New Tricks/Funny: Difference between revisions

Everything About Fiction You Never Wanted to Know.
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* This exchange between Brian and P.C Clarke in the first season, discussing a security guard wounded in a robbery connected to a case, something of which has piqued Brian's interest:
* This exchange between Brian and P.C Clarke in the first season, discussing a security guard wounded in a robbery connected to a case, something of which has piqued Brian's interest:
{{quote| '''Brian''': If you were robbing a security van and wanted to immobilise the guard inside, where would you shoot him?<br />
{{quote|'''Brian''': If you were robbing a security van and wanted to immobilise the guard inside, where would you shoot him?
'''Clarke''': ... The head?<br />
'''Clarke''': ... The head?
'''Brian''': ... You'll notice, Clarkie, I said 'immobilise', not 'kill instantly in an unnecessary bloodbath'.<br />
'''Brian''': ... You'll notice, Clarkie, I said 'immobilise', not 'kill instantly in an unnecessary bloodbath'.
'''Clarke''': ... The leg.<br />
'''Clarke''': ... The leg.
'''Brian''': The leg! Good! Leg.<br />
'''Brian''': The leg! Good! Leg.
'''Clarke''': Or the foot.<br />
'''Clarke''': Or the foot.
'''Brian''': Let's just stick with the leg.<br />
'''Brian''': Let's just stick with the leg.
'''Clarke''': ''[Eagerly, getting a bit carried away]'' ''Both'' legs.<br />
'''Clarke''': ''[Eagerly, getting a bit carried away]'' ''Both'' legs.
'''Brian''': ''[Exasperated]'' One leg would probably suffice!<br />
'''Brian''': ''[Exasperated]'' One leg would probably suffice!
'''Clarke''': But ''two'' to make sure.<br />
'''Clarke''': But ''two'' to make sure.
'''Brian''': It's a thirty second situation, Clarke! You shoot a man in the leg, he's really not going anywhere.<br />
'''Brian''': It's a thirty second situation, Clarke! You shoot a man in the leg, he's really not going anywhere.
'''Clarke''': But if you've already shot him in one leg, he's kind of stuck ''in situ'' while I shoot in in the other one. Might as well. Bang, number one -- he can't move. Bang, number two -- he really ''really'' can't move.<br />
'''Clarke''': But if you've already shot him in one leg, he's kind of stuck ''in situ'' while I shoot in in the other one. Might as well. Bang, number one -- he can't move. Bang, number two -- he really ''really'' can't move.
''[Brian is utterly lost for words for a moment]''<br />
''[Brian is utterly lost for words for a moment]''
'''Brian''': ... Get your coat, son. }}
'''Brian''': ... Get your coat, son. }}
* Sandra confronts Gerry regarding his interview with a former (female) Police Detective:
* Sandra confronts Gerry regarding his interview with a former (female) Police Detective:
{{quote| '''Sandra''': You slept with her.<br />
{{quote|'''Sandra''': You slept with her.
'''Gerry''': Yeah.<br />
'''Gerry''': Yeah.
'''Sandra''': You disgust me.<br />
'''Sandra''': You disgust me.
'''Gerry''': We never discussed you at all! }}
'''Gerry''': We never discussed you at all! }}
* Gerry chewing out {{spoiler|the misogynistic Fred Blackridge}}, in a magnificent [[Reason You Suck Speech]]. Considering that {{spoiler|he was reading the man's books and agreeing with many of the points.}} Sandra approved.
* Gerry chewing out {{spoiler|the misogynistic Fred Blackridge}}, in a magnificent [[Reason You Suck Speech]]. Considering that {{spoiler|he was reading the man's books and agreeing with many of the points.}} Sandra approved.

Revision as of 13:43, 7 August 2014


  • This exchange between Brian and P.C Clarke in the first season, discussing a security guard wounded in a robbery connected to a case, something of which has piqued Brian's interest:

Brian: If you were robbing a security van and wanted to immobilise the guard inside, where would you shoot him?
Clarke: ... The head?
Brian: ... You'll notice, Clarkie, I said 'immobilise', not 'kill instantly in an unnecessary bloodbath'.
Clarke: ... The leg.
Brian: The leg! Good! Leg.
Clarke: Or the foot.
Brian: Let's just stick with the leg.
Clarke: [Eagerly, getting a bit carried away] Both legs.
Brian: [Exasperated] One leg would probably suffice!
Clarke: But two to make sure.
Brian: It's a thirty second situation, Clarke! You shoot a man in the leg, he's really not going anywhere.
Clarke: But if you've already shot him in one leg, he's kind of stuck in situ while I shoot in in the other one. Might as well. Bang, number one -- he can't move. Bang, number two -- he really really can't move.
[Brian is utterly lost for words for a moment]
Brian: ... Get your coat, son.

  • Sandra confronts Gerry regarding his interview with a former (female) Police Detective:

Sandra: You slept with her.
Gerry: Yeah.
Sandra: You disgust me.
Gerry: We never discussed you at all!

  • Gerry chewing out the misogynistic Fred Blackridge, in a magnificent Reason You Suck Speech. Considering that he was reading the man's books and agreeing with many of the points. Sandra approved.