Asbestos-Free Cereal: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

 

To protect us all from lies and fraud, the government makes sure that everyone only tells the truth in their advertisements—in the most literal, mundane sense of "truth". However, that doesn't stop advertisers from trumping up neutral, insignificant or even negative aspects of their products as though they were positive, by using phrases like "real", "100%", "free from" and "pure". The things these ads say are ''true'', but not necessarily good things. It works because the standards for those products are esoteric or obscure: if you hear it repeated often enough, you'll assume it actually is a good thing because you don't know any better.

* "Real American cheese" typically doesn't mean a single kind of American-sourced cheese, like Cheddar, Colby or Gouda, but what the USDA refers to as ''processed cheese'', which is actually cheese ''sauce'' (the details of which are covered over in the Velveeta entry in [[Lite Creme]]) that's been colored with annatto to look like Cheddar. It's not all that bad; it at least ''tastes'' like cheese most of the time. The implication, however, is that there's worse, and there is. "Imitation" cheese, which is made from whey, oil and water like margarine, is even cheaper and tastes like plastic.

* McDonald's emphasizes its "hand-picked Arabica coffee beans" in its McCafe advertisements. Arabica is usually considered a better product than robusta, but whether "hand-picked" matters is a difference of opinion. And most coffee beans are Arabica, anyway.

** This stems from a price war in the 60s and 70s that, among other things, had companies moving to using only cheaper, harsher tasting Robusta beans. The practice had nearly killed the coffee market by the early 1980s.

** On top of all these points, the phrase "hand-picked" in reference to coffee is needlessly redundant. Coffee is not a very cooperative plant and the fruit on a given tree does not ripen all at the same time, so ''all'' coffee is hand-picked otherwise half the crop would be wasted.

* 7Up once advertised "5 all-natural ingredients" for about a month. These five natural ingredients included High Fructose Corn Syrup and Natural Flavors.

* "100% Pure Olive Oil." Nowadays all olive oil is 100% pure—if it weren't, it would have to be marketed as "vegetable oil," and no sane manufacturer would waste expensive olive oil on that. However, before 1994 it was perfectly acceptable to blend up to 10% unrefined ''peanut oil'' - and unrefined peanut oil is chock full of peanut protein—into American olive oil. Four deaths in one year caused the law to be changed.

* Any "whole wheat" or "whole grain" bread that is actually mostly white flour.

** One problem is that in some parts of the US, the word "wheat" is (confusingly and inaccurately) used to mean "whole wheat". The manufacturer can claim that he used the phrase "wheat bread" to differentiate its product from (for example) rice bread, and in most of the country that would be reasonable.

 

=== Free, Clear and Hypo-Allergenic ===

* Any plant product can be labelled "cholesterol free," since cholesterol only comes from animal products. That doesn't stop sellers from pretending like it differentiates them from their competitors.

* This is pretty common in the food industry, and is sometimes allergy information as much as it is an advertisement. This kind of 'advertisement' usually shows up to cover one's ass if traces of other foods end up in the product after they leave the factory and prevent [[Frivolous Lawsuit|lawsuits]]. Doesn't explain some of these, however:

** Similarly, there's at least one type of white cooking wine that advertises itself as "Gluten free" but [[Fridge Logic]] kicks in when you realize that wine is made out of grapes, so there is never gluten in it. Even rice wine, which is made of "glutinous rice" is gluten free, due to an odd language quirk.<ref>"glutinous" just means "sticky" and is related to the word "glue", and that happens to ''also'' be the root of the word "gluten", otherwise the two are unrelated</ref>

** Another joiner on this particular bandwagon is Santa Cruz Organic Peanut Butter, which is 100% made from peanuts and has the label highlighting that it is "gluten free". Even brands of peanut butter that aren't 100% peanuts generally don't use gluten-containing products.

*** While there is certainly an opportunistic advertising element to all of these examples, it's also a bit Truth In Television. To legally declare a product "gluten free" you have to do gluten testing, maintain separate production facilities, etc. Gluten contamination can occur before the product even exists - e.g., oats growing in a field where wheat was once planted.

* "No trans fats" is an easy bandwagon to jump on, since trans fats are artificially created. Plenty of things get marked with this that wouldn't get trans fats put in them anyways, like fruit smoothies.

* Similarly, "no carbs", though "carbs" are naturally created. Still, you wouldn't expect a whole lot of carbs in your beef jerky...

* The anti-GMO movement is so popular now that some manufacturers put non-GM labels even on salt. It is impossible to genetically modify salt because it doesn't have any genes since it is not an organism.

** [http://www.maxblogs.ru/images/571.jpg Water]. [http://www.maxblogs.ru/images/573.jpg Baking soda].

* A frequently used version of this on instant soups and similar products in Germany is to label them as "with no added flavour enhancers". While that is technically true, most of these products contain yeast extract, which happens to be rich in monosodium glutamate, a flavour enhancer.

* Frozen chicken products, such as nuggets, strips, etc., often proudly proclaim on the packaging that the chicken is "100% hormone-free!" The astute consumer will note the tiny disclaimer on the side of the package stating that FDA regulations prohibit hormones from being used in chicken.

** At least eggs and milk are kinda good for you. But nutella's main sales-argument is also 'gives you energy', Yeah, refined sugar tends to do that. Sugar is also the main ingredient in 'energy-drinks', with the caffeine and taurine more of an afterthought.

* Bell Canada advertises their high-speed Internet as "perfect for laptops". Well, it really doesn't matter what form of computer you're using, but sometimes an included Wi-Fi router does come in handy.

* Many [[Role-Playing Game]]s (especially in the 16-bit era) had advertisements or box blurbs boasting "Over XX hours of gameplay!" Depending on the game, [[Fake Longevity|a good number of these "XX hours"]] would unfortunately be devoted to [[Level Grinding]].

** ''[[Tales of Symphonia]]'' did one better: They advertised "over 80 hours of gameplay". Actual time to the completion of the storyline, with obnoxious [[Level Grinding]] and dubious [[Sidequest|Side Quests]]: around 40 hours. But they've got a [[New Game+]] feature, so that's forty hours, ''twice'', which is ''totally'' the same thing as eighty hours!

* In 2011, the Belgian cable company Telenet has been advertising its internet via the cable as "[[Unit Confusion|Surf at the speed of light]]!" Virtually all internet traffic uses fibre-optic connection at some point in the process, which moves at the speed of light. The only thing that improves download speeds is ''how many'' signals can be sent at the same time over the same connection.

* Brompton's bicycles claim to have over X amount of specialized parts on every bicycle (usually in the triple digits). Brompton also patented each part in a way that no other company can make parts that will fit on a Brompton. What this means is that Brompton has a monopoly on its parts. If your Brompton needs even the slightest bit of maintenance or repair, be prepared to pay through the nose because Brompton can charge any price it wants. (By contrast, there is a standard on most bicycle parts that frequently need repair, such as brakes and inner tubes, that nearly all other bicycle manufacturers follow, including those of higher quality than Brompton's.)

 

== [[Lampshade Hanging]]s and [[Parodies]] ==

 

=== Live-Action TV ===

* An example of the harmful variation from ''[[The Sarah Jane Adventures]]'': "BubbleShock! Contains [[Names to Run Away From Really Fast|Bane]]!"

* ''[[The Opposition with Jordan Klepper]]'' [https://youtu.be/L3gXRE6aFJ8?t=2m38s doesn't hurt cats].

 

=== Newspaper Comics ===

* One ''[[Calvin and Hobbes]]'' strip had Calvin come up with an idea for selling "Calvin's Curative Elizir". When Hobbes pointed out that it was drainage water with leaves in it, he described it as "Fortified With Chlorophyll".

 

=== Radio ===

* ''[[A Prairie Home Companion]]'' has segments "sponsored" by "Old Folks at Home Cottage Cheese", which is the ''only'' brand of cottage cheese which promises ''right on the label'' that it contains no arsenic. We're not saying other cottage cheeses do, but isn't it suspicious that they've never come out and ''said'' so?

 

=== Urban Legends ===

** This story is also told about canned salmon. In this (somewhat more likely) version of the tale, the salmon in question was simply a different variety whose flesh was paler, and the advertising campaign was meant to quell consumer fears that something was wrong with the white salmon.

** There's a third version of this story out there in which the white salmon is advertised as a rare delicacy with a price to match, even though there's no difference in flavor or quality between it and regular salmon.

 

=== Video Games ===

* One of the games in ''[[Rhythm Heaven]] Fever'', "Packing Pests", has the player working at the "Spider-Free Candy Company".

 

 

=== Web Comics ===

* [http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=974#comic This] ''[[Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]]'' comic.

 

 

{{reflist}}

[[Category:Weasel Words]]

[[Category:Advertising Tropes]]