Back-Alley Doctor: Difference between revisions

The [['''Back -Alley Doctor]]''' typically operates in a dimly lit, grungy, back-alley office, complete with nightmarish surgical tools which may or may not have been recently cleaned. Sterilization is optional, often involving cigarette lighters, hot plates, or that bottle of whiskey he's been [[Quick Nip|sipping on]] all day. The whiskey is likely to double as a pain-killer and is safer than any pills he may have on hand.

He's often the only medical recourse available to criminals, who may make up his entire clientele, due to legitimate doctors having to report gunshot wounds and other wounds inflicted by violence to the police. A [['''Back -Alley Doctor]]''' funded by organized crime might have as good or better equipment and practices than a legit doctor.

On the other hand, he may feature in [[Dystopia]] where he fell afoul of the [[Obstructive Bureaucrat]] at best. His poverty may be the only problem in getting the best in medical treatment -- welltreatment—well, that and the danger of getting busted. Where abortion is illegal, women may turn to this doctor unless they are [[Screw the Rules, I Have Money|incredibly wealthy]], though [[Rule of Cautious Editing Judgement|statistics show this was not the norm]].

If more skilled, the [['''Back -Alley Doctor]]''' may provide plastic surgery as a means to hide the character's identity.

Finally, such a doctor is a staple figure in [[Cyberpunk]] or other [[Used Future]] settings. He's the one various shady characters or protagonists on the run visit when they have to install or repair [[Cyborg|various implants]], often stolen or illegal, or remove [[Cybernetics Eat Your Soul|all manners of junk living in a futuristic dystopia tends to leave in one's body]], such as [[Power Limiter|inhibitors]], [[Morality Chip|loyalty enforcement implants]], [[Tracking Device|tracking devices]] or even [[Why Am I Ticking?|built in]] [[Explosive Leash]]. May also dabble in unlocking [[Neuro Vault|Neuro Vaults]]s.

Undoubtedly [[Truth in Television]].

* ''[[Black Jack (Manga)|Black Jack]]'' isn't licensed and he's mercenary as hell, but he's also scarily good at his job, in contrast to most examples of the trope who are generally various levels of incompetent.

** And while he ''can'' operate in a dingy back alley or an unsterile van, [[Cool House|he prefers not to]].

* Dr. Tenma of ''[[Monster (Animemanga)|Monster]]'' comes across a teenage girl serving as one of these for a poor community of Asian immigrants who would otherwise be unable to afford medical care.

* In one manga which involved a [[McNinja|wandering freelance doctor]] a la ''[[Black Jack (Manga)|Black Jack]]'', an [[A -Cup Angst|insecure teen girl]] goes to a back alley surgeon for breast augmentation. He actually does it competently, but the implants are so cheap and faulty they start leaking, making her sick. In the end, her insecurities and desperation to look "big" lead her to keep the implants anyway, despite the [[Crazy Awesome|mercenary surgeon]] pointing out she'll probably die from complications soon.

* Shinra Kishitani from ''[[Durarara!!]]''. He ''is'' a competent surgeon, though, and wouldn't have any problem getting a license (aside from his [[Improbable Age]], that is), if he ever cared to. Of course, being raised by his father, Shingen, the show's resident [[Mad Doctor]], left him with [[Bunny Ears Lawyer|more than just]] [[Cloudcuckoolander|a couple]] [[Nightmare Fetishist|of loose screws]], so he never bothered. He also seems to make a decent buck on his occupation too, as evident from the posh apartment<ref>The rents in Tokyo are astronomical. The kind of apartment they live in can easily cost $5000 a month in rent only in Ikebukuro.</ref> where he lives with <s>[[Running Gag|his future wife-]]</s> [[She Is Not My Girlfriend|not-girlfriend]] Celty Sturluson, and them never lacking anything. Apparently, as Ikebukuro is a somewhat upscale district, even Back Alley Doctors charge a pretty penny there. Being the local medic for gangs apparently pays a lot.

* In ''[[Heat Guy J]]'', there is an illegal doctor known as "Sensei," who wears a shirt with a skull-and-crossbones on it. He's a [[Jerk Withwith a Heart of Gold]] who's always willing to help [[The Hero|Daisuke]] and adopted a little girl he found and trained her as a nurse. For a [[Back -Alley Doctor]] with a rather gruff disposition (and an implied drinking problem), he is [[Bunny Ears Lawyer|good at what he does]], as competent as an actual licensed doctor.

* Doctor Hiriluk from ''[[One Piece (Manga)|One Piece]]'' was a heroic example who was hampered by the fact that he knew nothing of actual medicine and developed "cures" that only made the victims worse.

** The "Welcome Back Frank" arc has Frank get one of these not only to treat his own wounds, but also to help an innocent friend who got caught up in his work.

* The [[Marvel Universe]] has the Night Nurse, who is technically a licensed physician (not a nurse, despite the name). However, she operates under this trope to provide confidential care to the city's costumed vigilantes, and maintains her own secret identity in regards to her name and her qualifications.

* In the 1989 ''[[Batman (Filmfilm)|Batman]]'' movie, the man who will become the Joker visits one of these in an attempt to get his face restructured after a particuarly nasty encounter with Batman. The surgeon lacked decent tools and his skills were left in question. Ultimately the gangster's face was transformed into a horrid [[Slasher Smile]]. Upon seeing his deformed and horrible discolored face, the newly-born Joker [[Driven to Madness|bursts into hysterical laughter]].

* In ''[[Minority Report]]'', Tom Cruise's character John Anderton gets his eyes changed by a back alley doctor in a disgusting apartment. For added horror, the doctor is a former plastic surgeon who was arrested by Anderton some years ago for setting his own patients on fire -- justfire—just so he could demonstrate his skills.

* ''[[The Stepfather|The Stepfather III]]'' has the killer going to a back alley plastic surgeon, who he has alter his appearance (Terry O'Quinn, who played the stepfather in the first two movies, was replaced by a new guy, necessitating an [[The Nth Doctor|explanation]] for his different appearance). The scene is particularly [[Squick|Squicky]]y, due to the director using footage of ''actual plastic surgery'' for it.

* ''[[Crank (Film)|Crank]]'': Dwight Yoakum's character. In the second movie he mentions losing his license in association with his ex-wife's botched vaginal rejuvenation surgery.

* ''[[Just Go Withwith It]]'': One of Danny's patients comes to him to get corrected after seeing one of these for plastic surgery.

* ''[[Discworld (Literature)|Discworld]]''

** Dr. "Mossy" Lawn of Ankh-Morpork is a subversion; he has the normal office location, tools, and clientele as a normal [[Back -Alley Doctor]], but his patients have a much higher survival rate than those of the city's more respectable doctors. He does eventually get an actual hospital to work in. He gains an actual hospital when {{spoiler|the richest man in Ankh-Morpork, His Grace, The Duke of Ankh, Samuel Vimes, begs him to save his wife and unborn child. As reward he gives him one hundred thousand A-M dollars, which would be equivalent to perhaps 50 million US dollars, and he uses the money to build a hospital for the poor. Vimes knew from being a cop that he was better than so called "respectable" doctors}}.

** Dr James Folsom (aka 'Doughnut Jimmy'), also of [[Discworld (Literature)|Ankh-Morpork]] ... actually a racehorse vet, but performing medicine on humans as well. He is trusted more by various humans because letting a horse die gets much worse punishment (underworld crime) then letting a human die.

** And yet later, [[The Igor|Igors]] of Discworld (there are many) become trusted doctors, working out of anywhere. They tend to have rather obvious stitches and different views on the ethics of organ donation than others, but are just so good at the job that this doesn't matter.

* ''Matthew Bartholemew'' novels: Inverted by Robin of Granchester -- actuallyGranchester—actually Cambridge's only licensed barber-surgeon, but so filthy and incompetent (even by medieval standards) that people avoid him wherever possible.

* Invoked in [[Dan Abnett]]'s ''[[Warhammer 4000040,000]]'' novel ''[[Ravenor]] Returns''. They need a medicae and [[Street Urchin|Zael]] finds them Belknap. Patience objects when she learns he lost his license for malpractice, but at Zael's insistance, [[The Medic|Belknap]] reveals that it was fraud, [[Incorruptible Pure Pureness|to try to get supplies to treat such patients as children without registered parents]]. (The secret part he carries out very well, though.)

* ''[[Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?]]'': The American government makes it illegal to get medical care without first being sterilized (no children). Many doctors (and fake doctors) moonlight to give people care in protest to the law.

* [[Larry Niven]]'s setting of Known Space has these as a major plot component. In the sci-fi future, humans can live practically forever as long as there's a steady supply of compatible organ transplants. The legitimate clinics never have enough donors to meet demand, so "Organleggers" set up back-alley surgical suites, where they can fix you up with the organs of some civilian they snatch off the street. Fortunately, this problem abruptly ceases when [[Ancient Astronauts]] come and instigate a large conspiracy for the protection of Mankind which, among other things, improves medical technology to the point that organ transplants are obsolete. After ''Protector'', back alley doctors are pretty much obsolete, along with most other societal ills.

* Stephenie Meyer's ''[[The Host (Literaturenovel)|The Host]]''. Doc, like every other person who's still human, lives in a cave and drinks too much. But he's the only doctor who isn't a body-snatching alien.

* In [[Dan Abnett]]'s [[GauntsGaunt's Ghosts]] novel ''Blood Pact'', Kolding gets forced into this role. Gaunt and Maggs have to find an out-of-the-way doctor, and he's there. They are less than pleased when they learn his work, for many years, has been only autopsies, but he's their only chance.

** ''The Abortion'' was written pre Roe v. Wade, so this might be something of an aversion.

* On ''[[American Dreams (TV)|American Dreams]]'', one of Helen's classmates gets an abortion from a guy who works out of a hotel room. Nothing happens to her beyond missing some classes and feeling sick for a few days.

* ''[[Firefly (TV)|Firefly]]'': Simon Tam is a little like this as he is surviving by servicing smugglers. In his case he is of course a first class surgeon and simply happens to be there because of difficulties with [[The Government]].

* The ''[[Cold Case (TV)|Cold Case]]'' episode ''Volunteers''. A friend of the female vic is infertile as a result of a back alley abortionist (Abortion was illegal in the 60's), so she and the male vic decide to volunteer in an underground service that helps women get safe abortions by a caring, legal doctor in a clean atmosphere.

* ''[[Star Trek Deep Space Nine (TV)|Star Trek: Deep Space Nine]]'' reveals that back alley doctors still exist in [[Star Trek (Franchise)|Star Trek]] society. At least some of them are engaged in [[Bio Augmentation]] (which is banned in Federation), often with [[Gone Horribly Wrong|very bad]] results.

* In one episode of ''[[NYPD Blue]]'', the murder victim was a [[Back -Alley Doctor]]. He was killed by a disgruntled patient over a [[Shout -Out|badly botched]] [[Hedwig and The Angry Inch|sexual reassignment surgery.]]

* ''[[30 Rock (TV)|Thirty Rock]]'': "Dr." Spaceman is a bad enough doctor that he is legally required to put quotation marks around his "doctor" title.

* ''[[Babylon 5 (TV)|Babylon 5]]'' features a couple operating in [[The City Narrows|Downbelow]] from time to time. Even Dr. Franklin, the station's chief medical officer, runs a small clinic down there.

* [["Weird Al" Yankovic (Music)|Weird Al Yankovic]]'s parody of ''Like a Virgin'' - ''[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFkgbK7VTmY Like a Surgeon]'' - has one of these. Agreed, he graduated from the med school, but he was last of (his) class / barely passed.

{{quote| "It's a fact - I'm a quack <br />

The disgrace of the A.M.A. <br />

'Cause my patients die, <br />

* ''[[Shadowrun (Tabletop Game)|Shadowrun]]'' has street docs which appear to mostly be a subversion. Not only are they good enough to heal you but you can find ones that are good enough to modify you including ''adding on to your brain to boost intellect''. However, the number one thing needed from these guys is loyalty so they don't decide to kill you/steal your organs and cyberware/turn you in for the sizable bounty/all of the above in any given order. Some of the Shadowrun sourcebooks make things a little more realistic and complex; there are good street docs and very very bad ones.<br /><br />An amusing yet disturbing anecdote in 4e's ''Corporate Enclaves'' supplement concerns a group of street docs so sloppy that they didn't even bother to clean their bone drill while installing a datajack. Which means, they did ''brain surgery'' with ''unsterilized instruments''. Their hapless customer staggered into another street doc's office a day later with a "106-degree fever". As commented upon by another NPC, herself a street doc known for not quite being the Mayo clinic:

{{quote| '''Butch:''' Compared to these ham-fisted goons I am a fucking goddess.}}

* ''[[Rifts]]'' features "body chop-shops" and mentions the possibility of characters being given [[Arm Cannon|Arm Cannons]]s rather than proper cyborg hands. This is mostly a bad thing. There's actually a character type modeled after this trope, the Body Fixer.

* Alluded to in ''[[A Raisin in Thethe Sun]]''. When Ruth Younger slips that "*she* said everything's going to be fine" following a supposed visit to the doctor regarding her pregnancy, her mother-in-law Lena instantly realizes she has instead consulted the local abortionist (the family is poor and cannot afford another baby), although she ultimately does not go through with the procedure.

** ''[[Grand Theft Auto IV]]'': Roman suffers a non-lethal shot and goes to one of these. He tells Niko the doctor was even more filthy than the basement where he got shot.<br /><br />A later mission tasks you with driving two murdered corpses to one of these so they can be "fixed up" to be made to look like they have died of natural causes as well as have their organs removed to be sold in the black market.

* ''[[Fallout (Video Game)|Fallout]]'' series

** The Doctor in the Vault City courtyard in ''[[Fallout 2 (Video Game)|Fallout 2]]'' probably fits a lot of this trope as well. Then again, he never does the procedure himself, but leaves the job to his slightly malfunctioning Auto-Doc.

** ''[[Fallout 3 (Video Game)|Fallout 3]]'': Wasteland doctors. Even the 'official' doctors are slightly suspect, one being twelve, another a former raider and one working for slavers.

** In ''[[Fallout: New Vegas]]'', Ada Straus, the doctor in Novac says things like "Did I leave outside overnight, again? I'll uh, give you a free tetanus shot," and "What are the chances I'll botch the same procedure twice in one day?" when she operates on you.

{{quote| '''Straus's bodyguard''': ''Between you and me, I don't think she studied at an accredited institution.''}}

{{quote| '''Ada Straus''': "Are you sure? You won't be able to read in the dark anymore."}}

* In ''[[Kingdom of Loathing (Video Game)|Kingdom of Loathing]]'', you can get a sex change operation in The Sleazy Back Alley. If you do it thirty times [[New Game Plus+|through your many lives]], you get a [[Cosmetic Award]].

* Pal Meraktis in ''[[Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney|Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney]]''. [[Meaningful Name|Do a little shuffle]], and a little Malpractice falls right out.

{{quote| "''I know Dhagon personally. He's one of the worst doctors I've ever heard of. But I can't see him deliberately killing someone.''"}}

* The ''[[Jagged Alliance]]'' series of mercenary roleplaying games include a variety of this type of characters, who can be hired to patch up bullet-riddled mercs. They usually do the job at least decently, unless you make the mistake of hiring "Dr." Raffito "Raffi" Leewon... <br /><br />It's kind of hard to be 'fooled' by his credentials, given that his profile lists his Medical Skill (2 or 3 out of a possible 100) and even his Dexterity. (Which affects all skills is somewhere in the 10s or 20s... out of 100) On the other hand, the profile doesn't mention how skilled he is with a knife...

* In ''[[The Godfather (Videovideo Gamegame)|The Godfather]]: The Game'', when you get killed you usually respawn in these folks' clinics. While the sound bites clearly show that they are meant to be these, mentioning how they're not qualified and asking not to be reported, the fact that some operate street-side clinics dents the portrayal somewhat.

* ''[[Shenmue|Shenmue II]]'' has many back-alley doctors and dentists in the [http://en.[wikipedia.org/wiki/Kowloon_Walled_City:Kowloon Walled City|Kowloon Walled City]], which was [[Truth in Television|Truth In Video Games]] because a quirk of political status meant that there was basically no government there.

* ''[[Team Fortress 2 (Video Game)|Team Fortress 2]]'': The Medic, having lost his license [[Noodle Incident|in an incident involving a patient's skeleton going missing]], counts as one of these crossed with a [[Mad Scientist]].

* ''[[Awkward Zombie]]'': Dr. [[Mario]], according to [http://www.awkwardzombie.com/comic1-071408.php this] strip.

{{quote| '''Zexion''': ...Whatever. Just place him in the operating room.<br />

[[[Beat Panel]]]<br />

* Miki from ''[[FreakangelsFreak Angels]]'' isn't so much a back-alley doctor as a doctor with no degree, license, new equipment or electricity, and no civilization around to give her any of them. Her psychic powers letting her act as a human MRI help a great deal.

* ''[[Hanna Is Not a Boys Name|Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name]]'' gives us this in the person of the [[Sarcasm Mode|charming and only slightly seedy]] [[Dr. Jerk|Doc Worth]]. In Hanna's own words, "Ok, well. He's not really ''technically'' a doctor. He's actually a dropout. Aannnd he's not certified or anything. But he's not too bad! heh."

* In ''[[Homestuck (Webcomic)|Homestuck]]'', [[Wheelchair Woobie]] Tavros gets a new set of robot legs to use...but Kanaya has to remove his old ones first. With <s>lipstick</s> a ''[[Girl Withwith Psycho Weapon|chainsaw.]]''

* In ''[[Boy Aurus (Webcomic)|Boy Aurus]]'', to acquiesce with Aurus' request for no hospital, Mint and Niccolo take him to a veterinarian.

* ''[[Amateur Surgeon]]'': [[Adult Swim]]'s Back Alley version of the ''[[Trauma Center (Video Gameseries)|Trauma Center]]'' game. The protagonist [[Names to Run Away From Really Fast|Alan Probe]] uses makeshift tools -- suchtools—such as a pizza cutter in lieu of a scalpel -- toscalpel—to help people who are [[Too Dumb to Live]]. Available as a [http://armorgames.com/play/3775/amateur-surgeon video game] in numerous locations. Also has a Christmas edition.

* ''[[The Simpsons (Animationanimation)|The Simpsons]]'': Although he's implied to have possessed a medical degree, Dr. Nick Riviera is otherwise the epitome of this trope. In a one-off gag, Moe is seen to be performing back-alley surgeries out of his bar, even distributing business cards that read "That's right - ''I'm a surgeon!''" He's shown to be rather popular with the criminal types on the show, and those short on cash.

{{quote| '''Snake:''' "Yo, I must've, like, fell on a bullet, and it, like, drove itself into my gut."<br />

* ''[[Futurama (Animation)|Futurama]]''

{{quote| '''Zoidberg''': So many years and so many strange fluids coming out of patient's bodies.<br />

'''Morgan''': And ''Doctor'' Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree?<br />

'''Zoidberg''': I... lost it... into a volcano.<br />

'''Zoidberg''': What's your problem?<br />

'''Fry''': (impaled by a lead pipe) Well uh, my lead pipe hurts a little.<br />

'''Zoidberg''': That's normal, next.<br />

'''Bender''': Where are we, the ass?<br />

'''Professor Farnsworth''': We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle.<br />

'''Zoidberg''': Where the food is digested!<br />

{{quote| '''Zoidberg''': Now open your mouth... No not that one.<br />

'''Fry''': It's the only one I've got.<br />

{{quote| '''Fry''': Is there a human doctor around?<br />

* Joked about on ''[[Family Guy (Animation)|Family Guy]]'':"I wouldn't have used that discount surgeon", and "That time we found out Meg's gynecologist didn't go to medical school" are the lead-ins.

{{quote| '''Peter:''' You said the same thing about that back-alley abortionist. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you changed your mind, but the point is, I ''found'' the guy.}}

* In ''[[Aqua Teen Hunger Force (Animation)|Aqua Teen Hunger Force]]'', Shake gets a nose job in Guatemala. Later a guy (fresh from prison for back-alley surgery) in a van comes by to help reconstruct Shake's messed up face.

{{quote| '''Meatwad''': We callin' in the pros now. Is your buddy out of prison yet?<br />

'''Carl''': Which one? 'Cause there's three.<br />

'''Meatwad''': Oh, you know which one: The guy who was in the hotel...with the people...and the welding.<br />

* In ''[[The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy (Animation)|The Grim Adventures of Billy and& Mandy]]'', Billy's dad Harold is depicted as a straight example in the episode ''The Secret Snake Club VS P.E.''. Billy's classmates go to him to be excused from gym class by offering him fried food such as fried cheese sticks.

* ''[[American Dad (Animation)|American Dad]]'' has an episode in which Francine becomes one of these, working for the Cripple Mafia with her fellow doctor, a teddy bear. In the end, she gets out of her role with the mafia by tricking them into getting themselves all killed by police.

* RecentlyIn 2011, there was a case where [https://web.archive.org/web/20130806075536/http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/20/butt-implants-fake-doc_n_1103933.html a woman was giving people cheap butt implants] made of cement, mineral oil, and tire sealant.