Cranky Neighbor/Quotes

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The other day, I took a walk because the air was sweet, And I passed the crusty house of the curmudgeon on my street. Now, every town has got one, so I'm sure you'll understand, When I tell you this old bastard is a mean and bitter man.

Now this day, it was special; I was wearing my new hat. The old curmudgeon saw this and he disapproved of that! He said, "I've had one just like it for ten years; you ripped me off! You've got no right to wear a hat like mine, so take it off!"

Now as it happens, I'm a gentleman, so I approached his porch. I told him, "Great minds think alike, and you have one, of course. So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you when I come through?" He reached down for his gun and said, "I'll shoot you if you do!"

And I said: "No one's gonna cry at your funeral. No one's gonna drink at your wake. No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye, 'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead!" —Voltaire, "When You're Dead"