- When Vetinari is telling Lipwig about the Royal Mint he asks him to look out of the window of the coach they are driving in:
Vetinari: What does gold know of true worth? Look out of the window and tell me what you see.
Moist: Um, a small scruffy dog watching a man take a piss in an alley. Sorry, but you chose the wrong time.
- Vetinari (nearly) getting hit by a clown's pie: "I do believe it is pineapple."
- The clown scene in general
- Moist's interview with Sacharissa.
- The impromptu auction of Pucci Lavish's one Dollar Bill.
- Any scene involving Mr. Fusspot, from the mandibular acrobatics involved in him eating toffee to his use of a sex toy as a chew toy ("That was not a rubber bone.")
- Well, I mean, not a skeletal bone, in any case...
- Moist's intro to Pucci. He gets in the first cart he sees - which happens to be a "Honey Trap" organized by Pucci (she is in a state of dishabille and is trying to get a picture of Moist with her to use as blackmail). Moist promptly jumps out the other side of the carriage... while holding Mr. Fusspot in his arms.
- Moist's explanation of why there are now mongooses in the letterboxes.
- How Vetinari reacts when Moist explains that he's not fit as a banker because he's robbed banks.
Vetinari: Capital! Just reverse your thinking. The money should be on the inside!