All the Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows: Difference between revisions

** The room labeled "Harem" will be filled with [[Hot Amazon|Hot Amazons]] loyal to me. When the hero tries to free them in exchange for information about my weaknesses, they will misinform him and offer to lead him to my bed chamber. They will then lead him straight to the dungeon, lock the door, and attack him. The actual harem will be somewhere else.

** All the girls in the harem will be kept in separate rooms so that they cannot conspire against me. The rooms will be well furnished and have basic cable, so that they will be content.

** Or, maybe I'll treat the girls in my harem with proper respect. So that they have no reason to conspire against me. Also, for my own safety and sanity, I will remember what days they typically have their periods on, so that I can be on the other side of the planet while they are bitchy and hormonal. In addition, it may pay off well to shower them with gifts every once in a while. Equally, of course, as I don't want to seem like I'm playing favorites. I must also remember that [[Most Writers Are Male|no female can possibly resist chocolate.]]

** I will never make any comments that include the term PMS near a woman, or imply that there is a time when it is best to stay away from her, or that her current mood (any mood) might be due to this. I will ''not'' patronize her in any way, even if it is my suspicion. Such things ''makes'' them angry. They will remember that conversation. They will ''not'' let me live it down. If I slip, she should be [[Released to Elsewhere|discreetly removed]] from the harem before she has time to report this information.

** Or I will offer a raise for guards if they volunteer to become eunuchs (or for women whatever the female version is). Not only will it remove the want to chase tail but it also helps built muscle to kick tail instead. I will remember steers are stronger and bigger than bulls because "they focus on grass instead of ass".

** Alternately, I will ensure that my guards are provided with the opportunity to regularly visit brothels, or return home on leave to their significant others. After all, a sexually satisfied guard is less likely to fall for the hero(ine)'s charms.

* I will have the retinal scanner disguised as a finger-print scanner. If anyone puts, say, the severed hand of my head of security up against it, it will spectacularly explode.

* I will also have it set up so that, in case my top roboticist turns good or my head of security suddenly dies and I don't have time to change the locks, I can reprogram them on my own. Naturally, I will have some basic programs (servant, soldier, whatever) on disc and already ready to use, and learn to do the more complicated ones myself.

* This goes without saying, but all [[Omnicidal Maniac]] tendencies are right out. The goal is to conquer the world, not destroy it. As such, I will not ally myself nor employ people/entities with long-standing and great hate for all living things and mankind, as they will eventually becoming significant obstacles in ruling if they don't outright betray me. I will rid myself all these people if at all possible and, if necessary, I will ally myself with the resident hero and aid him in ridding of the menace. If I'm called out on my evil tendencies, I will try to convince him that [[Even Evil Has Standards|my goal is simply to conquer while the other guy's is outright mass murder]] (This will most likely work as a conqueror is definitely lower on the scale of evil than an [[Omnicidal Maniac]], provided I haven't crossed too many lines) I will also ''not'' [[You Have Outlived Your Usefulness|try to remove the hero once the job is done]], as they're aid may be needed again in ridding other threats like this and [[Villain With Good Publicity|it's bad for my image when employing people]]. If I'm truly lucky, the hero would need to use a [[Heroic Sacrifice]] to make sure the maniac is [[Killed Off for Real]]. If that's the case, I will publicly mourn his death as an ally for my cause, which will serve as good PR.

* I will use heroes by informing and directing them to my enemies that are more (overtly) evil than I am. Heroes tend to ignore lesser evils when a much larger one looms over them.

** Exceptions will be made if there is a brief lull in the fighting and I have something relevant to say. For the record: nihilism, ranting, or name-calling are ''not'' relevant; the people the hero killed to get to this point, the high quality of life in my subjects, and the contradictions in his life philosophy ''are''.

** [[Calling Your Attacks]] is an exception if it doesn't interfere with the attack timing and makes them stronger, allows them to do be manipulated, and/or is generally just fun or reliving to say (Compassionate face breaking fist). However, if the bonus isn't worth it then I will remain silent during battle. If one must call out attacks to do them then it goes without saying that I will learn how to get over this or do it. I wouldn't want somebody to have an edge over me just because they are more vocal.

** [[The Thirty Six Strategems]] are also needed.

*** But they should have plenty of field experience. Ruperts that learned all they know from books tend to think everything goes exactly as planned.

** If the hero insists on knowing, one of my officers will explain in as much detail as the hero wants, [[Karmic Death|omitting or outright falsifying any parts that could be reenacted wherever I'm fighting the hero]].

* None of my officers will be professional [[Tennis Boss|tennis-players.]]

* Rather than automatically ordering the death of someone I believe is about to reveal my dark secret, I will first consider the relative PR ratings of myself and the source, as well as the level of deniability I have. If the revelation will only be believed by crazy conspiracy theorists, it would probably actually work to my advantage. However, if the person planning to do this is the hero, I will have them killed immediately, as they will inevitably get their hands on the evidence at some point.

* For similar reasons, if practical I will actively try to make myself one of the stock villains of crazy conspiracy theorists. Somebody planning to control the world will find that the perfect hiding place is within the freemasons or Catholic church.

* If the hero steals "my thing" and starts to go [[One-Winged Angel]], or starts rambling on, I will ignore the "[[Transformation Is a Free Action|Transformation]]/TalkingIsAFreeAction" thing and shoot him while he's quite probably incredibly vulnerable.

* I will never kidnap, torture, imprison, or otherwise harm the loved ones of [[Bond Villain Stupidity|a hero I underestimate and leave the hero free]]. They will invariably turn out to be surprisingly [[Let's Get Dangerous|dangerous]], [[Determinator|Fanatically]] [[Undying Loyalty|loyal]] and possessed of a remarkable ability to find [[The Power of Friendship|allies]], and I will be setting myself up to receive a [[Roaring Rampage of Revenge]]. No matter how much I underestimate the hero I will [[Just Shoot Him|kill him first]], then kill all his relations right afterwards, just in case he is the wrong hero.

* If I am the Villain in a [[Porn With Plot]], I will not be one of those idiots who screws 24 /7. The body has enough blood to fuel the brains or the nether regions, not both.

** I will also never expect someone to sleep with me, or so much as [[Lap Pillow|rest their head in my lap]], to prove their loyalty.

*** However, if this is a [[Safe, Sane, and Consensual]] [[Author Tract]] where the villain is expected to have boring sex, I'll nail whoever I want however I want (''if'' my partner/s agrees to it and is at least 18, of course).

** No using genetic engineering for said creepy fetishes. If I've got to go through such waste for sex toys, I should step down.

*** Before I do this, however, I will do detailed research on the burial customs and death rituals of my new slave race, and avoid violating them horribly. I will also be careful to avoid abusing them or making it obvious that they are my slaves. While quashing their rebellion would, obviously, be only a matter of witholding the medication for 48 hours, there's no point in giving the heroes the opporunity to cause havoc in my empire.

* I will pretend to care for my minions to keep morale up, but in actuality I will be sure that I do not, in any way, care about them. That way, I won't [[Villainous Breakdown|go crazy]] should they [[Heel Face Turn|turn against me]]. I'm looking at you, [[Avatar: The Last Airbender|Azula]].

** If said shared consciousness extends to the [[Avatar|''entire damn planet'']], [[Hive Mind|includes the resistance's minds]], and/or is otherwise impossible/impractical/dangerous to trick, I will reverse my environmentally-unsound practices and declare the place a national park. It's [[Slave to PR|good for PR]], and a shared consciousness could be a valuable ally.

* If I'm not already batshit, I will at least pretend to be [[Insanity Defense|so I can plead insanity at my trial.]]

** This also applies to my fortress.

* Repeat after me: I will not [[Shoot the Messenger]]. I will not shoot the messenger. I will not shoot the messenger. No matter how bad the news they have brought me is. While this is an excellent way to enforce my evil credentials, it creates several practical problems. For example, if I kill everyone who brings me bad news such as "the Hero has stolen the [[MacGuffin]]", then they will waste valuable response time arguing over who has to tell me. And as I need to hear things like that promptly so I can launch missions to get the Mac Guffin back with speed, or react to any bad news given with similar alacrity, I will be pleasantly apathetic to any messenger, no matter what news they bring. That way, no one will care whether they get messenger duty or not. However, it will be made clear that every messenger must move as fast as they can on pain of severe punishment (or permanent desk duty, whichever they think is worse).

** What do you mean "no evil laughing"? Why else does an evil overlord commit atrocities if not [[For the Lulz]]? If I must laugh, I will be sure the doors are locked and I am in absolute private.

** Excuse me, I shall clarify. I shall do no evil laughing in a situation where some [[Woman Scorned|pissed off heroine]] whose leaning on the fence on whether I need to be shot [[Heroic Resolve|gets the resolve to do the deed]] while I'm [[Kick the Dog|laughing in her face.]] An [[Evil Laugh]] is perfectly fine as long as I have (A) suckered her into believing me and I'm later by myself or (B) after I shot her and I'm positive that she's dead. Then, I'll laugh all I want.

* If [[The Power of Love]] is an actual, meta-physical phenomenon in my universe, I will have my mooks [[Unholy Matrimony|paired off]] and sent out as [[Battle Couple|Battle Couples]].

* Before I start conquering the world, I shall watch ''[[The Simpsons]]'' episode "You Only Move Twice". Hank Scorpio may seem like a stereotypical Bond villain, but he knows how to treat his <s>minions</s> employees and so should I.

** These weapons will have the safeties described above, and will also use different ammunition than their identical counterparts, and will only externally resemble them - for instance, it looks like an M14 Carbine with a STANAG magazine, but the inside is a totally different recoil/gas combination operation and it does not fire 5.56x45mm NATO, but some specialized round only my troops use and has penetration more akin to the 5.45x39mm used by the Soviets, if not 5.45mm itself. Sure, it's common, but producing my own ammo comes with a downside: I can't use everyone else's bullets.

* The corridor leading to my [[Artifact of Doom]] will be full of highly visible, sweeping laser beams that, using a [[Monsters vs. Aliens|complex pattern of dance moves]], can be avoided. Breaking any of these beams will not trigger any alarm though. Their only purpose will be to distract intruders from the grid of invisible laser beams, placed one centimeter from one another, as well as the sound, heat and motion detectors.

** My mecha designs will vary based on the nature of the world.

*** In worlds with greater allowance for fantasy, I will create designs that are appropriate. Super robots will be made accordingly. I will also not deliberately make a [[Super Prototype]] mech or two and make the rest all comparatively worthless. Remember, super prototypes are always stolen by the enemy, or otherwise studied, copied, and then used against me.

* If possible and practical my one-winged angel will look like something that, instead of on the side of good or justice, harmless and rather relaxed but still retains all the power of the [[One-Winged Angel]]. If I turn into the general red-skinned devil, that is generally a red alert that I am evil, and if I turn into an angel then while I might deal a good deal of confusion on your enemy, I am still identifying myself as one who wishes to and has the power to harm or hinder to the hero. If I turn into, say, an anthropomorphic garden frog and then act laid back when confronting the hero in my new form, they will probably be confused at that moment allows me to unleash an attack that can severely cripple them. Not only that, but overall it's harder to take seriously when you are facing something that looks more goofy than what you would normally expect to see as a final form.

** It might also be useful to pretend that I don't have any memory of my former self in my One-Winged Angel. If I can pull it off convincingly enough, they might just believe that I might be good to have around them as one of their own allies and I could learn information or get close items that swiping would do my cause more good in the end.

[[Category:Just for Fun]]

[[Category:TV Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows]]