Spoony Bard: Difference between revisions

{{trope}}

[[File:Spoony Bard.jpg|link=Final Fantasy IV|frame|[[Woolseyism|Damn his spooniness!]]]]

 

{{quote|''spoony \SPOO-nee\, ''adjective'':

1. Foolish; silly; excessively sentimental.

 

Ah, the much-maligned bard class... For some reason, bards are very frequently unable to ever become anything useful. They are the butt of jokes, they are often [[Final Fantasy IV|beaten by old men with canes]], and sometimes their friends [[The Gamers|use a mountain of bard corpses as convenient cover]].

It rarely works as intended. Bards usually become spoony when they run into one of two major problems:

 

 

* Alternately, bards can be built to specialize in status effect abilities. This ''can'' often be a wonderful way to add a new role to the game, it's in [[An Adventurer Is You]] as "Buffers" and "Mezzers" for a reason. In games where enemies can have powers that disable your own characters, having a character that can disable them first, or provide your teammates immunity to their tricks is a great boon. This often falls flat, however, because the status effects in many games are actually [[Useless Useful Spell]]s. This problem is often exacerbated by having fairly short fights in many games where the standard [[Mook]] enemies you mow through are only meant to turn the game into an endurance match, anyway. A spell or song that gives a +30% attack bonus is only a useful bonus if you are actually going to attack at least four times with that status effect on - if not, congratulations, you just wasted a turn. Even if boss fights are fairly long, if the bard specializes in nothing but debuff spells, the enemy may be [[Contractual Boss Immunity|immune]], and the buff spells may simply not be useful enough to justify using a bard instead of another character.

On the other hand not everyone plays just for the thrill of the kill and some gamers want to avoid [[Complacent Gaming Syndrome]], so the ability to play with a "fun" mechanic or to try something new is sometimes worth the loss of effectiveness.

 

 

Keep in mind that simply having a "Bard" class is not sufficient - they have to be ''spoony'' bards - that is, if bards are powerful and useful, and virtually all parties will want one, then they aren't really a spoony bard. If a bard is a generalist with magic, but is actually powerful at spellcasting, they may instead be [[The Red Mage]]. Also, the class doesn't have to have anything to do with music or bards to be a spoony bard, they simply have to try to perform the same function that most spoony bards do, which is messing with status effects in a game where [[Useless Useful Spell|status effects are useless]] or giving ability point bonuses or penalties that are too minor to make up for not simply making another fighter.

*** Third edition also had the beguiler class, which was very solidly this trope. It was essentially a bard with fewer skill points, lower attack bonuses, and ''only'' illusion and enchantment spells (as opposed to the bard's ''mostly'' illusion and enchantment selection). In comparison, the bard suddenly became a very viable option. They are more or less Final Fantasy IV's Edward as a class given that the only things they are good at is messing with enemies without directly hurting them, and hiding (either through invisibility, disguises or what-have-you).

*** The Factotum is divisive. Certain players love its "versatility" while others deride it for being too absurdly weak to actually contribute meaningfully no matter how "versatile" it professes to be. Likewise, the Chameleon prestige class.

*** In 4th Edition, the ''Cleric'' class [[Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards|of all people]] very easily led to this trope—especially before the lion's share of the [[Splatbooks]] came out. The class was (and is) the most eclectic in the game, with a lot of powers bordering on useless and/or counterproductive to the role. Fortunately, due to the lowered ability density of 4th Edition they still retain(ed) their [[Game Breaker]] status (as least [[Obvious Rule Patch|before the errata onslaught anyway]]) to a player who knows what they're doing. To one that doesn't, they're this trope.

* The [[Returners Final Fantasy Roleplaying Game]] practically inverts this trope, especially in relation to the [[Trope Namer]]. They can endlessly throw around group affecting buffs and debuffs for free while still doing decent magical damage and they can use Hide to avoid predictable attacks making them very valuable against both tough mobs and bosses. Their main weakness, just to further separate them from [[Final Fantasy IV|Edward]], is a tendency to go last.

* [[Warhammer 40,000]] has the iconic Tactical Squad, which can be given a Missile Launcher (with two types of ammo, one for anti-tank and one for anti-horde), a flame thrower for close ranged combat, the sergeant being tooled up for actual close combat, and can be split into two squads so that the close combat half can move and cap objectives while the heavy weapon guy can sit back and shoot. They can also take a Razorback Transport, which can bring the Close combat half up to the enemy while providing another heavy weapon, which is mobile. To top it off, they're pretty cheap for what you pay for. This all ''looks'' good on paper, as they can theoretically take on any threat they see, it's actually horrifying bad, as they cannot put enough shots/attacks to ''kill'' whatever threat they see. Especially glaring is the Missile launcher, whose anti-horde firing mode in theory can hit multiple targets, but because of coherency rules, it'll likely hit no more than 2, and that's if it's ''lucky'' (and on top of that, there's roughly a 75% chance of the target in question surviving anyways). The only reason they are still widely used is because the only alternative to fill the standard marine's troop choice is the badly-priced Scouts, which are roughly the same cost as marines, but lack their stats and survivability in lieu of other rules. In armies that gives the player another choice for troops, Tactical Marines are almost universally passed up in favor of those.

* ''[[Magic: The Gathering]]'' gave us kobolds, a tribe as weak as physically possible without going straight to the graveyard, but cost nothing to play. They [[Magikarp Power|can be upgraded with other kobolds]], but these tend to come out on turn three or later, and the bonus isn't that much. And they're all in red, a color known for [[Leeroy Jenkins|winning fast, or not at all]].

 

== Video Games ==

* Accordion Thieves are probably the weakest class in [[Kingdom of Loathing]]. They have the least number of combat skills, meaning you mostly just hit them with [[Musical Assassin|music]], where a muscle class does a better job of basic weapon attacks. They mainly rely on buffing themselves with some marginally useful songs. As a plus, they can sneak into the League of Chef-Magi and the Brotherhood of the Smackdown, letting you shop at all 3 guild shops and, if you have permed the skill, let you use the Wok of Ages and Malus of Forethought.

* ''Dungeon Explorer'' has a bard class which is considered one of the most useless classes in the game.

** In a more bardly example, Chatot basically exists for its one unique move,<ref>Which is a recorded message that has a chance to confuse which is higher the louder the message.</ref> is only catchable near the end of the games it debuted in, never evolves, and is generally useless.

** When the Double Battle mode was just introduced, several gimmicks for showing off its capabilities have been added. Most glaring example: Plusle and Minun. They have an ability that increases their special attack when they battle together... but their movepool sucks, their stats suck, no sane man would ever use them both in one team. In short, they are a bit less useless in double battles. A bit.

* Brutally averted in the ''[[Wizardry]]'' series, as bards are decent characters with good lockpicking skills, but more importantly, the ability to play a wide variety of instruments that replicate various magical spells, up to and including the most powerful damage dealing spell in the game, all for no MP and a bit of energy.

* These types of characters have appeared in various ''[[Dragon Quest]]'' games.

** ''[[Dragon Quest IV]]'' had Torneko. Once you got him in Chapter 5, he started goofing off just like the Gadabouts in III. He's something of a subversion, though, because while he's an underwhelming fighter, he isn't useless, and unlike the Gadabouts of III, his goofing off will almost always result in something useful. He's still more useful for what he can do outside your party rather than in, though.

** Gadabouts made a return in ''[[Dragon Quest VI]]'', and are given a few more abilities to make them more useful, but remain below average. There are also Dancers, who can use a variety of dances to do bad things to the enemy for no MP, up to and including instant death, although you don't get the good abilities until you've mastered the class. Both of these classes, however, must be mastered in order to get the much more useful Luminary class which does ''not'' follow this trope, as it gains very useful abilities, including Hustle Dance which can heal the entire party for ''no MP''!

 

== Web Comics ==

* Elan from ''[[The Order of the Stick|Order of the Stick]]'' is as [[Cloudcuckoolander|spoony]] as they come. His bard songs are pretty much useless, his motivational speeches have a tendency to horribly backfire, and the only weapons he can use can be [[Breakable Weapons|Sundered by someone cursing too loud.]] However, his real talent is a result of his bardic training: he's as [[Genre Savvy]] as they come, and sees damn near everything coming. Whenever he works close enough with [[Genius Bruiser]] Roy, he becomes [[Dangerously Genre Savvy]]. And that training perfectly synergizes with the Dashing Swordsman [[Prestige Class]] he literally [[Took a Level in Badass|took a level in]] - which turns entertaining quips and drama into [[Badass|Bad Assery]] - turning him into a [[One-Man Army]].

** Notable in that his [[Took a Level in Badass|leveling up]] hasn't drowned out the endearing aspects of his character: optimism, ''extraordinary'' loyalty to his friends, and a certain bumbling charm that makes him what he is. [[Character Development|Elan's progression]] from a simple Spoony Bard to Dashing Swordsman isn't just about getting more/useful class powers, but him developing the chops to be a genuine [[Big Damn Hero]]. As part of this growth he also is slowly shown to be [[How Do I Shoot Web|learning how to properly use his regular bardic spells]].

* Gamzee of ''[[Homestuck]]'' subverts this. Despite being a [[The Stoner|Stoner]] [[Love Freak]] and having the title of Bard of... Something (exactly what it is, he forgot), he takes down the [[Final Boss|Black King]] of the Trolls' session with ''[[Beware the Silly Ones|frightening]]'' efficency and brutality. Subverted even harder when we find out that he's actually the Bard of {{spoiler|''[[Ax Crazy|Rage.]]''}}

** Turns out that all Sburb bards are a subversion of this. The Bard class is described as one that allows others to destroy their Aspect or one who invites destruction through their Aspect, as if by the will of the Aspect. (e.g. {{spoiler|Rage}}) Seems unintuitive from the name, but useful.

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