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{{trope}}
[[File:
{{quote|'''Monty:''' Dad, is there a word to describe answers that are ''completely correct'' but ''entirely useless'' under the circumstances?
'''Prof. Jones:''' Yes, yes there is.
▲{{quote|'''Monty:''' Dad, is there a word to describe answers that are ''completely correct'' but ''entirely useless'' under the circumstances? <br />
If you ask someone a question, and he gives you an entirely accurate answer that is of no practical use whatsoever, he has just given you a Mathematician's Answer.
A common form of giving a
Examples include questions involving "can you do ''[favor]''...?" being interpreted as a hypothetical "are you ''capable of'' doing ''[favor]''?" instead of its more common intent as a request to actually do it (this is a favorite of English teachers and [[Grammar Nazi]], frequently going through something similar to "Can I come in?" "I don't know, ''are you able to''?" "Uh, '''may''' I come in?") Another common form is when a character is asked "Is it A or B?" they will respond, "Yes" as if it was a question of Boolean logic rather than clarifying which specific one is the case (though this can also occur if the responder does not know the answer (but is sure at least one of them is correct), or considers both answers correct. This crops up a lot in [[Real Life]], especially in the world of computers.)
Can be used by characters for reasons ranging from [[Played for Laughs|snarky humor]] to intentional obfuscation to being extremely [[Literal
Can overlap with [[Shaped Like Itself]] when the question is seeking a description, and with [[Captain Obvious]], as these answers tend to be self-evident for anyone with a brain. Usually doubles as a [[Cryptically Unhelpful Answer]], when the "mathematician" is deliberately trying to confound the questioner. Compare [[Non-Answer]], which is a vague "answer" which does not answer the question at all. Mildly related to [[What's a Henway?]] and [[Not Actually the Ultimate Question]]. And don't forget that the person giving the Mathematician's Answer is [[Futurama|"technically correct ... the best kind of correct."]]
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Its origins lie in the joke about a man in a hot-air balloon who asked someone where he was. "You're in a balloon," he answered. The rider concluded that it was a mathematician that said that, because the answer was perfectly correct and completely useless.
Compare with [[Non-Answer]].
----▼
{{examples}}
== Advertising ==
* A commercial for Lyrica begins with a voiceover along the lines of: "I was wondering why I had muscle pain, so I asked my doctor. It turns out, connected to muscles are nerves which send pain messages to the brain."
** Also a [[Captain Obvious]] moment. "Nerves send pain messages to the brain?! [[Sarcasm Mode|Noooo]]!"
* A commercial for Budweiser (or Miller Draft){{verify}} had a guy describe something as beautiful, refreshing, etc. as he was grabbing a beer near a woman. The woman asks if he was describing the beer, or her, his reply is "Yes."
* A commercial for Grey Poupon mustard has one Rolls-Royce pull up to another, and they both roll down their windows. One man asks, "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" The other replies, "But of course!" - then signals his chauffeur to drive away.
== Anime and Manga ==
* ''[[
** From episode one.
{{quote|
'''Watanuki:''' What were you sleeping in there for anyway?
'''Mokona:''' Uh... for about three years, I guess.
'''Watanuki:''' That's not what I meant. }}
** And also from a few moments later.
{{quote|
'''Yūko:''' Mokona is Mokona. Incidentally, you count them "one mokona," "[[Mythology Gag|two mokona]]", and then stop, there are only two.
'''Watanuki:''' [[Lampshade Hanging|That's not an answer!]] }}
* ''[[Rurouni Kenshin]]'' has one of these during the Jinchu Arc:
{{quote|
'''Saito:''' Yes. }}
* ''[[Kenichi:
{{quote|
'''[[No Social Skills|Shigure]]:''' My ... home. }}
* From the English dub of ''[[Lupin III]]'':
{{quote|
'''Goemon:''' Up. }}
== Comic Books ==
* From [[X
* [[Lucky Luke]]'s horse can speak, but seeing as it's a horse, even Lucky Luke is baffled when he sees it on the riverbank, fishing.
{{quote|
'''Jolly Jumper:''' With disgust, just like everybody else. }}
==
* Of all people, Kyon's sister in ''[[Kyon
{{quote|
'''Kyon's sister:''' "Okay!" she cheered. "So, don't tell me! That means I can (it's not forbidden) go!"
'''Kyon:''' He blinked at her. "That's not what--" }}
{{quote|
'''Yuki''': I am helping. }}
{{quote|
'''Yuki''': "Yes." }}
* Done nicely in [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6209921/1/Harry_Dresden_Comedic_Shorts this] fanfic of [[The Dresden Files]].
{{quote|
'''Dresden''': Solving or causing?
'''Murphy''': (Growling) Yes. }}
Line 78 ⟶ 75:
== Film ==
* A math related one from ''[[Little Man Tate]]'':
{{quote|
'''Tate:''' [[All of Them|"All Of Them"]]. }}
** Doubles as a [[Captain Obvious]] moment.
* ''[[Return of the Jedi]]'': "R2! What are you doing here?... Well, I can ''see'' you're serving drinks..."
* ''[[The Empire Strikes Back]]'':
{{quote|
'''Han Solo:''' Why not? }}
* ''[[Grosse Pointe Blank]]'': "I'm doin' a double shift, what's it look like?"
Line 92 ⟶ 89:
** [[Running Gag|"Headquarters? What is it?" "It's a big building where generals meet. But that's not important right now."]]
* ''[[Ghostbusters]]:'' "Where do these stairs go?"... "They go up."
* In ''[[
* In the 2006 ''[[The Pink Panther|Pink Panther]]'' movie starring Steve Martin, a reporter asks Inspector Clouseau if they (the police) know if the killer is a man or a woman. Clouseau's answer is: "Well of course I know that! What else is there, a kitten?"
** Also, when he quotes someone about politics, Yvette asks him if he said it, meaning if he is the original author of he quote. Clouseau, of course, takes the question literally and, after confusingly looking around for someone else, answers "yes."
** In ''The return of the Pink Panther'', Clouseau doesn't know the location of his next destination, so he asks a person on the street "Do you know where X is?". The person answers "Yes" and keeps walking.
** In ''The Pink Panther Strikes Again,'' Clouseau enters an inn, see a dog, he asks the innkeeper if his dog bites. The answer he gets is technically correct...
{{quote|
'''Innkeeper''': That is not my dog. }}
* A rhetorical version from ''[[The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension]]'': "Remember, no matter where you go: there you are."
* ''[[Apocalypse Now]]''
{{quote|
'''Roach''': Yeah. ''[Walks off]'' }}
* ''[[
{{quote|
'''Bond:''' Skewered. }}
* A particularly [[Egregious]] example from ''[[Lucky Number Slevin]]'':
{{quote|
'''Lindsey:''' What's that?
''[cuts to The Boss's penthouse]''
'''Slevin:''' Yes. }}
* ''[[Star Trek II:
{{quote|
'''Kirk:''' You may ask. }}
* The CGI film ''[[Bee Movie]]'' has a scene between a human woman and a talking bee:
{{quote|
'''Barry B. Benson''': Do what?
'''Vanessa''': That, that... the talking thing?
'''Barry B. Benson''': Same way you did, I guess. Mama, dada, honey, you pick it up. }}
* There's a fun Dennis Quaid moment in the underrated ''[[Undercover Blues]]'', when he and his super-spy wife, Kathleen Turner, are deliberately being obfuscating to the local police:
{{quote|
'''Jeff Blue''': Gosh, I hope so! }}
* ''[[V for Vendetta]]'':
{{quote|
'''V''': Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask. }}
** He continues in the same vein when explaining why he gave that answer.
{{quote|
''V:'' Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation. I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. }}
* "[[A Hard
** "Has success changed your life?" "Yes."
** "Do you think these haircuts have come to stay?" "Well this one has, y'know, stuck on good and proper now."
** "What do you call that hairstyle you're wearing?" "Arthur."
** "What do you call that collar?" "A collar."
* ''[[The
{{quote|
'''Gilbert:''' Forward! }}
* ''[[From Dusk
{{quote|
'''Richie:''' Mexico.
'''Kate:''' What's in Mexico?
'''Richie:''' Mexicans. }}
* ''[[The Count of Monte Cristo]]'': A rather dark variation
{{quote|
'''Cristo:''' How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this moment? With pleasure. }}
* In the [[Marx Brothers]]' ''[[Duck Soup]]'':
{{quote|
'''Chico:''' I don't remember. I was only a little baby. }}
* [[The Three Stooges]] were quite fond of this:
** From "Shivering Sherlocks":
{{quote|
'''Larry:''' Sure. I've got suspenders! }}
** From "Don't Throw That Knife", practicing taking census:
{{quote|
'''Shemp:''' In the hospital.
'''Moe:''' Hospital??
'''Shemp:''' Yes, I wanted to be near my mother! }}
* ''[[Austin Powers]]: International Man of Mystery'', when Vanessa finds out just how Austin got plans from one of Dr. Evil's [[Femme
{{quote|
'''Austin:''' Of course, I have a 9 millimeter automatic. }}
* In the ''[[Our Gang]]'' short "School's Out" has several test answers taken from H.M. Walker's Vaudeville routine, many of which take this form.
Line 164 ⟶ 161:
** "Buddy O'Donald, on Paul Revere's night ride, what did he say as he stopped his horse in front of colonial homes?" "He said, 'Whoa!'"
** "Bobby Malon, what was Nero doing while Rome burned?" "I don't know, but I think he should've been hauling water to the fire."
** "Jackie Cooper, who was ''[[The Hunchback of Notre Dame (
* In ''[[Shrek]] the Third'', Pinocchio has a very confusing one in order to not lie to Captain Hook about where Shrek is.
* ''[[Sleepy Hollow (Film)|Sleepy Hollow]]'':
{{quote|
'''Katrina Van Tassel:''' Because it is yours. }}
* When asked why he committed the eponymous crime in ''The Great Train Robbery'', [[Sean Connery]]'s character says "[[Crowning Moment of Funny|I wanted the money]]."
== Literature ==
* In ''[[Inheritance Cycle
* In ''[[Halo]]: [[The Fall of Reach]]'', during a test of the MJOLNIR armor with shields Cortana asked the Master Chief what his plan was for dealing with a squad of ODST marines. He responded, "I'm going to finish counting to ten," because he had been instructed to do so.
* Raymond Smullyan collected these:
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** "Where does this road go?" "It isn't going anywhere. It's just staying put."
** One Vermont farmer approaches another. "My horse is sick. What did you give your horse when it was sick?" "Hay and molasses." Two weeks later: "I gave my horse hay and molasses, and it died." "Yep, so did mine."
* [[Discworld]]:
** From ''[[Hogfather]]'':
{{quote|
'''Death''': {{smallcaps|
** Similarly, when the Senior Wrangler suggests that the mistletoe, while being genuinely symbolic, is only symbolic of mistletoe:
{{quote|
'''Senior Wrangler:''' [desperately] It could be both.
'''Archchancellor:''' And that comment is either very perceptive, or very trite.
'''Senior Wrangler:''' It could be bo-
'''Archchancellor:''' Don't push it, Senior Wrangler. }}
** And earlier in ''Hogfather'':
{{quote|
'''Auditor''': Yes ... we judge you capable of performing that action }}
** Susan again, in ''[[
{{quote|
''' {{spoiler|Lobsang/Jeremy}}''': Yes.
'''Susan''': Yes, I walked into that. Are you {{spoiler|Lobsang}} ''and'' are you {{spoiler|Jeremy}}?
''' {{spoiler|Lobsang/Jeremy}}''': Much closer. Yes. }}
** Rincewind and Eric, from <s> Faust</s> [[
{{quote|
'''Eric''': Where does it go?
'''Rincewind''': It stays where it is, I think. }}
** Yet another one, sort of, from ''[[
{{quote|
'''Death''':{{smallcaps|yes}}.
''[[Beat]]''
'''Granny Weatherwax''': But to you, everybody is dying, right? So you are not exactly being Mr. Helpful here.
'''Death''':{{smallcaps|yes}} }}
** And another in ''[[
{{quote|
** As mentioned in ''[[
{{quote|
** The real problem with Mathematician's Answers in Discworld is that they often
* ''[[The
▲** The real problem with Mathematician's Answers in Discworld is that they often AREN'T -- they're very accurate statements of the fact that, in a world where symbolism, belief, and narrative causality are literally physical laws of the universe, it is entirely possible for something to be two different and contradictory things simultaneously.
** More literally: "42". [[You Should Know This Already|For those that don't know about this]], an alien race constructs a massive supercomputer in order to learn "The answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything". The computer, after <s> centuries</s> seven and a half million years of computation, comes back with "42". When asked about this, the computer responds that it is able to figure out the answer, but they need another computer to calculate [[Jeopardy
▲* ''[[The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy]]'': When Zaphod learns that Marvin is waiting for them in the car park at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe (and has been for several trillion years), he asks what he's doing there. Marvin's answer? Parking cars. What else would he be doing there?
▲** More literally: "42". [[You Should Know This Already|For those that don't know about this]], an alien race constructs a massive supercomputer in order to learn "The answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything". The computer, after <s> centuries</s> seven and a half million years of computation, comes back with "42". When asked about this, the computer responds that it is able to figure out the answer, but they need another computer to calculate [[Jeopardy (TV)|what the question is.]] The programmers, afraid of the mob's reaction to this nonsense, just make up the question: "[[Shout Out|How many roads]] [[Bob Dylan|must a man walk down?]]"
{{quote|
▲** Arthur has one as well:
▲{{quote| '''Arthur Dent''': You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.<br />
▲'''Ford Prefect''': Why? What did she tell you?<br />
'''Arthur Dent''': I don't know! I didn't listen! }}
** In ''Life, the Universe and Everything'', there is the character Prak. In a court case, he was injected with too much truth serum, and then he was instructed to tell "the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth." He responds by telling them everything that is true about, well, Life, the Universe, and Everything. Everyone present had to flee, leaving him alone telling the Truth, however by the time the protagonists arrive he has finished, telling them that there's not as much to it as one might expect, that he has forgotten it all now, but some of the best bits involved frogs and Arthur Dent.
* Jarlaxle the drow from R.A. Salvatore's series of Drizzt books is so fond of the Mathematician's Answer that "Yes" might as well be his catch phrase.
* ''[[
{{quote|
'''Ax''': Yes. It's definitely one of those two choices. }}
* Yet another of [[Peter David]]'s favorite literature tricks to tweak the nose of higher-class people (especially Vulcans in his ''[[
* This is one of the things [[Dragaera|Hawklords]] are known for. It's also why [[Hitman
* The Angel, a character in Mike Resnick's ''[[Santiago:
{{quote|
"Efficiently." }}
▲{{quote| "What did you cut him with?"<br />
"Something sharp." }}
* Used by the Logician in the Ionesco play ''Rhinocéros''.
* In ''[[Night Watch|The Last Watch]]'', when {{spoiler|Edgar}} uses a truth spell on Rustam, this exchange takes place:
{{quote|
'''Rustam:''' With your hands. }}
** Weirdly, this answer is wrong.
* ''[[
{{quote|
* In David Weber's ''[[
* From ''[[Paladin of Shadows
{{quote|
"Are you talking about Anastasia teaching Katya or the other way around?" Nielson asked, grinning.
"Yes." }}
* This is used to fight mind control in the ''[[Magic Kingdom of Landover]]'', when someone is forced to answer questions.
{{quote|
'''Nightshade:''' Everywhere. }}
* In [[Isaac Asimov]]'s Black Widowers story ''Truth to Tell'' the monthly guest, a man who never tells a lie, is suspected of a crime which it seems only he could have committed, but he continually denies it, saying: "I didn't take the cash or the bonds." However the waiter, Henry, asks him: {{spoiler|"Did you take the cash ''and'' the bonds?" The guest declines to answer and leaves.}}
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** The same quandary is inverted in Simon R. Green's ''Wolf in the Fold'', when Hawk and Fisher question suspects about the two murders under a truthspell. All the suspects can correctly answer "No" when asked if they murdered Victim #1 and Victim #2, because the two deaths were the handiwork of different killers.
* This exchange from ''[[A Storm of Swords]]'':
{{quote|
''' {{spoiler|Meera}}:''' By the well? Or in the Nightfort?
''' {{spoiler|Bran}}:''' Yes. }}
* [[Spike Milligan]] put plenty of these in his war memoirs, [[Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall]]:
{{quote|
Spike: Yes anything. }}
* An example where this is ''not'' played for laughs occurs in ''[[
* In ''[[
{{quote|
'''Whiskey Jack:''' Yes.
'''Shadow:''' ''Yes?'' What kind of an answer is ''Yes''?
'''Whiskey Jack:''' It's a good answer. True answer too. }}
** Shadow gets one from Sweeney as well
{{quote|
'''Shadow:''' We have to talk about that. I need to know how you did it.
'''Sweeney:''' I did it with panache and style. }}
* ''How Rude!'', an etiquette book aimed at teenagers, contains an anecdote from the author. He attempted to call a friend of his and the friend's five-year-old son answered. When the author asked if his daddy was there, the boy replied, "Yes."
* ''[[
▲== Live Action TV ==
▲* ''[[Myth Busters (TV)|Myth Busters]]'': When Adam is taken to Jamie's secret location, this exchange:
▲{{quote| '''Adam:''' Where are we?<br />
'''Jamie:''' We're right here. }}
* ''[[
{{quote|
'''Janitor:''' Sanchez appears to be flying, sir. I've named him Sanchez. }}
* The [[Sufficiently Advanced Aliens|Vorlons]] of ''[[Babylon 5]]'' love this trope.
{{quote|
'''Sinclair:''' Who? The Narns or the Centauri?
'''Kosh:''' Yes. }}
** Everything that Kosh says is not exactly helpful:
{{quote|
'''Kosh:''' ''"I have always been here."''
'''Sheridan:''' ''"Oh yeah? You said that about me, too."''
'''Kosh:''' ''"Yes."''
'''Sheridan:''' ''"I really hate it when you do that."''
'''Kosh:''' ''"Good."'' }}
** In one case, Sheridan had asked what was in the random access hatch Kosh had led him to. Kosh's answer was "One moment of perfect beauty." Sheridan [[Lampshade Hanging|lampshades]] this: "Well, as answers go, short, to the point, utterly useless and totally consistent with what I've come to expect from a Vorlon." It turns out, this is a completely factual statement, though it makes no sense until you can see the context. This gets [[Lampshaded]] again in the same episode when Ivanova asks Sheridan what Kosh showed him. Sheridan responds "Beauty...in the dark." Ivanova remarks that Kosh's lessons must be working, because Sheridan is starting to talk like a Vorlon.
** The Drakh do the same in season 4: "Drakh? Is that your name or your species?" "Yes."
** [[J. Michael Straczynski]] himself has [http://www.midwinter.com/lurk/guide/038.html used it on occasion.] (warning: link contains spoilers) "Was Kosh's line about Sheridan going to Z'ha'dum a warning or a threat?" "Yes."
* The French-Canadian sitcom ''[[Un Gars Un Fille|Un Gars, Une Fille]]'' (A Guy and a Girl), has the titular Guy ask his girlfriend which of two wines she wants for supper. She answers "Yes." This prompts him to reply "When someone gives you a choice between two things, you can't answer with yes! If you're afraid of committing to a decision, do you want me to pick for you, or do you want me to leave choices up to you?" Her answer? "Yes! Yes Yes Yes!"
* ''[[
** On ''[[Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
** In a later episode, we get to know that Odo is his first name. His second is Ital. (The Cardassian word ''Odo'ital'' means "Unknown Sample," which is [[Exactly What It Says
*** Well, he ''was'' named on Bajor, where the Eastern name order is accepted, so it's still Mathematician's.
** On an episode of ''[[Star Trek:
{{quote|
'''The Custodian''': Yes.
'''Wesley''': Custodian, ''show'' me Harry. }}
* ''[[Andromeda]]'':
{{quote|
'''Trance Gemini:''' Yes. }}
** Given that Trance is {{spoiler|the avatar of a star}}, this makes some sense.
* In British comedy ''[[
{{quote|
'''Judy:''' ...Yes! }}
* In ''[[
{{quote|
'''Murdock:''' Well, Colonel, it doesn't make much of a sound at all! }}
* ''[[Better Off Ted]]'' had a great one:
{{quote|
'''Veronica:''' Yes.
'''Lawyer:''' ''How'' would you describe your job?
'''Veronica:''' Cleverly. }}
* ''[[That '70s Show]]'' provides this example when 2 state troopers arrive at the Foreman house during a party:
{{quote|
'''Midge:''' No, I'm not.
'''State Trooper:''' Do you know the owners?
'''Midge:''' Yes, I do!
''[[Beat]]''
'''State Trooper:''' Could you '''get them''', please!? }}
* ''[[Night Court]]'': Bull helps deliver a baby. Asks the exhausted mother, "What is it?", wanting to know the gender. Bull: "It's a ''baby''!"
* ''[[
{{quote|
'''River Song:''' Are you asking?
'''Doctor:''' Yes.
'''River Song:''' Yes.
'''Doctor:''' No, hang on. Did you think I was asking you to marry me, or asking if you were married?
'''River Song:''' Yes.
'''Doctor:''' No, but was that yes, or yes?
'''River Song:''' Yes. }}
** From "The Two Doctors"
{{quote|
'''Peri:''' Well, then how did you breathe?
'''Doctor:''' With difficulty. }}
** Similarly, from "The Doctor's Wife"
{{quote|
'''Doctor:''' With enormous difficulty! }}
** In "A Good Man Goes To War", we meet Madame Vashtra, a female Silurian in the late 1800s:
{{quote|
'''Maid''': How did you find him?
'''Vashtra''': [[I'm a Humanitarian|Stringy, but tasty all the same. I won't be needing dinner.]] }}
* Given a serious purpose in an episode of ''[[The West Wing]]'', when Oliver Babish is preparing C.J. to answer questions before Congress:
{{quote|
'''C.J.:''' It's five past noon.
'''Babish:''' I'd like you to get out of the habit of doing that.
'''C.J.:''' Doing what?
'''Babish:''' Answering more than was asked... Do you know what time it is?
''(C.J. stares at him silently for several moments)''
'''C.J.:''' Yes. }}
** Though also played for laughs when Will is attempting to obfuscate an angry general:
{{quote|
'''Will:''' Yes.
'''General:''' Dramatically?
'''Will:''' I like to think I have a certain flair...
* On ''[[Just Shoot Me]]'', when Elliot asks Dennis if he's licking stamps, Dennis answers sarcastically "I was, now I'm answering obvious questions." When a pretty model asks the same question, Dennis cordially responds "Why, yes I am." }}
* A guest of ''[[The Golden Girls]]'' tells the girls his wife has just had triplets. "What are they?" asks Dorothy. Rose answers, "That's when three babies are born at the same time."
* ''[[
{{quote|
'''Ben''': My mother taught me. }}
** Of course, he's lying as usual. {{spoiler|His mother died shortly after giving birth to him.}}
** Another one from when Richard Alpert gives the Time Jumping Locke a compass.
{{quote|
'''Alpert:''' It points North, John. }}
* ''[[
{{quote|
'''Penny''': Well, better than North Dakota!
(no one laughs)
'''Penny''': I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.
'''Sheldon''': From the data at hand, you really can't draw that conclusion. All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here. }}
* ''[[The Muppet Show]]'' had dancing rats in Christopher Reeve's dressing room.
{{quote|
'''Christopher Reeve''': Oh thanks a lot, Scooter. Hey listen, can you tell me what these rats are doing in my dressing room?
'''Scooter''': I think it's the Foxtrot. }}
** In another Muppet Show example, there's Kermit's contribution to a string of "fly in the soup" jokes.
{{quote|
* From ''[[The Young Ones]]'':
{{quote|
'''Vyvyan''': Burning! What's it look like?! }}
** Also:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': Yes.
'''Neil''': (into the phone): Yes we do! (puts the phone down). }}
** Another:
{{quote|
'''Rick''': Not very hard, seeing as it's only made of water. }}
** Mike walks in holding a fish. He asks "What is this!?" Everyone else replies, "A FISH!" He realizes they are right and leaves. Later in the episode he comes back with the fish, having figured out what he meant to ask. He asks, "What is this fish doing in my bed!?" Someone points out to him it is not in his bed, he is holding it in his hands. He realizes they are right and leaves. Still later, he comes back, sure he has figured it out for good, with NOTHING in his hands. He says, "What is this fish doing in my bed!?" Everyone says, "WHAT FISH?"
** Still another:
{{quote|
'''Mike''': No, that's a wristwatch. Time is abstract concept. }}
* And from the opening scene of the later Mayall/Edmondson/Planer/Elton series, [[Filthy Rich
{{quote|
'''Eddie''': Well I was sleeping. But now I'm talking to a git. }}
* In a parody of government officials avoiding giving direct answers, ''[[The Daily Show]]'''s [[Stephen Colbert]] and [[Steve Carell]] had [http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-october-15-2001/even-stevphen---secrets this exchange]:
{{quote|
'''Steve''': Oh, you tell me everything.
'''Stephen''': No, I don't.
'''Steve''': Like what?
'''Stephen''': I can't tell you.
'''Steve''': Well, does it involve you or me?
'''Stephen''': Yes.
'''Steve''': Who? Me, or you?
'''Stephen''': Steve, we've exhausted this topic. }}
** Another example: In 2003, when Prince Charles was alleged to have had a gay experience, Britain's strict libel and slander laws prevented anyone from commenting publicly on the charge. Colbert, doing a report on the scandal, was asked by Jon Stewart if he had learned any specifics. Colbert said, "Yes I have, Jon."
* In ''[[Smallville]]'', when Clark wants to talk to Lois about their relationship:
{{quote|
'''Lois''': I'm eating a maple donut and and you're kind of invading my personal space. }}
* In ''[[Party Down]]'':
{{quote|
'''Roman''': I don't know... a squid? There are other options... }}
** To clarify, Roman is supposed to be DJ and is not at his post.
* In ''[[
* ''[[Cheers]]'': Cliff Claven attempted to use such an answer on ''[[Jeopardy
** Another from ''Cheers'':
{{quote|
'''Woody''': Who said what?
'''Frasier''': "O death in life, the days that are no more."
'''Woody''': You did.
'''Frasier''': No, I mean, who said it first?
'''Woody''': You said it both times. }}
** Another ''Cheers' example had Cliff give a long and detailed explanation about why they drank ice cold beer in the middle of winter (which essentially centred around the need to equalise your internal and external temperatures). When he had finished, carla then asked him why they also drank it summer. His response was "What else are we going to do with it?".
* In episode six of the first season of ''[[Boardwalk Empire]]'', Margaret tells a friend in the Temperance League that a man has made her an ofter. The friend asks, "Financial? Domestic? Sexual?", and Margaret replies, "[[The Mistress|Yes]]."
* In [[Good Luck Charlie|Charlie]] [[Shake It Up|Shakes It Up]], Deuce says he "has the situation under control", which prompts this:
{{quote|
'''Cece & Rocky:''' Yes. }}
* ''[[
{{quote|
'''Shae:''' Foreign. }}
** And again:
{{quote|
'''Jaime:''' {{spoiler|I hoped the fall would kill him.}} }}
* ''[[Barney Miller]]'': Wojo is questioning a prostitute he has just arrested:
{{quote|
'''Prostitute''': I used to think that cleanliness was next to godliness. }}
* In ''[[The Sarah Connor Chronicles]]'', this is sometimes how [[Robot Girl|Cameron]] responds to questions.
* An [[Running Gag]] in ''[[Police Squad!]]'', where Frank holds a cigarette out to a witness or suspect and asks "cigarette?" The implication is that he's asking if they want one, but they always answer "Yes, I know," or "Yes, it is."
* ''[[Mock the Week]]'' has a [[Jeopardy!]] parody called ''If This is the Answer, What is the Question?'', which naturally wound up like the ''Jeopardy'' example above on occasion.
* From ''[[House (TV series)|House]]'':
{{quote|
'''House:''' As in eaten? Ever? This year?
'''Masters:''' Slept with. Since you've been here.
'''House:''' All but one. She did my taxes. }}
* In the ''[[The X
{{quote|
'''Mulder:''' Because the lights aren't on. }}
== Music ==
* When asked what his songs were about, [[Bob Dylan]] responded, "Some are about three minutes, some are about four minutes..."
== Newspaper Comics ==
* Similar to the Eddie Izzard example: in a 1960s ''[[Peanuts]]'' strip, Charlie Brown is trying to teach Sally to count. When shown a picture and asked "How many boats do you see?" she answers "All of them!"
* ''[[
{{quote|
'''Calvin''': Denial.
'''Miss Wormwood''': ...I don't suppose I can argue with THAT. }}
* ''[[
▲== Theater ==
* In ''[[Twelfth Night]]'', when Malvolio tells Olivia that a man wants to see her and will not be turned away:
{{quote|
'''Malvolio''': Why, of mankind.
'''Olivia''': What ''manner'' of man?
'''Malvolio''': Of very ill-manner. }}
** Also, when Viola meets Feste:
{{quote|
'''Feste''': No, sir, I live by the church.
'''Viola''': Art thou a churchman?
'''Feste''': No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the church. }}
* In ''[[Chicago]]'':
{{quote|
* In ''[[
{{quote|
* In ''[[The Pirates of Penzance]]'', the [[Modern Major-General|Major-General]] wants to find out something about the men in piratical outfits who propose to marry his daughters:
{{quote|
'''Pirate King''': We are all... single gentlemen. }}
== Video Games ==
* ''[[Mass Effect 2]]'' has this:
{{quote|
''' {{spoiler|Legion:}}''' Yes.
'''Shepard:''' Which?
''' {{spoiler|Legion:}}''' Both. }}
* In ''[[
* Sten of ''[[
{{quote|
'''Sten:''' Sitting. }}
* In ''[[Dragon Age II]]'', a sidequest has Hawke go fetch some pickaxes for a group of miners from a smith in town whose name they forgot.
{{quote|
'''Smith:''' I'm ''a'' Smith.
'''Hawke:''' Is "Smith" your name or your profession?
'''Smith:''' Yep. }}
* Done beautifully in ''[[Arcanum]]: Of Steamwork and Magick Obscura'' when you try to get the location of the [[Hidden Elf Village]] Quintarra from Myrth the Elf. He repeatedly answers "In the Glimmering Forest" (said forest covers a third of Arcanum) and "In the trees" while being delighted at your frustration. When you give up, you turn it back on him:
{{quote|
'''You:''' "No, I don't mind at all that you're asking."
'''Myrth:''' Well?
'''You:''' ...
'''Myrth:''' Aren't you going to answer?
'''You:''' ...
'''Myrth:''' Out with it, man/woman!
'''You:''' I said I didn't mind you asking, not that I'd answer. }}
* The third generation ''[[Pokémon]]'' games will let you answer yes or no...to the question of where your character came from. If you answer "yes," he'll reply that he's never heard of Yes Town. If you say no, he'll say that you have to have come from somewhere.
* Same deal in ''[[
==
* In ''[[
** A few strips later there is an even purer [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0331.html example] - this time directed at Belkar.
** Vaarsuvius [http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0749.html does this] on Haley in another strip
** This is generally the sort of answer given when a question is asked about V's gender.
* On the ''[[
{{quote|
'''[http://gunnerkrigg.proboards.com/index.cgi?board{{=}}general&action{{=}}display&thread{{=}}40&page{{=}}12#3563 Tom Siddell]:''' Eglamore dealt with the matter in the way agreed on between he and his friend.
...
'''Fan:''' I like how most characters have slightly different skin colors. But because they do, I'm not sure what to make of Zimmy's ashen color. Do you consider it to be in the expected range of variation for Gunnerkrigg characters (it does seem like the Headmaster's is quite similar), or is it intended to suggest something like unhealthiness or unnaturalness or even just griminess?
'''[http://gunnerkrigg.proboards.com/index.cgi?board{{=}}general&action{{=}}display&thread{{=}}614&page{{=}}6#21831 Tom Siddell]:''' Yup. }}
* [http://irregularwebcomic.net/1785.html This] ''[[
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20140109055431/http://somethingpositive.net/sp10112005.shtml Yeah], ''[[Something
{{quote|
"Be gentle, it'll be my first time."
"First time to be rectally violated or first time to feel good about yourself?"
"Yes." }}
** And [
{{quote|
"Because I did that to your character, or because I thought to put it in a game before you?"
"Yes." }}
* The ''[[Flaky Pastry]]'' [http://flakypastry.runningwithpencils.com/comic.php?strip_id=100 100th strip spectacular] showed Nitrine giving a slightly more helpful Mathematician's Answer.
* ''[[Sluggy Freelance]]'': Kusari answers with one [http://sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/091216 here].
* ''Able And Baker'' gives one of these [https://web.archive.org/web/20120529145802/http://www.jimburgessdesign.com/comics/index.php?comic=1239 here].
{{quote|
"The one thing I can never be wrong about." }}
* [http://www.terrorisland.net/strips/027.html This strip] from the "spelling bee" arc in ''[[Terror Island]]'':
{{quote|
'''Stephen''': Can you use it in a sentence?
'''York''': Almost certainly.
'''Stephen''': Sorry, ''will'' you use it in a sentence?
'''York''': Probably not. It isn't a very common word. }}
* From ''[[Wapsi Square]]'', Shelly gives one when asked where she [http://wapsisquare.com/comic/onmyfront/ got her tattoo.]
* In ''[[8-Bit Theater
{{quote|
'''Black Mage:''' Since it's a convenient excuse to butcher Sir Hopsalot for revenge.
'''Dragoon:''' You mean Red Mage or me?
'''Black Mage: YES.''' }}
* ''[[
{{quote|
'''Isaac:''' Once.
'''Manager:''' What for?
'''Isaac:''' Breaking the law. }}
* ''[[Dilbert]]'' buys "[//dilbert.com/strip/1990-01-06 something for a headache]". Also, on [//dilbert.com/strip/2019-02-01 ten-year financial projections].
== Web Original ==
* The Frequently Given Answers page makes a [https://web.archive.org/web/20130511112135/http://homepage.ntlworld.com/jonathan.deboynepollard/FGA/questions-with-yes-or-no-answers.html serious attempt] to inform unsuspecting answer-seekers how to avoid this trope, when asking questions of places frequented mainly by the overly literal.
* [[The Spoony Experiment
{{quote|
* ''[[Dragon Ball Abridged]]'':
{{quote|
'''King Vegeta:''' Speak, Butarega.
'''Butarega:''' Bardock has gone absolutely mad, Sire!
'''Bardock:''' FREEZA!!
'''King Vegeta:''' What's all the commotion about?
'''Butarega:''' He's been telling everyone that Freeza plans to destroy Vegeta!
'''King Vegeta:''' Wait, my son, [[Egopolis|the planet]], or me?
'''Butarega:''' ...[[Kill'Em All|Yes]].
(Butarega is blasted by King Vegeta)
'''King Vegeta:''' Freakin' smartass. }}
* The titular ninja of ''[[Ask a Ninja]]'' loves to do this, especially during the "Omnibus" episodes.
{{quote|
'''Ninja''': Complicated.
'''Question''': Of all the ninja skills in the world, which is the deadliest?
'''Ninja''': The one that kills you. }}
== Western Animation ==
* ''[[Jimmy Two-Shoes]]'' while [[Crapsack World|Miseryville]] {{spoiler|is transformed into Smilesville}}, Heloise somehow makes a house ''dance''.
{{quote|
'''Heloise''': It owes me a favor. }}
* [[The Grim Adventures of Billy
* [[Family Guy]] has a very funny example by the mayor of Quahog Adam West:
{{quote|
'''Medium''': Yes
'''Adam West''': Thank you so much. }}
** West himself loves doing this:
{{quote|
'''Adam West''': Box, toaster, aluminum, maple syrup... no I take that one back. I'm gonna hold onto that one. }}
** He has it done to him in "Petoria'':
{{quote|
'''Adam West:''' What in God's name is he doing?!
'''Cleveland:''' I believe it's called the Worm. }}
* In one episode of ''[[Peanuts|The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show]]'', Charlie Brown regains consciousness on a sidewalk as two little kids watch. Charlie gets up and asks one of the kids, "Where am I?" One of the kids points to him and says, "Right there!"
* ''[[
** Some of the other Avatar spirits that Aang consulted were more direct, but he didn't like [[Kill Him Already|what they had to say]].
* ''[[Rocky and Bullwinkle]]'' provides us with another example. Boris, in one of his [[Paper-Thin Disguise|Paper Thin Disguises]], needs Bullwinkle to go to a particular location. His scheme is to have Bullwinkle win a trip in a contest. The trick, then, is to get the [[The Ditz|exceedingly dense]] Bullwinkle to actually give the correct answer to a question, which he finally accomplishes with this exchange.
{{quote|
'''Bullwinkle''': No.
'''Boris''': That's right, you don't! }}
* In [[Total Drama World Tour]] while lost in a desert in Egypt:
{{quote|
'''[[Cloudcuckoolander|Izzy:]]''' Plant Earth silly. }}
* [[The Simpsons]] provides a variation on the theme, but still very much holds the original idea. When Bart and Milhouse get their own warehouse, Milhouse is left behind as a night watchman. Bart comes back the next day to find the place destroyed.
{{quote|
'''Milhouse:''' I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over. }}
* [[Batman:
* On an episode of [[Garfield and Friends]] in a [[
{{quote|
'''Roy:''' Sure I am! I operated a guy just yesterday.
'''Orson:''' What did you operate him for?
'''Roy:''' 900 dollars. (rimshot)
'''Orson:''' What did he have?
'''Roy:''' 900 dollars. (rimshot)
'''Orson:''' What did you REMOVE from him?
'''Roy:''' 900 dollars! (rimshot)
'''Orson:''' No, what was he COMPLAINING about?
'''Roy and Orson:''' The 900 dollars. (rimshot)
'''Orson:''' I guess you really are a doctor, Roy. }}
== Other Media ==▼
▲== Other ==
* A famous one by mountaineer George Mallory: when asked, "Why do you want to climb Mount Everest?", he retorted, "Because it's there". It's since been called, "the most famous three words in mountaineering".
* From an old Marvel Comics trading card:
{{quote|
'''Wolverine''': Yup. }}
** At the time, Wolverine's real name had yet to be revealed. He sometimes went by "Logan L. Logan". Guess what the "L." stands for.
Line 629 ⟶ 617:
** It's also a good answer to trick questions like "Have you stopped beating your wife?" Assuming you don't want to admit to having at any point beaten your wife.
* The [[Eddie Izzard]] example so beloved of this page:
{{quote|
'''Priam:''' Whoa, where's she from?
'''Paris:''' She's from Sparta!
'''Priam:''' ...Agh, you twit. Nip upstairs, see if there are any ships on the horizon.
'''Paris:''' Right. [''he does''] Uhh... Ships. Yeah, yeah, there's ships.
'''Priam:''' Well, how many?
'''Paris:''' *thinking noises* ...[[How Many All of Them|all of them]]. }}
* According to a joke, a helicopter is lost in the fog and the pilot shows a sign to the people in the nearby skyscraper, asking them where he is. The answer: "You are in a helicopter." Ironically, the answer does prove useful, since a skyscraper filled with people who all play by this trope can only be the Microsoft tech support building.
** The tech people have their own version of this joke:
{{quote|
'''Passerby:''' You're in a helicopter about 20 ft. off the ground.
'''Man in helicopter:''' You must be in tech support.
'''Passerby:''' I am. How did you know?
'''Man in helicopter:''' Your answer was technically correct but completely useless.
'''Passerby:''' You must be a businessman.
'''Man in helicopter:''' I am. How did you know?
'''Passerby:''' Because you don't know where you are or where you need to go, but you expect me to be able to help. You're no worse off than you were before, but now you think it's my fault. }}
* The proper way to choose a cantaloupe has been described as: smell it, and if it smells like a cantaloupe, it is ripe enough. But it ''is'' a cantaloupe, so by definition, whatever it smells like, is what a cantaloupe smells like. Therefore, the only logical answer to "Does it smell like a cantaloupe?" is "Yes".
Line 650 ⟶ 638:
*** Which is why outside of the U.S. they are known as a musk mellon. A proper cantaloupe as recognized by the rest of the world can't even be found in the U.S.
* [[Robin Williams]] in his stand-up act when talking about calling tech support. When finally reaching a real person (who is [[Operator From India|Indian]], of course), this exchange takes place:
{{quote|
'''Tech support assistant:''' (''heavy Indian accent'') I am on the phone with you. }}
* Back in about 2003, when Mark & Lard were still doing an afternoon show on BBC Radio 1, they used to run a phone-in quiz vaguely about music. Once, one of the questions was, "Can you name a member of Boyzone?" One of the callers jumped in with, "No." Technically, it was a correct answer...
* If you got here from [[Internet Backdraft]], you're probably wondering why "[[Portal (
{{quote|
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard. }}
* There's a joke that goes like this:
{{quote|
person B: ''My dad's dead.''
person A: ''Well, what did he do before he died?''
person B: ''He sorta cluched at his chest and fell over.'' }}
* Dara Ó Briain did a bit about this in one of his stand-up shows, when the audience response to the question "Do you know what Moore's Law is?" was 'yes'.
* There is a story about actress Mae West, who was famous for playing [[The Vamp]].
{{quote|
'''Mae West''': [[Really Gets Around|Yes]]. }}
* There's an old joke about asking for directions that goes along these lines:
{{quote|
'''Pedestrian''': This road, sir? No, sir. Tends to stay right where it is. }}
* There's another old joke, where a tourist lost in New York asks a street musician for directions:
{{quote|
'''Musician''': Practice, man! Practice! }}
* Then there's the old retort to "Can I ask you a question?" "You just did."
** During the trial arc of ''[[
* Not so much an example but a possibly interesting piece of related trivia: The "-A or B?; -Yes" joke works in most languages because it's rather typical that only one word is used for both meanings of "or". It doesn't work in languages where there are separate words for them, for example Finnish ("tai" / "vai". The former means "or" as in "is it either A or B?" and the latter as in "which one is it: A or B?")
** In fact, Finnish also has a third word for "or": "eli" meaning specifically "also known as" or "in other words". One wonders if the early Finns just really hated the "or" jokes.
** It's also difficult in Chinese, but for a completely different reason: Chinese does not have all-purpose words for "yes" and "no," instead attaching positive or negative modifiers to the verb in question. If someone asks you even a single-mode question, like "Have you eaten" ("chī fàn le?"), you have to say, "bù chī" (have not eaten) or "chī le" (already ate). ...Okay, people will still throw around "bù" without an attached verb, same as how English speakers will say "Went to the store" with only an implied subject, but it's still a bit harder to be ambiguous.
Line 683 ⟶ 671:
* Teachers see a '''lot''' of these, from students who can't come up with a relevant answer to a test question and opt to try for a laugh instead.
* [[Rule of Three|An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician]] are on a train in Scotland. They see a black sheep, and the following exchange ensues:
{{quote|
'''Physicist''': Well, all we know for sure is that some sheep in Scotland are black.
'''Mathematician''': All we can be sure of is that, in Scotland, there is at least one sheep that is black on at least one side. }}
* Or this joke (when sitting at the table): "Can I have the butter?" "Yes." "Can you pass it to me?" "Yes." (beat) "What, now?"
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20120126230946/http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/demotivational-posters-yes1.jpg What holiday is] [[Nightmare Before Christmas]] about?
** [[Completely Missing the Point|Yes?]]
* One that gets used a bit in direction-giving customer service roles
{{quote|
"Right next to the women's room." }}
* Several ''[[Burt And I]]'' routines took this form.
Line 696 ⟶ 684:
** "I'm going up to Portland." "Go ahead. I won't stop you." "Where does this road go?" "Don't go nowhere, mister. Stays right here." "Can I take this road up to Portland?" "Well, sure...but they've got all the roads up to Portland that they need."
** "Sorry to hear they're burying your pa." "Got to. He's dead."
* This joke: A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are each staying in hotel rooms which individually catch fire. They each have water nearby, so the engineer throws as much water as he can onto the fire and it goes out, then he goes back to bed. The physicist does some quick calculations and throws the exact amount of water necessary onto the fire so that it will go out and he doesn't waste any, and then he goes back to bed. The mathematician does some quick calculations, exclaims "Aha! There is an answer!" and goes back to bed.
* According to an [[Urban Legend]], when the notorious bank robber Wille Sutton was asked why he robbed banks, he replied "Because that's where the money is." He denied ever saying this.
* [http://notalwaysright.com/parts-laboring-the-obvious/18232 This] exchange on [[(The Customer is) Not Always Right]]:
{{quote|
'''Me:''' “What do you have on there now?”
'''Customer:''' “A flat tire.” }}
* The footballer Mario Balotelli crashed his car in August 2010, with £5000 (~$8000) in the glove compartment. Asked why, he answered "Because I am rich."
* [[David Tennant]] once hosted a ''[[
{{quote|
'''Panellist''': Who's there?
'''Tennant''': Doctor
'''Panellist''': Doctor who?
'''Tennant''': Correct! }}
* Magritte's painting ''The Treachery of Images'', which shows a pipe with the phrase, "Ceci n'est pas une pipe" (this is not a pipe) under it. And, of course, it isn't a pipe; it is an ''image'' of a pipe. Later in life, Magritte made it clear that this was an Mathematician's Answer:
{{quote|
▲----
{{quote|
{{reflist}}
[[Category:Cryptic Conversation]]
[[Category:Dialogue]]
[[Category:Characterization Tropes]]
▲[[Category:Trope]]
| |||