to beat to ensure a Karmic Hell.
** If possible, though, I will become a [[Knight of Cerebus]], reveal the world to be a [[Crap Saccharine World]], or find some other way of bringing about a [[Genre Shift]] to something that likes [[Evil Overlords]] more.
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* This goes without saying, but all [[Omnicidal Maniac]] tendencies are right out. The goal is to conquer the world, not destroy it. As such, I will not ally myself nor employ people/entities with long-standing and great hate for all living things and mankind, as they will eventually becoming significant obstacles in ruling if they don't outright betray me. I will rid myself all these people if at all possible and, if necessary, I will ally myself with the resident hero and aid him in ridding of the menace. If I'm called out on my evil tendencies, I will try to convince him that [[Even Evil Has Standards|my goal is simply to conquer while the other guy's is outright mass murder]] (This will most likely work as a conqueror is definitely lower on the scale of evil than an [[Omnicidal Maniac]], provided I haven't crossed too many lines) I will also ''not'' [[You Have Outlived Your Usefulness|try to remove the hero once the job is done]], as they're aid may be needed again in ridding other threats like this and [[Villain With Good Publicity|it's bad for my image when employing people]]. If I'm truly lucky, the hero would need to use a [[Heroic Sacrifice]] to make sure the maniac is [[Killed Off for Real]]. If that's the case, I will publicly mourn his death as an ally for my cause, which will serve as good PR.
* I will use heroes by informing and directing them to my enemies that are more (overtly) evil than I am. Heroes tend to ignore lesser evils when a much larger one looms over them.
* On top of never gloating, I shall never so much as talk in battle. It's a distraction and any moment I could spend thinking of something to say, I could instead be using to predict my opponent's next move and a respective counter. Cold silence is intimidating as well. Additionally, it prevents me from triggering a [[Shut UP, Hannibal]]/[[World of Cardboard Speech]] that will inevitably result in an [[Eleventh Hour Superpower]]. A [[Hannibal Lecture]] never works against the hero.
** Exceptions will be made if there is a brief lull in the fighting and I have something relevant to say. For the record: nihilism, ranting, or name-calling are ''not'' relevant; the people the hero killed to get to this point, the high quality of life in my subjects, and the contradictions in his life philosophy ''are''.
** [[Calling Your Attacks]] is an exception if it doesn't interfere with the attack timing and makes them stronger, allows them to do be manipulated, and/or is generally just fun or reliving to say (Compassionate face breaking fist). However, if the bonus isn't worth it then I will remain silent during battle. If one must call out attacks to do them then it goes without saying that I will learn how to get over this or do it. I wouldn't want somebody to have an edge over me just because they are more vocal.
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* I will not only allow but encourage my Legions of Evil to paint unique designs on their armor. Not only is it a slight morale booster, but it also makes it easier to identify individual mooks, no— soldiers and thus makes it that much harder for the Hero to impersonate them.
** In addition, I will place a number of security checkpoints along all the entrances and in front of every important or falsely important room in my fortress. Every soldier will be asked personal questions which only they could answer.
** In order to avoid [[Conservation of Ninjitsu]] and [[What Measure Is a Mook?|make my troops more sympathetic to the audience]], I will also encourage them to address one another by name, pursue individual hobbies on their own time, and show off their personalities when the hero is nearby.
** In fact, I will seriously consider just doing away with the armor and the uniforms altogether. Heroes never seem to be hindered by the lack of helmets and incomplete armory, or have any difficulty differentiating between friend or foe in battle. Mooks will instead be encouraged to dress casually under the supervision of a hired fashion expert to weed out anyone about to make himself into an [[Acceptable Targets|Acceptable target]]. It's a proven fact that the right outfit with the right accessories can increase a person's fighting power well above the norm.
* If I absolutely MUST use a slow acting death trap style device to kill the hero, I will NEVER put a nameless redshirt in first, allowing the hero to figure it out. Nor will I put the hero's love interest in the death trap first, as this inevitably leads to a last minute rescue. Instead, I will put the hero in the death trap first, torture the redshirt for any information about the rebellion, and keep the girl on hand as a useful bargaining chip (although she should be kept entirely unaware of her hero's death until such a time as I no longer have use for her.) Of course, it's much preferable that if the hero is ever in a position to be killed easily, I merely kill him with a quicker, easier method such as shooting him.
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* If I do not get updated on the situation within a reasonable timeframe, I will have the area under heavy guard, with powerful weapons prepared in case of sudden hero encounters.
* I will build hospitals, improve medical funding, and equip many of my soldiers with first-aid kits, or employ [[White Magic|healers]]. The hospitals and [[The Medic|the medics]] will treat soldiers first, and civilians second. This means I'll lose less soliders, civilians will have more incentive to join my forces, and my soldiers and civilians will be far more loyal. It isn't evil in nature, but it allows me to further my evil cause(s) more easily.
* I will [[Good Powers, Bad People|learn and employ healing magic as often as possible]], so as to better cultivate a better image in the eyes of my people. In addition to the above benefits, I will be able to act as the good cop in more violent interrogation and be able to sustain myself in a fight with [[The Hero]].
* I will strive to avoid healing techniques that drain life from one person to heal another. It will only be considered if I have condemned criminals for execution; let their wasted lives be spent to save others.
* I will encourage my soldiers to bring their children to work. The children will learn from common mistakes that are made, and be more likely to work as soldiers. Also, the hero will be less likely to attack my soldiers, in fear that they might hit a child, or leave a child without a father or mother. Also, children could make good back-up soldiers, due to their [[Infant Immortality|surprising resistance to bullets and cuts.]]
* I will make the first Friday of every month "Funny Hat Day". Not only will it raise morale of my Legions of Evil but the hero will think twice about [[Dressing As the Enemy|posing as one of them]] when they have to wear a hat made out of fake fruit.
** I will also grant rewards for the funniest hats. Forcing my minions to humiliate themselves is not good for morale.
* If I receive word that [[The Hero|a hero]] or heroes have appeared, I will immediately begin observing them in all things. Should any form of [[Will They or Won't They?]], [[Belligerent Sexual Tension]], or [[UST]] symptoms be present, I will immediately being plans to vilify the Hero to his (or her) love interest. These tactics will be subtle so that they don't find out and become a couple with the [[Power of Love]].
* I will consider the pros of being a [[Twofer Token Minority|black, gay, Jewish woman]]. Such as being able to paint [[The Hero]] and his companions as [[Stay in The Kitchen|sexist]], [[Mistaken for Racist|racist]], homophobic [[Putting On the Reich|anti-Semites]].
* I will not hire a busty bombshell as my second in command. It may seem nice, but my minions would be pissed that I chose someone based solely on appearance rather than merit.
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* I will make certain that my squad of superpowered Evil Minions aren't particularly weak to each others' powers. While this can be useful in containing rebellion, there are ''far'' too many [[Mega Manning|power-assimilating heroes]] out there. Alternately, I will pair each minion with the counterpart that strengthens/heals them.
* If the super-empowering [[Applied Phlebotinum]] I possess has a possibility of horrible side effects, I will neither force a minion to take it, nor try it myself. I will instead wait for version 2.0.
* [[Horny Devils]], especially [[Naughty Tentacles|tentacle monsters]], are some of most useful minions. [[Hentai|Their]] [[Genre Shift]] abilities are incredibly powerful. Every [[Action Girl]], including [[Magical Girl]] and [[Superhero|Super Heroine]], will suddenly become [[Faux Action Girl]] thus increasing your chance of world domination. If you fail to recruit such a minion, please consider to have it as your [[One
** To break her spine?
*** Precisely. Note the above about [[Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil|rape]] and [[Karmic Death]]. Also, if I do recruit [[Horny Devils]], they can also serve as patsies under that same premise, after the heroine(s) in question is/are [[Perma Death|dead]].
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* For similar reasons, if practical I will actively try to make myself one of the stock villains of crazy conspiracy theorists. Somebody planning to control the world will find that the perfect hiding place is within the freemasons or Catholic church.
* [[Shout Out|Remember, boys and girls, there's no shame in the]] [[Groin Attack]]. [[Inheritance Cycle|You are a bad guy, after all, nobody expects you to play fair.]]
* If the hero steals "my thing" and starts to go [[One
* I will never kidnap, torture, imprison, or otherwise harm the loved ones of [[Bond Villain Stupidity|a hero I underestimate and leave the hero free]]. They will invariably turn out to be surprisingly [[Let's Get Dangerous|dangerous]], [[Determinator|Fanatically]] [[Undying Loyalty|loyal]] and possessed of a remarkable ability to find [[The Power of Friendship|allies]], and I will be setting myself up to receive a [[Roaring Rampage of Revenge]]. No matter how much I underestimate the hero I will [[Just Shoot Him|kill him first]], then kill all his relations right afterwards, just in case he is the wrong hero.
** We cannot stress this enough, apparently.
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* I will not allow minions to [[Action Bomb|strap explosives onto themselves for when things go south]]. This just leads to trouble when I'm trying to execute them, and makes them more vulnerable.
* After defeating the nearby, less [[Genre Savvy]] but [[Eviler Than Thou]] Overlord, if I find that there is [[The Cutie|a Cutie]] in process of [[Break the Cutie|breaking]], I will adopt her and have her train under same program with my other [[Ninja Maid|Ninja Maids]]. This way, I will have a [[Morality Pet]] that can be useful, and since she has already seen a worse overlord, the risk of her pulling a [[Heel Face Turn]] is slim.
** I will also make sure to actually treat her as a [[Morality Pet]]. [[Nice Job Breaking It, Hero|That way, if I die,]] the heroes might suddenly have to deal with a [[Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds]].
* When I decide to go "super-evil" And destroy an entire town with burning fire, I shall do it at the dead of night. If circumstances permit me only to destroy the town in the middle of the day, I will order my troops to check any nearby hills for possible [[Kid Hero|children of the people I'm killing,]] and shoot them on sight. The last thing I need is another kid having [[Doomed Hometown|a reason to try and kill me.]] And if my goons miss the kid, and they run into the town and happen to find me burning it up, AND I find out that the kid has some sort of sacred power, I shall kill him immediately. I shall not let him escape, I shall not say that he has a magic power, and above all, I SHALL NOT [[Horrible/Fanfic|GIVE THE STUPID RED HEDGEHOG A PAIR OF SPEED BOOTS!]], give him items or try to make him my minion. Something tells me that it will bite me later on if I do.
* If I decide to make a giant mech to smite my enemies, I shall make a hidden button that activates a [[Weak Point]]. I shall not press this button untill my enemies try to override my mech, at which point I will press the button, eject out of the cockpit, wait untill the heroes get into the mech... and then blast the [[Weak Point]] with a rocket launcher/[[Laser/BFG|BFG]] (Whichever is the best avalible.)
* If the hero has a One-Winged Angel form and attempts to use it on me, during the stage in which he goes "HRAAAAARGH" with a deep red glow i will immediately smash him to the floor with a swift haymaker punch.
** I will wait until either I'm on the ropes or the hero's starting his contractually required [[World of Cardboard Speech]] before activating my own [[One
* [[Grenadier|The ultimate strategy is to eliminate the opponent's will to fight]]. This makes the ultimate weapon [[Fan Service|Seduction]]. This, in turn, makes creating [[Super Soldiers]] no more difficult than recruiting a [[Hooker With a Heart of Gold]].
** I will, however, make sure to have actual supersoldiers on hand in case I get a [[Chaste Hero]] or he's good enough in bed to turn the hooker. Just to keep all my bases covered.
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*** Fetish clubbies may not be interested in ''that'' level of agony. Probably the safest bet is, if I ''must'' use such a technology or magic, to have it re-engineered so that I can power it, and put my [[The Determinator|Determinator]] cap on. There are very few Heroes who will fault me for inflicting terrible pain on myself, and those that do might not be threatening to my plans at all.
* If my plan for world domination involves an ancient artifact of incredible magical power, I shall take the time to adequately study all texts and legends regarding it; If granting the hero a weapon capable of defeating me is the only way to obtain said [[MacGuffin]], I will pass it up for another artifact of similar power. In addition, any artifact I may choose must remain in one piece [[The Legend of Zelda|rather than splitting off into three pieces]], with the two remaining pieces going to the Hero and his love interest.
* Before sending demonic shapeshifters to infiltrate the enemy, I will make sure that [[Evil
* If I am a reasonably attractive female overlord, I shall dye my hair red before any encounter with the hero, [[Evil Redhead|if it is not already red.]] [[Heroes Want Redheads]], after all, and by dying my hair red, I'm almost guaranteed that he will be distracted long enough for me to kill him [[Les Yay|or her.]] If I am a reasonably attractive [[Even the Guys Want Him|male]] overlord, I will merely open my jumpsuit during such an encounter for the same effect.
** Unless the hero is Australian. Redheads are called Rangas there for a Reason.
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*** Have the Mooks wear Infrared goggles/equipment.
** Alternately, I will look at how Thrawn used such techniques, and take advantage of it.
* If I am [[Dark Action Girl|female]], then I should not overuse the privlige of claiming the hero is [[He
* Minions will be able to attack ''relentlessly'', and not [[Mook Chivalry|sit around waiting their turn to fight.]] Also, screw that [[Arbitrary Headcount Limit|"groups of three"]] bullshit. We're the bad guys. We don't have to wait our turns, and [[We Have Reserves]], so GET IN THERE, DAMMIT!!!
** If the universe I happen to live in [[Fight Woosh|shunts fights into an alternate timestream that does exactly this]], I will make equipment that allows multiple attacks (or more attacks than usual) per "turn", as well as allowing the first hit in combat, standard issue. Said equipment will melt down when the user's lifesigns terminate. I will also make it illegal for civilians to obtain or sell this item. The [[Arbitrary Headcount Limit|Arbitrary Army Size Barrier]] will be studied exhaustively until I find a way to get around it. This includes the [[Lazy Backup]] Effect.
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* I will never employ an [[Evil Tower of Ominousness]]. Ostentatious lairs are what get stupid overlords killed.
** If I do use a tower, I will start a rumor that my office is on the top floor. Said office will have a booby-trapped floor that plunges the hero all 83 stories down into the Biochemical waste dispsal in the sub-subbasement. I will be in an [[Elaborate Underground Base]] on the other end of town.
* Combat uniforms will have no [[Highly
* Underwater bases. None of them.
** Only if they are deep sea, and I mean bottom of the deepest trench deep and I have mutants that can breathe in the ocean at my disposal that can also withstand the pressure.
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** That being said, so are [[The Virus|bio-weapons of any sort]]. Except for the kind you get by letting blood/excrement stagnate on a bayonet. Because it's ''easily controlled.''
* I will not use minions who [[Slave Mooks|desert, defect, or out-and-out panic]] when [[Decapitated Army|their leader dies]]. If my mooks can't be loyal in the first place, putting them under control of a slave driver is just going to make trouble.
* [[Body Horror]] (Specifically, [[Lovecraftian Superpower|Lovecraftian Superpowers]]), while great for [[Mind Screw|psychological warfare]], really fucks up my minion's personal lives. Minions will be able to reverse and manifest their mutations at will. Yes, this does mean ''all'' my minions will be able to pull a [[One
** Minions will be specially trained to utilize their mutations effectively in and out of combat. [[Clipped
** I will also avoid mutating the Hero's friend, lover, or relative. They'll break my mind control and attempt to kill me with the mutation that I've inflicted upon them. Even if they don't, it tends to cause [[Unstoppable Rage]].
* As an alternative to Rule 67, should we have a security system that shorts out so often that my guards begin to become jaded to it, I will enquire after something more robust.
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* If an underling ever [[Stating the Simple Solution|asks why I don't simply shoot the hero]] there and then, and I don't have reasonable answer, he/she/it may be right and shall be rewarded.
* If I learned that hero was raised in a certain orphanage that he still considers home, I will not send my legion to run it down. Instead, I will "offer" to fund the place and reorganize it - using my [[Ear Worm]] theme song as orphanage's anthem is the very first step.
* I will upgrade the [[Quirky Miniboss Squad]] to [[Ragtag Bunch of Misfits]], [[Five
** I will also make sure the [[White Magician Girl]] is a [[Combat Medic]]. [[No Cure for Evil|Just because I'm evil doesn't mean the minions can't get healed in the middle of a fight.]]
** The [[Smart Guy]] will get to use an armor better than several layers of felt. [[Squishy Wizard|Wizards, contrary to popular belief, are only squishy because they don't get any real protection]].
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* If my evil plan requires sucking life energy from people, harvesting organs, making soylent green, or extracting bodily fluids from corpses, then I will make sure to do the grisly work in a clean environment out of sight of the general population. While it may be useful to occasionally publicly execute my enemies or to have corpses laying around to instill an environment of dread and fear... I should at least be able to keep things neat and tidy when necessary.
* My guards will, at all times, carry a list with names and descriptions of people who are allowed entrance. They will also be informed that allowing in anyone who's not on the list, for any reason, will result in execution. Anyone who refuses to believe that their names aren't on the list, and insists that "there must be some kind of mistake", will be sent to the interrogation chamber.
** Said interrogation chamber will be used to hold suspects while the guards check if it's ''really'' a documentary mistake (like [[Spell My Name With an "S"|a misspelled name]] or if the post's documents have failed to update about my assassin's recent loss of his eye). If it isn't, the suspects will be thrown into the basement dungeons for more ''serious'' interrogation.
* If I have a choice between getting a new toy just because the overlord down the street got one, and upgrading my organization's equipment, I will get the equipment upgrade. Having a private battleship/space station/KillSat/etc./etc. is all well and good, but when the hero comes knocking, would you rather be shooting [[Guns Are Worthless|JHP ammo from a six-shooter]] or [[One
** While I'm at it, I will allow my henchmen/legion of doom troops to submit suggestions for possible upgrades. Being on the field, they'll know what we need, and there's no sense letting the heroes exploit the same weakness over and over again.
** Keep in mind that [[Revolvers Are Just Better|revolvers]] actually suck and [[Katanas Are Just Better|Katanas]] take several years of non-stop training to use effectively. Just because something works flawlessly on TV, doesn't mean it won't fall flat on it's ass in [[Real Life]]. That, and Minions have a horrffic track record when it comes to [[Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy|hiting something smaller than the side of my fortress.]] They don't do so well with swords, either.
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* I will make sure to find the fine line between [[Awesome but Impractical]] and [[Awesome but Practical]], and never cross it. A [[Base On Wheels]] or an [[Airborne Aircraft Carrier]] may sound cool, but what about dirt roads and air pockets? Or interceptors? Or nuclear land mines? (come to think about it, even a man-portable nuke can take out a superheavy) I will only use massive and insanely complex vehicles and/or weapons if I know I can make them work.
* I will not use a door-lock system that de-activates when the hero kills everyone in the room. Instead, when s/he kills the last person, the room will collapse.
* I will make all my minions pass psych eval and IQ tests. Idiot minions generally forget orders, and respond to such orders as "Kill her" or "Strap him down" with "But datz mean, boss..." Insane minions will only be allowed if they're of the [[Cloudcuckoolander|amusingly mad]] type, and [[What Does This Button Do?|kept the fick away from anyone or anything important.]]
* I will not give my favorite /firstborn kid a cool [[Theme Naming|theme name like]] [[King Arthur|"Mordryd"]] and my [[The Unfavorite|other kids]] [[Aerith and Bob|throwaway names like Jimmy]]. Given the ammount of bickering evil children are prone to, Mordryd's probably gonna get a pen in the eye and the minions are gonna have to learn how to serve a guy named "Lord Jimmy" with a straight face.
* I will keep careful records of all the towns I pilliage, and will do so only when nescessary. Nothing pisses the hero off like finding out that the [[Doomed Hometown|complete massacre of his hometown]] was [[But for Me It Was Tuesday|an average weekend out for me.]]
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* All protagonists who attempt to kill me will be given a computer with Internet access as a reward. And [[Main Page|this]] will be the [[Home Page]]. That ought to give me enough time to reach my Escape Vehicle and start the self-destruct sequence.
* I will found, christen, donate to, and attend charity events of an animal hospital and adoption center regularly. This will not only boost my PR, but the heroes will waste time trying to find out what sort of sinister reason there is that would justify my involvement. If the heroes try to bring it down, not only will they find that there wasn't anything suspicious happening there, but also makes them look much less heroic in the eyes of the public for destroying the place that takes care of all those helpless animals.
* Unless I am SURE that this universe has a [[Lost Aesop]], I will refrain from [[Not So Different|pointing out any contradictions]], [[What Is Evil?|grey areas]], [[Hannibal Lecture|or other weaknesses in the hero's moral code]]. [[The War On Straw|Odds are that the author put more thought into rebutting my complaints than the complaints themselves.]]
* If I'm aware that my death will triggers whatever nonsensible force to [[Collapsing Lair|collapse]] my [[Supervillain Lair]], I will make sure this also applies with all [[The Empire]] public structures such as aqueduct and mine shaft (just like my lair, I built most of them anyway). And I will remind the heroes that killing me mean years of drought and mineral shortage to millions people.
** That, or triggers a [[Doomsday Device]] which will detonate immediately after my [[Video Will]] / [[Nice Job Breaking It, Hero]] gloat ends, and my death means [[The End of the World As We Know It]].
* Rather than booby traps that kill outright, I will have booby traps that do character assassination as well. For example; a bookshelf full of [[Distracted By the Sexy|porn]] swing open when the hero steps through the laser sensor. All magazines will be coated in poison, so once he flips through his favorite naughty puplication, he drops dead. I merely need to display his corpse with a deathgrip on a [[Hentai]] for the ire of the masses over his death to fade into "I can't beleive we idolized that perv".
** I will have a large ammount of said poison waft into the air when the shelf opens, just in case wonderboy happens to be one of those bloody [[Chaste Hero|chaste heroes]]. I will aslso have a vaccum chamber just after the poison porn, just in case he packs a gasmask. I can simply plant a naughty book on him afteward.
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*** Or a vivisection if I need the subject alive after the study is complete.
* I will have minions search out every weapon merchant in the land and either employ him or buy out all his stocks. With any luck the heroes will have no acess to equipment above the starters.
** This also applies to [[Anti
* I will refrain from using the [[Stock Phrase|standard supervillain insults]]. "Imbecile" and "[[You Fool]]", A) Lower minion self-esteem, and B) while they get the point across, are cliche'.
** I will never directly insult the Minion's culture or race. The individual is weak, the whole is insurmountable.
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** I will also never expect someone to sleep with me, or so much as [[Lap Pillow|rest their head in my lap]], to prove their loyalty.
** If I have a creepy fetish, such as [[Bondage Is Bad|black leather and chains,]] [[Catholic School Girls Rule|schoolgirl uniforms]], or [[Furry Fandom|animal costumes]] (or even worse, [[Turned Up to Eleven|all three at once]]), I will get my personal psychologist to invert my kink into a "don't go there" to take advantage of [[Good People Have Good Sex]]. Exceptions for [[Conveniently Common Kink]] or actually being a humanoid animal.
*** However, if this is a [[Safe, Sane, and Consensual]] [[Author Tract]] where the villain is expected to have boring sex, I'll nail whoever I want however I want (''if'' my partner/s agrees to it and is at least 18, of course).
** No using genetic engineering for said creepy fetishes. If I've got to go through such waste for sex toys, I should step down.
* If I have other means to gain control of the kingdom then force a princess to marry me, I'll go with this plan instead. Also, I'll make sure to remember that "princess" is not synonym to "first beauty in the country" or to "perfect wife for evil lord."
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* The architect who planned my top-secret dungeon, its traps, and its escape routes is doomed from the moment he signed on. As are any external service personnel I absolutely must hire to provide upgrades, such as the poor sod who put in the central A/C.
* I will train regularly with my (most loyal) troops (using blunted weapons) and will ''not'' expect them to always lose to me. Instead, I will concentrate on genuinely improving my own abilities, until I am able to use [[The Dragon]] as my sparring partner on a regular basis. Not only will this improve our working relationship, but it will mean that in the event that he dies or [[Heel Face Turn|Heel Face Turns]], I am capable of holding my own against him and/or his killer. On a similar note, I will suggest to [[The Dragon]] that he teach an apprentice, or at the very least, train [[The Brute]] and any [[Psycho for Hire|Psychos For Hire]] we may contract. This will help to increase group cohesion, and will also ensure that in the event that any one of the above [[Heel Face Turn]], I will have ''at least'' one individual on staff capable of killing, or at least seriously injuring them.
* I will make myself look as human as possible, looking demonic/[[Light Is Not Good|Angelic]], or like any sort of [[Beast Man]] will, while it makes me look intimidating, will, ultimately, [[What Measure Is a Non
* I will make sure that [[The Dragon]] is ''not'' my only capable servant. [[The Brute]] will be a [[Genius Bruiser]] ''and'' a remorselessly loyal sociopath; if arrangeable he will also be good friends (or at least ''friendly'' rivals) with [[The Dragon]], so that I can send them ''both'' after the heroes at once. If he is the leader of the [[Mooks]] he will also either forgo some of his cruelty in order to be a [[A Father to His Men]], or (if totally evil) will at least be a competent strategist and leader, who the men can trust, and follow bravely; while the lowest ranking member of my inner circle, he will be kept up to date on plans so that he does not [[Spanner in The Works|inadvertently sabotage them]] (and after all, he's likely to be my most loyal follower to boot, so why risk offending him?). My [[Evil Genius]] will be allowed to comment on any aspects of the plan that he thinks needs work (why have an [[Evil Genius]] otherwise?) and will also be given any cybernetic upgrades, [[Powered Armour]], [[Super Serum]], biological modifications, or [[Mecha Mooks]] that he feels are necessary to give him combat abilities similar to those of [[The Brute]] and [[The Dragon]]. The [[Dark Chick]] will be a Chick. Specifically, she will be my [[Victorious Childhood Friend]] who has been playing Risk with me and helping me plan to conquer the world since we were five years old. She will be able to hold her own with the boys, and will have eyes only for me. As we are absolutly made for one another, I will of course listen to her advice (and adding a female viewpoint might not be a bad idea). At least one of the above will be a suitably [[Cold Sniper]] who can take [[The Hero]] down, ''without'' having to close in physically. If I am a [[Magnificent Bastard]], other members of the [[Five
* I will plan according to my budget. If I do not have the money to design and mass produce the kind of technology required for many of the above precautions or if I don't have the good managers required to supervise my minions and make sure they actually follow protocol at all times, I will try to find a less expensive option and fix what I can.
* [[Valkyria Chronicles|I will not, under any, ANY ciricumstances, squander a superpowerful female soldier, loyal to me due to love and capable of one-shotting tanks by looking at them funny, by having her destroy herself in an effort to kill the entirety of my enemy's military.]] ''Especially'' if the enemy has one more or less just like her. I shall find a way to keep her in the field. Superpowerful women - loyal ones particularly - are extremely hard to come by. I'll make sure to... reward her as I (and, quite importantly, she) sees fit. This takes care of both my powerful superweapon ''and'' lovelife departments.
* Any idea which crosses my mind which seems to only be there because I think it would be cool, regardless of practicality or good sense will be ignored. Yes, developing bands of minions to act to [[Five
** That's what lieutenants exist for. If the Overlord finds out there's no underlings [[Surrounded By Idiots|competent enough to pull such side-projects]] and loyal enough to put them in charge of that much, this should be considered an emergency in and of itself.
* If a minion or civilian suggests something that is halfway decent, I will give him the credit for a good idea, rather than [[Glad I Thought of It|just stealing it]]. That way, if it fails, [[Blame Game|I can finger-point.]]
* I will offer top-notch dental and medical benifits, as well as a GI's Grant. [[Signed Up for The Dental|Loads of people sign up for that sort of thing.]]
** As a corollary to all the benefits I will offer, I will make sure that everyone knows about these benefits. That way when I tell [[The Hero]] that [[We Can Rule Together]], he can't say something clever like "[[No Hero to His Valet|Yeah right, I know the way you treat your minions.]]"
* I will invest in [[BFG|man portable]] [[Gatling Good|miniguns]], and make them standard issue. That way, I've got [[More Dakka]] and [[
* If, for whatever reason, I need to talk with the hero while holding him at gunpoint, I will not use 500 Mooks pointing pistols at him. This not only consumes space, but makes it more likely that the bullets will hit other mooks or myself, as per [[Conservation of Ninjutsu]]. I will not use a single highly trained marksman, as the hero will most likely be able to dodge bullets. Instead, I will use three highly trained marksmen. One to shoot at him from the front where he expects it, one to shoot him after he dodges the first bullet, and one with a machine gun to completely obliterate the corpse.
* If I know of a possible hero beginning his quest, I will make sure to fill his group of [[True Companions]] with my minions. The [[Non
* All weaponry that can overheat and explode in my face will have a tempurature-operated failsafe, that will render the weapon completely inoperable if removed or tampered with, except for repairs/upgrades (and no, jamming a coin in the fuse slot will not work). Said weapon will also have a simple yet effective cooling system. Any weapons that are powerful enough to one-shot my fortress will be permanently pointed outwards from it. If the ammo for this fortress-killing gun could be wired to explode, and ''still'' destroy my fortress, I'll put it in a bunker far enough away that the explosion will only destroy said bunker.
* My doomsday devices will not have a lengthy charge-up time, and will have a countdown timer just for show. They will be ready to use as soon as the hero waltzes into my control room. In addition, the conspicious 'off' button will activate the device immediately.
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* I will bring Mooks into my army by funding their education at my nation's top school, thereby ensuring they are intelligent and capable of quick thinking. I will put them through [[Training From Hell]], and I will use it to forge them into one large group of [[True Companions]]. I will also select the best soldiers for membership in an elite group based on [[Semper Fi|the US Marine Corps]], and they will be the first responders to any emergency.
** This elite force will not be the first enemy the heroes face in a large-scale battle. On the contrary, I will arrange my armies with the least capable soldiers in the front and have the most [[Badass]] soldiers as my personal bodyguards. By the time the heroes reach them, they will have exhausted their energy on my immense army.
** If the [["Stop Having Fun!" Guys]] bitch about you "cheating" if you beat them while using a tactic, it becomes SOP.
* I will always value a small force of capable people (read: able to cause more than a few minutes' setback to the hero) over a vast army consisiting largely of weaker [[Mooks]]. While I admit that low maintenance cost is certainly a draw, I am not getting my money's worth if the hero dispatches my minions without easily or I am forced to shoot them myself as they come to me to report their failure. Even if I wanted to use their high numbers for terrorizing the populace, it creates bad precedent if my minions are seen as incompetent jerks rather than representatives of my own fearful self. I need the hero and others to think twice before attacking anyone wearing my uniform, rather than gaining self-confidence through small victories against my forces.
* If I am [[Our Vampires Are Different|some form of vampire]], I will calculate the amount of nourishing substance I need per day, divided by the amount one person can safely give. Multiply that number times the number of days it takes to fully recover from the draining. This tells me the minimum number of willing donors I should cultivate. (Un)life is much easier when I'm not leaving corpses all over the place.
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** I will consider the benefits and the disadvantages of [[Twilight (Literature)|sparkling.]] It draws a lot of [[Fan Girl|fangirls]] to me that can be used to form my army (see above) while convincing almost everybody else that [[Hatedom|I am not a real vampire]] and thus not a threat. On the other hand, it ravages my credibility.
* I will never wait with renewing whatever it is that sustains my life, but will do it as early and as often as possible. If my unlife requires that I sacrifice a virgin every full moon then there will be a harem of virgins kept well fed and treated but always prepared in different locations. Holding off the search until the last minute will just make me do something really stupid, like go after the hero's girlfriend merely out of desperation.
* If my pet [[Mad Scientist]] manages to cook up a group of [[
* Any secret agents or otherwise heavily trained soldiers from a distant land will be considered threats to my power.
* If I have to poison someone with a drink, I should have a drink that is a different color than the person I'm trying to poison. Or alternatively, use a poison I am already immune to, or barring that, have an anti-toxin ready ahead of schedule. The latter two cases have the added advantage that I can poison both drinks so the hero can't [[Poisoned Chalice Switcheroo|switch them]].
** If more than two people are there, this rule applies to my minions too.
* Of course, if I have been reading this, I have taken precautions necessary to avoid having to use a [[One
* Before I turn myself to the Dark Side I will at least confirm that it does in fact have the overhelming power that it promises. If it turns out that with greater power comes a price that will leave me at a huge disadvantage, or that it it can not actually defeat Light at its purest, or that possessing it carries with it a croppling vulnerabity towards all things Good, then I will choose instead some other means to make my Reign of Evil a reality.
* Facing [[The Hero]] is of course preferable to avoid, but if am driven to do so, and if I/My [[Humongous Mecha]]/whatever I use to fight [[The Hero]] happens to be [[Made of Indestructium|almost invulnerable]], but possesses a [[Attack Its Weak Point|weakness]] [[Tactical Suicide Boss|only revealed when a particular attack is used]], it goes without saying this attack shall NOT be used (unless he somehow manages to attack through the armor anyways), even if I have to punch the sucker to death. This sounds pretty obvious, but you wouldn't believe how many [[Nigh Invulnerable]] [[Evil Overlord|Evil Overlords]] lose their lives because they decided to put their precious time before their safety and blast the hero down with their special attack, leaving themselves [[For Massive Damage|wide open]].
** It also goes without saying that I shall not stand inside a [[Boss Arena Idiocy|room full of deadly traps that can kill me]]. Even if I think they will kill the hero. I just WON'T. They WILL be turned against me instead, heroes know how to do that. There's cautious, and then there's [[What an Idiot!|bloody retarded.]] Mooks in my room (ones able to aim, obviously) is OK, in fact it's GOOD. [[Super Mario Bros|Standing on a bridge over lava with a button/axe to fling the whole thing down into the lava right behind me is NOT]].
*** If for any reason I actually do want to create such a room, I will start a rumor that it is my real hideout and have a copy/hologram/illusion of me standing on the bridge, so that when the hero goes ahead and steps on it, the whole thing collapses with him and falls into the lava, while I watch this through a security camera/crystal ball from a safe distance. And by safe, I mean a few dozen kilometers.
* I will always remember the motto: "[[There Is No Kill Like Overkill|Overkill is good]], overconfidence is not." If I kill a hero, I will not relax until I detonate his body to pieces, incinerate the bieces, fling the ashes into outer space (or better, into another dimension), and exorcise the site.
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* If possible, I will hire the [[Slender Man]] and [[Candle Ja]]... *herm* Mr Candle. {{color|white|Did somebody call my name? I'll be happy to work for you since I have become a Discredited Meme.}}
* My soldiers will immediately destroy any towers and church steeples they encounter, as these are great sniper-blinds.
* I will not torture or kill the Hero's [[True Companions]] in front of him. This limits the chance that his hidden powers, [[Deadly Upgrade]], or [[Super
* I will have a large group of highly-trained snipers guarding all sides of my fortress from any conceivable angle. One third of them will have [[Laser Sight|laser sights]]. The rest will have scopes.
* All powered armor, mechs, and battleships (both of the seafaring and spacegoing variety) will have point-defenses, even if such measures are [[Point Defenseless|largely worthless]]. Better safe than sorry. Besides, it's the thought that counts, and it will make them think twice about jumping onto the cockpit and firing their gun/ insanely overpowered bow at point-blank if an independantly-targetet minigun can saw them in half before they even land.
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* [[Care Bears|If I encounter a life-form able to naturally weaponize the greatest weakness of both myself and my minions]], I will ascertain if they intend to kill me or simply drive me off. If the former, I will have one captured and have my pet [[Mad Scientist|Mad Scientists]] tailor a plague to them. If the latter, so much the better, as I now have a way to build up an immunity, just pick on them every few days. However, if they act to impede me to a significant degree, and my sibling keeps dumping his/her incredibly loud and bitchy problem child on me, I will assume he/she's using me to permanently dispose of the kid and use it in a virgin-child sacrifice to call forth an entity (or entities) able to dispose of the first group of life-forms. If my sibling keeps his/her brat home, I will use [[You Have Failed Me|my most incompetent minion]].
* If there is a hero that has repeatedly foiled my plans in the past, and I have the resources for it, I will consider building a fake stronghold, whether this be an underground lair, floating fortress or orbital space station. I will make it seem as if this fake stronghold is actually the base of my operations, and put a few token guards outside for appearances sake. When the hero attacks the [[The Very Definitely Final Dungeon|"stronghold"]] in expectation of a [[Final Boss|climactic showdown]] with [[Big Bad|me]], they will instead find the place utterly deserted - save for the ton of explosives set to go off the moment they step inside.
* If I hear of a prophecy that says a certain person shall defeat me, I will NOT command my army to go out and kill every person that matches that description. I might end up missing one who'll get mad at my needless slaughtering and [[Nice Job Breaking It, Herod|come to defeat me]].
* Should I discover how and thus decide to split my soul, I will NOT keep the parts in [[Harry Potter|unique and glorious]] [[Soul Jar|items]]. Instead, I will use grains of sand in the Sahara and the Atlantic Ocean, and a small chunk of ice in the Arctic. And a screw on one of NASA's deep space probes.
** Or, if possible, the Earth itself. This would make me functionally immortal, and anyone attempting to kill me would have to destroy the Earth, thereby killing everyone on it, to do it- making me the lesser of two evils.
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** I WILL however employ such installations as long as they lead into unavoidable death traps.
** I will also avoid adding any area to my installations that cannot be accessed by my guards if needed.
* A valid alternative to the prior rule on prison keys is to place the Hero in a dungeon filled with loyal mooks disguised as horribly tortured and scarred prisoners. If we are operating on a tight budget, I will simply find very ugly townspeople (Preferably deaf too, Heroes always have a way of getting people to convert over...) who think the hero is a [[Complete Monster]] and give them a Savings Bond to be cashed in when I take over the world if they stay in a jail cell for a few hours. I will also be leaving the heroes' key and their keys within view of the hero. Odds are the Goody-Goody is going to try to free all of those poor souls, only to get shanked in the back the second he turns around. This WILL NOT work if we are dealing with a [[Blood Knight]], [[Anti
* If I realize I exist in a video game (particularly a JRPG). I will not:
** [[Final Fantasy I (Video Game)|exploit a stable time loop (Sooner or later, some jackass is gonna try wind up ending the thing).]]
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** Sorry to poke a hole in your plan, but what if he points out to said organizations that you are being descriminatory yourself?
** Scratch this, I will simply be an equal opportunity employer. As long as I have enough of the aforementioned categories in my army I can still play the civil rights card, but the hero will not be able to yell discrimination.
* When hiring new employees, I will tell them that their stealth ops uniform is [[Highly
* I will take a fairly neutral stance on [[Transhuman|Transhumanism]]. It will not be mandatory, nor will non-modified citizens be discriminated against. It will also not be illegal to undergo [[Cyborg|Cyborgization]] or [[Bio Augmentation]]. That way, I can tell if I'm in a [[No Transhumanism Allowed]] [[Author Tract]]; and [[A Worldwide Punomenon|adapt accordingly]].
* If I catch a case of the [[Idiot Ball]] and accept the hero's love interests' offer to become my consort, I shall never stop being suspicious of her, no matter how much time passes. Should she ever ask me the location of my [[Soul Jar]], source of power, or one weakness, I will lie. She should not be able to find out that I have pointed her to a fake easily, lest I lose her loyalty if she is loyal. However, if she attempts to destroy or steal the fake [[Soul Jar]] or source of power, it will instantly detonate, taking her down with it.
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* I will consider the pros and cons of sending a loved one into the field where dying is a possibility.
** The cons: [[Villainous BSOD]], either from depression or by going into a blind rage at an innoportune time, a single burst of anger can make every precaution on this list moot.
** The pros: [[The Power of Hate]] isn't something to be messed with, especially when I'm already strong. Shifting from a [[Complete Monster]] to a [[Tragic Monster]] [[Draco in Leather Pants|will make the fans lose sight]] [[Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds|of who the real bad guy is.]] As well, when the heroes find said former complete monster mourning over their loved one's corpse, they'll stop for a moment to consider the [[My God, What Have I Done?|true horror of what they've done]]...that's when I open the trap door to the spike pit.
* In inclusion to [[Evil Overlord List|not screaming about immortality]], I would do well to remember that in the grand scheme, there isn't such a thing as immortality, you can be invincible, you can be ageless, you can be both, but there will always be a way to shatter the magic and kill you, I will always keep this in mind no matter how assured my victory is.
** Before pursuing immortality, I will make sure it's by a means I can turn off when I've had enough. Ruling my empire for a thousand years would be awesome. Outliving the solar system and being stranded in a universe that will eventually succumb to heat death/proton decay/big crunch/big rip would decidedly ''not''.
* If I beat the heroes to any sort of [[McGuffin]] that doesn't involve my own plans, I'll destroy the thing on the spot, not throw it into my dungeon in an easily accessed spot, the only exception will be if destroying the artifact will remove my powers.
* I should note the heroes rarely if ever disrupt my plans [[You Can't Thwart Stage One|as soon as they're getting off the ground.]] If I delay my plans I can take my sweet time fortifying my fortess, training my legions of evil, [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|and kicking as many kittens as I want.]]
** Which reminds me of the opposite extreme, if the heroes are [[Take Your Time|wandering aimlessly]] or [[Sidetracked By the Gold Saucer|playing games at a carnival]], I shouldn't wait for them to come to me before executing the final stage of my plan, I should just do it while they act like they have all the time in the world.
* If [[The Power of Love]] is an actual, meta-physical phenomenon in my universe, I will have my mooks [[Unholy Matrimony|paired off]] and sent out as [[Battle Couple|Battle Couples]].
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*** In worlds with greater allowance for fantasy, I will create designs that are appropriate. Super robots will be made accordingly. I will also not deliberately make a [[Super Prototype]] mech or two and make the rest all comparatively worthless. Remember, super prototypes are always stolen by the enemy, or otherwise studied, copied, and then used against me.
*** In more realistic worlds, I will hold onto the same lessons. My designs will trend more towards [[Mini Mecha]] than [[Humongeous Mecha]]. They will also be meant for higher mobility and as such, wheels may be used.
* If possible and practical my one-winged angel will look like something that, instead of on the side of good or justice, harmless and rather relaxed but still retains all the power of the [[One
** It might also be useful to pretend that I don't have any memory of my former self in my One-Winged Angel. If I can pull it off convincingly enough, they might just believe that I might be good to have around them as one of their own allies and I could learn information or get close items that swiping would do my cause more good in the end.
*** Also, depending on circumstances, the heroes might not tell anybody about my true background for one reason or another, meaning that if I can play it off my memory loss well enough, Only the party of heroes will actually know of my background, and that would be a very good position to be in if I can find a way to get into contact with my empire without the heroes finding out.
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* Self-preservation will always come before the plan, if I fail and everything starts to come down around me, I ''will not'' let pride get the better of me and go down with the ship or commit suicide, I'll drop what I'm doing and escape immediately.
* I will never underestimate the advantages of good intel and high power sniper rifles. It may not be chivalrous or fair to shoot the hero in the back from miles away but I am more likely to succeed this way. If it does not work I will carry on trying at random intervals.
* As an addendum to the vampire list farther up, if I'm any sort of creature that procreates by a [[Viral Transformation]], I won't go changing people like mad just because I want the population up. They'll either; A). [[I Can Rule Alone|try to kill me if they embrace their nature so they can take my place.]] Or B). [[I Hate You, Vampire Dad|Loathe me for turning them against their will.]] In either case, if infecting for the sake of procreating is the only option instead of...other ways, I'll show extreme discretion, only change the willing, and/or wait until I'm significantly powerful enough to stave off any attempts on my life.
** I will also not sire any [[Dhampyr|half-breeds]] if procreation by reproduction is an option, I'll make my lover understand that having a half-breed son will end in my death and try to convince her to turn willingly.
* I'll keep in mind [[Guns Are Worthless|which side of the]] [[The Lethal Connotation of Guns and Others|gun usefulness spectrums]] the universe is on and train my minions accordingly.
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* If I am forced to have computers with password rather than the much more logical fingerprint/vocal interfaces, the passwords on all of them will be varying combinations of four regular words, as per XKCD. The passwords for these computers will be unique to all of my employees, and those who cannot remember their password will be restrained and examined by the best forensic investigators I can get (who will be provided with detailed descriptions of everyone who works with [[The Hero]]), before I will even consider reissuing a password. (If one of [[The Hero]]'s partners can shape-shift, passwords will not be reissued).
* I'll be on the look out for the [[Decoy Protagonist]], if someone threatening my regime goes down quickly enough that I say "That was too easy." I'm probably right. I'll immediately investigate the family ties related to the person I just killed and go over the rest of the list to pick out the one who will most likely grow to be the revenge-seeking hero and act accordingly.
* I'll also be on the lookout for the [[Supporting Protagonist]], if my spies reveal the leader of the [[Five
* Continuing from this one: "I will not offer a bounty for the hero's capture. Henchmen have a pesky tendency to fight each other over these rewards."
** If I must offer a bounty, I will spread it evenly among the henchman should one find him, as well as giving them a greater reward than a civilian. This has the added benefit of being a great campaign for henchmanship, increasing my evil army. Of course, these henchman will still be checked to ensure competence and allegiance.
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* I will allow free speech, religion, and buisness decisions in my empire. People may come and go as they please, and the people shall be treated the same. Taxation will also be done fairly, with each person who works having to give 10-30% percent of their paycheck to the empire. Public works and attractions shall be maintained every hour on the hour, and anyone may rise up to a position of power. Also, abusment of power shall be harshly judged, and anyone who was hurt shall be taken care of. All of this shall be done so as to quell down any thoughts of rebellion, and even keep people in. After all, better to live in an empire that takes care of you justly and fairly and treats you with respect, than live somewhere that doesn't.
* I will do my research and ensure that my opponent does not [[Warrior Cats|believe in an entity that grants him multiple lives]]. If so, I will find a way to get rid of his additional lives '''before''' facing him. After all, finding out only during a battle usually leads to [[Curb Stomp Battle|''unpleasant'' surprises]] and death.
* If I steal something of value from the hero, I won't [[Stolen Good, Returned Better|upgrade it for my own personal use]], eventually the hero will wind up taking it back, and not only will he have an upgraded item made with my resources, but if it's a technological item, he'll also have a feel for the specific designs of my army, giving him a crippling advantage and knowledge of any weak points.
* If I have the hero's group in a small prison. I will remember to order my guards that if a member of the group, particularly one who's of the "trying-to-be-funny" sort, trys to grab their attention with an sort of on-the-spot routine, he/she will be shot in the leg or ignored altogether (the same goes for a female seductress or anyone complaining of stomach cramps or snake bites). They should also remember not to allow any simple-minded creatures get close to anything that could probably release the heros.
* I will not [[Infant Immortality|kill infants]], especially that one prophesized to defeat me. Instead I will make that infant my immediate Heir Apparrent and have him guarded with my best solders. [[Self
** Nor will I ever force randomly selected teenagers to fight to the death as a national spectacle, [[Battle Royale|That never]] [[The Hunger Games|ends well]].
** Nor will viewing any national spectacle be compulsory.
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* If I have a monster or spell that can [[Taken for Granite|turn my enemies into stone]], I will not put all of [[Wax Museum Morgue|my statues on display]] [[The Chronicles of Narnia|in my lair where the heroes can bring them back to normal.]] I will either [[Literally Shattered Lives|destroy the statues so my victims are]] [[Deader Than Dead]], or sell them to art connoisseurs across the globe so I can make a profit out of my enemies' demise.
** If I sell them though, I'll cut the heads off, just in case the museum owner gets curious about if they're real under there or not.
** Failing that, I will hide the statue somewhere no one would ever think to look for it, or even learn it exists. The last thing I need is my [[Eviler Than Thou]] predecessor being released by some asstarded coincidence like [[My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (Animation)|kids arguing next to it]]. I turned him to stone for a reason.
** I will never admit to subjecting people to this fate if the victim remains conscious. [[And I Must Scream]] is rather high on the list of [[Moral Event Horizon]] violations.
* Although I will make [[Staying Alive|backup plans]] [[Back From the Dead|for my possible death]], this will '''not''' [[My Death Is Just the Beginning|design this part of the plan]] [[Thanatos Gambit|to be a core element.]]
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* If the hero tries to sway me to the side of good, rather than outright rejecting him or lying and telling him that I will henceforth be good, I will tell him something to the effect of "Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter." From here, this can go a few ways: either the hero will feel extremely awkward at the thought that he has no newsletter, distracting him long enough for me to do him in; he will present me with the newsletter and leave me be in order to read it; or he will feel awkward but not be distracted and go to make a newsletter for me to subscribe to. Either way, he's out of my hair for the time being.
* If I am forced to choose between Evil and Overlord, I will choose [[Heel Face Turn|Overlord]]. Sure, Evil ''qua'' Evil is nice and all, but it's power that pays the bills. Plus, when I eventually ''do'' [[Face Heel Turn|return to my Evil schemes]], I will most likely find it much easier, having built up a track record of Good and effective governance in the meantime.
* Before I place a curse on anyone, I will make sure it isn't broken by [[True
** And be prepared for the possibility that I just might have to kiss them.
* I will never [[Bad Is Good and Good Is Bad|outlaw smiling, hugs, flowers, or "being nice"]]. I might not like any of that stuff, but ruling a whole country of assholes and people forced to be assholes will just make everyone annoyed and miserable, cause rampant crime and vandalism, send my public relations into the toilet, and [[Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking|lower property values.]]
* I will take my cues from [[Canadian Politics|Stephen Harper]], not [[Entitled Bastard|Russell Hantz]].
* When it comes to promoting minions, I will follow a strict form of promotion granting. Those who kiss up all the time will not be promoted, as it only brings animosity to other troops. Butt kissing will only be used as a tie breaker if the butt kisser is as strong, intelligent, cunning, loyal and effective a leader as the other candidate.
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* I will wear bright colors where bright colors are the norm and darker colors where darker colors are the norm. When in Rome, do as the Romans do, right?
* If my plan is to conquer the world, I will ensure I have read Sun Tzu's the art of War before my military campaign.
* If I have a [[One
* After [[Dragonball|destroying the home planet of the only race that can possibly challenge me]], I will order the entire star system scanned for escape pods before doing anything else. I will also kill the only survivors instead of letting them work for me.
* If I manage to capture and mind control/brainwash one of the heroes, I will not send them back to their companions with instructions to lead them into a trap, or backstab them. Double-or-nothing is an elementary gambling mistake. Instead, I will seize the opportunity to do some permanent damage by ordering my new slave to turn around, then executing them.
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