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Emo Philips/Quotes: Difference between revisions
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{{quote|''My ex-wife called me up and told me she needed $50,000 to remodel the house to better suit her personality. I said, "Does it have to be '''real''' gingerbread?"}}
{{quote|''You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.''}}
{{quote|''My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what she's reading.''}}
{{quote|''I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.''}}
{{quote|''I was in bed the other night, and I phoned my neighbour and said: "I know it's a huge imposition, but would you mind turning the stereo down? The door's unlocked..."''}}
{{quote|''I was in the park when I had this bad asthmatic attack. Three of them jumped me. I know, I should have heard them hiding.''}}
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