Narm/Literature: Difference between revisions

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{{quote|"One would have to have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without dissolving into tears...of laughter."|'''[[Oscar Wilde]]''', mocking [[~~Charles Dickens (Creator)|~~Charles Dickens]]' ''The Old Curiosity Shop''}}

{{quote|"One would have to have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without dissolving into tears...of laughter."|'''[[Oscar Wilde]]''', mocking [[Charles Dickens]]' ''The Old Curiosity Shop''}}

{{quote|"[''The Deerslayer's''] pathos is funny.|'''[[Mark Twain]]''', ''Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses''}}

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*** It's even worse is you're familiar with [[The Modest Orgasm|a certain French euphemism]].

** There is also a scene in which the sight of a bee saves Eragon from the brink of death.

** Either [[~~Christopher Paolini (Creator)|~~Christopher Paolini]] [[Critical Research Failure|doesn't know what "the pox" actually means to a mediaeval person]], or he was [[Getting Crap Past the Radar]] (at a really bad time) when Orik says his parents died of the pox. Historically (and certainly in the High Mediaeval era that Inheritance is allegedly set in), "the pox" meant syphilis. Yes, ''that'' [[wikipedia:Syphilis|Syphilis]]. Paolini put a reference to sexually transmitted disease in the middle of what was supposed to be a sad and moving scene. Something you aren't telling us about [[All Women Are Lustful|mum]] and [[All Men Are Perverts|dad]], Orik?

** Either [[Christopher Paolini]] [[Critical Research Failure|doesn't know what "the pox" actually means to a mediaeval person]], or he was [[Getting Crap Past the Radar]] (at a really bad time) when Orik says his parents died of the pox. Historically (and certainly in the High Mediaeval era that Inheritance is allegedly set in), "the pox" meant syphilis. Yes, ''that'' [[wikipedia:Syphilis|Syphilis]]. Paolini put a reference to sexually transmitted disease in the middle of what was supposed to be a sad and moving scene. Something you aren't telling us about [[All Women Are Lustful|mum]] and [[All Men Are Perverts|dad]], Orik?

** Oh, ''Inheritance'' is almost unreadable, there's so much Narm. This series just takes itself far more seriously than it often deserves.

*** Such as the moment at the end of "The City of Sorrows" when Roran mentally tells Eragon to "hurry, or I swear I'll haunt you from the grave." While this is not a serious threat on Roan's part, it's clearly meant to be a serious moment showing us the dire situation they find themselves in…but it's such a useless, laughable threat that Roran looks like a wimp. "Just in case feeling overwhelming amounts of anguish/guilt for failing to keep the world from falling to the permanent rule of a horrible, inhuman dictator, letting your liegelord be tortured almost to death, losing the schoolboy-crush-esque love of your life, aren't enough…your cousin is also going to return from the dead as a spook in wherever you live in the ensuing dystopia."

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** Also, if read aloud a certain way, "I like beans with ketchup!" becomes hilarious.

* The ending of Ben Elton's ''[[Chart Throb]]''. Very disappointing in its narm.

* There is a book about an alien sent to Earth to find love. (The book was clearly counting on attracting the readers of ''[[Twilight (~~Literature~~)|Twilight]]''). It includes the line, "[[Mars Needs Women|I am here to find a female]]".

* There is a book about an alien sent to Earth to find love. (The book was clearly counting on attracting the readers of ''[[Twilight (novel)|Twilight]]''). It includes the line, "[[Mars Needs Women|I am here to find a female]]".

** The book is called ''[[Dancing With An Alien]]'', and its chock full of high octane narm.

* The first chapter of ''[[The Ill-Made Mute]]'' has constant [[Purple Prose]]. But how can you dislike a book where one of the traditional songs of her fantasy world is a rephrase of "Stairway To Heaven"? And another is Cream's "White Room"?

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* ''[[Battlefield Earth]]'' is loaded with Narm. Johnnie and the Scots find the Marine Corp base, and they find all the weapons that were from 2000 in '''''<s>[[Ragnarok Proofing|near-perfect condition]]</s>''''' [[In Working Order|repairable condition]]. This is a thousand years [[After the End]] of high-tech human civilization!

** If it's a [[Phlebotinum Breakdown|Harrier]], then repairable condition is as close as you're getting to perfect.

* Thanks to [[Purple Prose]], the ''[[Twilight (~~Literature~~)|Twilight]]'' books have lots of this. One of the best was when Edward was holding his and Bella's baby:

* Thanks to [[Purple Prose]], the ''[[Twilight (novel)|Twilight]]'' books have lots of this. One of the best was when Edward was holding his and Bella's baby:

** [[Bishie Sparkle|Sparkly]] [[Our Vampires Are Different|vampires]]. The point of the meadow scene ''is'' that Edward sparkles, literally. ''And'' he says that it's the body of a killer.

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* In ''[[A Man for All Seasons]]''. Margaret's comeback to her father's saying something typically [[Deadpan Snarker]]-like (if that can be said of Thomas More) was something along the lines of 'You're very gay.' She meant cheery and glad, [[Have a Gay Old Time|but...]]

* Quite possibly the most infamous Narm moment in all of literature:

** [[A Wrinkle in Time|I do beg your pardon!]]

** It refers to a novel by Edward Bulwer-Lytton, which is much longer and much worse. Madeline L'Engle referenced it to underline her theme of redemption.

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But thine arithmetic is quite correct. }}

* The dramatic scene in [[Clan of the Cave Bear]] in which Ayla accidentally {{spoiler|uncovers the mog-urs of the various clans cannibalizing the brain of the man slain by a cave bear in a ceremony}} becomes quite amusing when it hits you that the man's name was [[Gorn]].

* [[Neil Gaiman]]'s ''[[~~American Gods (Literature)|~~American Gods]]''. "The paradigms were shifting. He could feel it." Oh no, not the paradigms!

* [[Neil Gaiman]]'s ''[[American Gods]]''. "The paradigms were shifting. He could feel it." Oh no, not the paradigms!

** Maybe what he was feeling was peristalsis. Which not only shares a couple of leading syllables, also it's something which '''''can''' be felt''!

* ''[[~~Warrior Cats (Literature)|~~Warrior Cats]]'':

* ''[[Warrior Cats]]'':

{{quote| "Defend yourself! Or I swear by StarClan I'll kill you!"<br />

"Then you're a fool, and stupid too!"<br />

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* ''She Said Yes''. The whole book is riddled with hindsight-based "insight" from the subject's parents (the book's authors) about [[What Do You Mean Its Not Symbolic|how every little thing she did was part of an elaborate path towards the end of her life]], repeatedly describing in [[What Do You Mean It's Not Didactic?|overblown]] verbosity the girl's "[[What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?|shocking]]" lifestyle, which almost any other parent or teenager--or anyone who's seen stories about truly shocking teenage behavior--would recognize as normal adolescence. The only '''real''' gravitas comes from [[Foregone Conclusion|knowing the ending in advance]] (it's the biography of a girl who died in the Columbine High School shootings).

** It's worth noting that [[wikipedia:Cassie Bernall|Cassie Bernall]] ''[[Beam Me Up, Scotty|wasn't]]'' the one who said yes according to the official investigation...

* ''[[Latawnya the Naughty Horse Learns To Say No To Drugs]]'' is made of this. It becomes impossible to absorb the moral of the story when it's full of smoking and drinking horses of the non-anthropomorphic variety. The intended [[Tear Jerker]] moment involving an OD'd horse lying dead with a joint by his mouth is the icing on the cake.

* ''[[Latawnya the Naughty Horse Learns to Say No to Drugs]]'' is made of this. It becomes impossible to absorb the moral of the story when it's full of smoking and drinking horses of the non-anthropomorphic variety. The intended [[Tear Jerker]] moment involving an OD'd horse lying dead with a joint by his mouth is the icing on the cake.

** This is probably the truest, most glorious example of literary Narm on this page.

* There is a "True Story" about [[Littlest Cancer Patient|a girl who died from AIDS]], which she caught when her boyfriend raped her. The tagline is something along the lines of "[[Scare'Em Straight|She thought she had found love...and she lost her life to AIDS]]." But the true Narm is in the title (cue scary music): ''It Happened to Nancy''.

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*** That degree of racism was considered ridiculous and unpleasant even at the time. Besides, the point being made is not that Lovecraft's racism discredits his whole work, but merely that it makes certain scenes lose their impact to the modern reader because of the laughter/fury/FlatWhat factor it causes.

** Some of Lovecraft's names were [[Inherently Funny Words|hilarious]]. ''The Whisperer in Darkness'' had the potential to be absolutely terrifying, but the phrase "Fungi from Yuggoth" ''sounds'' amusing.

*** If you know actual Arabic, the [[As Long As It Sounds Foreign]] name of Abdul Alhazred is actually [[Department of Redundancy Department|redundant]]. "Abdul" means "Servant/Slave of the". So if "Hazred" meant anything, than "Abdul Alhazred" would mean "Slave of the the (whatever it meant)." Anything that has two definite articles comes off a little Narmy.

*** If you know actual Arabic, the [[As Long as It Sounds Foreign]] name of Abdul Alhazred is actually [[Department of Redundancy Department|redundant]]. "Abdul" means "Servant/Slave of the". So if "Hazred" meant anything, than "Abdul Alhazred" would mean "Slave of the the (whatever it meant)." Anything that has two definite articles comes off a little Narmy.

* [http://community.livejournal.com/batman_lulz/710811.html This] [[Batman]] children's book is chock-full of narmy goodness. Highlights include the line 'Batman! This is no time for dessert!' and the Joker stealing a kid's bicycle and riding around on it.

** The Joker has probably already done that in the comics.

* The ''[[~~Alex Rider (Literature)|~~Alex Rider]]'' novel ''Point Blank.'' The villain's plot is called Project Gemini. There was a famous [[Real Life]] space program called Project Gemini back in the 1960s. So, this novel has lines like these:

* The ''[[Alex Rider]]'' novel ''Point Blank.'' The villain's plot is called Project Gemini. There was a famous [[Real Life]] space program called Project Gemini back in the 1960s. So, this novel has lines like these:

{{quote| "We cannot allow you to leave, you know too much about Project Gemini."}}

** And we wonder why the American space program has stalled out.

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* No one has quite yet worked out what possessed Gabriel García Márquez to use the phrase "wormy guava grove of love" in ''[[One Hundred Years of Solitude]]''.

** That might be the translator's fault...

* The end of ''[[My ~~Sisters~~ Keeper]]'', when {{spoiler|Anna is killed in a car accident}}. It's so [[Glurge|obviously designed]] to be a [[Tear Jerker]] that it becomes Narm. The [[Debate and Switch]] doesn't help.

* The end of ''[[My Sister's Keeper]]'', when {{spoiler|Anna is killed in a car accident}}. It's so [[Glurge|obviously designed]] to be a [[Tear Jerker]] that it becomes Narm. The [[Debate and Switch]] doesn't help.

* The book ''Notes on a Scandal'' gives us the classic line "Miss, miss, can I come in you miss?" whilst [[Hot for Student|Bathsheba and Steven]] are having sex for the first time. This is an interesting case: the line was meant to be unnatural, emphasizing Stephen's awkwardness in their relationship and the formalities between teacher and student, but the line (for [[Tropers/Theenglishman|this troper anyway]]) came across as funny rather than [[Squick|Squicky]].

* ''The Ruins'' is a creepy book in which a group of tourists end up trapped on a hill with a man-eating plant. For most of the book, the plant is scary, especially when it's revealed that the plant is sentient and enjoys screwing with them. Then it starts speaking in German.

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* Stephen King's ''It'' -- specifically, that scene at the very end of the book. You know the one. The one where 12-year-old Beverly has to help her six friends escape the sewers. Her method, and why it is Narm, is best left unexplained.... <ref>Why is this book legal?</ref><ref>They have {{spoiler|sex}}. </ref>

** It was meant as a growing-up ritual. Aparently, defeating an [[Eldritch Abomination]] doesn't count.

* Stephen Hand's novelizations of ''[[~~The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Film)|~~The Texas Chainsaw Massacre]]'' and ''[[~~Freddy vs. Jason (Film)|~~Freddy vs. Jason]]'', and his original novel ''[[Friday the 13th]]: Carnival of Maniacs'', while decent, occasionally descend into... weird [[Purple Prose]].

* Stephen Hand's novelizations of ''[[The Texas Chainsaw Massacre]]'' and ''[[Freddy vs. Jason]]'', and his original novel ''[[Friday the 13th]]: Carnival of Maniacs'', while decent, occasionally descend into... weird [[Purple Prose]].

* The death of Anji's boyfriend Dave in the [[Doctor Who]] [[Eighth Doctor Adventures]] novel ''Escape Velocity'', a lousy installment in an otherwise [[Gushing About Shows You Like|great series]]:

{{quote| Dave's eyes flickered open for one last time and he saw the rockets on the base of the Planet Hopper fire into life. What a view! he thought, and then died as the flames from the engines reached the bus which then exploded.}}

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* [[The Saga of Darren Shan]] gives us one of its vampire varieties named "Vampaneze". No. It's not a parody. And they're the scary, evil vampires! You'd think an author would spend more than 5 minutes thinking up a name for the race of a major villain, but here we go!

* The [[Star Wars Expanded Universe]] book [[Fatal Alliance]] gives us this wonderful part after a Jedi Padawan saves a Sith Apprentice's life, from her point of view: "The Jedi had saved her, and she wrenched herself from him, even as she felt a twinge of gratitude. Surely he hadn't done it out of the vile goodness of his heart!" Yes. ''Vile goodness''. Just in case you didn't know that the Sith were evil with a capital E...<ref>She's [[Tsundere]], so to speak, and hating the fact that she had to be rescued by a 'good guy' when Sith usually consider themselves [[Above Good and Evil]].</ref>

* ''[[A Connecticut Yankee in King ~~Arthurs~~ Court]]'' has a "Great Illustrated Classics" version, which is basically acondensed kids' version. There's a scene towards the end of the book where {{spoiler|Merlin sneaks into the cave where Morgan's forces have made their last stand, disguised as a woman, to place an enchantment of Morgan. Despite being in a dress, when we see him he very clearly has a long, thick beard.}}

* ''[[A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court]]'' has a "Great Illustrated Classics" version, which is basically acondensed kids' version. There's a scene towards the end of the book where {{spoiler|Merlin sneaks into the cave where Morgan's forces have made their last stand, disguised as a woman, to place an enchantment of Morgan. Despite being in a dress, when we see him he very clearly has a long, thick beard.}}

* ''[[Transformers Exodus]]'' has one. Orion Pax (Optimus) looks out at the Skyline and decides that he wants to rebel against the rigid caste society of Cybertron...so that he can go to an amusement park.

* [[Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark]] has some pretty terrifying and downright traumatizing stories and images. Then somebody took it upon themselves to animate the stories. Some of them are effective, but some of them... In one of the more famous stories, ''[[Scary Scarecrows|Harold]]'' is terrifying in the illustration. In the animation, he looks to have a LEGO head.

* [[Dan Brown]]'s prose is frankly dreadful, which ruins quite a few moments in ''[[The Da Vinci Code]]''. For instance, "She could feel the ancient blood coursing through her veins."

* ''[[~~Tess of the D'Urbervilles (Literature)|~~Tess of the D'Urbervilles]]'' is genuinely tragic, but ... {{spoiler|when her illegitimate rape baby falls fatally ill and Tess's abusive father won't allow a clergyman in to baptize him, so Tess does it herself, and then reveals that she never got around to naming him, and then decides to christen him SORROW, complete with melodramatic capital letters, just as he dies}} ... well, that's laying it on a little thick.

* ''[[Tess of the D'Urbervilles]]'' is genuinely tragic, but ... {{spoiler|when her illegitimate rape baby falls fatally ill and Tess's abusive father won't allow a clergyman in to baptize him, so Tess does it herself, and then reveals that she never got around to naming him, and then decides to christen him SORROW, complete with melodramatic capital letters, just as he dies}} ... well, that's laying it on a little thick.

* Although Dave Wolverton's proclivity for referring to testicles almost exclusively as "walnuts" throught ''[[The Runelords]]'', the narmiest part of the series is the short review written by [[Orson Scott Card]] included at the beginning of each novel, which is a little bit too emotional to take seriously.

* "[[Bill O Reilly|You wanted a house by the ocean. Well, the ocean can cut both ways!]]"

** Don't worry about it. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. Amen.

* The [[Wham! Episode|final chapter]] of the eleventh ''[[~~Haruhi Suzumiya (Light Novel)|~~Haruhi Suzumiya]]'' novel <ref>Which is the reason it's listed here and not under Anime & Manga</ref> is truly ''epic'' Narm. Fujiwara's conversation with {{spoiler|Mikuru}} during the former's [[Villainous Breakdown]] has both characters sound like they are in a [[Soap Opera]]. It's kind of hard to take the words, {{spoiler|"I don't want to lose you again, [[Long Lost Sibling|Onee-san!]]"}} seriously when it's [[Smug Snake|Fujiwara]] saying them. And it doesn't help that there is a ''very'' melodramatic illustration for this scene which looks like it was taken out of a [[Shoujo]] manga.)

* The [[Wham! Episode|final chapter]] of the eleventh ''[[Haruhi Suzumiya]]'' novel <ref>Which is the reason it's listed here and not under Anime & Manga</ref> is truly ''epic'' Narm. Fujiwara's conversation with {{spoiler|Mikuru}} during the former's [[Villainous Breakdown]] has both characters sound like they are in a [[Soap Opera]]. It's kind of hard to take the words, {{spoiler|"I don't want to lose you again, [[Long Lost Sibling|Onee-san!]]"}} seriously when it's [[Smug Snake|Fujiwara]] saying them. And it doesn't help that there is a ''very'' melodramatic illustration for this scene which looks like it was taken out of a [[Shoujo]] manga.)

* While ''[[The Lovely Bones]]'' generally has very good prose, it's hard to take this line seriously:

{{quote| She asked for coffee and toast in a restaurant and buttered it with tears.}}