Klatchian Coffee: Difference between revisions

[[File:GarfieldCoffee_106GarfieldCoffee 106.jpg|link=Garfield|rightframe]]

{{quote|''It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning. It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion.''|Unknown, but from USENET groups[[UseNet]], modified from the ''[[Dune]]'' quote below.}}

While a [[Gargle Blaster]] will get you insanely drunk, '''Klatchian Coffee''' has the opposite effect. Rather than slowing down your brain, Klatchian Coffee speeds it up tremendously. In some cases, the results can be [[Nightmare Fuel]] in a cup, or just ''really'' scary to think about. Can generate [[Caffeine Bullet Time]]. May be used to demonstrate the level of a person's [[Must Have Caffeine]] addiction if [[Klatchian Coffee]] is their regular morning brew.

Possibly based on Turkish Coffee, which is an incredibly strong brew of coffee. Rather than drip or espresso it, you just boil ultra-fine ground coffee grounds until you achieve drinkable coffee .

{{quote| ''It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.''}}

** The novels rarely mention it, but the movie seems to make it the source of all Mentats' abilities. One of its characteristics is that it permanently stains the lips of the drinker a cranberry red colour. If overused, it is addictive and ultimately deadly. So the mantra makes perfect sense, even the "by will alone" is probably part of Mentat dogma-- specificallydogma—specifically, that although Sapho enhances your pre-existing abilities the discipline and mental techniques are what allow you to excel. In other words it's an [[Amplifier Artifact]], not [[Super Serum]].

* The ever-brewed riverboat coffee -- Incoffee—In one of James P. Blaylock's novels, ''[[The Disappearing Dwarf]]'', there is a scene on a riverboat where the coffee comes from an urn which has been brewing continuously for ''13 years''. The urn is never emptied. Water and coffee are added as needed. One of the passengers makes the mistake of having a third cup. The coffee is so strong that he starts hallucinating.

* The [[Ur Example]] is [[wikipedia:The New Accelerator|the New Accelerator]] in the [[HGH. G. Wells]] story of the same name, a drug which increases the body's metabolic rate by a thousand or so times. The narrator and the inventor both drink just a drop of the accelerator, and the next few seconds become so drawn out that to the characters they feel more like half an hour. Notably, moving so incredibly quickly causes incredible friction and air resistance, and the pair find their trousers are becoming singed as they walk.

* In ''Wicked Japanese For The Business Traveler'', a semi serious phrasebook, it mentions Japanese tea. "Clear, bitter and still boiling when it hits the roof of your mouth." The phrases associated with it translate to: "Honorable tea? Yes please! I had some when I got off the plane last week. I haven't slept since. I have many evil thoughts. Do you know where I can score a dime bag of the stuff?"

{{quote| "Take one sip, awake for six hours. Take two sips, awake for 72 hours. Drink the cup, you never blink again."}}

== Video Games[[Radio]] ==

== [[Web Comics]] ==

* In the ''[[Girl Genius]]'' webcomicweb comic, set in a Gaslamp [[Steampunk]] universe where [[Mad Scientist|Mad Scientists]]s called ''Sparks'' can liberally break the laws of physics, the central protagonist, Agatha Heterodyne, tastes coffee for the first time and, in [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070525 a fit of caffiene-fueled inspiration], immediately sets about rebuilding a coffee shop's [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070618 coffee-making engine]. [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070620 A mere sip] of the "improved" product can result in something like [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070622 a religious] [http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070625 and possibly life-changing] experience. Even ''[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070629 licking a few drops]'' was enough to make a [[Super Soldier]] pause in mid-rampage to appreciate it.

* The [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007223615/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20070129 coffee] [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007202540/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20070130 at the Google offices] in ''[[User Friendly]]'' is so powerful it does [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007225914/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20070131 this].

** Pitr making coffee with [https://web.archive.org/web/20150531204917/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030926 heavy water] is not really an example. What IS an example is Pitr making coffee that [https://web.archive.org/web/20190503105416/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030408 burns through two stories of a building and into the sewage line].

** Then there's [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007214304/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20030418 "Sid's Insidious Syrup"]. Better known as ''[[Cthulhu Mythos|Hastur]]''.

** [https://web.archive.org/web/20171007214205/http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20020520 Pitr-Cola], made of caffeine. ''Just'' caffeine.

* Francis' twitch-gamer "power drink" from ''[[PvP]]'': "a blend of espresso, Jolt cola, some Pixie Stix, pure cane sugar, Choco Puffs and a splash of Mountain Dew because I'm that @!&$% crazy, man." [https://web.archive.org/web/20131205181009/http://www.pvponline.com/2000/03/06/mon-mar-06/ Oohhh, the colors.]

** Taken [[Up to Eleven]] with this [http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1776 concoction].

* [https://web.archive.org/web/20100611080115/http://www.genecatlow.com/d/20000809.html This] early ''[[Gene Catlow]]'' strip. It birthed [https://web.archive.org/web/20100611080124/http://www.genecatlow.com/d/20000816.html a major plot point.]

* The crew of ''[[The Whiteboard (Webcomic)|The Whiteboard]]'', after (or in the middle of) a particularly interesting New Years' party (and that's saying something), manages by accident to create a coffee strong enough to cure astigmatism, boost intellect, and [[Breast Expansion|add a cup size to women.]] The effects are temporary.

* From ''[[UnwindersUnwinder's Tall Comics]]'', a coffee brew known as "The Huffy Dimension". One of the ingredients is vinegar.

* Dante from [http://www.inktank.com/ Angst Technology] brews coffee that is so strong as to be ''solid''. In one classic strip of the now-defunct ''[[Angst Technology]]'' series, the rest of the gang put decaf in the office coffee machine to see how close he would get before detecting it (fourteen feet, six inches, it turned out); in the [https://web.archive.org/web/20100619111212/http://www.inktank.com/2010/04/14/ 2010-04-14] ''[[Ink Tank]]'' strip, where he and Barry (the [[Author Avatar]]) are at a Starbucks, he berates Barry for not buying the largest cup. One of the comments on this strip was "I would think that anything from a Starbucks would be WAY too weak for Dante".

** In the [https://web.archive.org/web/20100622004539/http://www.inktank.com/2010/04/16/ 2010-04-16] strip, Dante uses another version of the ''Dune'' quote which heads this page.

* ''[[Nodwick]]'' has a [https://web.archive.org/web/20071204062155/http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/gamespyarchive/index.php?date=2007-04-11 case] when the phrase "[[Indestructible Edible|five hundred years]] old coffee" explains everything.

{{quote| '''Riff:''' I have all new respect for the coffee.<br />

* ''[[Not Invented Here (Webcomic)|Not Invented Here]]'': Desmond's "Coder's Sunrise". It's cheese balls floating in Red Bull.

{{quote| '''Desmond''': It's like there's a hornet party in my ribcage, and everyone's on ''fire''!}}

{{quote| '''Burnie:''' Okay, one note from the kitchen. If you're going to use the coffee pot to make coffee, you need to use '''water'''. Okay? I don't care what the fucking Internet says. There is no such thing as double coffee.}}

* [[College Humor]] parodied this with [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs&ob=av3e Powerthirst], an energy drink which makes outrageous claims about its potency; the drink was later Defictionalized and contains a staggering 190 &nbsp;mg of caffeine per 16 ounces. (For reference, Bawls Exxtra in the [[Real Life]] section of this page packs 150 milligrams per 16 ounces.)

== Western[[Real AnimationLife]] ==

* In real life, combining lots of caffeine with lots of alcohol (to use the trope names, mixing [[Klatchian Coffee]] ''with'' a [[Gargle Blaster]]) tends to produce some rather dangerous effects, to the point that it's hard to to tell what will get you first. Do you pass out drunk or wear yourself out on a caffeine high? The worst part is that the conflicting buzzes prevent you from knowing which, with potentially fatal consequences. Thus the FDA in November 2010 clamped down on drinks like Four Loko and Joose by setting limits on the amount of caffeine that can be in the drinks. There are also Irish Coffee and "bomb shots" like the Jägerbomb to consider.

* How can you pick out an experienced barista? One good way is the six-shooter -- sixshooter—six to eight ounces of espresso in one cup. Even baristas who don't have quite as much a coffee jones will knock back a shot of espresso in well under a minute. For those who like a full-sized cup of coffee, there's the redeye,<ref>Other names include shot in the dark, depth charge, sludge cup, or (for multiple shots of espresso) blackeye.</ref>, the caffeine equivalent of a boilermaker -- anboilermaker—an espresso in a cup of drip coffee -- whichcoffee—which is particularly popular with geeks and various trades.

* As noted above, Turkish coffee. It's served in small cups and can give even hardened caffeine addicts a noticeable buzz. Drink the sludge at the bottom if you're brave and have a toothbrush handy.

[[Category:Klatchian Coffee{{PAGENAME}}]]