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But You Screw One Goat!: Difference between revisions

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But You Screw One Goat! (view source)

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{{quote|''"You have no right to judge me! You weren't there! I was a stupid teenager! [[I'm a Man, I Can't Help It|I was horny!]] And it was a really cute horse!"''|'''Sweden''', ''[[Scandinavia and The World (Webcomic)|Scandinavia and The World]]''}}
 
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Want to mark a character as a sexual deviant, but don't want to run into the [[Unfortunate Implications]] that tropes like the [[Depraved Homosexual]] or [[Depraved Bisexual|Bisexual]] or the [[Psycho Lesbian]] have? Simple. Imply that they have a sexual interest in farm animals.
 
This is almost always played for laughs, rather than titillation. It works partly because actual bestiality is rare enough to seem less "[[Reality Is Unrealistic]]" than other acts considered perverted, similar to the unreality of [[Big Ball of Violence|cartoon violence]] — yet common enough that it's [[Truth in Television|more plausible]] (and perhaps less gross?) than [[I Love the Dead|necrophilia]]. We don't normally worry about the goat, because of said unreality and our [[What Measure Is a Non -Human?|moral distance from animals]]. Since the animals in question are not anthropomorphized and are usually the more "comical" ones found in nature (goats, sheep, chickens), you're even likely to avoid the wrath of the [[Furry Fandom]]. Also, there are not (yet?) "Bestiality Pride" parades of the type that would inspire letter writing campaigns against the trope's use.
 
You may get a couple of letters from [[Animal Wrongs Group|PETA]] and a severe hoof-to-the-head concussion, but frankly [[This Is Gonna Suck|you should just expect that going in.]] Also, there is the disquieting but [[Serious Business|debated]] idea that, as [http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=496400 Dan Savage points out], an animal cannot give consent... You know... In case you weren't already reaching for the [[Brain Bleach]].
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A [[Sub Trope]] of [[Unequal Pairing]].
{{examples|Examples:}}
 
== Anime and Manga ==
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** In the Brazilian translation, it's actually kangaroos.
** This eventually led to the famous ''[[Nextwave (Comic Book)|Nextwave]]'' cover parody of the ''[[Civil War (Comic Book)|Civil War]]'' event, which read "Mark Millar Licks Goats". Millar apparently took it in stride.
* Deconstructed in [[Alan Moore (Creator)|Alan Moore]]'s ''[[Swamp Thing (Comic Book)|Swamp Thing]]'' run. After pictures of her and (the admittedly anthropomorphic) Swamp Thing are shown in newspapers, Abigail Cable is arrested for her relationship and charged with "crimes against nature", the laws that would usually be used to prosecute the aforementioned screwers of farm animals. She's arrested, fired from her job, her reputation is ruined, everyone starts treating her like a horrible sex offender, and Swampy is forced to cover almost the entirety of Gotham in greenery in order to secure her release. It is up to Batman to point out that if the authorities are going to arrest everyone in [[The DCU]] who has a relationship with a non-human, and it's the delivery that just ''nails'' it as a '''literal''' [[Space Whale Aesop]]. Eventually we '''''will''''' run into intelligent non-humans, and perhaps the biggest part of [[What Measure Is a Non -Human?]] is whether or not we believe them - or they believe us - worthy of [[The Power of Love|love]].
{{quote| '''Batman:''' I '''mean''', if you want to take this all the '''way''', '''non-humanity''' doesn't ''end'' with the ''Swamp Thing''. Let me '''see...''' You'll possibly have to arrest '''[[Hawkman]]...''' and '''[[Metamorpho (Comic Book)|Metamorpho]]...''' ...And there's also '''Starfire''', from the '''[[Teen Titans (Comic Book)|Titans]]'''. '''Her''' race evolved from '''[[Catgirl|cats]]''', I believe... The '''[[Martian Manhunter]]''', obviously. [[Captain Atom (Comic Book)|Captain Atom]] '''[[Captain Atom (Comic Book)|Atom]]'''... And then of course there's '''what's-his-name'''... the one who lives in '''[[Superman (Franchise)|Metropolis]]'''.}}
** Played to comedic effect in the DC Universe-based online role-plays of JLA_Watchtower and [[DC Nation (Roleplay)|DC Nation]]. The characters are taking the 5,000-question online "purity test," and Gar Logan's girlfriend (an OC who is an animal-based shape-shifter like he is) quips, "Honey, just how DO we answer those bestiality questions?"
* Also gets a deconstructive nod in ''[[X-Men (Comic Book)|X-Men]].'' Beast's already blue and furry, but when he undergoes a secondary mutation that leaves him looking more feline than hominid, his girlfriend breaks up with him because the tabloids start comparing the relationship to bestiality.
* A favorite of [[Garth Ennis]], particularly in ''[[Preacher (Comic Book)]]'', where Jesus de Sade, the world's wealthiest and most accomplished pervert, is offered an armadillo on a silver platter by his manservant. De Sade is also stated to have sodomized all the city zoo's larger quadrupeds, leading to the armadillo incident above. Also, during the party thrown by De Sade, we see a guy in the stocks surrounded by sheep, saying "Do it, you sluts!".
** ''[[Preacher (Comic Book)]]'' is chock full of people having sex with weird stuff, including but not limited to: A chicken, a salmon, an armadillo, [[Cargo Ship|a birthday cake]] and a [[Nausea Fuel|bunch of meat stacked up to vaguely resemble a giant woman]]. At least 3 of these by the same character.
* In ''[[Batman (Franchise)|Batman]]: Dark Allegiances'', an [[Elseworld|Elseworlds]] story set in the 1930s, one character keeps insinuating that there is a blue movie of actress Kitty Graymalkin (a.k.a. [[Catwoman (Comic Book)|Catwoman]]) having unnatural relations with a Rottweiler.
* ''[[Ramba]]'': In one scene in "Violent Death", Ramba has her pet cat Lucifer lick her vagina after finding out she has another target to assassinate.
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== Fan Fic ==
* The [[So Bad ItsIt's Good|stunningly surreal]] ''[[Final Fantasy VII (Video Game)|Final Fantasy VII]]'' fic ''[[Chocobo Nights (Fanfic)|Chocobo Nights]]'' features Tifa having sex with a chocobo. Yeah.
* ''[[Forbiden Fruit the Tempation of Edward Cullen (Fanfic)|Forbiden Fruit the Tempation of Edward Cullen]]'' features Jasper Cullen having a threesome with a human named Vince and the [[Mary Sue]] heroine's sidekick. This would be all very well, if not for the fact that the sidekick is an apparently non-anthropomorphic panda.
 
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* In ''[[Kingpin]]'', the heroes have Vanessa Angel [[Distracted By the Sexy]] bowling opponents. It mostly works, except with a team of farmers. So they bring in this sheep...
* In ''[[Kinsey]]'', a sex researcher asks a heavily accented man about his first sexual experience, and he says what sounds like "with a horse." Stunned, the researcher asks more about the man's sexual experimentation with animals, to which the man exclaims "It's true, I fucked a pony. How did you know?" Turns out he had said "with ''whores''" the first time.
** And then there's.... that one guy. [[Parental Incest|Who first time had a sex with his mother when he was ten]], and things go downhill from there; [[Incest Is Relative|14 members of his]] [[Brother -Sister Incest|immediate family]], several thousand people, including hundreds of prepubescent children of both sexes, and [[Anything That Moves|a whole list of various species of animals]].
* ''[[Pink Flamingos]]'': Crackers sure does seem to have a thing for those chickens.
* In a brief scene in the city from ''[[Conan the Barbarian]]'', Conan and Subotai have a good laugh over a guy screwing a llama.
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** Another standard joke: "In Country X, they recently discovered another use for sheep. Wool!"
** And "Why do CountryXers have sex on clifftops? The sheep push back harder."
** In most countries, it's "Hey you, get off my cloud." But [[In Soviet Russia, Trope Mocks You|in Scotland]], it's "Hey McLeod, get off my ewe!"
** What do you call a sheep tethered to a lamppost in Cardiff? A rec centre.
** Why do Scots wear kilts? Because the sheep started running when they heard a zipper.
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'''Gwen:''' That's a poodle!<br />
'''John:''' ''(growling)'' S'nice! }}
* In one episode of ''[[MashM*A*S*H (TV)|Mash]]'' [[The Vicar|Mulcahy]] keeps trying to describe ''The Yearling'' (a film that was going to be shown) 'about a tender relationship between a boy and a young deer', and each time, the character ([[Hypercompetent Sidekick|Radar]], [[A Father to His Men|Potter]], etc.) would respond with a "Oh yeah, like my (relative), except it was with a (mule, horse)" with an implication that their relative had a more intimate fondness with their chosen animal.
* ''[[Father Ted (TV)|Father Ted]]'': "No, No, Dougal, we must keep away from the idea that we're in love with the horse. It's more that we're friends with the horse."
* In ''[[Strangers With Candy (TV)|Strangers With Candy]]'', Jerri Blank [[Noodle Incident|never quite got to explain what it was she did with the donkey in Tijuana]], but... it's Jerri. This trope was definitely involved.
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** In another episode, a client has an affair with Wendy... his cow. Which at one point leads Schmidt to say, "But you screw one cow..."
* Subverted with the usual sense of taste in an episode of ''[[The Sarah Silverman Program]]''. Sarah is arrested for bestaility when she's caught licking her dog's asshole... which she only does because [[Squick|apparently, it tastes delicious]].
* The performers on ''[[Whose Line Is It Anyway? (TV)|Whose Line Is It Anyway]]'' tend to [[Running Gag|default to sheep]] if they ever bring up this trope.
** Colin's apparently random bestiality cracks are a [[Running Gag]] of sorts. ([http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=tMwHxLuqwpQ This] clip is [[Crowning Moment of Funny|a shining example]].)
** Ryan manages to outdo him [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij-rnUMh8as#t=1m18s by pure accident]...
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== New Media ==
* In ''[[Doctor HorriblesHorrible's Sing -Along Blog (Web Video)|Doctor Horribles Sing Along Blog]]'', the Bad Reverend's audition for the Evil League of Evil had him asserting against rumors (and his own mutterings) that he would not molest Bad Horse.
** And inverted when Bad Horse's letters include directions to "Make the Bad Horse gleeful/ Or [[Unusual Euphemism|he'll make you his mare]]!"
* Used in [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr7OAAP-4-g this] [[Youtube Poop (Web Animation)|Youtube Poop]]. (See 0:50)
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== Tabletop Games ==
* ''[[Exalted (Tabletop Game)|Exalted]]'' features the Lunars, blessed of Luna and boon companions to the Solars. They generally have beast-like traits (including a "totem animal" they can change into at will), and with this comes the ability to breed [[Half -Human Hybrid|Beastmen]]. Thing is, to do it, one of the parties has to be bestial, and the other party has to be humanoid... and the Lunars can be either.
* The [[Beast Man|Gangrel]] clan sourcebook for ''[[Vampire: The Requiem (Tabletop Game)|Vampire: The Requiem]]'' has a historian claiming that the first Gangrel were made when barbarian kings had relations with animals, and were born of ancient sorcery playing on the twisted beings that emerged. Mind you, [[Multiple Choice Past|that may not be the truth]] (to put it mildly), but man, you can just see most of the clan walking out into sunlight if that turned out to be the truth, can't you?
** [-''"[[Half -Human Hybrid|The Conception]] of [[Werewolf: The Apocalypse (Tabletop Game)|the Garou]]"'', Size 2 (picture)<br />[[Vampire: The Masquerade (Tabletop Game)|Gangrel Kindred]] roll Generation with difficulty of Willpower and suffer successes as Aggravated (reflexive Fortitude soak possible);<br />[[Mad Oracle|Malkavian Kindred]] roll Willpower with difficulty of '''9''' to resist [[Laughing Mad|laughing uncontrollably]];<br />[[Aristocrats Are Evil|Ventrue Kindred]] roll the same roll as Malkavians to resist [[Vomit Indiscretion Shot|thowing up]];<br />[[Werewolf: The Apocalypse (Tabletop Game)|Garou and other Changing Breeds]] roll Willpower with difficulty of 8 to resist [[Heroic BSOD|para]][[Villainous BSOD|lysis]].<br />[[Curiosity Is a Crapshoot|For the curious]],it´s <ref>[[Wild Child|pre-embrace Ennoia (Gangrel Antedeluvian)]]/[http://whitewolf.wikia.com/wiki/Ennoia her step-nephew.]</ref> Really. -]
 
 
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{{quote| '''Hick NPC''': ...but what you don't hear is what you can do with the cows afterward.}}
* More implied ([[Unfortunate Implications|or just unintentional]]) than direct, but [[Pokémon Black and White (Video Game)|Yamask]] is capable of breeding with Pokemon (who are the animals of the Pokemon world, [[Mons|of course]]) of the Amorphous or Mineral egg groups. [[Fridge Horror|Yamask were once]] ''[[Was Once a Man|human.]]'' [[Squick|Game Freak, ew. Just, ew.]]
** Same game, same category, there's a rumor apparently backed by [[Word of God|Hint of God]] that {{spoiler|[[Anti -Villain|N Harmonia]]}} is [[Half -Human Hybrid|the human son of a Pokemon]]. Said character is known to have a human father, therefore... {{spoiler|Possibly subverted when one of the other sages mentions that Ghetsis might not actually be N's father... but then, who or what was?}}
*** Made even weirder by the fact that the #1 suspect for his Pokemon parent, [[Fantastic Foxes|Zoroark]], does not belong to the Human-like egg group (despite being bipedal).
 
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** And even now she is still trying to live it down; her girlfriend at one point mentions use of a koala mask during sex.
** Not to mention that, when she starts gaining more fame as an actress, the studio made sure the Koala was kept out of the picture - by paying it off.
* ''[[Eight 8-Bit Theater (Webcomic)|Eight Bit Theater]]'': Red Mage. Animal Husbandry. That is all.
{{quote| '''Black Mage:''' ''Why'' is that your answer for everything? '''''How''''' is that your answer for everything?!}}
* The only reason the protagonists of ''[[Exterminatus Now (Webcomic)|Exterminatus Now]]'' [[Ultimate Job Security|manage to remain employed]] is due to them blackmailing their employer, Inquisition Commander Schaefer, with the knowledge of his [http://exterminatusnow.comicgenesis.com/d/20040723.html chicken] [http://exterminatusnow.comicgenesis.com/d/20040312.html fetish]. He makes it [http://exterminatusnow.comicgenesis.com/d/20050630.html almost too easy] at times.
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** Artie references the same ([[Anything That Moves|probably]]) [http://concessioncomic.com/index.php?pid=20090529 incident] [[Brick Joke|much later]].
* In ''[[Scandinavia and The World (Webcomic)|Scandinavia and The World]]'', when discussing past crimes countries have been accused of, it's discovered that Sweden was arrested for zoophilia. In his defense, he was young, horny and it was a really cute horse.
** Wales is in a relationship with New Zealand...who is a sheep. [[Fridge Logic|Somehow]], they even have a child together, [[Half -Human Hybrid|New South Wales]]. Norway's brain broke when he realized that.
** In that same comic, Denmark expressed interest in banging a sheep too. In HIS defense, he was drunk.
* In ''[[Keychain of Creation (Webcomic)|Keychain of Creation]]'', building on the ''[[Exalted (Tabletop Game)|Exalted]]'' example above, Marena, an [[Anything That Moves]] fox-totem Lunar, is quizzed by renegade Deathknight Secret on how many people she's had sex with. Her response ends with the memorable line, "Define people."
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* ''T Shirt Hell'' has advertised on this very site, a shirt which states, "Remember, Baah means no."
** An older one, no longer available, used ''[[Star Wars (Franchise)|Star Wars]]'' font and was titled "May the Horse be With You" with a silhouette of a horse and a woman, um...
* [[Rule Thirty Four34]] has this going for it in spades.
* A man left his workstation unlocked while browsing the [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/ Straight Dope Message Boards]; a mischievous coworker stopped by his unattended cubicle and started a topic for him. The subject? "Sex with sheep is fun." (He has, of course, [[Never Live It Down|yet to live this down]]).
* Inverted [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRm8okHhapU&feature=player_embedded in this infamous video].
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* A quote attributed to comedian Richard Jeni: "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you’ve got millions of pals out there. Type in, ‘Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire,’ and the computer will say, ‘Specify breed of goat.’"
** It's actually a quote from the book "Dave Barry in Cyberspace".
* Encyclopedia Dramatica has an article on Mr. Hands, a guy who took it from behind via horse. [[What an Idiot!|His friends were drunk off their rocks and didn't have him sent to the ER when the resulting act perforated his colon and caused it to bleed.]]
** [[Truth in Television]], actually.
* Go try to play a game of ''[[Settlers of Catan (Tabletop Game)|Settlers of Catan]]''. We'll wait here.
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[[Category:Truth in Television]]
[[Category:But You Screw One Goat]]
[[Category:Trope]][[Category:Pages with comment tags]]
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