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'''Note: While this is a [[Self-Insert Fic]] and the author frequently complains about his life in the author's notes (sometimes letting it [[Real Life Writes the Plot|influence the story]]), a real life section would be just asking for a [[Flame War]].'''
== Team 7 ==
== '''Ronan Beelzub (Beelzebub?)''' ==
The main character, who recently moved to the village of Konohagakure. From there, he proceeds to dominate the story, having sex with many female characters and becoming King of the ninjas.
* [[Always Save the Girl]]: Takes this to its natural conclusion when {{spoiler|helping the council so that Sakura and Atni will be spared}}.
* [[Anti-Hero]]: Type IV or V
* [[Author Avatar]]: To the point where [[Freudian Slip|characters sometimes refer to him by the author's first name]]
Line 30 ⟶ 28:
* [[Even Evil Has Standards]]: His refusal to allow the Council to kill homosexuals despite not liking gay men comes off as this.
* [[Eye Beams]]
* [[Eye Scream]]:
* [[Fake Defector]]: {{spoiler|Joins the Council to prevent Sakura, Atni and Ekaj from being killed, but isn't able to prevent the end of the world}}
* [[Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!]]: Does this to Sakura, Atni {{spoiler|and Ekaj}} when they become hysterical over his plan to serve as a [[Fake Defector]], but this comes off as closer to physical abuse than most examples of the trope.
* [[Glowing Eyes]]: {{spoiler|After joining the Council to help them destroy the world}}.
* [[Groin Attack]]: Launches one on Madara but avoids hitting him in the balls because he doesn't want to be seen as a homosexual.
Line 43 ⟶ 39:
* [[Instant Awesome, Just Add Dragons]]: His jutsus often involve dragons
* [[Informed Ability]]: He's said to be a great musician, but the parts of his songs that are shown are (for lack of a better word) ''terrible''.
{{quote|"YEAH YEAH GIRL WAN FUCK U HRD TIGHT LITTLE PUSSY MY DICKS HARD!"}}
{{quote|"[[Metal Scream|AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH]] MY DICK IS LIKE A BIG FAT ROCKET AND [[Painful Rhyme|UR PUSSYS LIKE A HOLE AND I FUCK U HARD AND IV GOT A HUGE POLE]]"}}
{{quote|"[[Wangst|FICKING SLUT U UGLY WHORE U HURT MY HEART U FUCKING]] BITCH JUST DIE!Q"}}
{{quote|"FUCK YEAH SUCK MY DICK FUCKING WHORE MMM MMM YEAH I WANT MORE!"}}
* [[Informed Flaw]]: The mole on his face and his alleged inability to do housework are supposedly proof that he's not perfect.
* [["It's Not Rape If You Enjoyed It"]]: His typical philosophy.
* [[Jerkass]]: Is abusive and hypocritical towards his girlfriends, intolerant of other people's opinions, and is willing to injure people for looking at him wrong.
Line 83 ⟶ 72:
* [[The Worf Effect]]: Suffers more defeats as the story goes on as part of the author's attempts to make him seem more believable.
* [[Would Hit a Girl]]: {{spoiler|As Taliana and the female half of the Council discover}}.
* [[X Meets Y]]: Ronan describes his band as sounding "like a cross between [[prince]] and [[Led Zeppelin|led zepplin]] and
* [[Your Cheating Heart]]: Regularly cheats on Sakura
* [[You Monster!]]: Says this to Madara as he is {{spoiler|eating Mandy}}
== '''Naruto''' ==
The former main character of the series, who spends much of his time whining about how Ronan is better than he is. {{spoiler|This leads him to commit suicide, and eventually come back as a villain, only to be defeated by Ronan}}.
Line 95 ⟶ 84:
* [[Driven by Envy]]: Of Ronan.
* {{spoiler|[[Driven to Suicide]]}} {{spoiler|He gets better}}
* {{spoiler|[[Even Evil Has Standards]]}}:
* {{spoiler|[[Face Heel Turn]]}}
* {{spoiler|[[Fallen Hero]]}}: The Wave Country arc is referenced in this fic, along with some of the heroic deeds Naruto did
* [[Humongous Mecha]]: {{spoiler|He uses this against Ronan}}
* {{spoiler|[[Unexplained Recovery]]}}:
* [[Ungrateful Bastard]]: Supposedly, as he
== '''Sakura''' ==
Ronan's girlfriend and eventual wife. She goes along with everything he does, no matter how much she suffers as a result. She has been reduced from a ([[Your Mileage May Vary|arguably]]) competent fighter to someone who can't get up by herself if she falls. She is also the mother of Mandy {{spoiler|and Nanor/Ekaj}}, and Taliana was cloned from her.
* [[Absurdly Youthful Mother]]: According to [[Word of God]], 13 at the start and 16 at the end, and she still gets pregnant and gives birth.
* [[Anti-Hero]]: Being complicit in Ronan
* {{spoiler|[[Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence]]}}:
* [[Berserk Button]]: Anyone speaking ill of Ronan.
* {{spoiler|[[Brainwashed]]}}: In Chapter 40,
* [[Break the Cutie]]: {{spoiler|In Benji's ending, she reveals that she's scarred from what she went through, but Naruto promises to help her work through it}}.
* [[Buxom Is Better]]: Why she is constantly described as having double K/L/M/however-big-jake-wants breasts here, despite her [[A-Cup Angst]] in canon.
* {{spoiler|[[Catgirl]]}}: In Chapter 29
* [[Chickification]]: Plays the passive girl that does whatever Ronan tells her to and puts up with mistreatment. She also goes from canonically starting out weak and [[Your Mileage May Vary|arguably]] [[Took a Level in Badass|becoming]] [[Action Girl|quite competent]], to being completely helpless almost from the get-go.
* {{spoiler|[[Convenient Coma]]}}
* [[Damsel in Distress]]: Has no combat skill whatsoever and gets kidnapped on a regular basis. {{spoiler|In Chapter 41, she might be gone for a longer period of time than usual}}.
* {{spoiler|[[Dropped a Bridge on Him|Dropped A Bridge on Her]]}}: {{spoiler|Killed off by the Council for no apparent reason other than to motivate Ronan to participate in the tournament.}}
* [[Extreme Doormat]]
* {{spoiler|[[Face Heel Turn]]}}: {{spoiler|The Antidote turns her Christian}}.
* [[Gasshole]]: Played for [[Fan Service]].
* [[Hysterical Woman]]: Is frequently up in arms over the slightest of happenings.
* [[Love Martyr]]: When Ronan accuses her of cheating, she {{spoiler|offers to [[You Fail Biology Forever|cut off her vagina]] to prove her love for him, then does it when he tells her to do it}}.
* [[Megaton Punch]]: {{spoiler|On Taliana}}.
* [[Mood Swinger]]
* [[Neutral Female]]: Cries and holds on to Ronan as he fights and defeats their enemies.
* [[No-Holds-Barred Beatdown]]: {{spoiler|Performs one on Taliana in Chapter 32}}.
* [[Not So Harmless]]: {{spoiler|Beating up Taliana in Chapter 32}}, and {{spoiler|killing Ronan in the ending}}.
* [[OOC Is Serious Business]]: {{spoiler|Her being brainwashed is highlighted by the fact that she won't have sex with Ronan or Sasuke}}.
* [[Precision F-Strike]]: {{spoiler|Benji's ending}}, combined with [[This Is Sparta]].
* [[Put on a Bus]]: {{spoiler|Was in a coma from Chapter 34 until Chapter 39}}.
* [["The Reason You Suck" Speech]]: {{spoiler|To Ronan in Benji's ending}}
{{quote|"
* [[Shallow Love Interest]]
* [[Tears of Joy]]:
* [[Teen Pregnancy]]:
** Had Mandy as a teenager.
**
* {{spoiler|[[Unstoppable Rage]]}}: Chapter 32
* [[Your Cheating Heart]]: Cheats on Ronan in Chapter 22 out of a need to have sex.
** [[Sympathetic Adulterer]]. Possibly. She cheats merely out of a desire for sex, yet the disproportionate (albeit self-inflicted) punishment she underwent, the hypocrisy in Ronan casting blame on her and Ronan's unlikeability can paint her as this.
== '''Sasuke''' ==
Part of Team 7. He is apparently killed when the temple explodes, {{spoiler|but survived and was brainwashed by the Kibusi Corporation}}.
* [[Asexual]]: Mentioned to be as such, to which Ronan responds with:
{{quote|"wtf??? how can u b asexu????
* {{spoiler|[[Brainwashed and Crazy]]}}: {{spoiler|Kidnapped after the bomb destroyed the temple, and turned Christian.}}
* [[Breath Weapon]]: {{spoiler|Black fire in his snake form.}}
* [[Cool Train]]: He {{spoiler|tries to run over Sakura}} in a train that looks like a snake.
* {{spoiler|[[
* [[Fat Bastard]]: Is constantly described as a "ugly fat guy" after {{spoiler|his Face Heel Turn. In fact, his evil scheme is to turn all of the Shinobi Nations fat.}}
* {{spoiler|[[
* [[
* [[Satellite Character]]: Described as being Sakura's friend at first. {{spoiler|Even after turning evil, he's Sakura's new husband.}}
* [[Scaled Up]]: {{spoiler|Can turn into a giant snake with powers he got from Orochimaru.}}
* {{spoiler|[[Tyrant Takes the Helm]]}}: {{spoiler|Takes over Konoha while Ronan is away.}}
* {{spoiler|[[Unexplained Recovery]]}}: {{spoiler|He also survived the temple bombing, resulting in it having ''no victims at all.''}}
* {{spoiler|[[Villains Out Shopping]]}}: {{spoiler|Plays [[Infamous (video game series)|In Famous]] and [[Red Dead Redemption]] late in the fic, as [[Take That|a way of showing his lack of taste]].}}
* [[Weaksauce Weakness]]: {{spoiler|Listening to music the author likes or hearing criticism of Christianity.}}
== '''Kakashi''' ==
Part of Team 7. He is apparently killed when the temple explodes {{spoiler|but comes back as Ronan's sidekick, only to be killed again in the tournament}}.
* {{spoiler|[[Back from the Dead]]}}: {{spoiler|In Benji's ending.}}
* [[Big Damn Heroes]]: {{spoiler|Chapter 35.}}
* {{spoiler|[[Brainwashed]]}}:
* {{spoiler|[[Dropped a Bridge on Him]]}}: {{spoiler|In Chapter 53, he is randomly killed off by the darkness.}}
* {{spoiler|[[
* [[The Lancer]]: {{spoiler|After his resurrection.}}
* [[Mistaken for Gay]]: While [[Character Shilling|sucking up to]] [[Creator's Pet|Ronan]] over his performance in having sex with Mei, Ronan wonders if he's in love with him, and Kakashi denies this.
* [[Satellite Character]]: Described as Sakura's friend.
* {{spoiler|[[Unexplained Recovery]]}}:
* [[We Are Team Cannon Fodder]]: Completely useless in battle against any named characters, and even loses against some [[Mook|Mooks]].
== Ronan
== '''Sakura''' ==
See Team 7
== '''Mandy Waterfall''' ==
Ronan and Sakura's daughter/clone, who grows up almost instantly and [[Parental Incest|becomes one of the girls]] [[Squick|he has sex with]].
* {{spoiler|[[Dropped a Bridge on Him]]}}
* {{spoiler|[[Forgotten Fallen Friend]]}}
* {{spoiler|[[Killed Off for Real]]}}:
* [[Parental Incest]]: With both her parents. The author claims that it's not incest because she's a clone, [[Freudian Slip|but accidentally says that it "would" be incest]].
* [[Plot-Relevant Age-Up]]: Grows up almost instantly
* [[Satellite Character]]:
* [[Shallow Love Interest]]
* [[Unexplained Recovery]]:
* [[Younger Than They Look]]: Aged up to Sakura's age within a day or so of being born.
== '''Da cooger/Fiona''' ==
An older woman (hence her title) Ronan rescues from Orochimaru after taking shelter with her. She eventually gets killed by Madara, but comes back in spirit form to help Ronan.
* {{spoiler|[[Deader Than Dead]]}}:
* {{spoiler|[[Heroic Sacrifice]]}} Chapter 67.
* [[Horrifying the Horror]]: For a ghost head, she gets easily scared of anything.
* {{spoiler|[[I'm Cold... So Cold...]]}}: {{spoiler|As she is dying a second time.}}
* [[Intimate Healing]]: Can heal Ronan from otherwise fatal injuries {{spoiler|and even revive him}} by sucking his penis.
* [[Killed Off for Real]]: {{spoiler|Twice in Chapters 7 and 49. She appears again in Chapter 58 after she saves Ronan to tell him that she's gone for good but will make cameos to deliver a prophecy, and sacrifices herself in Chapter 66 to save Ronan.}}
* {{spoiler|[[Just Desserts]]}}: {{spoiler|Eaten by Madara as part of her second death; Ronan pulls her out but she still dies.}}
* [[Mr. Exposition|Ms. Exposition]]: Provides exposition about the prophecy.
* [[No Name Given]]: "da cooger" is initially a term to refer to her, then seemingly becomes her name. However, she is referred to as "Fiona" in Chapter 34. Fiona was actually first mentioned in Chapter 7, but nobody would have guessed that was Da Cooger's real name due to a confusing POV switch and assumed Fiona was a different woman who was randomly thrown in.
* [[Off with His Head|Off With Her head]]
* [[Rule of Three]]:
* [[Satellite Character]]: Basically the head that comes out of Sakura's body, and someone who helps Ronan by healing him and giving him advice.
* [[
== '''Taliana''' ==
A girl who is described as an evil clone of Sakura, who turns out to be {{spoiler|Ronan's mother}}. Ronan has sex with her, and briefly marries her, but after several cases of switching sides, she seemingly permanently settles on the side of evil {{spoiler|until her death in Chapter 33, at the hands of her former lover Ronan}}.
* [[BFG]]: Wields one against Ronan at the concert.
* {{spoiler|[[Cruel and Unusual Death]]}} and {{spoiler|[[Family-Unfriendly Death]]}}: {{spoiler|Beaten up, set on fire, torn apart and pooped on.}}
* [[Heel Face Revolving Door]]: She frequently alternates between trying to kill Ronan and his other girlfriends, and having sex with him, sometimes in the course of a single chapter.
* [[Hell-Bent for Leather]]: Her usual wardrobe.
* [[Katanas Are Just Better]]: Uses one to
* {{spoiler|[[Killed Off for Real]]}}: {{spoiler|As a result of Jake having relationship problems with Katie.}}
* {{spoiler|[[
* [[Mind Over Matter]]: Can use telekinesis on Sakura.
*
* [[Shock and Awe]]: Can call down lightning to kill large groups of people.
* [[Sizeshifter]]: Can make herself grow 12 feet tall.
* [[Spare Body Parts]]: Is able to pop out a second pair of breasts.
* [[You Have Failed Me...]]: {{spoiler|Dropped down a "trapped door" after Ronan comes back from the assassination attempt, but is given one last chance to kill Ronan.}}
== '''The Leather Pussies''' ==
A group of 160 catgirls under Madara's command who are persuaded to defect to Ronan's side when he gives them an orgasm and enables them to break free from Madara's control.
* [[Brainwashed]]: At first.
* [[Catgirl]]
* [[Double Standard Rape (Female on Male)]]: The primary beneficiaries of this trope when they do it to Madara, and this also applies to when they're raping Sakura.
* [[Dropped a Bridge on Him|Dropped Three Bridges On Them]]: {{spoiler|150 are killed by the Kibusi President's theater bomb, 3 are eaten by Madara and the rest are killed by Taliana.}}
* [[Faux Action Girl]]: Introduced because the author claims he likes an [[Action Girl]], but they only win against Madara because he's allergic to them.
* [[Hell-Bent for Leather]]
* [[Just Desserts]]: {{spoiler|Three of them.}}
* [[Mauve Shirt]]: Becky.
* [[Mook|Mooks]]
* [[Mook Face Turn]]
* [[Overly Long Name]]: Becky
* [[Red Shirt]]: {{spoiler|The ones who are killed off en masse by the bomb.}}
* [[Sex Face Turn]]
* [[Spare Body Parts]]: All have SIX pairs of breasts on each torso.
== '''Mei''' ==
The Fifth Mizukage. She's brainwashed by the Kibusi Corporation, but Ronan defeats and has sex with her.
* [[Brainwashed]]: By the head of the Kibusi Corporation.
* [[Expressive Hair]]: Begins to look like tentacles while she's having sex with Ronan
* [[Faux Action Girl]]: Supposedly actually fights, but Ronan defeats her in one attack.
* [[Prehensile Hair]]: Apparently her hair can form tentacles.
* [[Redemption Equals Sex]]
* [[Sex Face Turn]]
== '''Atni''' ==
A female contestant that appears at the tournament in Chapter 50. She later becomes part of his harem and {{spoiler|has sex with Ronan's son Nanor/Ekaj}}.
* {{spoiler|[[Adam and Eve Plot]]}}: {{spoiler|Charged with repopulating the Earth with the kind of people Ronan approves of.}}
* [[Ass Shove]]: After "stretching her out", Ronan proceeds to shove his ''entire'' head into her anus.
* [[Beta Couple]]: {{spoiler||Ends up with Ekaj, especially after Ronan leaves Earth.}}
* [[Faux Action Girl]]: Supposedly good enough to survive until the final round, but we don't see any proof of it.
* [[I Broke a Nail]]: Happens to her in the acid challenge.
* [[Incredibly Lame Pun]]:
{{quote|"hey ur hot i tink i luv u wanne be LAVAS?" (
* [[Lightning Glare]]: At the redhead man from The Council.
* [[Meganekko]]: Combined with...
* [[Meido]]
* [[Ms. Fanservice]] Is falling into more and more fanservice tropes, and she has had sex with Ronan the most frequently for the amount of time she's been in the story.
* [[Redundancy Department of Redundancy]]: "she had a dustr 4 dusting".
* [[Ring of Fire]]: {{spoiler|Ronan has to recover her corpse from one.}}
* [[Sailor Fuku]]: Wears this when she's about to receive Ronan's "punishment
* [[Significant Anagram]]: Her name is presumably based on the author's second girlfriend, Tina.
* [[Token Loli]]: Is described as this in Chapter 51.
* [[Unexplained Recovery]]: {{spoiler|Killed in the card duel, the last round of the tournament, by a blatant ripoff of [[Yu-Gi-Oh!|Exodia]] that Ronan summons,}} but is revived after {{spoiler|Ronan saves Sakura}}.
* [[White-Haired Pretty Girl]]
* [[Who Wears Short Shorts?]]
== Antagonists ==
Line 414 ⟶ 272:
** [[Big Bad]]: The Council
** [[The Dragon]]: Madara
** [[The Evil Genius]]: The President of the Kibusi Corporation and the President of the US.
** [[The Brute]]: {{spoiler|Naruto, and later Sasuke.}}
** [[The Dark Chick]]: Taliana.
== '''Orochimaru''' ==
The initial main antagonist. Little else is known about him.
* {{spoiler|[[Bus Crash]]}}:
* [[Chuck Cunningham Syndrome]]: Fades from the plot in the middle of one of his evil schemes, and only comes up when his name is mistakenly used in Madara's place, and when it is mentioned that {{spoiler|Sasuke absorbed his form}}.
* [[Reptiles Are Abhorrent]]
* [[Scaled Up]]: The only description of him is as a giant snake. It
* [[Villain Exit Stage Left]]: Often retreats just as Ronan gains the upper hand.
* [[The Worf Effect]]: Defeats all of Team 7 in their first battle with him, which isn't too much of a deviation from canon, but then Ronan [[Curb Stomp Battle|curb stomps him]] to establish himself as more powerful than him or all of Team 7 combined.
== '''Madara''' ==
Orochimaru's replacement as main antagonist.
* [[Bad Boss]]: Eats the slaves who fail him in his rice plantation.
* [[Big Bad]]: At first.
* [[Bond Villain Stupidity]]: Frequently has Ronan at his mercy, but in none of those situations does he try to kill him.
* [[Cut Lex Luthor a Check]]: His use of slavery aside, his rice business might have been a good way to make money.
* {{spoiler|[[Half the Man He Used To Be]]}}: {{spoiler|How he meets his end.}}
* [[I Love the Dead]]: Has sex with da cooger's corpse.
* [[I'm a Humanitarian]]: Eats one of the midgets who doesn
* [[Katanas Are Just Better]]
* [[Large Ham]]: Likes shouting and acting dramatic.
* [[Tap on the Head]]:
* [[Villains Out Shopping]]: Plays ''[[Infamous (video game series)|In Famous]]'' and [[Red Dead Redemption]] late in the fic, as [[Take That|a way of showing his lack of taste]].
* [[Weaksauce Weakness]]: {{spoiler|He is allergic to cats.}}
* [[Wedding Smashers]]: Shows up at Ronan's wedding to kill him {{spoiler|and temporarily succeeds}}.
* [[Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe]]: Supposedly picked up by [[Hand Wave|going back in time]].
* {{spoiler|[[
* [[Your Mom]]: He tries to use this against Ronan, but fails.
== '''The Council / {{spoiler|The Illuminati}} ''' ==
Three (later retconned to two) men and two women who are in charge of the antagonists.
* [[Batman Gambit]]:
* [[Blondes Are Evil]]: The German woman.
* [[Blonde, Brunette, Redhead]]: Sort of. Although instead of three girls, the redhead is actually a male, as well as there also being a gray-haired man.
* [[The Fundamentalist|The Fundamentalists]]: All of them are Fundamentalist Christians. [[Informed Attribute|Or at least we're supposed to think so.]]
* [[Cool Chair]]
* [[Death Glare]]: The redhead man gives Enti/Atni this.
* [[Evil Gloating]]
* [[Evil Is Petty]]:
* [[Evil Laughter]]
* [[Evil Old Folks]]: The gray-haired man, though his age is never exactly given.
* [[Evil Redhead]]: One of the men.
* [[Eyepatch of Power]]:
* {{spoiler|[[Eye Scream]]}}: {{spoiler|The red-haired man lost his left eye, the brown-haired woman lost her right eye, and the other two lost both their eyes from Ronan's attack.}}
* {{spoiler|[[
* [[All Germans Are Nazis]]: The blonde woman confirms this after Ronan asks if she is a Nazi.
* [[Glove Slap]]: Right across Ronan's face by the brunette and redhead after taking his duel glove off.
* [[Gratuitous German]]: Sort of. In chapter 30, one of the female members of the council is [[Retcon|retconned]] to have a German accent.
* [[I Have Your Wife]]: {{spoiler|Gets Ronan to cooperate with them by threatening Sakura and Atni's safety.}}
* {{spoiler|[[The Illuminati]]}}
* [[Joker Jury]]: Hold a trial for Ronan and Enti for having sex, but [[Fridge Logic|don't hand down any punishment despite convicting them]].
* [[The Man Behind the Man]]
* [[No Name Given]]: All members are referred to by their hair color (as well as [[Gratuitous German|accent]] for the blonde woman).
* [[Non-Action Big Bad]]: Their only defenses against Ronan are running away or putting up barriers.
* [[Omniscient Council of Vagueness]]
* [[Paper Fan of Doom]]: Their main choice of weapons.
* [[Piss-Take Rap]]: {{spoiler|Knocks out Ronan in Chapter 48.}}
* [[Plot-Based Voice Cancellation]]: {{spoiler|Madara
* [[Retcon]]: Used to be three men and two women, but now is two men and two women.
* [[Right-Hand-Cat]]: They have one {{spoiler|that gets killed by Ronan to announce his return.}}
* [[Sex Is Evil]]: Stated by all the members. Well, maybe except for [[Les Yay|the two females]], who concede that their lesbian sex is against Christianity, [[Sex Is Evil and I Am Horny|but do it anyway]]. Still, they all want to destroy a medallion which supposedly gives the user power to have sex for all eternity.
* [[Sex Is Evil and I Am Horny]]: The brown haired woman and the blond German woman, as mentioned above.
* [[The Smurfette Principle]]: Averted. Two of the members are female, but this is so they can make out/have sex with each other. Interestingly enough, the female members are the most vocal and active, and have some semblance of individuality.
* [[Straw Feminist]]: In addition to being capitalists and Christians, they are feminists.
* [[Sunglasses at Night]]: The gray-haired man and the blonde-haired woman. {{spoiler|It does make sense, though, as they have recently become blind.}}
* [[Tap on the Head]]: The brunette woman gives Ronan this. It's somehow [[Megaton Punch|strong enough]] to knock him out.
* [[This Is Sparta]]:
{{quote|'''Brown Haired Woman''': "THIS! MEANS! WARRRRRRRRR!"}}
* [[Vampire Vords]]: The German Woman, despite being... well, [[Captain Obvious|German]], and not Hungarian or Eastern European as is usual for the trope.
* [[Villainous Breakdown]]: Chapter 67 after {{spoiler|Ronan's resurrection}}.
* [[Villains Want Mercy]]:
* [[Weaksauce Weakness]]: {{spoiler|Atheistic videos that are too "logical".}}
* [[You Have Failed Me...]]: {{spoiler|Kills the president of the Kibusi Corporation, gives Madara a horrifying punishment and drops Taliana down a trap door.}}
== '''President of the Kibusi Corporation''' ==
The president of a corporation that exists in this version of the Narutoverse. {{spoiler|He tries to set a trap for Ronan in the "Sibone" theater, but it fails. He is killed for this failure, and then replaced by a second president, who is later on killed by Ronan after not being of use to the council anymore.}}
* [[Arc Villain]]: The most prominent antagonist while {{spoiler|Ronan is looking for a cure for Sakura's coma}}.
* [[Authority Equals Asskicking]]: {{spoiler|The second one has special powers and defeats Ronan in a fight.}}
* [[Badass in a Nice Suit]]
* [[Corrupt Corporate Executive]]
* [[Do Not Adjust Your Set]]: Uses the Sibone Theater to deliver an announcement for Ronan and {{spoiler|detonate a bomb intended to kill him}}.
* {{spoiler|[[Unexplained Recovery]]}}: {{spoiler|Comes back with no explanation after being killed for his failure, but it's revealed in Chapter 37 that it is indeed another person in the same position.}}
* {{spoiler|[[
* {{spoiler|[[You Have Failed Me...]]}}: {{spoiler|The first one is killed after the theater bomb fails to kill Ronan. The second one is abandoned by the Council for his failures.}}
== '''The President''' ==
The President of the United States, who works to advance the "evil capitalist agenda". It's unknown if this president is actually Barack Obama, or simply a fictional stand-in President.
* {{spoiler|[[Goodbye, Cruel World]]}}:
* [[President Evil]]
* {{spoiler|[[Railing Kill]]}}: {{spoiler|How he is killed.}}
== '''The Seven Swordsmen of the Mist''' ==
In this version, these swordsmen serve the President of the Kibusi Corporation, who has brainwashed them and forced them to convert to Christianity. The only named members are Kisame, [[Filler Villain|Raiga]] and Zabuza.
* [[Brainwashed]]: The reason why Kisame is not working with Akatsuki, [[Fridge Logic|even though he's still on the same side as Madara.]]
* [[Curb Stomp Battle]]: All of them are defeated easily, but the four unnamed ones are dispatched especially easily. Two of them even get killed by Kakashi (while he won against Zabuza in canon, he's almost completely useless here).
* [[
* [[Punched Across the Room]]: {{spoiler|Raiga.}}
* [[Red Eyes, Take Warning]]: [[Glowing Eyes]].
* [[Slashed Throat]]: {{spoiler|Zabuza.}}
== Other Characters ==
== '''Edfred''' ==
He
* [[Badass Gay]]
* [[Big Damn Heroes]]: {{spoiler|In Benji's ending.}}
* [[Camp Gay]]
* [[Dirty Coward]]: The author wants him to be seen as one for not helping out against Madara.
* [[Hero Antagonist]]: Comes off as this.
* [[Jerkass]]: [[Designated Villain|Supposedly.]]
* [[Long Bus Trip]]: According to [[Word of God|the author]], he won't be appearing any more, since the author dislikes him. {{spoiler|He reappears in Benji's ending.}}
* [[Manly Gay]]: Yes, he's both. Mostly due to his flamboyant mannerisms, but simultaneous ability to kick ass.
* [[Mary Sue Hunter]]: {{spoiler|In Benji's ending.}}
* [[No Indoor Voice]]
* [[Not Worth Killing]]: In Chapter 31, Ronan sets up a force field so he can leave without having to fight him and Muskoka, not wanting to humiliate them by defeating them.
* [[Plot Armor]]: Ronan beats him up but doesn't kill him, the reason for this being that Benji had paid Jake to keep the character alive, most likely [[Genre Savvy|knowing]] he'd be killed by Ronan otherwise.
* [[Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness]]: His typical way of speaking.
* [[Sophisticated As Hell]]: When he curses.
* [[What the Hell, Hero?]]: Frequently calls Ronan out on his actions, although as stated above, [[Informed Wrongness|this is supposed to be seen as a bad thing.]]
* [[X Meets Y]]: Is described as looking kind of like "a cross between Xander Cohen from ''[[BioShock (series)]]'' and Archie "Snake" Simpson from ''[[Degrassi]]''" in Benji's text. Considering Jake had previously bashed Benji for liking both of these things, it's likely he used these characters to describe Edfred as a sort of [[Stealth Insult]]/[[Writer Revolt]] against Jake.
== '''Tadashiharakumaie''' ==
An original character based off of the author's real life friend, Danny.
Line 653 ⟶ 410:
* [[Black Best Friend]]: Possibly, if he is based off his inspiration.
* [[Chuck Cunningham Syndrome]]: Disappears after the [[Cooking Duel]].
* [[Mr. Exposition]]: Most often appears to talk about upcoming events, such as the parade and cooking duel.
* [[Overly Long Name]]
== '''Nanor/Ekaj''' ==
{{spoiler|Somehow has Ronan and Naruto as his fathers, and Sakura as his mother.}}
* {{spoiler|[[Adam and Eve Plot]]}}:
* [[Beta Couple]]: {{spoiler|With Atni.}}
* [[Generation Xerox]]: {{spoiler|His sex drive is as powerful as his father's; shortly after he's born, he's already having sex.}}
* [[Informed Ability]]: Supposedly inherited powers from {{spoiler|Ronan and Naruto}}, but is never seen using them; the only indication that he got any from the former is that he's the only character besides Ronan who consistently wins.
* [[The Lancer]]: To Ronan in the final battle.
* [[Manly Tears]]: {{spoiler|After Ronan's death in Chapter 65.}}
* [[Plot-Relevant Age-Up]]: The moment he's born, he's twelve years old already.
* [[Sdrawkcab Name]]: Of Ronan {{spoiler|his father}}, and later the author.
* [[Sudden Name Change]]: Changes his name to "Ekaj" in Chapter 63. [[Author Avatar|It's "Jake" spelled backwards.]]
* [[Younger Than They Look]]: Comes out of the womb as a 12-year-old.
== '''Bob''' ==
The (temporary) Host of The Hineki Kojiyoshai Show ("Hineki Kojiyoshai" supposedly [[Critical Research Failure|meaning "DNA Tests For Whores" in Japanese]], according to the narrative). Only appears in one chapter, Chapter 60.
* [[AcCENT Upon the Wrong SylLABle]]: Surprisingly. Even more surprising that Jake was able to properly write as such.
* [[Agony of the Feet]]: One of the variants. When Ronan finds out he's only part the father of Ekaj, he kicks Bob in the legs out of anger.
* [[Artistic License Biology]]: His explanation for how both Ronan and Naruto (though mostly Ronan) are Ekaj's father throws even the most rudimentary laws of biology out the window.
* [[Butt Monkey]]: For the short time that he appears, he is subject to quite a bit of abuse from Ronan. Not that it's out of character for Ronan to do such, but still.
* [[Expy]]: Seems to be a rather bizarre one of Maury Povich from ''[[Maury]]''. Also may be one of [[Manos: The Hands of Fate|Torgo]].
* [[Guest Host]]: Apparently, he's just filling in for the usual host.
* [[One-Scene Wonder|One Chapter Wonder]]
* [[Scary Shiny Glasses]]: Somewhat [[Subverted Trope|subverted]]. While it is mentioned that Bob's glasses are very shiny, he is never shown to be evil or bad in any way.
== '''Muskoka''' ==
Edfred's boyfriend - he appears in Chapter 31, and {{spoiler|Benji's ending}}.
* [[Awesome McCoolname]]: His full name is Muskoka J. Tuddrussel. Muskoka is the name of group of lakes and District Municipality in [[Canada, Eh?|Ontario, Canada]]. J might be a [[Shout-Out]] to [[The Simpsons|Homer Simpson's middle name]], and Tuddrussel ''has'' to be a shout out to [[Time Squad|Buck Tuddrussel]].
* [[Bi the Way]]: To quote Edfred...:
{{quote|"MY BOYFRIEND IS NOT HOMOSEXUAL LIKE MYSELF, BUT RATHER BISEXUAL."}}
* [[But Not Too Bi]]: Only ever displays an attraction to men, but this may be due to the relatively short time in which we see him.
* [[Genius Bruiser]]/[[Heroic Build]]: Is described as "big nd muscley" by Ronan, and he appears to be quite intelligent, like Edfred.
* {{spoiler|[[Mary Sue Hunter]]}}
* [[No Bisexuals]]: Ronan tries to apply this to him.
* [[Not Worth Killing]]: In Chapter 31, Ronan sets up a force field so he can leave without having to fight him and Edfred, not wanting to humiliate them by defeating them.
* [[Invisible to Gaydar|Straight Bi]]
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