Crazy Awesome/Real Life: Difference between revisions

Line 41:

* French climber [[wikipedia:Alain robert|Alain Robert]] climbs tall buildings as a hobby, including most of the world's tallest high rises. Without any safety whatsoever. He's regularly arrested as a result of his antics. The most incredible thing is that the man suffers from permanent vertigo. A condition he got as a teenager, by falling from a height of 15 meters and surviving. Twice in the same year.

* Skippy, of [http://skippyslist.com/list/ Skippy's List]: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army.

{{quote| 48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.~~<br />~~

{{quote|48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence—Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.~~<br />~~

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence—Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.~~<br />~~

72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are. }}

** Any chance he knows [[SCP Foundation|Dr. Jack Bright]]?

** One of Skippy's friends gives this really important piece of advice.

{{quote| Never tell a military pilot “There’s not enough room to fly under that!“, unless you want him to try.}}

{{quote|Never tell a military pilot “There’s not enough room to fly under that!“, unless you want him to try.}}

* ''The King of Bling! The Ayatollah of [[Rock N Rolla]]! The Man of 1004 Holds! Y2J! '''Chris Jericho'''!!!''

** For clarification on how crazy awesome the man is, go to his other Wiki page, and try to read the whole thing. You'll be exhausted before you finish the wrestling section, let alone his music, acting, writing, hosting, etc., etc., etc. Either he never sleeps or he's figured out a way to have 36 hours in a day.

Line 62:

* French composer [[Erik Satie]] (d. 1925), whose works for piano include titles such as: Gnossiennes, Gymnopedies, Three Pear-shaped Pieces and Dressed As A Horse, and who collected umbrellas and pianos in his tiny, one-room appartment, where he never let anyone else in.

** He also composed a piece called Vexations. Consisting of two bars of music with instruction to repeat it 840 times, it takes around 24 hours to perform. At least one pianist attempting a solo performance [[Brown Note|started panicking and hallucinating]] before quitting:

{{quote| I would not play this piece again. I felt each repetition slowly wearing my mind away. I had to stop. If I hadn't stopped I'd be a very different person today... People who play it do so at their own great peril. ... [I] had to stop because [my] mind became full of evil thoughts, animals and "things" started peering out at [me] from the score.}}

{{quote|I would not play this piece again. I felt each repetition slowly wearing my mind away. I had to stop. If I hadn't stopped I'd be a very different person today... People who play it do so at their own great peril. ... [I] had to stop because [my] mind became full of evil thoughts, animals and "things" started peering out at [me] from the score.}}

** Evidently Satie was, constitutionally, an austere minimalist:

{{quote| I eat only white foods: eggs, sugar, grated bones, the fat of dead animals; veal, salt, coconut, chicken cooked in white water; fruit mold, rice, turnips; camphorated sausage, dough, cheese (white), cotton salad, and certain fish (skinless).}}

{{quote|I eat only white foods: eggs, sugar, grated bones, the fat of dead animals; veal, salt, coconut, chicken cooked in white water; fruit mold, rice, turnips; camphorated sausage, dough, cheese (white), cotton salad, and certain fish (skinless).}}

* [[Billy Bob Thornton]]: Firmly believes he was [[Benjamin Franklin]] in a past life, and he directed ''[[Sling Blade]]'', and was [[Ugly Guy, Hot Wife|married for two years]] to...

* [[Angelina Jolie]], herself a little bit of [[Crazy Awesome]].

Line 97:

** [[Chuck Norris]] '''''wishes'''''!

* 2nd Lt. [[Audie Murphy]] is the most decorated American soldier of WWII and the ''epitome'' of crazy awesome! Just read his Medal of Honor citation:

{{quote| 2d Lt. Murphy commanded Company B, which was attacked by 6 tanks and waves of infantry. 2d Lt. Murphy ordered his men to withdraw to prepared positions in a woods, while he remained forward at his command post and continued to give fire directions to the artillery by telephone. Behind him, to his right, 1 of our tank destroyers received a direct hit and began to burn. Its crew withdrew to the woods. 2d Lt. Murphy continued to direct artillery fire which killed large numbers of the advancing enemy infantry. With the enemy tanks abreast of his position, 2d Lt. Murphy climbed on the ''burning tank destroyer'', '''which was in danger of blowing up at any moment''', and employed its .50 caliber machine gun against the enemy. He was alone and exposed to German fire from 3 sides, but his deadly fire killed dozens of Germans and caused their infantry attack to waver. The enemy tanks, losing infantry support, began to fall back. For an hour the Germans tried every available weapon to eliminate 2d Lt. Murphy, but he continued to hold his position and wiped out a squad which was trying to creep up unnoticed on his right flank. Germans reached as close as 10 yards, only to be mowed down by his fire. He received a leg wound, but ignored it and continued the single-handed fight until his ammunition was exhausted. He then made his way to his company, refused medical attention, and organized the company in a counterattack which forced the Germans to withdraw. His directing of artillery fire wiped out many of the enemy; he killed or wounded about 50. 2d Lt. Murphy's indomitable courage and his refusal to give an inch of ground saved his company from possible encirclement and destruction, and enabled it to hold the woods which had been the enemy's objective.}}

{{quote|2d Lt. Murphy commanded Company B, which was attacked by 6 tanks and waves of infantry. 2d Lt. Murphy ordered his men to withdraw to prepared positions in a woods, while he remained forward at his command post and continued to give fire directions to the artillery by telephone. Behind him, to his right, 1 of our tank destroyers received a direct hit and began to burn. Its crew withdrew to the woods. 2d Lt. Murphy continued to direct artillery fire which killed large numbers of the advancing enemy infantry. With the enemy tanks abreast of his position, 2d Lt. Murphy climbed on the ''burning tank destroyer'', '''which was in danger of blowing up at any moment''', and employed its .50 caliber machine gun against the enemy. He was alone and exposed to German fire from 3 sides, but his deadly fire killed dozens of Germans and caused their infantry attack to waver. The enemy tanks, losing infantry support, began to fall back. For an hour the Germans tried every available weapon to eliminate 2d Lt. Murphy, but he continued to hold his position and wiped out a squad which was trying to creep up unnoticed on his right flank. Germans reached as close as 10 yards, only to be mowed down by his fire. He received a leg wound, but ignored it and continued the single-handed fight until his ammunition was exhausted. He then made his way to his company, refused medical attention, and organized the company in a counterattack which forced the Germans to withdraw. His directing of artillery fire wiped out many of the enemy; he killed or wounded about 50. 2d Lt. Murphy's indomitable courage and his refusal to give an inch of ground saved his company from possible encirclement and destruction, and enabled it to hold the woods which had been the enemy's objective.}}

** By the way he had malaria at the time. [http://www.cs.amedd.army.mil/samc/SAMSAMC.htm And that's not even all he did]

** When they went to make a [http://www.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-pussy_p2.html movie] about Audie Murphy, they cast... [[As Himself|Audie Murphy]]. And they had to ''tone down'' how ludicrously awesome he was because he was afraid it would come off as ''[[Reality Is Unrealistic|too unbelievable]]''.

Line 109:

* [http://www.acepilots.com/usn_ohare.html Butch O'Hare]. Granted, the guy was Irish, so it comes with the territory, but anyone who takes on eight enemy fighter planes single handed has got to be worth mentioning here. (Technically, he was supposed to have backup, but his wingman's guns jammed.) First US Navy Ace of WWII. And that airport in [[The Windy City]]? Totally named after him.

* [http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/TTtkLIzCCEI/AAAAAAAAQxc/T_2d-Euqy8E/s1600/Peter%2BD%2B.%2Blw%2B.%2Bviking%2Bwedding.jpg This] wedding cake. Quoth [http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2011/01/sunday-sweets-fun-wedding-cakes.html Cake Wrecks]:

{{quote| Dragonflies, roses, lightning, and a viking helmet? Admit it: you wish ''you'' were invited to this reception.}}

{{quote|Dragonflies, roses, lightning, and a viking helmet? Admit it: you wish ''you'' were invited to this reception.}}

* [[Joan of Arc]] managed to convince a group of dispirited French soldiers, and the ''king of France'', that the visions she'd been recieving since 12 weren't something they burned you as a possessed person for in those days, but in fact were the real deal, and she proceeded to live up to the hype by kicking the English out of half of France, leading the final charge at Orleans ''with an arrow in the neck.'' And she did this [[Badass Pacifist|while being a sworn pacifist.]] She carried the banner into battle instead, one of the most dangerous jobs on the field as you literally have a flag over your head screaming "shoot me please!" Even when captured she managed to stave off heresy accusations despite [[Kangaroo Court|being an illiterate peasant faced with cutthroat clergy with enough trick questions to fill a test paper.]] In the end they only nailed her with an excuse to send her to the pyre because she wore mens clothes, primarily to stave off rapists, and even then they had to apparently steal her normal clothes and leave her with a choice between going nude or wearing mens clothing. Bear in mind this terror of English-occupied France was a ''teenage peasant.''

* [http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/15/John_Brown_Painting.JPG John Brown] the abolitionist. Favored a type of rifle known as the Bible, and split five slaveholders' heads open with a BROADSWORD. When he was caught and had to be put to death by the North, he quietly told his captors that all he wanted to do was help those who couldn't be helped and if he had to be put to death, then so be it.