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{{trope}}
[[File:
{{quote|'''Monty:''' Dad, is there a word to describe answers that are ''completely correct'' but ''entirely useless'' under the circumstances?
'''Prof. Jones:''' Yes, yes there is.
|''[[Irregular Webcomic]]''}}
If you ask someone a question, and he gives you an entirely accurate answer that is of no practical use whatsoever, he has just given you a Mathematician's Answer.
A common form of giving a
Examples include questions involving "can you do ''[favor]''...?" being interpreted as a hypothetical "are you ''capable of'' doing ''[favor]''?" instead of its more common intent as a request to actually do it (this is a favorite of English teachers and [[Grammar Nazi]], frequently going through something similar to "Can I come in?" "I don't know, ''are you able to''?" "Uh, '''may''' I come in?") Another common form is when a character is asked "Is it A or B?" they will respond, "Yes" as if it was a question of Boolean logic rather than clarifying which specific one is the case (though this can also occur if the responder does not know the answer (but is sure at least one of them is correct), or considers both answers correct. This crops up a lot in [[Real Life]], especially in the world of computers.)
Can be used by characters for reasons ranging from [[Played for Laughs|snarky humor]] to intentional obfuscation to being extremely [[Literal
Can overlap with [[Shaped Like Itself]] when the question is seeking a description, and with [[Captain Obvious]], as these answers tend to be self-evident for anyone with a brain. Usually doubles as a [[Cryptically Unhelpful Answer]], when the "mathematician" is deliberately trying to confound the questioner. Compare [[Non-Answer]], which is a vague "answer" which does not answer the question at all. Mildly related to [[What's a Henway?]] and [[Not Actually the Ultimate Question]]. And don't forget that the person giving the Mathematician's Answer is [[Futurama|"technically correct ... the best kind of correct."]]
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Its origins lie in the joke about a man in a hot-air balloon who asked someone where he was. "You're in a balloon," he answered. The rider concluded that it was a mathematician that said that, because the answer was perfectly correct and completely useless.
Compare with [[Non-Answer]].
----▼
{{examples}}
== Advertising ==
* A commercial for Lyrica begins with a voiceover along the lines of: "I was wondering why I had muscle pain, so I asked my doctor. It turns out, connected to muscles are nerves which send pain messages to the brain."
** Also a [[Captain Obvious]] moment. "Nerves send pain messages to the brain?! [[Sarcasm Mode|Noooo]]!"
* A commercial for Budweiser (or Miller Draft){{verify}} had a guy describe something as beautiful, refreshing, etc. as he was grabbing a beer near a woman. The woman asks if he was describing the beer, or her, his reply is "Yes."
* A commercial for Grey Poupon mustard has one Rolls-Royce pull up to another, and they both roll down their windows. One man asks, "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" The other replies, "But of course!" - then signals his chauffeur to drive away.
== Anime and Manga ==
* ''[[
** From episode one.
{{quote|'''Mokona:''' *yawn* I slept well.
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** And also from a few moments later.
{{quote|'''Watanuki:''' This is your idea of a party guest? What the heck is a Mokona?
'''Yūko:''' Mokona is Mokona. Incidentally, you count them "one mokona," "[[Mythology Gag|two mokona]]", and then stop, there are only two.
'''Watanuki:''' [[Lampshade Hanging|That's not an answer!]] }}
* ''[[Rurouni Kenshin]]'' has one of these during the Jinchu Arc:
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{{quote|'''Lupin:''' Which direction do you think the helicopter will be coming from?
'''Goemon:''' Up. }}
== Comic Books ==
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==
* Of all people, Kyon's sister in ''[[Kyon: Big Damn Hero]]''. Unsurprisingly, Yuki joins in later, when she and Haruhi forcibly undress Kyon. Yuki seems to do this fairly often.
{{quote|'''Kyon:''' "So ''if'' I tell you, that means you can't go. Understand?"
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{{quote|'''Elementary School Math Teacher:''' "How Many Numbers between 1 and 10 are divisible by 2?"
'''Tate:''' [[All of Them|"All Of Them"]]. }}
** Doubles as a [[Captain Obvious]] moment.
* ''[[Return of the Jedi]]'': "R2! What are you doing here?... Well, I can ''see'' you're serving drinks..."
* ''[[The Empire Strikes Back]]'':
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'''Moe:''' Hospital??
'''Shemp:''' Yes, I wanted to be near my mother! }}
* ''[[Austin Powers]]: International Man of Mystery'', when Vanessa finds out just how Austin got plans from one of Dr. Evil's [[Femme
{{quote|'''Vanessa:''' Did you use protection?
'''Austin:''' Of course, I have a 9 millimeter automatic. }}
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** "Jackie Cooper, who was ''[[The Hunchback of Notre Dame (novel)|The Hunchback of Notre Dame]]''?" "[[The Hunchback of Notre Dame (film)|Lon Chaney]]."
* In ''[[Shrek]] the Third'', Pinocchio has a very confusing one in order to not lie to Captain Hook about where Shrek is.
* ''[[Sleepy Hollow (Film)|Sleepy Hollow]]'':
{{quote|'''Ichabod Crane:''' Katrina, why are you in my room?
'''Katrina Van Tassel:''' Because it is yours. }}
* When asked why he committed the eponymous crime in ''The Great Train Robbery'', [[Sean Connery]]'s character says "[[Crowning Moment of Funny|I wanted the money]]."
== Literature ==
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** "Where does this road go?" "It isn't going anywhere. It's just staying put."
** One Vermont farmer approaches another. "My horse is sick. What did you give your horse when it was sick?" "Hay and molasses." Two weeks later: "I gave my horse hay and molasses, and it died." "Yep, so did mine."
*
** From ''[[Hogfather]]'':
{{quote|'''Susan''': Are those mountains real or some sort of shadows?
'''Death''': {{smallcaps|
** Similarly, when the Senior Wrangler suggests that the mistletoe, while being genuinely symbolic, is only symbolic of mistletoe:
{{quote|'''Archchancellor:''' That statement is either so deep it would take a lifetime to fully comprehend every particle of its meaning, or it is a load of absolute tosh. Which is it, I wonder?
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{{quote|'''Lord Downey''': Can I offer you a drink?
'''Auditor''': Yes ... we judge you capable of performing that action }}
** Susan again, in ''[[
{{quote|'''Susan''': Are you {{spoiler|Lobsang}} or are you {{spoiler|Jeremy}}?
''' {{spoiler|Lobsang/Jeremy}}''': Yes.
'''Susan''': Yes, I walked into that. Are you {{spoiler|Lobsang}} ''and'' are you {{spoiler|Jeremy}}?
''' {{spoiler|Lobsang/Jeremy}}''': Much closer. Yes. }}
** Rincewind and Eric, from <s> Faust</s> [[
{{quote|'''Rincewind''': There's a door.
'''Eric''': Where does it go?
'''Rincewind''': It stays where it is, I think. }}
** Yet another one, sort of, from ''[[
{{quote|'''Granny Weatherwax''': Am I dying?
'''Death''':{{smallcaps|yes}}.
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'''Granny Weatherwax''': But to you, everybody is dying, right? So you are not exactly being Mr. Helpful here.
'''Death''':{{smallcaps|yes}} }}
** And another in ''[[
{{quote|Demons were like genies or philosophy professors - if you didn't word things exactly right, they delighted in giving you absolutely accurate [...] answers.}}
** As mentioned in ''[[
{{quote|Things just happened. What the hell?}}
** The real problem with Mathematician's Answers in Discworld is that they often
▲** The real problem with Mathematician's Answers in Discworld is that they often AREN'T -- they're very accurate statements of the fact that, in a world where symbolism, belief, and narrative causality are literally physical laws of the universe, it is entirely possible for something to be two different and contradictory things simultaneously.
* ''[[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy]]'': When Zaphod learns that Marvin is waiting for them in the car park at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe (and has been for several trillion years), he asks what he's doing there. Marvin's answer? Parking cars. What else would he be doing there?
** More literally: "42". [[You Should Know This Already|For those that don't know about this]], an alien race constructs a massive supercomputer in order to learn "The answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything". The computer, after <s> centuries</s> seven and a half million years of computation, comes back with "42". When asked about this, the computer responds that it is able to figure out the answer, but they need another computer to calculate [[Jeopardy!|what the question is.]] The programmers, afraid of the mob's reaction to this nonsense, just make up the question: "[[Shout-Out|How many roads]] [[Bob Dylan|must a man walk down?]]"
** Arthur has one as well:
{{quote|'''Arthur Dent''': You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.
'''Ford Prefect''': Why? What did she tell you?
'''Arthur Dent''': I don't know! I didn't listen! }}
** In ''Life, the Universe and Everything'', there is the character Prak. In a court case, he was injected with too much truth serum, and then he was instructed to tell "the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth." He responds by telling them everything that is true about, well, Life, the Universe, and Everything. Everyone present had to flee, leaving him alone telling the Truth, however by the time the protagonists arrive he has finished, telling them that there's not as much to it as one might expect, that he has forgotten it all now, but some of the best bits involved frogs and Arthur Dent.
* Jarlaxle the drow from R.A. Salvatore's series of Drizzt books is so fond of the Mathematician's Answer that "Yes" might as well be his catch phrase.
* ''[[Animorphs]]'' After being told by the resident friendly alien member of the team that they have all been dragged through a fracture in space-time continuum
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{{quote|"How are you going to ...?"
"Efficiently." }}
{{quote|"What did you cut him with?"
"Something sharp." }}
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'''Shadow:''' We have to talk about that. I need to know how you did it.
'''Sweeney:''' I did it with panache and style. }}
* ''How Rude!'', an etiquette book aimed at teenagers, contains an anecdote from the author. He attempted to call a friend of his and the friend's five-year-old son answered. When the author asked if his daddy was there, the boy replied, "Yes."
== Live
* ''[[
{{quote|'''Adam:''' Where are we?
'''Jamie:''' We're right here. }}
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** In a later episode, we get to know that Odo is his first name. His second is Ital. (The Cardassian word ''Odo'ital'' means "Unknown Sample," which is [[Exactly What It Says on the Tin|exactly what he was]] to the scientists who discovered him.)
*** Well, he ''was'' named on Bajor, where the Eastern name order is accepted, so it's still Mathematician's.
** On an episode of ''[[Star Trek: The
{{quote|'''Wesley''': Custodian, can you show me where Harry is?
'''The Custodian''': Yes.
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'''Lawyer:''' ''How'' would you describe your job?
'''Veronica:''' Cleverly. }}
* ''[[That '70s Show]]'' provides this example when 2 state troopers arrive at the Foreman house during a party:
{{quote|'''State Trooper:''' Ma'am, are you the owner of this house?
'''Midge:''' No, I'm not.
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{{quote|'''Girl''': Oh, is that the time?
'''Mike''': No, that's a wristwatch. Time is abstract concept. }}
* And from the opening scene of the later Mayall/Edmondson/Planer/Elton series, [[Filthy Rich
{{quote|'''Richie''': What are you doing in my bed?
'''Eddie''': Well I was sleeping. But now I'm talking to a git. }}
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* In ''[[The Sarah Connor Chronicles]]'', this is sometimes how [[Robot Girl|Cameron]] responds to questions.
* An [[Running Gag]] in ''[[Police Squad!]]'', where Frank holds a cigarette out to a witness or suspect and asks "cigarette?" The implication is that he's asking if they want one, but they always answer "Yes, I know," or "Yes, it is."
* ''[[Mock the Week]]'' has a [[Jeopardy!]] parody called ''If This is the Answer, What is the Question?'', which naturally wound up like the ''Jeopardy'' example above on occasion.
* From ''[[House (TV series)|House]]'':
{{quote|'''Masters:''' House, how many prostitutes have you had?
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== Music ==
* When asked what his songs were about, [[Bob Dylan]] responded, "Some are about three minutes, some are about four minutes..."
== Newspaper Comics ==
* Similar to the Eddie Izzard example: in a 1960s ''[[Peanuts]]'' strip, Charlie Brown is trying to teach Sally to count. When shown a picture and asked "How many boats do you see?" she answers "All of them!"
* ''[[Calvin and Hobbes]]'' featured this exchange in a Sunday strip:
{{quote|'''Miss Wormwood''': Calvin, pay attention! We're studying geography! [[Where the Hell Is Springfield?|Now, what state do you live in?]]
'''Calvin''': Denial.
'''Miss Wormwood''': ...I don't suppose I can argue with THAT. }}
* ''[[Bloom County]]'' has one in its first series about the Presidential election. Trying to find a local candidate, Milo asks the bum Limekiller "How do you stand on nuclear waste?" Limekiller immediately begins balancing awkwardly on one foot, earning Milo's approval.
▲== Theater ==
* In ''[[Twelfth Night]]'', when Malvolio tells Olivia that a man wants to see her and will not be turned away:
{{quote|'''Olivia''': What kind of man is he?
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{{quote|'''Major General''': May I ask – this is a picturesque uniform, but I’m not familiar with it. What are you?
'''Pirate King''': We are all... single gentlemen. }}
== Video Games ==
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'''You:''' I said I didn't mind you asking, not that I'd answer. }}
* The third generation ''[[Pokémon]]'' games will let you answer yes or no...to the question of where your character came from. If you answer "yes," he'll reply that he's never heard of Yes Town. If you say no, he'll say that you have to have come from somewhere.
* Same deal in ''[[
==
* In ''[[The Order of the Stick]]'', the Oracle's first [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0330.html answer] to Roy's question "Where is Xykon?" was "In his throne room." Roy [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0329.html persuaded] him to follow up with a more useful answer.
** A few strips later there is an even purer [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0331.html example] - this time directed at Belkar.
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** This is generally the sort of answer given when a question is asked about V's gender.
* On the ''[[Gunnerkrigg Court]]'' forum, Tom Siddell gives this type of answer to the few questions [[Shrug of God|he doesn't want to answer]].
{{quote|'''Fan:''' What did the Court do with Sivo's body? ... Was Sivo laid to rest somewhere near the Court, or were his remains sent to an [[Our Dragons Are Different|Orjak]] burial ground in the Bovec Mountains or elsewhere?
'''[http://gunnerkrigg.proboards.com/index.cgi?board{{=}}general&action{{=}}display&thread{{=}}40&page{{=}}12#3563 Tom Siddell]:''' Eglamore dealt with the matter in the way agreed on between he and his friend.
...
'''Fan:''' I like how most characters have slightly different skin colors. But because they do, I'm not sure what to make of Zimmy's ashen color. Do you consider it to be in the expected range of variation for Gunnerkrigg characters (it does seem like the Headmaster's is quite similar), or is it intended to suggest something like unhealthiness or unnaturalness or even just griminess?
'''[http://gunnerkrigg.proboards.com/index.cgi?board{{=}}general&action{{=}}display&thread{{=}}614&page{{=}}6#21831 Tom Siddell]:''' Yup. }}
* [http://irregularwebcomic.net/1785.html This] ''[[Irregular Webcomic]]'' strip.
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20140109055431/http://somethingpositive.net/sp10112005.shtml Yeah], ''[[Something
{{quote|"Davan, I'm going to force self-worth into you if I have to do it with a suppository."
"Be gentle, it'll be my first time."
"First time to be rectally violated or first time to feel good about yourself?"
"Yes." }}
** And [
{{quote|"I honestly, truly hate you."
"Because I did that to your character, or because I thought to put it in a game before you?"
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* The ''[[Flaky Pastry]]'' [http://flakypastry.runningwithpencils.com/comic.php?strip_id=100 100th strip spectacular] showed Nitrine giving a slightly more helpful Mathematician's Answer.
* ''[[Sluggy Freelance]]'': Kusari answers with one [http://sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/091216 here].
* ''Able And Baker'' gives one of these [https://web.archive.org/web/20120529145802/http://www.jimburgessdesign.com/comics/index.php?comic=1239 here].
{{quote|"What's your honest opinion?"
"The one thing I can never be wrong about." }}
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'''York''': Probably not. It isn't a very common word. }}
* From ''[[Wapsi Square]]'', Shelly gives one when asked where she [http://wapsisquare.com/comic/onmyfront/ got her tattoo.]
* In ''[[8-Bit Theater
{{quote|'''Thief:''' Since when do you care about quests?
'''Black Mage:''' Since it's a convenient excuse to butcher Sir Hopsalot for revenge.
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'''Manager:''' What for?
'''Isaac:''' Breaking the law. }}
* ''[[Dilbert]]'' buys "[//dilbert.com/strip/1990-01-06 something for a headache]". Also, on [//dilbert.com/strip/2019-02-01 ten-year financial projections].
== Web Original ==
* The Frequently Given Answers page makes a [https://web.archive.org/web/20130511112135/http://homepage.ntlworld.com/jonathan.deboynepollard/FGA/questions-with-yes-or-no-answers.html serious attempt] to inform unsuspecting answer-seekers how to avoid this trope, when asking questions of places frequented mainly by the overly literal.
* [[The Spoony Experiment|Spoony's]] take on the changes to Yuna between [[Final Fantasy X]] and [[
{{quote|'''Spoony:''' Quite a long way from the traditional kimono she wore before, and her previous characterization as a kind, demure, religious care-giver with a tragic fate. But is this huge change in outfit and characterization because of the radical cultural shift in Spira because of the exposure of Yevon as a maniacal, genocidal cult run by the undead bent on world domination... or just because japanese perverts want to see some cleavage and her cute ass in boy's shorts? Good question... The answer is "Yes".}}
* ''[[Dragon Ball Abridged]]'':
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'''King Vegeta:''' What's all the commotion about?
'''Butarega:''' He's been telling everyone that Freeza plans to destroy Vegeta!
'''King Vegeta:''' Wait, my son, [[Egopolis|the planet]], or me?
'''Butarega:''' ...[[Kill'Em All|Yes]].
(Butarega is blasted by King Vegeta)
'''King Vegeta:''' Freakin' smartass. }}
* The titular ninja of ''[[Ask a Ninja]]'' loves to do this, especially during the "Omnibus" episodes.
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'''Question''': Of all the ninja skills in the world, which is the deadliest?
'''Ninja''': The one that kills you. }}
== Western Animation ==
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{{quote|'''Molotov''': Tell me how you did such thing.
'''Heloise''': It owes me a favor. }}
* [[The Grim Adventures of Billy
* [[Family Guy]] has a very funny example by the mayor of Quahog Adam West:
{{quote|'''Adam West''': Will you answer one question for me?.
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'''Orson:''' I guess you really are a doctor, Roy. }}
== Other Media ==▼
▲== Other ==
* A famous one by mountaineer George Mallory: when asked, "Why do you want to climb Mount Everest?", he retorted, "Because it's there". It's since been called, "the most famous three words in mountaineering".
* From an old Marvel Comics trading card:
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** It's also a good answer to trick questions like "Have you stopped beating your wife?" Assuming you don't want to admit to having at any point beaten your wife.
* The [[Eddie Izzard]] example so beloved of this page:
{{quote|'''Paris:''' Dad, found [[wikipedia:Helen|this woman]]!
'''Priam:''' Whoa, where's she from?
'''Paris:''' She's from Sparta!
'''Priam:''' ...Agh, you twit. Nip upstairs, see if there are any ships on the horizon.
'''Paris:''' Right. [''he does''] Uhh... Ships. Yeah, yeah, there's ships.
'''Priam:''' Well, how many?
'''Paris:''' *thinking noises* ...[[How Many All of Them|all of them]]. }}
* According to a joke, a helicopter is lost in the fog and the pilot shows a sign to the people in the nearby skyscraper, asking them where he is. The answer: "You are in a helicopter." Ironically, the answer does prove useful, since a skyscraper filled with people who all play by this trope can only be the Microsoft tech support building.
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person A: ''Well, what did he do before he died?''
person B: ''He sorta cluched at his chest and fell over.'' }}
* Dara Ó Briain did a bit about this in one of his stand-up shows, when the audience response to the question "Do you know what Moore's Law is?" was 'yes'.
* There is a story about actress Mae West, who was famous for playing [[The Vamp]].
{{quote|'''Interviewer''': Do you like your men short, tall, fat, or thin?
'''Mae West''': [[Really Gets Around|Yes]]. }}
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* Then there's the old retort to "Can I ask you a question?" "You just did."
** During the trial arc of ''[[Schlock Mercenary]]'', the company lawyer manages, through convoluted wordplay, to ask if he can ask a question without, in fact, asking a question. Petey, duly impressed with this feat, allows it.
* Not so much an example but a possibly interesting piece of related trivia: The "-A or B?; -Yes" joke works in most languages because it's rather typical that only one word is used for both meanings of "or". It doesn't work in languages where there are separate words for them, for example Finnish ("tai" / "vai". The former means "or" as in "is it either A or B?" and the latter as in "which one is it: A or B?")
** In fact, Finnish also has a third word for "or": "eli" meaning specifically "also known as" or "in other words". One wonders if the early Finns just really hated the "or" jokes.
** It's also difficult in Chinese, but for a completely different reason: Chinese does not have all-purpose words for "yes" and "no," instead attaching positive or negative modifiers to the verb in question. If someone asks you even a single-mode question, like "Have you eaten" ("chī fàn le?"), you have to say, "bù chī" (have not eaten) or "chī le" (already ate). ...Okay, people will still throw around "bù" without an attached verb, same as how English speakers will say "Went to the store" with only an implied subject, but it's still a bit harder to be ambiguous.
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'''Mathematician''': All we can be sure of is that, in Scotland, there is at least one sheep that is black on at least one side. }}
* Or this joke (when sitting at the table): "Can I have the butter?" "Yes." "Can you pass it to me?" "Yes." (beat) "What, now?"
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20120126230946/http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/demotivational-posters-yes1.jpg What holiday is] [[Nightmare Before Christmas]] about?
** [[Completely Missing the Point|Yes?]]
* One that gets used a bit in direction-giving customer service roles
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** "I'm going up to Portland." "Go ahead. I won't stop you." "Where does this road go?" "Don't go nowhere, mister. Stays right here." "Can I take this road up to Portland?" "Well, sure...but they've got all the roads up to Portland that they need."
** "Sorry to hear they're burying your pa." "Got to. He's dead."
* This joke: A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are each staying in hotel rooms which individually catch fire. They each have water nearby, so the engineer throws as much water as he can onto the fire and it goes out, then he goes back to bed. The physicist does some quick calculations and throws the exact amount of water necessary onto the fire so that it will go out and he doesn't waste any, and then he goes back to bed. The mathematician does some quick calculations, exclaims "Aha! There is an answer!" and goes back to bed.
* According to an [[Urban Legend]], when the notorious bank robber Wille Sutton was asked why he robbed banks, he replied "Because that's where the money is." He denied ever saying this.
* [http://notalwaysright.com/parts-laboring-the-obvious/18232 This] exchange on [[(The Customer is) Not Always Right]]:
{{quote|'''Customer:''' “I need a tire for a 2010 Honda Accord.”
'''Me:''' “What do you have on there now?”
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{{quote|The famous pipe. How people reproached me for it! And yet, could you stuff my pipe? No, it's just a representation, is it not? So if I had written on my picture "This is a pipe," I'd have been lying!}}
▲----
{{quote|It's a third person singular neuter pronoun. [[Brick Joke|But that's not important right now.]]}}
{{reflist}}
[[Category:{{PAGENAME}}]]
[[Category:Cryptic Conversation]]
[[Category:Dialogue]]
[[Category:Characterization Tropes]]
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