Bottom/Quotes
Eddie: I've got it! We'll call it the Esther Rantzen. |
Always keep your mouth open when you're insulting a lady.
—Eddie Hitler, on chivalry.
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Richie: Well she had an earring. |
Richie: What's in this?! |
Richie: (Preparing to haul a passed-out Eddie up the stairs by means of a rope tied to his leg) Well thank you, Lord, for making me such a nice person. Not many of use, ehh? Just me, Jesus, and Mahatma Ghandi. (Fixes rope to ceiling and sings:) "Do your balls hang low? Can you swing 'em to and fro? / Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? / Do you get a funny feeling when they're hanging from the ceiling? / Oh you'll never be sailor if your balls hang low..." (Yanks Eddie into the bannister, crotch first.) |
Richie: There's a 28 inch surround sound TV with fast text, FST, NICAM and loads of other bollocks that no-one understands that I've had my eye on for a couple of months now. Right, shopping list, shopping list... I'll grab my ballpoint. |
Eddie: (disguised as that bird from the abattoir) Sleep on the sofa? on my honeymoon? My mother warned me about you, you bastard, [proceeds to beat Richie] you brute, Oh I've suffered in the name of love! Only women bleed! |
Richie So who is she getting married to? |
Eddie: Sprouts Mexicain? |
Richie: Where's that packet of johnnies we used to have? |
Richie: Fancy a cocktail before bed? |
Waiter: Look it's Ted Rodgers in a dress. |
Richie: What would 007 have? Ooh! Vodka martini. |
Richie: What were the charges again? |
Eddie: We can't go on like this. Why did they take the telly away? |