Freeman's Mind/Funny: Difference between revisions

'''Freeman:''' Man, how dumb would you have to be? I mean, they're not going to say something like that unless somebody's already tried to do it, right? I guess if I was drunk enough I might climb out the window here and pull some hang-time on the electrified tram rail. That kind of reminds me of the squirrel that got caught between the power lines one day back at [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massachusetts_Institute_of_Technology M.I.T.] The thing caught on fire and got fused to the wires, which caused a transformer to blow out and knock out power to all of campus. That squirrel must have cost the university at least ten thousand dollars. It was a good day. }}

* [''seeing a radioactive spill''] "Hey, what's that green crap? What is this?! ''Jesus Christ'', look at this place! This is a disaster! That's gotta be toxic. God, the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Environmental_Protection_Agency E.P.A.] is gonna tear us apart if they find out about that! Well, I'm not saying anything. I don't want to get called in as a witness in court when the cat gets out of the bag."

* [''Stops outside an office''] "Wait a minute... Did I see what I think I did? [''enters lab, looks at whiteboard''] Yep, I sure did. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Universal_Gravitation Newton's formula for gravitational force.] Having trouble remembering that one, guys? What is this, are we back in high school now? My department's working on quantum displacement. Just what the hell are you guys doing? Jerking around in lab coats from the looks of things! [''leaves''] I just can't believe it. Those monkeys are having trouble learning about gravity. Whereas I can recite the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_chromodynamics quantum chromodynamic] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gauge_invariance gauge invariant] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lagrangian lagrangian] in my sleep! There is no justice... am I hearing things?"

* "Man, my voice falls on deaf ears... I wonder if [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Feynman Feynman] felt the same way? [''opens locker''] What the hell...? Whose stuff is this? There my name, but... A bowling certificate? Baby pictures? A blue poncho? Where's all my stuff?! WHERE'S MY STASH!? This is freaking me out..."

* "I like climbing things. It appeals to my simian instincts. And also, makes me regret how I have no tail. Damn my genes; [[Shout Out|I have no tail]], [[I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream|and I must swing...]]"

* Man, I hope we get some good readings today; depending on what we find, we might just disprove [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/String_theory string theory]. That would make my day... and I wouldn't be gracious about it, either; I'd rub people's faces in it!

{{quote| '''Freeman:''' "Oh, you've ''got'' to be shitting me. I'm gonna sue the hell out of Black Mesa when I get out of here! Locking your workers in? That's what the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle_Shirtwaist_Factory Triangle Shirtwaist factory] did! Locked its workers in, then there was [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle_Shirtwaist_Factory_fire a fire], then everybody died! That's a formula for success. Damn it! We're making history right now - crap history! [''smashes console with crowbar, door opens''] What? Ha-ha! I am incredible. Is there any end to the number of problems that I can solve just by beating the hell out of something? I'm not sure there is!}}

'''Freeman:''' "Why does everyone have to keep dying on me? Is it really so hard to just not die? I mean, look at me! I was in the chamber at freaking ground zero and I'm still here! Yet you guys slip on a banana peel and that's it! Ugh. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Darwin Darwin] was right. I didn't realize I was working with a bunch of lemmings." }}

* "I'm probably carrying a few blood-borne diseases on my suit. I'm a walking [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centers_for_Disease_Control_and_Prevention C.D.C.] nightmare. It makes me want to hug someone."

'''Freeman:''' No! Do you know if [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lepton leptons] are really compound particles?! Frickin' doughnuts... }}

* "Unlike my colleagues, I have a tendency to stay alive. Since this morning, I've been [[Man Bites Man|bitten]], [[Only a Flesh Wound|shot]], [[Fiery Coverup|bombed]], [[Shock and Awe|electrocuted]], [[Super Drowning Skills|almost drowned]], [[Not the Fall That Kills You|almost fallen to my death]], and [[Neck Lift|strangled]]. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grigori_Rasputin Rasputin] [[Rasputinian Death|wasn't so lucky]]! But, here I am, [[I Love Nuclear Power|exposing myself to radiation.]] Why not? Let's add to the list: maybe I can get [[Kill It With Fire|burned]], [[Knife Nut|stabbed]], and [[Poisoned Weapons|poisoned]] before the day is done."

* Freeman contemplates [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friedrich_Nietzsche Nietzsche:]

* "I'm not going to deal with this now. It's like the classic debate of [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncertainty_principle why measuring the position of an electron changes its momentum and vice-versa.] [[Take a Third Option|The only correct answer is to get drunk and set fire to things]]."

* You know, some people might argue [[Accentuate the Negative|I'm only focusing on the negative]], but I think that's because I can't think of one thing today anyone else has done right. All anyone has been doing today has been [[Die Chair Die|breaking things]], [[You Can Panic Now|running around screaming]], [[Unfriendly Fire|shooting the wrong people]], or [[Too Dumb to Live|dying]]. I mean, what am I supposed to say to people? [[Sarcasm Mode|"Wow, you sure did a good job falling down that elevator shaft!" Or "Way to lock yourself inside the freezer! I'm so proud of you."]]

* A possible [[The Spoony Experiment (Web Video)|Spoony Experiment]] [[Shout Out]]: "Okay, cut that out, I'm really not trying to get in anybody's way!"

* [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trinitrotoluene "Trinitrotoluene] doesn't care what mood you're in..."

*** "Who're some other spree killers? [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_McVeigh Timothy McVeigh]; he had military training... [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Harvey_Oswald Lee Harvey Oswald] wasn't a ''spree'' killer, but he received about as much government attention as I'm getting right now. He had military training... and was an extremist."

{{quote| '''Freeman:''' "Who else...[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Whitman Charles Whitman], military training. [...] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alvin_C._York Alvin York] killed dozens of people, and he was a hero! He didn't even want to, he was like me... am I a hero? Eh, I don't know... I don't think it's heroic if the only person you're saving is yourself."}}

* "[[Shout Out|No respect, man.]] [[Rodney Dangerfield|No respect at all...]]"