Automoderated users, Autopatrolled users, Bureaucrats, Comment administrators, Confirmed users, Moderators, Rollbackers, Administrators
213,518
edits
Humans Are Cthulhu/Fridge: Difference between revisions
bot-edit: replaced potholed link to redirect with potholed link to destination page
m (Mass update links) |
(bot-edit: replaced potholed link to redirect with potholed link to destination page) |
||
| (4 intermediate revisions by one other user not shown) | |||
Line 1:
{{
----
* An [[Eldritch Abomination]] is, as one of defining traits, [[You Keep Using That Word|Inconceivable]], not just something unfamiliar, but an insane mockery of natural law altogether. Come down to the animal world, where species use basically the same behavior patterns for ages. A usual predator will have his senses, one, two built-in weapons and some tenth' offensive maneuvers at all in his arsenal, mostly relying on less then that. He, or his prey, will also have about the same limited amount of countermeasures, that again stay the same across generations, while being determined by natural selection if his species is the fittest and maintaining the overall balance of the ecosystem. Here comes the Inconceivable: it's one giant melee fang (and probably a sturdy carapace) in the morning, no such fang but a tamed fire that kills from afar in the afternoon, warping the world, natural selection and the laws of the universe themselves so that [[Everything Is Trying to Kill You]], and if nothing of that works, expect a full new bag of tricks tomorrow, and another after that, and another. We're talking what, hundreds, thousands weapons and absolute uncountable amount of patterns, all wielded by one squishy species and changed ''at will''? [[Incredibly Lame Pun|This is madness!]] ([[Memetic Mutation|Yes, yes, we know.]] [[
** According to HP Lovecraft, some of the defining characteristics of Eldritch Abominations are that they are inherently unnatural and uncaring. Humans not only disrupt ecosystems and destroy habitats with their very presence, but have accidentally exterminated so many species that we've LOST COUNT. We're just like the uncaring Old Ones Lovecraft kept rambling about.
*** Humans do care. They may not care enough do do a whole lot to help wild animals, but they will avoid being unnecessarily cruel. This is not something that is true of nature in general. Evolution cares only for genetic fitness.
**** Some Humans care anyway. Many others really don't. They tend to vary between those that don't care about eradicating large sections of the planet's biosphere and those that will try to stop it.
*** The fact that we care at all is something unusual. Humans are generally the only species that will do something for another species completely at our own will and without expecting anything in return. This is pretty much the opposite of the above. If animals could truly grasp this concept, it would likely blow their minds, but humans who will be kind to animals must be borderline ''angelic'' through their eyes. Some strange creatures just made sure their life would continue or gave them food for reasons they will never understand, and that is to assume that there really is a reason behind it. While we may be effectively Eldritch Abominations in the eyes of wild species, at the very least we'll often be fairly benevolent while we're at it.
** Also, it is rather creepy the things civilization has built. Cyclopean flying spires possessing [[Atomic Hate|the power of the Sun]], unleashing [[The End of the World
* We shape the development and population of farm animals, so that we can consume them. Just like the Great Old Ones.
* Imagine you're a deer in the forest. You come across something that blends in with its surroundings, can imitate your voice, and fires from the trees an immensely powerful weapon you can't fathom. If you come across one of your species that has encountered it, you'll find they have been horribly mutilated and parts are missing, taken as trophies. That's right, humans are The [[Predator]].
** It gets ever better: It's semi-well-known that humans are the best [[Determinator|endurance runners]] in the animal kingdom. How did we get that way? It's how we hunt. Yeah, that gazelle is faster than you at the moment, but lets see how it's doing ''three or [
* To large, dangerous animals, or animals that use venom, humans would be [[Squishy Wizard|Squishy Wizards]]. Yes, the humans can warp the environment to their whim, kill from a distance, turn night into day and make fire, but get in close enough to use claws, fangs or poison, and they die like any other prey...
** Yet they quickly find that in by doing so, they [[Ruined FOREVER|would ruin their reputation to the world forever]] and have invoked the wrath of these mysterious beings who would have normally left them to their own devices. These beings [[Implacable Man|can hold grudges forever]]. The predator then becomes the prey as these animals realize with growing horror that thet are being hunted by countless [[Super
*** Hell, we'll hunt individual animals for weeks, months, even ''years'' to bring them down if necessary. There you have it, humans are an overprotective guild of mages.
*** We're more likely to relocate them now unless they make a habit of it. Something about almost wiping out entire species in a region for revenge of a single death now strikes people as wrong.
Line 29:
** Then again the reason we keep them around (nowadays at least, when they aren't working dogs) is because of their comforting loyalty and easily met needs, compared to neurotic self-centred humans. ''Some'' people keep them because they get a kick out of dominating another being's life, but not ''most'' people.
** They probably respect and are intimidated by us. After all, a good hunting day for a dog is catching a rabbit or bird and chowing down. A human goes out "hunting" (actually going to the grocery store), and in 1/2 an hour returns with generous portions of Pork, Chicken, Beef, Eggs, and enough food to feed a dog for ''weeks''. They probably think we're the greatest hunters in the world!
*** [[Humans Are Warriors|We ''are'' the greatest hunters in the world]], duh: I mean, we're not even good swimmers, and we ''eat '''sharks'''. '' There's a reason our own scientists call us [[Super
** Cats, on the other hand, seem to see us as rather like elephants. Big, useful, potentially dangerous, but somehow rather goofy.
*** The big cats (including lions) that once lived in Europe and Asia probably thought we are goofy, too, until they were all hunted down with just bows, arrows and spears.
** And of course, there's the pampering, hugging, playing, giving treats and making a huge fuss over the pet when it does something right aspect of the relationship as well. Godlike-beings we may be, but in healthy human-pet relationships it's certainly not an unloving/unloved one.
*** Best summed up in this joke:
{{quote|
'''Cat:''' You feed me, you love me, you take care of my every need. [[A God Am I|I MUST BE A GOD]]! }}
*** [[Up|"My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you."]]
Line 57:
** Generally by the time the driver can smell it, it's already too late for the skunk (and, by the way, the car).
* Talking birds (parrots, for instance): To put it succinctly, what we hear as "Polly want a cracker" is probably "IA IA HUMANS FHTAGN" to themselves and other animals. In other words, parrots and other talking birds are the "dark cultists" of the animal world.
* You're a bird, flapping along, enjoying your first good thermal of the day, when you hear a rumbling in the distance. Before you can turn to see what it is, the rumbling becomes a roar and a vortex seizes you, tossing you around. The last thing you see are blades. Congratulations, you just became [
** Birdstrike can bring down planes and kill people. More like Accidentally [[Broke Your Arm Punching Out Cthulhu]].
** Same for animals that become roadkill, or manatees that get hit by boats.
| |||