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Line 7:
* "The only reason I'm here is because everyone else on the team is too damned frail to do any physical activity whatsoever. So, because I can lift a box, I'm automatically the lab gofer."
* More 'basic' training:
{{quote|
'''Freeman:''' 'To wipe your ass, first orient your hand behind yourself, then move it forward... or backward.' Honestly, who doesn't know how to use a ladder? I mean, it's a ''LADDER''! Somehow, I don't think this program is designed for the gifted." }}
* The conclusion of 'Jump Training':
{{quote|
'''Freeman:''' ''(Looking around)'' Where?
'''Hologuide:''' Find the target on the floor below, and do your best to hit it.
'''Freeman:''' [[Flat What|What.]]<br />
'''Hologuide:''' If you take any damage from the fall, we will administer medical care at the next station.<br />
Line 19:
== Episode 1 ==
* First 30 seconds of the series, as his tram passes by a security guard (Barney Calhoun) banging on a locked door:
{{quote|
** This was even referenced in Ian Riley's ''Barney's Mind.''
* Freeman's priceless safety "revelation:"
{{quote|
'''Freeman:''' Man, how dumb would you have to be? I mean, they're not going to say something like that unless somebody's already tried to do it, right? I guess if I was drunk enough I might climb out the window here and pull some hang-time on the electrified tram rail. That kind of reminds me of the squirrel that got caught between the power lines one day back at [[wikipedia:Massachusetts Institute of Technology|M.I.T.]] The thing caught on fire and got fused to the wires, which caused a transformer to blow out and knock out power to all of campus. That squirrel must have cost the university at least ten thousand dollars. It was a good day. }}
* "Man, are they still talking about hiring? I guess my cousin Jesse needs a job... If only he wasn't a sex offender, it'd be so much easier to find something for him."
Line 32:
* [''Stops outside an office''] "Wait a minute... Did I see what I think I did? [''enters lab, looks at whiteboard''] Yep, I sure did. [[wikipedia:Law of Universal Gravitation|Newton's formula for gravitational force.]] Having trouble remembering that one, guys? What is this, are we back in high school now? My department's working on quantum displacement. Just what the hell are you guys doing? Jerking around in lab coats from the looks of things! [''leaves''] I just can't believe it. Those monkeys are having trouble learning about gravity. Whereas I can recite the [[wikipedia:Quantum chromodynamics|quantum chromodynamic]] [[wikipedia:Gauge invariance|gauge invariant]] [[wikipedia:Lagrangian|lagrangian]] in my sleep! There is no justice... am I hearing things?"
** [''walking into the "computer lab" for the first time''] "TURN DOWN THE MUSIC, YOU FRIGGIN' [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bass-head BASS-HEADS!] IT SOUNDS LIKE A STRIP CLUB IN HERE! GOD DAMN! LET'S GET SOME DANCING GIRLS IN CAGES, WHY DON'T YOU?! GOOD LORD!" [''walks out''] "Man! Programmers...who knows what they're doing in there! They're gonna go deaf by the end of the year at that rate. Next time I have to go in there, I'll bring some ear protection!"
{{quote|
* "Man, my voice falls on deaf ears... I wonder if [[wikipedia:Richard Feynman|Feynman]] felt the same way? [''opens locker''] What the hell...? Whose stuff is this? There my name, but... A bowling certificate? Baby pictures? A blue poncho? Where's all my stuff?! WHERE'S MY STASH!? This is freaking me out..."
* The H.E.V. Notification System:
{{quote|
'''Hazard Suit:''' {{smallcaps|Welcome to the H.E.V. Mark IV protective system--}}<br />
'''Freeman:''' Oh no, [[Most Annoying Sound|there's that voice.]]<br />
Line 52:
* "Does my beard intimidate you?"
* When two scientists use Retinal Scanners to open the Test Chamber for Dr. Freeman:
{{quote|
* "I like climbing things. It appeals to my simian instincts. And also, makes me regret how I have no tail. Damn my genes; [[Shout-Out|I have no tail]], [[I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream|and I must swing...]]"
* Times like this, I remember why I became a physicist: to show anti-matter particles WHO'S BOSS! YEAH!!
* Man, I hope we get some good readings today; depending on what we find, we might just disprove [[wikipedia:String theory|string theory]]. That would make my day... and I wouldn't be gracious about it, either; I'd rub people's faces in it!
* This is a ''[[Science Is Bad|bad experiment!]]'' We are ''[[Morally-Ambiguous Doctorate|bad people!]]'' [[My God, What Have I Done?|Why did we usher forth]] the ''[[Apocalypse How|green apocalypse?!]]''
{{quote|
[[Oh Crap|Oh, shit!]] That's the ceiling! [[Brick Joke|WHERE'S MY HELMET!?!]]<br />
"Who are you?...''No!'' [[Escape From the Crazy Place|I don't]] ''wanna'' [[Escape From the Crazy Place|be a schizophrenic!"]]<br />
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* "I ''hate'' computers! Why do they always [[Explosive Instrumentation|blow up]] when I use them?"
* Right after the resonance cascade and Freeman sees all the death and destruction caused by it, he walks up to Eli and another scientist:
{{quote|
* [''Facing down a headcrab unarmed''] "Okay, I can do this. I am the matador. I fearlessly--" [''headcrab jumps''] "FUCK! SHIT! PISS! Those things BITE!"
* "I've been meaning to take Kung Fu lessons for years now because I knew there'd be a day like today and I would be ready. But I kept putting it off, and here I am totally unprepared and not knowing Kung Fu! Procrastination has failed me, yet again."
Line 82:
*** "Oh, good. more blood! I was starting to get worried! God, what happened? This guy looks like he got hit by a steamroller!"
* Upon discovering the entry door to the Sector is locked:
{{quote|
* That's how I say "Open Sesame"... with a crowbar to the face!
* Trying to save a scientist:
{{quote|
[''Scientist falls to his death'']<br />
'''Freeman:''' No, your ''other'' hand, you idiot!<br />
Line 99:
* "Okay, that's it; it's official: [[Aliens Are Bastards|All aliens are bastards!]]"
* After spotting a scientist hiding in a dumpster:
{{quote|
* Dealing with a zombie:
{{quote|
* "White men in armored Hazmat suits can't jump"
* "Uh-oh, train's leaving the station. All aboard!" *Headcrabs leap out* "No, not you! ''You don't have a ticket!''"
** "Damn, this suit does ''not'' protect against gravity." [....] "Facehuggers! Okay, batter up. Strike one. Strike two. Strike- AAAH! It's raining men! I mean aliens!"
Line 113:
* Cthulhu Dogs.
* After encountering another broken catwalk:
{{quote|
[''imitates Tarzan yell, sees the "rope" belongs to a barnacle'']
'''Freeman:''' Hey, wait, that's not a rope! These are, like, jellyfish or something. If I swung on that, it could come crashing down on me. These aliens are just good for nothing.
[''jumps off catwalk, lands on a crate'']
'''Freeman:''' These crates are good for something. That one just broke my fall. That means aliens are worth less than crates! Which is, what, a few dollars? }}
* "Wow. I wasn't expecting this. This must be our box-smashing room. I mean, what? We have a bottomless pit, and the sides are all plate metal that looks strong enough to withstand a missile blast. This room must have cost a couple hundred thousand to build. Eat your heart out, taxpayers! This is where your money goes!"
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* "Huh. We've got so many dead bodies now, we're hanging them from the ceiling." [''Body pulled up out of sight''] "And then the ceiling eats them. I guess that works..."
* Freeman watching a shorted-out ceiling light:
{{quote|
'''Freeman:''' Wha-ho! That shock took out a Face-hugger!
[''Another Headcrab electrocuted'']
'''Freeman:''' And another one! Will this guy make it?
[''Third Headcrab shocked'']
'''Freeman:''' Noooo... You are ''all'' popcorn! }}
* '''"BUGS!"'''
Line 141:
* [''discovers an untried door''] "Okay, let's... [''door locked''] "..cry. This locked door thing is getting ''real'' old."
* While pinned down by an automated turret gun:
{{quote|
'''Scientist:''' Shut up!
'''Freeman:''' Just an idea! [''looks around corner''] No, just a dead end... maybe I could force him out there if I waved my gun at him...
'''Scientist:''' Nuhh...
'''Freeman:''' [[Did I Just Say That Out Loud?|Shit, did I say that out loud?]] }}
Line 150:
* GIMMIE SOME DORITOS! Says the doctor while unsuccessfully trying to break the glass.
* In an unrelated headcrab-smashing incident:
{{quote|
* Freeman watches two scientists try to escape through the ventilation system:
{{quote|
[''The scientists scream and die; organs pour out of the vent'']
'''Freeman:''' Ugh, you dumbasses! You can't go through the fan-blades! }}
* "I'll kill every one of you bastards! All I need are bullets! We have a lot of bullets here! '''''EARTH. IS A MINERAL. RICH. PLANET!''''' I BET YOUR PLANET SUCKS!"
* after nearly being eaten by a barnacle in the presence of a scientist
{{quote|
'''Scientist:''' I just heard a secure-access transmission. Soldiers have arrived, and they're coming to rescue us. Of course, I have my doubts that we'll live long enough to greet them.
'''Freeman:''' Yeah, thanks for the warning, asshole! I really appreciate how you stood there staring at me, not doing a goddamn thing! You're like a cat watching a mouse die! }}
* Freeman gets shot in the ear by a turret gun AND vomited on by a barnacle, and later gets some first aid near a guard.
{{quote|
'''Guard:''' I'll bet that stings a bit.
'''Freeman:''' Yeah, no shit Skippy. I've got more blood on me than an axe murderer. I'd be arrested if I were to approach a child looking like this. }}
* Upon seeing his first Exit Sign since the start of the series:
{{quote|
[''door's locked'']
'''Freeman:''' Okay, remain calm...
[''bashes door with crowbar, glass doesn't break'']
'''Freeman:''' Jesus! Okay, we'll take this to the next level.
[''gunshot'']
'''Freeman:''' What the fuck? We installed bulletproof glass in our exit doors? That stuff's not cheap! How retarded are we!? I don't know anymore! }}
* Attacked by a multitude of Headcrabs near the end of the episode:
{{quote|
== Episode 10 ==
* "Brooahhh! Coffee coffee coffee. Coffee! It's not as strong as methamphetamine, but it lets you keep your teeth."
* Seeing a scientist running for his life:
{{quote|
[''Headcrab leaps at his face'']
'''Freeman:''' Oh God! Okay, lead the way! Where're we going?
[''Scientist retreats to a corner of the next room'']
'''Freeman:''' '''''What!?''''' You're gonna hide in the corner? What're you, five years old!?
[''Shoots a Bullsquid'']
'''Freeman:''' Man, now I'm almost out of bullets. Are you happy? I'm not! You know what? You can stay in the corner. You've earned it. I'm gonna come back with a dunce cap for you, and you're gonna wear it! }}
* "I'm probably carrying a few blood-borne diseases on my suit. I'm a walking [[wikipedia:Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|C.D.C.]] nightmare. It makes me want to hug someone."
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** Fires three shots at door "3 shots point blank... man, what the hell? It's like one of those doors in [[Looney Tunes]] where they blow up the building, but the door's still standing."
* Gordon's death. When he makes the running leap for the ladder and misses...
{{quote|
''(Flatlining noise)''<br />
'''HEV Voice''': {{smallcaps|HEV activated. Automatic medical systems engaged. Major fracture detected. Internal bleeding detected. Emergency! User death imminent.}} }}
Line 199:
== Episode 11 ==
* Freeman gets some bad nachos:
{{quote|
* "Well, there can't be anything good in that office if that guy was diving out the window, so I guess I have to take the elevator... [''[[Beat]]. Notices the elevator is out of order.''] I GUESS I HAVE TO TAKE THE ELEVATOR."
* "Now why is there no ladder here? The other elevator shaft had a ladder here! It was progressive!"
* "So, my only way out of here is to take some flying [[Leap of Faith]] like that scene in [[Indiana Jones and
* "Ohhh my God that was stupid! [[Stupidity Is the Only Option|Why do I keep doing stupid things?!]] Oh my Guh- I could've died!"
* Freeman's ongoing battle versus the indiscriminate Turret Guns.
* A timely intercom announcement makes for great comedy.
{{quote|
* Discovering the Submachine Gun -- It's not just for party tricks!
* "Your side is the one where everybody's dead and there are no exits! My side is filled with hope, love, and submachine guns!"
Line 215:
== Episode 12 ==
* Gordon meets the Hazardous Environment Combat Unit marines ([[HEC Us]]):
{{quote|
'''Freeman:''' Aww yeah, the rescue team!
[''HECU guns down the scientist'']
'''Freeman:''' ...Or, um, what? Okay, I can understand shooting someone running at you screaming, but I don't know... this feels shady. Is there another way out of here? I think this guy's in a bad mood. Well... all right, fine, I'll try and go make friends, even though that always ends up the same way. [''looks again''] See, he's not even trying to plant a gun on him or hide the body. That's a bad sign, like this is just another day of work for him. I'll at least give him some warning, so I don't jump on him. Hey, killer, what's up?
[''HECU opens fire'']
'''Freeman:''' Ah! Dammit, diplomacy sucks!
[''Marine pursues and shoots him'']
'''Freeman:''' Ow! [''Gordon shoots and kills marine''] Hey, man, what's your problem!?! Why are you shooting everyone!? I'm taking this gun away from you, mister! You're obviously not mature enough to handle it! Now you sit there and think about what you've done! }}
** Freeman struggles with his 'conscience':
{{quote|
* Freeman's already been shot at by one soldier, and is starting to have doubts...
{{quote|
'''Freeman:''' Hey, me too! But you go on first just in case they're not cool with that.
[''The scientist gets shot dead.'']
'''Freeman:''' Yeah, see, I'm just getting some bad vibes here... }}
* "''I HAVE A DOCTOR'S DEGREE!''" * BANG!* "You guys are dicks..."
* Freeman's 'conscience' again:
{{quote|
* Gordon meets another squad of HECU marines:
{{quote|
'''HECU:''' Movement!
[''Gordon guns down the soldiers'']
'''Freeman:''' Nope. Well, looks like my armor is better than yours! And I'll just loot your bodies, 'cause that's how I roll... and that puts me at six or seven counts of "self-defense." }}
* [[Nothing Can Stop Us Now|"Heeyyyy! Surface Access! YES!!"]]
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* "[[I Need a Freaking Drink|I'm gonna get so drunk tonight, like, way more than usual.]] Yeah! It's the surface! PARTY! PAR- [''Spots two HECU marines''] Dammit! It's the [["Stop Having Fun!" Guys|fun police!]]"
* Fighting HECU marines:
{{quote|
* [[Captain Obvious|"Shooting people isn't very nice!"]]
* In what is possibly one of the best quotes from anything ever, when shooting at the soliders outside... "Give peace a chance! Or at least stand still!"
* Freeman decides he "should've been a Tour Guide.":
{{quote|
'''Freeman:''' You ''can't'' follow me! You don't have any money! ''That's the whole point!'' }}
* "I want some Cheetos."
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* The Genie Scientist.
* Freeman ''finally'' gets his [[Shotguns Are Just Better|shotgun!]]
{{quote|
* This exchange:
{{quote|
'''Freeman:''' No! Do you know if [[wikipedia:Lepton|leptons]] are really compound particles?! Frickin' doughnuts... }}
* "See, the quality of my life is going straight up now that I have a shotgun."
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== Episode 15 ==
* "Unlike my colleagues, I have a tendency to stay alive. Since this morning, I've been [[Man Bites Man|bitten]], [[Only a Flesh Wound|shot]], [[Fiery Coverup|bombed]], [[Shock and Awe|electrocuted]], [[Super Drowning Skills|almost drowned]], [[Not the Fall That Kills You|almost fallen to my death]], and [[Neck Lift|strangled]]. [[wikipedia:Grigori Rasputin|Rasputin]] [[Rasputinian Death|wasn't so lucky]]! But, here I am, [[I Love Nuclear Power|exposing myself to radiation.]] Why not? Let's add to the list: maybe I can get [[Kill It
* Gordon is crawling through pipes, rambling about how awesome it would be to have pneumatic pipes connecting his house to a liquor store. This being Gordon, he's going over all this in a fairly serious voice, and it's pretty funny. What makes it hilarious is when he pops out to jump into another pipe, says "I'm a gopher!" perkily, then continues his liquor store warp tube monologue as if nothing happened.
* On the subject of radiation:
{{quote|
* "I hate awkward pauses like this..." [''BLAM''] "And of course, I'm the one who has to break the ice..."
* "'''''MONKEY ON A STICK!''' WE'RE GETTING FINGERED BY GODZILLA!''"
* Freeman finally finds an excuse to use his grenade collection:
{{quote|
== Episode 16 ==
* "That's right; I bang, you bang, we all bang together..."
* Freeman contemplates [[wikipedia:Friedrich Nietzsche|Nietzsche:]]
{{quote|
[''later'']
'''Freeman:''' No, it had to be drummers. That's a monster, and [[Completely Missing the Point|there's no way I'm gonna end up looking like that thing...]] }}
* On the contemplation of Military Spending:
{{quote|
* Fighting Headcrab Zombies:
{{quote|
[''shotguns a zombie'']
'''Freeman:''' "You don't even ''have'' a degree! Well, your host bodies have degrees around here, but you're just latching onto that! That's even worse than one of those online degrees! You're parasites in every way!" }}
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* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2YQkjhKNfw&feature=fvwrel Start at 5:00.]
* Freeman's scientific sensibility starts to wear out:
{{quote|
* "I climbed my way to safety! [[A God Am I|I AM A MONKEY GOD!]]" [''cue monkey-like sounds'']
* Ah, tick-tick-tock. Is that the sound of a Geiger counter or my lifespan counting down? It's both! That's right. Here at Black Mesa, when we talk about "half-life," we mean it in [[Justified Title|more ways than one.]] So make your peace, and come to Black Mesa. Here, you'll win a chance to [[Aliens and Monsters|fight freaks of nature]], [[No OSHA Compliance|escape countless safety hazards]], [[Door to Before|wander aimlessly for hours]], and [[Nightmare Fuel|die scared, tired, and alone!]]
* "This is getting to be a chore, y'know? 'Wash the dishes, do the laundry, [[Get Up Go to School Save The World|shoot the Snot Thing]], empty the trash..."
* Freeman laments gravity:
{{quote|
* "Life sucks sober!"
* "I mean it's not like I just came down the wrong corridor like I sometimes do. No, it's-" [''activates spinning cart-thing''] "WEEEEEEEEE!!" [''cart stops''] "It's worse than that."
* Freeman has a close encounter with hypnotism:
{{quote|
'''Freeman:''' Yeah, that room's dangerous, did you know that? It's a good thing I made it back OK. [''stares at spinning dial''] I was gonna... yeah, the... yes, master... no, stop! You can't kill me, so you're gonna try to control me, is that it? I'll never do your bidding! I've got a doctor's degree! }}
* "Wait, how'm I gonna get out of here? ...I should've thought about this sooner..."
Line 313:
== Episode 19 ==
* After being forced to leap yet another chasm:
{{quote|
* Freeman considers the tentacle monster as being a small part of a much larger creature:
{{quote|
* Taking out the giant alien in episode 19 that's been haunting him, also doubling as a [[Crowning Moment of Awesome]]:
{{quote|
== Episode 20 ==
* "Ugh. It smells like butt-rock in here."
* Freeman tries to understand Causality:
{{quote|
* Moving onward and... downward:
{{quote|
* On the subject of his previous monster theory:
{{quote|
* Freeman reconsiders his plan to do a Long-drop cannonball into a pool of water. And decides it was awesome anyway.
* [[The Fool|"Awwright! I'm making a lot of progress for not knowing where the hell I'm going!"]]
* Seeing the river of Sludge:
{{quote|
* Radiation: The Gift That Keeps On Giving!
== Episode 21 ==
* Noticing a burning gas-leak:
{{quote|
[''Vortiguants teleport in'']
'''Freeman:''' [''Shooting the Vortiguants''] What the hell are you looking at? I don't have any marshmallows and even if I did I wouldn't give any to you! They're MINE! Everything's MINE!
[''Takes a few steps forward; catwalk collapses.'']
'''Freeman:''' AHH! Well this facility's not mine. I thought I wanted it but now I don't. }}
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* "Man, if I get indicted once I leave here, this is getting harder and harder to explain. I don't think anyone's gonna buy a few dozen counts of self-defense with a submachine gun. I think there's kind of an unspoken rule in our society that if [[Everything Trying to Kill You|this many people are trying to kill you, you're supposed to be dead.]] I need to talk to an attorney. Maybe there's some sort of [[First Blood|Rambo]] clause. But wait, Rambo goes to prison after the first movie. Fuck!"
* Freeman working on the Generator:
{{quote|
[''A Mawman surprises Gordon'']<br />
'''Freeman:''' You don't even have a job! You're a vagrant! }}
* "Work, you antiquated piece of crap."
* Freeman's shaky grasp of electrical theory:
{{quote|
== Episode 23 ==
* After being shot at by the military for the [[Perfectly Cromulent Word|eleventy billionth]] time, he decides to use the strategy of "wait around a corner, let them pass, then shoot" that worked for him so far. But then the soldiers catch [[Dangerously Genre Savvy|on to him]]...
{{quote|
[''A grenade then bounces in just in front of Gordon.'']<br />
'''Freeman''': ''(turning and running for his life)'' [[Oh Crap|OH SHIT!]] ''(distant explosion)'' Okay, natural selection! The dumb ones are all dead, so the survivors are a little bit smarter! }}
* Freeman grapples with his fading morality:
{{quote|
* [[Understatement|I am not happy right now.]]
== Episode 24 ==
* Being chased by a Gargantua:
{{quote|
* Freeman is growing rapidly more displeased with the level of effort he's being asked to invest:
{{quote|
** But then, he finds another bright side:
{{quote|
* "Another exciting day in the life of a Forklift Operator!"
* Freeman contemplates putting the wounded guard to good use:
{{quote|
* Reaches the train barricade:
{{quote|
== Episode 25 ==
* Freeman contemplates his current situation:
{{quote|
** And, after discovering the 'concrete' was actually gray styrofoam:
{{quote|
* "I'm not an expert in the field, but that sounds to me like [[Left 4 Dead|the cries of the damned.]]"
* "Oh that's great; I'm playing Jenga with my life..."
* "Bomb shelter parties are the best parties, because the bomb shelter parties don't stop... until everyone's dead."
* To a door:
{{quote|
== Episode 26 ==
* Yet another sanity slip:
{{quote|
* You know, some people might argue [[Accentuate the Negative|I'm only focusing on the negative]], but I think that's because I can't think of one thing today anyone else has done right. All anyone has been doing today has been [[Die, Chair, Die!|breaking things]], [[You Can Panic Now|running around screaming]], [[Unfriendly Fire|shooting the wrong people]], or [[Too Dumb to Live|dying]]. I mean, what am I supposed to say to people? [[Sarcasm Mode|"Wow, you sure did a good job falling down that elevator shaft!" Or "Way to lock yourself inside the freezer! I'm so proud of you."]]
* Okay, I see an alien and a dead body. I can put one and one together. [''Shoots at the bullsquid''] Actually, that's one and negative one. [''Shoots again, killing it''] Now it's negative two, and me. But wait, wouldn't I be number one? I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. See, this is why you have to define your terms. If you don't, people die.
* Everybody's lost except for me!
* A possible [[The Spoony Experiment
== Episode 27 ==
Line 402:
** "What the ''hell''? Did it just shut the ''door'' on me? [...] Ah, the missus of the house! Try some of our product!"
* Freeman is riding the tram and rambling about how a security guard is telling half-truths. He turns a corner, and a marine shoots a rocket launcher at him, leading to this gem:
{{quote|
** After killing Rocky the Rocket Ranger:
{{quote|
* "Follow my advice and you'll die just like me! *ha-hyuck!*"
** “''‘[[Properly Paranoid|Aliens aren't invading, Freeman. You’re just being paranoid]].’ [[Subverted Trope|‘The mailman’s not spying on you, Freeman. You’re just being paranoid]].’ What else... ‘[[Call Back|There’s no society of anthropomorphic frog people living in the sewer]], Freeman. You’re just being paranoid.’ ‘Owls can’t read your thoughts, Freeman. You’re just being paranoid.’ [[Double Subversion|Bet you wouldn’t call me paranoid now if you were still alive!]]''”
* Freeman finally starts to catch on:
{{quote|
== Episode 29 ==
Line 416:
* "Is my education on electromagnetism wrong, or is the WORLD wrong...?"
* Upon spotting more Claymore mines:
{{quote|
* After Freeman gets ambushed:
{{quote|
** "I bet they're both named Jack, too."
* Freeman totally and completely spazzing out and emptying an entire shotgun clip after a zombie gets the jump on him and almost kills him.
Line 424:
* After almost getting shot to death by a turret: [''finds a radio''] "So you're the one behind this!" [''Shoots it'']
* Freeman' reaction to hearing two soldiers blame him for killing their friends:
{{quote|
* "That security guy said this track would take me to the surface. Okay, now what was the long way to the surface?"
== Episode 30 ==
* Freeman approaches a blast door:
{{quote|
* "These guys sound pretty chill considering there were gunshots and an explosion outside not two minutes earlier. I guess it doesn't occur to them to investigate that... Now we return to Ethical Dilemma Theater."
* "Self-defense isn't cutting it if I don't get to shoot first!"
Line 442:
*** "Who're some other spree killers? [[wikipedia:Timothy McVeigh|Timothy McVeigh]]; he had military training... [[wikipedia:Lee Harvey Oswald|Lee Harvey Oswald]] wasn't a ''spree'' killer, but he received about as much government attention as I'm getting right now. He had military training... and was an extremist."
* "Witnessing a zombie eating a soldiers dead body:
{{quote|
* Back to his earlier train of thought:
{{quote|
== Episode 32 ==
Line 451:
* "You want to eat me? No, I'm not here to give you a free meal, you think I work at Seaworld?"
* Freeman killing the giant alien shark.
{{quote|
Line 461:
* "Error 482: Somebody shot the server with a 12-Gauge. Please contact your Administrator."
* "Quiero un poco de drogas. Donde estan? Tengo dinero."
{{quote|
* Freeman discovers his suit is full of tracking devices. He doesn't respond well.
Line 468:
* "[[Shout-Out|No respect, man.]] [[Rodney Dangerfield|No respect at all...]]"
* Contemplating who shot a random guard he was talking to:
{{quote|
* "Fucking ninjas man..."
** "I was not ready for this. Who is ready for this? No one, they're fucking ninjas."
* After surviving a firefight with Black Ops:
{{quote|
== Episode 35 ==
* The Fermion Lecture.
* Freeman trying to piece together last night's events. And getting it completely wrong.
* [[
== Episode 36 ==
Line 485:
== Episode 37 ==
* During his first conveyor belt ride of episode 37:
{{quote|
* "I'm not a leper! I shouldn't have to stand for [[Squick|meat dandruff!]]"
* "Augh... this is a pretty shitty water park! I'm never coming here again!"
Line 493:
* Freeman is nearly hypnotized again.
* Freeman seems to finally be coming off the rails for good:
{{quote|
* "OH GOD I'M OUT OF AMMO; WHOSE JOB IS IT TO RELOAD?! THEY'RE FIRED! WHAT? THERE'S NO AMMO LEFT!? YOU'RE FIRED TOO!"
* "Oh this is that door. So leaving was never an option. Crawling in circles until you fucking die there's an option! I LIKE THAT OPTION! LET'S GO WITH THAT OPTION! RAAUUUGHH! ...[[Don't Explain the Joke|Actually I was just kidding,]] [[Sarcasm Mode|I don't like that option.]]"
Line 501:
* In a black humor sense, Freeman casually shooting a guard after he remembers that the military is trying to kill him<ref> and sadly not remembering that guards are safe</ref> before deciding that's he's simply going to kill everyone around him.
* When he is confronted by some Houndeyes, the following dialogue takes place:
{{quote|
* Saying "Over here, you forgot your bullets. Take some of mine!" as he strolls up and shoots down a group of marines. Ending with a cheery "You're welcome!" when he kills the last one.
== Episode 40 ==
* One word: hiccups.
{{quote|
* Freeman tries to calm an enemy soldier saying that [[Blatant Lies|he didn't mean to shoot him]]. Apparently it ''works'', and Gordon is flabbergasted.
== Episode 41 ==
* Freeman finds three scientists hiding in a room behind a "giant cheese slicer" chamber and actually decides that he needs them alive. But one of them doesn't exactly "click" with Gordon.
{{quote|
'''Scientist:''' With my brains and your brawn, we'll make an excellent team.
'''Freeman:''' OH, so you think ''you're'' the brains of this operation, huh?
'''Scientist:''' I'll wait.
'''Freeman:''' Goddamn right you will. }}
** And later, after he turns the cheese slicer off:
{{quote|
'''Scientist:''' I certainly hope that you know what you're doing.
'''Freeman:''' That's it, I've had enough lip from you. You stay!
'''Scientist:''' I'm slowing you down, am I?
'''Freeman:''' No, you're pissing me off is what you're doing! }}
Line 530:
** Red Bull — It gives you cancer!
** Also her losing battle with her subconscious:
{{quote|
'''Chell's mind''': ''Yeesss yoouuu aaaarrreee...'' }}
** Chell's rant after the Aperture Science Emancipation Grid actually emancipates her tooth.
{{quote|
Following the Emancipation Grill incident: "I ''hate'' this place, with its big retarded cubes that don't even have food in them, and that computer's compulsive lying, and all the creepy stains on the floor, and the Scaffold of Death, but most of all, ''most of all'', I hate this stupid rickety elevator, and its infuriating Emancipation Grid! A plague on both your houses! And your summer homes! And your ''shower curtains''! }}
* Shephard's Mind:
Line 544:
** (Notices 4 dead marines right next to some aliens) "Come on, get up Williams! Hey! Damn it. Jones! Maxwell! (notices the fourth body) Err, ummm, Well... I don't remember your name. But you're dead too, that sucks!"
** Shephard thinks that all the skeletons in the room he is in are talking to him:
{{quote|
'''Shephard''': [''thinking it's the skeleton''] AHHH! What the hell? Oh my God! I'm being haunted by the ghosts of the marines that died because of me!
'''Same Soldier''': I was told to guard this area.
'''Shepahrd''': [''still talking to the skeleton''] I know... you were just following orders. It wasn't your fault, soldier. [''sits down next to the skeleton and starts crying''] }}
** Shephard finds a phone and tries to call for help. It doesn't go well.
{{quote|
'''Shephard''': [''calmly, to the scientist''] Phone's dead. }}
** {{[[[It Makes Sense in Context]] after being ported out of the floor}}]:
{{quote|
[*ZAP!*]
"Oh there they are." }}
** '''ADRIAN KICKS ASS'''
** "I am ''so'' not geared for this instance!"
** And now from the season finale, a moment that is actually more of a crowning moment of awesome till the end...
{{quote|
{{spoiler|[music starts up}}]
{{spoiler|'''Shephard''': "If I die today, nobody's gonna remember. Adrian Shepherd might as well never have existed. And you know what? I refuse to believe that this overconvoluted clusterfuck of a disaster happened just so I could get eaten by a giant squid in a dusty ventilation shaft! So screw it. I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna fight, and I'm gonna fucking win! Come and get me yo-"}}
{{spoiler|[Music cuts off, Shepherd runs back into hiding.}}]
{{spoiler|'''Shephard''': "Ow! Leg cramp, leg cramp, ow! Jeez! Ow, damn! Man! I really need to remember to limber up before this kind of crap. Anyway, have at you!"}} }}
* "Can I go home now? -This isn't my house." It's the delivery that sells it.
Line 568:
** From Episode 10: "There's no way anyone could defeat this robot. I know one man who could: [[Chuck Norris]]. He could!"
** From Episode 14-2, how about that cutscene:
{{quote|
'''Eos''': We need that antidote Parker! If you're not gonna help, shut up! }}
* Barney's Mind:
** From Episode 5, after Barney encounters a dead security officer.
{{quote|
** Barney's inability to follow the taxi ways and the roads on the airport.
{{quote|
Barney: "Screw roads! [[Back to The Future|Where we're going, we don't need roads]]!"<br />
Douchebag: "...You're not funny..." }}
** From the plane escape scene
{{quote|
Barney: "Lies! Where's the transmit button? Oh here. Hey fighter jets, I just survived an alien invasion, SCREW YOU!"
Douchebag: "Yeah, piss the pilot off in a million dollar fighter jet with tons of missiles."
Barney: "Bah, they can't us missiles in here.[[Buffy-Speak|Too much canyon]]. }}
** Earlier on..."
{{quote|
Douchebag: "What?! I'd rather go to the airbase."
Barney: "Screw that! Dig deeper in your pants for a bigger set of balls because there's no way in hell I'm going with the military! You wanna go? Fine! Door's right there."
Douchebag: "Okay but you better not get us killed."
Barney: "No promises!" }}
* Episode 15 of Felix's Mind:
{{quote|
Mario: "It's-a me! Mario!"<br />
Felix: "..." (turns right around and walks away) }}
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[[Category:Web Original/Funny]]
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