Flowery Insults: Difference between revisions
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''Mr. Griii-inch!
''You're a bad banana with a
''Greasy black peel!''
|''[[How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (animation)|How the Grinch Stole Christmas]]''}}
Basically, it's all about insults which are... creative. Not so much like [[You Fight Like a Cow]]. These are more serious, but at the same time almost poetic. Like this Arabian insult:
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{{examples}}
==
* [[Tintin|Captain Haddock]] is the best known user of this in the [[French Belgian Comic Books|Bande Dessinee]] genre. See [http://www.tintinologist.org/guides/lists/curses.html here] for alphabetically-sorted examples. "Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles!" ("Mille millions de mille milliards de mille sabords!") is probably the most iconic one.▼
* And parodying this trope, the Orbit gum commercial:
{{quote|'''Woman 1:''' Did you think I wouldn't find out about your doo-doo head cootie queen?
'''Woman 2:''' Who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint licker?! }}
▲* [[Tintin|Captain Haddock]] is the best known user of this in the [[French Belgian Comic Books|Bande Dessinee]] genre. See [http://www.tintinologist.org/guides/lists/curses.html here] for alphabetically-sorted examples. "Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles!" ("Mille millions de mille milliards de mille sabords!") is probably the most iconic one.
* [[Shazam|Captain Marvel's]] foes would often call him a "Big Red Cheese".
== [[Film]] ==
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* In [[Harlan Ellison]]'s short story "Djinn, No Chaser", the protagonist spends a little while engaging in mixed haggling and insults with the vaguely Arabic proprietor of a [[The Little Shop That Wasn't There Yesterday|Little Shop That Wasn't There Yesterday]]. He manages "May a thousand syphilitic camels spit in your couscous." The proprietor pauses, congratulates him on a remarkably good insult, and notes that he'll have to remember it to use himself.
== [[Live
* "Up your nose with a rubber hose!" from ''[[Welcome Back, Kotter]]''.
* Look up ''[[Yes Minister]]''...
* [[Blackadder]] does this a lot. A particularly impressive example: "You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would, your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly, and as for the part of you which can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed that it wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be!"
* ''[[The Thick of It]]'' is all about this trope.
* Klinger from ''[[
** He's also said; "May a camel give birth in your tent!"
** "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits."
* Johnny Carson
{{quote|May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister.▼
May your only son become the goalie on a nude hockey team.▼
== Misc ==▼
May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest.▼
* A Jewish one:▼
May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion up your turban.▼
{{quote|May you live in a hundred houses, and may each have a hundred rooms, and may each room have a hundred corners, and may you be thrown from corner to corner!}}▼
May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal drip.▼
** A similar one, not sure if I heard it somewhere or just made it up:▼
May you be forced to visit a near-sighted proctologist.▼
{{quote|May you have a hundred relatives, and may they all give you socks on your birthday!}}▼
May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your shorts. }}▼
** Here are some more:▼
{{quote|May you turn into a chandelier, so that you can hang from the ceiling all day and burn at night!▼
May every tooth in your head but one fall out, and that one ache! }}▼
* A Chinese one (which actually probably originated in the U.S.): "May you live in interesting times."▼
* Classical Arabic provides a large number of these. You see, more direct options for insults are notably absent; the ancient Arabs put a high value on poetry, and the language handed down from generation to generation is a high-class, literary/poetic tongue. Pre-Islamic poetry even made an art of insult poetry, called ''Hijaa''', which could get quite creative indeed.<ref>One poem involves seeming to ''praise'' the insultee in the first half of each line, but noting in the second half "And [this letter] is actually [this other letter]," turning each "compliment" into a grave insult.</ref> On the other hand, the various kinds of colloquial Arabic spoken on streets across the Arab world includes an arsenal of vulgarity and obscenity to rival that of any other language, with a particular focus on attacks on one's parentage—most especially on one's [[Your Mom|mother]]—and (for men) implications of being a passive homosexual ("catching", not "pitching"). For comparison:▼
** A typical Classical Arabic insult: You have the right, and may all your wishes come true.▼
** A typical colloquial Arabic insult: Your mother's [[Country Matters|cunt]], you son of a filthy whore!▼
*** This isn't to say, however, that Arabs have lost the knack for flowery insults. Classical Arabic—or rather its updated edition, Modern Standard Arabic—still thrives, and literary types are still quite good at creatively insulting one another in it. Additionally, some groups of Arabs have the old-fashioned floweriness: "A thousand dicks in your religion" is not Classical Arabic, but rather Palestinian.▼
* [http://www.cracked.com/article_16275_the-9-most-devastating-insults-from-around-world.html This is a goldmine for the Real Life section.]▼
* May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits, and may your arms be too short to scratch.▼
* "May the [[Body Horror|Protocaliphora fly]] lay eggs in your testicles weekly." (Protocaliphora is a real genus of fly, but these flies [[Did Not Do the Research|lay their eggs in birds, not humans.]])▼
== [[Music]] ==
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20131110224838/http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/dickens-little-jimmy/may-the-bird-of-paradise-fly-up-your-nose-10376.html "May the bird of paradise fly up your nose."]
== [[Radio]] ==
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{{quote|May a porcupine live in your trousers for a thousand days and die there for a thousand and one.
May you sleep with a restless heart and know a thousand nights of misery. }}
▲== [[Talk Show]] ==
▲{{quote|May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister.
▲May your only son become the goalie on a nude hockey team.
▲May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest.
▲May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion up your turban.
▲May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal drip.
▲May you be forced to visit a near-sighted proctologist.
▲May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your shorts. }}
== Theater ==
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== [[Web Comics]] ==
* ''[[Something*Positive]]'' is full of these, a particularly impressive string [
* ''[[Yet Another Fantasy Gamer Comic]]'' provides [http://yafgc.net/comic/0409-turg-holds-out/ new] [http://yafgc.net/comic/0410-for-everyone-a-place/ variants] of the old one:
{{quote|'''Charlotte''': This broad is a few components short of a cantrip.
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{{quote|(to a [[Multi-Armed and Dangerous|four-armed]] fellow): Go kees an ''hoctopoos''. [[Oh, Wait!|Oh vait]], [[Your Mom|hyu mama]] already ''deed!'' heh.}}
* Popular in ''[[Capt'n Crazy|Captn Crazy]]''. Like "Bearded ape", "roast apple".
* Christmas Snow from ''[[Shadowgirls]]'', after [[Heel Face Turn|getting a memo]] that the life isn't all high-schoolgirlish pettiness, caught a little [[Battleaxe Nurse|clinical]] [https://web.archive.org/web/20140305104624/http://www.shadowgirlscomic.com/comics/health-care/ bureaucrat] and... [http://www.shadowgirlscomic.com/comics/health-care-2/ rather creatively] "exercised" her [[Alpha Bitch|Mad Bitchy Skillz]].
* ''[[Goblins]]'': Kin suffers from fear-enhanced [[Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness]] and comes out with some good ones. "Your existence demonstrates a flesh-to-futility ratio that is mathematically staggering!"
* ''[[Homestuck]]'': Good gracious, Karkat Vantas. For his first meeting with John, he composed a flood of verbal abuse that took up an entire ''page'', and his meticulously-crafted capslock vitriol can sometimes go downright [[Purple Prose|purple]].
* ''[[Cwen's Quest]]'' had one from Trell [https://web.archive.org/web/20180213113805/http://www.cwensquest.com/?comic=chapter-2-page-16-greetings-from-hell bargaining] with Cwen: "Sister, you are six samurai short of a [[Seven Samurai|set]] if you think I'm telling you up front!"
== [[Web Original]] ==
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* [[The Ren and Stimpy Show|Ren]] refers to Stimpy as "a bloated sack of protoplasm" on occasion.
* From ''[[Inhumanoids]]'' we get "Check the fluid level in your brain!"
▲* A Jewish one:
▲{{quote|May you live in a hundred houses, and may each have a hundred rooms, and may each room have a hundred corners, and may you be thrown from corner to corner!}}
▲** A similar one, not sure if I heard it somewhere or just made it up:
▲{{quote|May you have a hundred relatives, and may they all give you socks on your birthday!}}
▲** Here are some more:
▲{{quote|May you turn into a chandelier, so that you can hang from the ceiling all day and burn at night!
▲May every tooth in your head but one fall out, and that one ache! }}
▲* A Chinese one (which actually probably originated in the U.S.): "May you live in interesting times."
▲* Classical Arabic provides a large number of these. You see, more direct options for insults are notably absent; the ancient Arabs put a high value on poetry, and the language handed down from generation to generation is a high-class, literary/poetic tongue. Pre-Islamic poetry even made an art of insult poetry, called ''Hijaa''', which could get quite creative indeed.<ref>One poem involves seeming to ''praise'' the insultee in the first half of each line, but noting in the second half "And [this letter] is actually [this other letter]," turning each "compliment" into a grave insult.</ref> On the other hand, the various kinds of colloquial Arabic spoken on streets across the Arab world includes an arsenal of vulgarity and obscenity to rival that of any other language, with a particular focus on attacks on one's parentage—most especially on one's [[Your Mom|mother]]—and (for men) implications of being a passive homosexual ("catching", not "pitching"). For comparison:
▲** A typical Classical Arabic insult: You have the right, and may all your wishes come true.
▲** A typical colloquial Arabic insult: Your mother's [[Country Matters|cunt]], you son of a filthy whore!
▲*** This isn't to say, however, that Arabs have lost the knack for flowery insults. Classical Arabic—or rather its updated edition, Modern Standard Arabic—still thrives, and literary types are still quite good at creatively insulting one another in it. Additionally, some groups of Arabs have the old-fashioned floweriness: "A thousand dicks in your religion" is not Classical Arabic, but rather Palestinian.
▲* [http://www.cracked.com/article_16275_the-9-most-devastating-insults-from-around-world.html This is a goldmine for the Real Life section.]
▲* May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits, and may your arms be too short to scratch.
▲* "May the [[Body Horror|Protocaliphora fly]] lay eggs in your testicles weekly." (Protocaliphora is a real genus of fly, but these flies [[Did Not Do the Research|lay their eggs in birds, not humans.]])
== [[Real Life]] ==
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