House (TV series)/Funny: Difference between revisions

{{work}}

* This gem from "Autopsy"

'''Cuddy:''' It's Wednesday. }}

* The ''[[House (TV series)|House]]'' episode ''Euphoria, pt. 1'' contains an interesting scene where House performs an MRI scan on a cadaver he shot in the face with a .38 bullet, just to see if he can safely perform such a scan on a patient with their own bullet fragments. The look on everyone's faces when they realize House has blown up the corpse's skull and ruined the MRI machine -- just before said ruined machine shorts out the lighting -- had this troper howling with laughter.

** Even better, earlier in the same episode, just after shooting said cadaver, another doctor walks in on House and sees him with the gun (having heard a loud noise) and the corpse, upon which House says, "I shot him. He's dead." Absolutely brilliant.

** Best part is house's lines during the MRI scene. After Cuddy barges in and yells at him first for shooting the corpse and using it for this "test"

** After the bullet flies out and breaks the machine:

** And then later in the episode, when the patient begins bleeding from his bullet wounds, {{spoiler|Foreman starts laughing}}. Everyone is shocked. He then says, "What? Nobody else finds this funny?" Yes, Foreman, I think it's funny. That whole episode has a lot of [[Black Comedy]] going on for certain viewers...

** Part 2, while mostly relatively sombre and generally depressing, tossed in a gem or two. Example:

'''House:''' Yes, I make it look oh so sexy. It's actually not as glamorous as it seems. }}

* The beginning of ''Love Hurts'' is also worth a mention. House, Wilson, and a random patient are sitting in the exam room watching a baseball game while a bunch of people wait outside. Then the patient and Wilson start teasing House about his love life: "She's ''making'' you do her?!"

* The episode in Season 4 with the patient who mimics the person he thinks is in charge, and House and Cuddy's competition to have him copy them.

* In 'Cane and Able' there is this exchange between House and Foreman as regards a high def. television:

'''Foreman''': Let me ring up one of the homies. }}

** Also his continuing assertion throughout the episode that Cuddy is pregnant because her breasts are firmer.

* Cuddy screaming "This. Is BEYOND ASSHOOD!" at House in 'Both Sides Now'

* Several exchanges between House and Wilson in the episode when Wilson moves in with his bff, "Clueless":

'''House:''' You ''blowdry'' your hair? }}

::Followed by...

'''Wilson:''' Well, I was hoping [shows a post-it note on the cover saying MY LUNCH DO NOT TOUCH!!] ''this'' might tip you off... }}

* There are also moments that are funny just by virtue of being utterly cool. For example, when House has to replace his cane, and does, this troper always says the same thing in the scene introducing the new cane: ''"Bitchin' Flame Cane!"''

** The best part of that was Cameron and House's exchange over it:

'''House:''' Makes me look like I'm going fast. }}

* House's diagnosis of many clinic patients also qualifies as hilarious. In particular, one patient in "One Day, One Room" stands out:

'''House:''' Well, I haven't ironed my shirt in weeks and I haven't shaved since the weekend. ''You have athlete's foot in your nose''. I'm ready to be judged. }}

** This clinic patient was pretty funny, too.

'''House:''' That's because you're not wearing contacts. You're trying to remove your cornea. }}

* From "Resignation," Wilson's infamous [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEwqZX8m_cQ&feature=related "I'm on SPEEEEED!!!"]

* From ''Lines in the Sand'': "YOU CAN'T STOP OUR LOVE!!!"

** In the same episode:

'''House''': Yeah, my blood. Which makes the carpet part of me. I want it back. I want to be buried with it. }}

** [[Dog Day Afternoon|ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!]]

* "This is why I created nurses. CLEAN UP ON AISLE THREE!"

* This troper was in hysterics near the beginning of "Cursed" when House ''talked to a stray Vicodin pill'' before swallowing it.

* In one episode, Foreman insults Chase during the differential, so House tells Chase to take a break to figure out a comeback. Chase stays silent for the rest of the session and at the end, pipes up with "Hey, Foreman. [[Your Mom|Yo mama]][http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8ApEO8x6ik&feature=related 's so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she's backin' up."] And the other doctors' ''faces'', which range from disgust to pity, just make it.

** Not to mention the "gangsta" hand gestures Chase attempts as he does it.

* From "Ugly":

'''House:''' I owe him an apology. }}

** The Spanish dub used [[The Jungle Book (Disney film)|Baloo]]. This troper had seen the original version, and laughed even more when he saw that.

** House calls the janitor "Blue" again [[Continuity Nod|three seasons later]] and is again corrected, this time by Cuddy, in "Fall From Grace".

* This exchange from "It's a Wonderful Lie" where the team are trying to figure out where the bruises on a patient came from:

'''House:''' I tried it once. She just tied me down and whined about how hard it was being the dean of medicine. }}

** And later in that same episode, where House made a quick reference to his Fry and Laurie days while searching through the patients e-mails:

* House's introductory monologue to the clinic patients in "Occam's Razor":

'''House:''' This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a ''bored''... certified diagnostician with a double specialty in infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who is forced to be here against his will. ''(to Cuddy)'' That is true, isn't it? ''(turning back to the crowd)'' But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine. You can't have any. And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? }}

* In "Joy", House starts a betting pool about when Cuddy will back down from the adoption. Kutner bets on 7-14 days. House writes "KUTNER" on the board. Kutner says "It'd be better if I had a pseudonym". House's reply? "SKUTNER" He then proceeds to bet in the <7 days category as "Jones".

** Oh sweet Jesus, yes. Especially the line about Wilson trying to walk home drunk... with no pants... from his own apartment.

* This exchange from "Here Kitty"...

'''House:''' Oh my gosh, the death laser is attacking your legs, you're gonna die! }}

** {{spoiler|Given [[Driven to Suicide|what happens to Kutner]], this is a Crowning Moment Of [[Funny Aneurysm Moment|Funny Aneurysm]]}}.

** "He has cancer. You know how I know? He has an oncologist for a doctor."

** This exchange:

'''House:''' [starts to explain why he's wet but gives up] Anyways, your patient has cancer. [pause, he points to a chart on Wilson's desk] Not that guy. Although he probably also has cancer. }}

* The POTW from The Social Contract definitely qualifies. He was afflicted with not being able to control the impulses to say what was on his mind. Which led to much hilarity when he was confronted with Thirteen and Cuddy and could not stop talking about how much he wanted to see them get it on, covered in fudge and cherries. He kept having to apologize after every sentence, and this troper could not stop cracking up.

* From a S1 episode:

'''Wilson:''' We can release a single. }}

* All of Season 6's "The Down Low".

** Another plot involved a joke that Chase, Thirteen, and Taub had played on Foreman, making him think that they had higher salaries than he did. Foreman claims that he's quitting after this case because there's no use in sticking around, leading the team to go to Cuddy and offer to take a pay cut in order to facilitate giving him a raise, at which point she reveals that she hasn't talked to Foreman in 3 days and has no idea what they're talking about -- it turns out he was turning the tables on them.

** Then there was the main plot, involving a drug dealer that went down in a gun fight despite the shooter missing and hitting himself in the foot. When the dealer tries to walk out of the room after House has finished stitching him up, House whacks the bed with his cane, making a loud noise and instantly dropping the dealer. House suspects an environmental cause, so he bugs the dealer's room, and gets a lot of interference. {{spoiler|He then finds out that there are ''two'' bugs in the room, the one he had planted and the one the patient himself had planted -- the "dealer" is actually an ''undercover cop''. He also gets the ''real'' drug dealer out of the room by saying that he needs to do a rectal exam.}} Also, in trying to find the answers that the patient wouldn't give...

'''Eddie:''' I don't feel sick; I feel '''''drugged!''''' Trust me, I know the difference! }}

*** And, of course, the intersection of the main plot and the sub-plot. Early in the episode, House is talking with Eddie, trying to find out what it is they deal in. Eddie claims that they work in "textiles", leading to an extended metaphor. House asks if they deal in "hosiery, with an h", and Eddie replies that they work more with "culottes". House is not exactly sure what culottes are, so he has to ask if that starts with a "c" or a "k". Shortly afterward, Wilson interrupts and tells House that he had tried to ask their new neighbor out and she danced away from it because she thought the two of them were gay. After the traditional insults, House asks, "What are 'culottes', anyway?"--and Wilson immediately gives the answer, which doesn't exactly scream "straight".

** Thirteen is fiddling with the receiver for the bug House set up

'''Thirteen''' I resorted to something a little more exotic. It's called reading the instructions. Turns out if you plug the wires into the wrong sockets it doesn't actually work. }}

* After Chase gets a haircut House says {{spoiler|Cameron get your hair in the divorce?}}

* House discovering Wilson's [[Old Shame]] porno video: "Be not afraid. The forest nymphs taught me how to please a woman." I died laughing.

* Basically any time Taub goes into snark mode. For instance when he's debating suicide with Kutner, Taub believing it's never right and Kutner believing it can be:

'''Taub:''' I'd shoot the people holding the torches. }}

** {{spoiler|[[Funny Aneurysm Moment|And then Kutner shot himself.]]}}

** Made even funnier by the completely bored, expressionless way Foreman takes the phone off House and gives it back to Taub, ruining House's fun, and just continues talking about the case like nothing happened.

** Same episode two more gems from Taub.

'''Taub''' And then her pinkie toe. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were just randomly naming body parts that have nothing to do with her symptoms. }}

* The speed dating scene: House: 'I'm a diagnostician' the woman stares blankly 'I find out what's wrong with people and fix it' 'Don't all doctors do that?'

** And then Chase's American accent "I like videogames."

** From the same episode:

'''Wilson''': You kinda are. }}

** From later in that episode, when Chase is complaining about women only valuing him for his looks, Thirteen deadpans "Then date men. They're not shallow at all."

* House: "This needs some womanly persuasion." Thirteen rolls her eyes and is about to walk into the patient's room, when House says "I said womanly!" and looks at Chase.

* Season 3, Wilson tricking House into believing he slept with Cuddy.

'''House''': Night, Wilson. }}

* House revealing he knows the clinic patient 3x19 brought in someone else's urine.

'''House:''' No. ''(smiling)'' You're pregnant. }}

* Taub and Foreman getting high off Vicodin in "Lockdown." [[It Makes Sense in Context]].

* In Season 6's "The Choice". Chase singing "Midnight Train to Georgia" with House and Foreman singing backup. And dancing.

* Amber Vs House in the S2 episode "No More Mr Nice Guy".

* A little scene illustrating the House/Cuddy powerplay/relationship:

'''Student 2''': That's not hate. It's foreplay. }}

* House tries to hit on an attractive female doctor. He offers her a job.

* These:

'''Cameron''' [deadpan] Jello shots and wild sex, what else? }}

'''House''' I think your tie is ugly. }}

'''House''' Why can’t both be true?” }}

* In the season 3 finale "Human Error":

'''Cameron:''' I'm in the room! }}

** Another gem from "Human Error":

'''House:''' He's not gone 5 minutes and the name-calling starts. What's on the PET scan? }}

'''House:''' Yes, they are all irreplaceable. If only this country had figured out a way to somehow to teach people to interpret PET scans. }}

'''Cuddy:''' Pick up the phone, and tell Chase you made a mistake. Un-fire him. }}

'''Cuddy:''' My building, my floor, my people. }}

* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc3TxKVHV10 House's impersonations of his ducklings]

** And also "Cameron, I love you." [Her mouth drops open. House takes swab] "Test results will be back Thursday."

*

'''House''' DOUBLE ENTRY BOOKKEEPING!! }}

*

'''House''' Hey, words can hurt! }}

*

'''House:''' I’d hate it. That’s why I very cleverly have no personal life. }}

* "Baffling. Though I vaguely recall a disease called noomonia? Noomania?”

** . . . especially "STILL not boring!"

*

'''Wilson:''' Good times. }}

* In "Knight Fall" House refers to Taub as Gollum.

* House: "Idiopathic. It means we're idiots because we can't figure this out."

* This:

'''House:''' Foreman, she's not wearing any underwear! You used to be fun. }}

* And this:

'''Taub''' (looking at a cage full of rabbits) True. Maybe a tick jumped from a rabbit and landed on one of these white fluffy alligators here. }}

* [[Rule of Three|And also this:]]

'''Taub''' I'll build the giant submarine, and you go get the minaturization gizmo. }}

* A S5 episode with the editor who cannot censor what he says, saying whatever it is that is on his mind. While the dramatic consequences are explored through his blunt words to his wife and daughter, it is hilarious. When he is doing the MRI, he describes how he'd like to screw Thirteen. He apologizes profusely. And House calls Cuddy into the room, whereby he graphically describes his sexual fantasies, something involving cherries and whipped cream. Cuddy leaves, House follows, and although she acts annoyed, as the lift door closes on House, she can't help but smile either.

* In "Frozen", when House is trying to get an answer out of the team.

'''House:''' ''WRONG!'' }}

* In Season 7, anything to do with Wilson and House and Cuddy's relationship, from House finding Wilson trying to crawl into his apartment through his window (and getting stuck!), to when they finally all talk and straighten things out.(House: "I think you straightened out my limp!")

* In Season Six's eleventh episode, "The Down-Low", House has bought a sofa for the apartment Wilson and he share while masquerading as a couple.

'''House:''' I will punch you in the face.<br />

'''Wilson:''' I'll stop if you get rid of the sofa.<br />

* In the episode "Epic Fail" Taub and Thirteen are playing a virtual reality game. We're watching them discuss the patient while in the video game. When Taub's character is attacked by [[Goddamn Bats]] said character falls to the ground slapping at the bats on it's back. Cut to Taub outside of the video game, in the same position, as Thirteen walks away.

* In the episode ''Poison'':

'''Cameron:''' Maybe we should all pitch in and get you a nice cane. You’ve already got the matching gym shoes. }}

** Same episode, an 82-year-old woman is told that the syphilis she contracted in 1939 has recurred, and treatment is a two-week course of penicillin.

* And how can we forget this moment from ''The Down Low''?

'''House:''' {{spoiler|1='''I NEED THE DRUGS!''' Hmm... works for [[24|Jack Bauer.]] }} }}

* Some of the diagnoses are funny in their own right. Take "Needle in a Haystack", where the patient {{spoiler|accidentally ingested a toothpick, which went undigested and pierced his intestines}} during a makeout session with his girlfriend.

* House subverting Foreman's authority by playing charades with his team in "The Tyrant."

* When two elementary school children are prematurely going through puberty, House goes to their school to see if anyone else has it.

* "You're telling me to do the right thing ''while climbing out a window''!"

* "I kinda hit that last night, so now she's all up in my jock."

* House and Wilson's prank wars are legendary, and it's hard to pick a winning prank. That being said? [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzgTjAhmcig&feature=related "Wow, looks like someone filed halfway through your cane. Huh."]

* "Saviors". House has just figured out Wilson has been screwing with him the entire episode:

* ''Larger Than Life''. Decorating Taub's poster into a Hitler. Knocking Cuddy's mother out with sedatives. And knocking Wilson out with sedatives. That episode was a Crowning Episode Of Funny.

** Especially Cuddy's delivery: "You ''sedated'' my ''MOTHER''!?

* After House drugs Cuddy's mom, "Well, leaving aside the fact that House's a sociopath..."

* From "Carrot or Stick", when Chase gets his Facebook account hacked into and a... manipulated photo gets posted. He tries to figure out who posted the photo.

'''Masters:''' You're a whore! }}

** And later, when Chase tries to find out how his account was hacked.

'''Masters:''' You're a ''dumb'' whore! }}

* Cuddy: "Twenty-four times a year you come storming into my office spouting that you can help someone. Except you never say those words. You say something like, "His pancreas is going to explode because his brain is on fire!"

* Another bit of clinic duty, when House is talking to a woman who is experiencing vaginal irritation because she "recently switched to the jelly."

'''Patient:''' Oh, good, I have some [[Completely Missing the Point|right here]]. (reaching into her bag to take it out)<br />

'''House:''' No, not of the jelly, of the infec-<br />

'''Patient:''' It's strawberry! }}

** And then in the same scene...

'''House:''' ''[[Beat]]'' Oh yeah. }}

* The last five minutes of "Let Them Eat Cake." [[Don't Explain the Joke|Explaining it just ruins the joke.]]

* From "Recession". '''House''': (to Cuddy) "Heh. My head's on your vagina."

** And the [[Ho Yay]] banter between Foreman and Taub, including being compared to [[Sesame Street|Bert and Ernie]] (Taub's Ernie) and Taub giving them both food poisoning, leading to a shot of their pants around their feet as they're on the toilet... and then House walks in to continue their conversation, Chase and Masters in tow.

* Taub and Foreman have had a lot of great moments over the years, especially since they're both so deadpan and mopey all the time, as lampshaded by Taub:

* From "Out of the Chute":

'''House:''' All but one. She did my taxes. }}

** Also:

** And:

House: (indicating Wilson) After he and I have sex, I'm going to slit his throat and then disembowel him in the bathtub. }}

* "Fall From Grace": House drives up to the hospital in a monster truck and starts talking like a [[Pirate]]. Also, after {{spoiler|his sham of a wedding}}:

* "I'm haloooocinating..."

* One of the first things Thirteen does {{spoiler|when she's freed from jail}} is to knee a man in the groin as House stares in shock. Made funnier because it's [[Lost|Damon Lindelof]].

** Complete with a brilliant deadpan Jehovah's Witnesses reference.

* When Thirteen helps House with his potato gun, but especially:

'''Thirteen:''' Aaah! *Gets blown onto her back* }}

* In Season 7, House and Wilson {{spoiler|bet $20 on who can keep a chicken in the hospital the longest. Wilson wins.}}

* This exchange from "Skin Deep", with House inside the MRI machine:

'''House:''' God, why have you forsaken me? }}

* One of House's clinic patients demonstrates that it hurts everywhere he touches. Cut straight to Cuddy asking a nurse "Did you give House the moron with the broken finger?"

* The first episode of season four is chock-a-block with funny moments, ranging from Wilson stealing House's guitar to House running a differential diagnosis with ''a janitor.''

* Also, in "Spin", season 2:

*

'''House:''' Are we still speaking metaphorically? }}

*

'''Thirteen and Cutthroat Bitch had a disagreement and the cafeteria was all out of Jello. }}

* "Bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy!" *all the new ducklings look toward Foreman, who shrugs and says:* "It's how I got hired."

* *After Cameron, Chase and Foreman have left House's team*

'''Chase:''' Don't... care? }}

* "Have you ever heard of the National Man Dead Boy Love Association?"

* Thirteen and House talking about the spud gun competition in 'The Dig'. It ends with Thirteen saying that they'll go for hang time and length over accuracy, and asking where the fertiliser is.

* Much of the [[Ho Yay]] between House and Wilson is as heartwarming as it is hilarious. Like, in the season 7 premiere "Now What", House and Cuddy had just finished having sex, leading to this exchange.

'''House:''' You were thinking about ''Wilson'' while we were having sex? That's so cool, so was I! }}

** From season 6, "Private Lives":

'''House:''' Masturbating. I'd invite you, but people are already talking. }}

** Season 8's 'Better Half' gives us this gem.

* When House spikes Wilson's coffee with amphetamines, Wilson ''almost'' doesn't take the bait simply because House ''bought him a cup of coffee'' and this clues him in that something funny is going on.

'''Wilson:''' It's either that, or I accept the fact that you've done something nice. And then I would have to accept the horsemen. And the reign of fire. And the end of days. }}

** The punchline, of course, is that Wilson falls for it anyway, by taking ''House's'' cup of coffee... and House [[I Know You Know I Know|switched them beforehand.]]

* "Hunting". House vs. the Rat, and this bit with Wilson:

'''House:''' Not the rat, the dad! }}

* Dr. Adams pushing a wheelchair holding a sex doll in "We Need the Eggs"

* The "Spring Break" photos of Wilson passed out on House's couch at the end of "The C Word." Also a [[Crowning Moment of Heartwarming]].

* "Everybody Dies", the series finale, is primarily very dark, but had its lighter moments.

** Near the end of the episode, Wilson is {{spoiler|giving the eulogy at House's funeral}} when he's interrupted by the ringing of a phone. He irritably asks whoever's phone is ringing to get it, only to find that the ringing is coming from his own pocket. He mutters that he could've sworn he'd shut that off...wait, this isn't his phone!

** And then the series ends with House and Wilson riding off on motorcycles, while the background music tells us to enjoy life while we still can. Something about the [[Mood Whiplash]] of this final scene (happy after a largely depressing episode), and the levity of the music playing, is just inexplicably amusing.

* Episode 5x17 has a patient with Frontal Lobe Disinhibition, which causes him to say whatever pops into his mind. His reactions to Thirteen and Cuddy are hilarity incarnate, especially given that they're delivered by ''[[The Shield]]'s'' straight man, Kenneth Johnson.

I've already embarrassed myself with one doctor, whom I am at this moment imagining [[Girl-On-Girl Is Hot|with you on a king sized bed]] with a mirror on the ceiling I am so, so sorry. But if I couldn't have both of you together, [Cuddy] would definitely be my first choice.

}}