- The sequence where the (er) Real Hogfather takes over the "Mall Santa" equivalent is outstanding.
Death: It's the expression on their little faces I like.
Albert: You mean the sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants?
- It's sad that Death is trying so hard, and yet failing in the role so utterly:
Death: I will give you a gift. And in return you will be good. This is the arrangement.
- The store owner talking to the Watch:
"I want you to arrest him!"
"Because he's sitting up there bold as brass in his Grotto, giving away presents!"
- And Nobby asks him for a present, acting just like any little kid intimidated by being in Santa's lap.
Have you been a good bo... a good dwa... a good gno... a good individual?
- Followed by Nobby's unadalterated glee at the Automatic Crossbow he got.
- Death giving a sword to a little girl.
Mother: You can't give her that! It's not safe!
Death: It's a sword. It's not meant to be safe.
Crumley: She's a child!
Death: It's educational.
Crumley: What if she cuts herself?
Death: That will be an important lesson.
- The restaurant staff making a complete menu based on boots and laces.
- Bilius, the Oh God of hangovers. Not the god, the oh god. Because what does a person say when under his influence...?
- Hex ceasing to work unless he is FTB-enabled.
- Death's attempt at a Hogswatch card. (He tried to add some snow, but it melted. He tried to put a robin on it, but it flew away. It would not get into the Hogswatch spirit at all.)
- Mr Teatime tries to be reassuring:
A violent death is the last thing that will happen to you.
- The footnote to the origin stories of the Hogfather. On passing by a house, or so he says, a king is moved by the plight of some girls, who are unable to celebrate Hogswatch. He throws a packet of sausages through the window... concussing one of them, but there is no point in ruining a good legend.
- Ridcully's line after the Bursar talking with Hex cures the Bursar of his insanity, but drives Hex mad in turn:
Ridcully: Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence any day.
- Archchancellor Ridcully takes a shower. The shower was built by "Bloody Stupid" Johnson, but it works splendidly until the Archchancellor, experimenting with the various settings, discovers what the one marked "Old Faithful" does. I was lying on a bed the first time I read it, and I nearly rolled off at the words:
Ridcully: Ye gods, I've never felt so clean.